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Jesus Christ. No link, sadly.
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Mike Allen takes the loudest shits known to man. There are even key changes.
This also just in: “germansteel declines to run. Also.”
- DECIDES TO EAT SEVERAL BAGS OF DICKS INSTEAD.
Mike Allen takes the loudest craps known to man. There are even key changes.
Only someone serious about running in 2012 would deny it in big bold font like that. He’s a shoo-in.
No Drudge siren?
Mike Allen has WON THE MORNING, LOST MIDDAY, and then WON THE AFTERNOON.
Instead he’ll decide who the GOP candidate is and do everything he can to make them President.
Oh Ginger, my Ginger, when will you learn how to use the intertubes?
http://www.politico.com/click/stories/0910/ailes_declines_12_draft.html
Come here a minute: 2 wins, 1 loss: Politico WINS THE DAY, mostly. Which raises the interesting question lamer: does Slate suck more than Politico, or less?
Watching Mike Allen do “political journalism” is like watching a mime pretend to inflate an imaginary balloon with invisible fake air. The ennui overcomes all interest in slapping the talentless fuck.
This wouldn’t even rise to the lame level of “Glenn Beck didn’t rape and kill a twelve-year old girl” satire, were it satire.
Strange. I thought everybody wanted to be this century’s Bob Dole.
From looking at him, I doubt Ailes has run since 1980, and rarely gets up his speed to more than a shuffle, at best, and then only in pursuit of food.
Say goodnight, Gracie.
Roger Ailes says he will not run in 2012 race, instead, he will jog slowly, wheezing heavily and clutching his chest.
HE WILL ALSO NOT RUN FOR EXERCISE. HE HAS NOT BEEN ABLE TO RUN SINCE FIFTH GRADE.
So does he not plan to be around in 2012? If I were him I wouldn’t bet on it either.
V572625694: Que es mas macho? School bus o light bulb?
Prommie, AbstinenceOnly Ed, magic titty: “Runs” is also a synonym for diarrhea–why don’t you guys work on that one and simulpost again?
Titty wins for all caps.
Extemporanus:
More like:
Say Good Night to the Big Fat Guy!
AbstinenceOnly Ed: yea, cardiac malfunction wins!
Drop dead Fox ‘News’.
And take your little Murdock too.
Nonetheless, Roger remains a figure of veneration in certain parts of the world: http://www.ucl.ac.uk/archaeology/slideshow/detail/olmec.jpg
BREAKING! Secret Video of Mike Allen’s Brainstorming Technique!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UOl2DBIrBPs
Since I neither believe anything that Roger Ailes says nor trust Mike Allen’s figmentary journalism, these competing stories were just some sort of theoretical debate anyway. Although it’s harder to believe that Ailes, knowing what he’s done to people running for office, would want to put himself in position for the kind of lowdown, savage, merciless pillaging that would surely await him if he so much as ran for dogcatcher. Woulda been fun, though.
Dilaceratus: I think that it’s less like watching a mime pretend to inflate an invisible balloon, and more like watching a a mime pretend to read an invisible newspaper.
However, there are another two dozen instructional videos on that MeToober’s page, so a more aptly-mimed parallel may exist.
magic titty: Yeah, but if it were a downhill race, he’d win in a landslide.
Extemporanus: ha!
Well, this takes the edge of the news that Soupy Sales has shuffled off this mortal coil. Soupy’d be a great president compared with Ailes-hole. “Hey, kids, it’s tax time! Get those green pieces of paper out of your dad’s wallet and send them to the IRS….”
Roger “Fox is fair and balanced!” Ailes is the Col. Kurtz of the Cult of Glenn Beck (formerly the GOP).
Is someone running for King of All Tools? Because I’d like to nominate Mike Allen.
Come here a minute: No funs! There’s been runs on puns, failure trickles down my buns.
Extemporanus: From the mime’s bio:
“Expert Pat Fenda directed the Homemade Mime Troupe of South Carolina and was awarded a mime grant from the State of Florida. She currently performs with The Franzini Family Circus.”
Mime grant? Mime Grant?! Margarita Keylime Foxtwat, Florida?! Was that Governor Goofy’s idea?
And kudos to you, South Carolina, for proving that you can be just as annoying by not saying a word as you can be by shouting shit at the president.
Dilaceratus: There was also a Mystery Science Theatre 3000 episode, I think it was called Cave Dwellers where our hero fights an invisible monster.
DangerousLiberal: See ya around, Soupy.
May you receive all the surprise naked-balloon-dancer-O-grams you could ever dream of. (And may they be in color and without those stupid black censor bars, too!)
Extemporanus: 22 seconds, same as SkoalRebel.
El Pinche: “What are they gonna say? That he was a kind man? That he was a wise man? That he was a fat man?”
I could see Mr. Ailes running for a plate of doughnuts.
Or to stuff walkaround money into the suit pockets of Black preachers.
For office? Why?
BTW: Is this what all those “2012″ billboards are about?
Extemporanus: Extemporanus: Expert Pat Fenda means only one thing, she’s a jew!
I think she performed at a Katherine Harris fundraiser a few times.
Her and Rich Little, yeah, $500 a plate.
Extemporanus: Oh, poor Ex, so parochial. Using mimes as agents of social control is a well established tradition in more progressive settings…like Bogota, Colombia.
Well now, that trial balloon didn’t fly too well, now did it? The GOP must be getting pretty spooked if they are talking crap like pitching Ailes as a candidate. What next? El Rushbo? Becko?
user-of-owls: How about a link, you dink.
http://www.boingboing.net/2004/12/22/mayor-of-bogota-uses.html
Allen’s apparently also being beaten about the head and sholders for his Kristolesque analysis of Pelosi’s public option vote count today. Valerie Jarrett said he doesn’t know how to count votes.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/10/23/white-house-lawmakers-kno_n_331557.html
user-of-owls: You know who else was a South American mime?
That’s right: Tony Montana.
(I had no idea you were such a fan of mimes. You really shoulda said…oh, right.)
Extemporanus: —
oh great, .. a mime meme
Shit. And here I had my weekend all planned, painting crude “Ailes in ‘12″ posters, just as soon as I came up with a clever rhyme for “twelve.”
Extemporanus: Perhaps my Natural Graces led me to use an analogy, rather than the strict precision Wonkette [1] readers expect, so as to gloss over an unpleasantness: What you should be literally looking for on the YouTube is video of a dickless, overweight man whose belly flap makes reaching the area his genitals once occupied a physical impossibilty, dispassionately aping a masturbating wrist motion [2].
I apologize for your wasted effort, although your excitement at posting your Internet finds leads to the suspicion that your ennui is not all that it could be.
—–
[1] i.e. “4chan -v” {1}
[2] Perhaps the trailer for Louis Anderson’s upcoming Antichrist remake would be a good starting point?
—–
{1} Indeed, the best posted here in quite some time. “iPhone,” please.
dammit!
won’t he reconsider?
THINK OF THE BLING!
http://blingee.com/blingee/view/101097034-Run-Roger-Run-v2-0
Dilaceratus: Hmmmmm….
organized sentence structure.
werdz spelled properly.
words longer than 2.5 syllables.
good grammar.
post completely devoid of trucknuttz/ bags of lightly salted poison mammoth wooly-rat dicks/ “i’d hit that” /referrences to Meghan McCabes tig ol bitties/ LULZ, also and such as the Iraq and South Africa.
FOOTNOTES!!!1? You put FOOTNOTES in your post?!
I smell a TROLL!
Where are you all coming from?
you at least got one thing partially right:
Wonkette IS indeed the /b/ of the political blogosphere.
user-of-owls: …
Dilaceratus: Your decorous apology—though appreciated—is unnecessary.
A lifetime of soul-crushing ennui has ensured that both mimes and dickless, overweight men whose belly flap makes reaching the area his genitals once occupied are always at my fingertips.
So to speak…
This leaves the field wide open for SkoalRebel.
Suds McKenzie: Which, in Bogota, would be pronounced, “Mee-May May-May.”
Ok, it’s not quite, “Carne Argentina”…but still.
Suds McKenzie: Shhh…
I can’t see what user-of-owls is saying.
Extemporanus: Where in the name of Magog do you find this Foxtrot Sierra?! It’s positively oxtanding!
I don’t know this Mike Allen at all, or anything about him, but he certainly has a poor way with words. In just two headlines, he’s given me the impression that Roger Ailes is as docile and as incapable of motivating his own physical activity as a wet hacky-sack. I suspect this is not the impression Mr. Allen wished to convey.
Come here a minute: Profit!
GreatOldOnesParty:
More cute kidnapped children
and more sweaty rolls of unwashed neck fat.
And more, you know, that thing you bang.
Extemporanus: <>
And this, being the weekend, we are all mimes.
user-of-owls: Twat?
user-of-owls: True. Ailes eats wet hackey sacks as if the were mallomars.
PoignancySelz: There are some clowns here who might not agree with you.
user-of-owls: Extemporanus:
http://www.gifflix.com/media/3743/Reno_911_Mime/
Extemporanus: Aaagh! WHY IS THE MIME TALKING?
Actually, Ailes hasn’t completely ruled out a run for president. He just said he won’t run until he gets this smuggler for dumping a shipment. Ailes stated that he “has no use for smugglers who drop their shipments at the first sign of an Imperial cruiser.” But once he is repaid, he is willing to consider a run.
And all around the planet jogging wear in his size lets out a collective sigh of relief.
the republicans finally found a candidate fatter than their average voter. unless white mike hucks has the lapband removed. (crossing fingers, closing eyes, and sending a bucket of KFC to little rock.)
Darth Cheney called and said, FOX, I am your……..
..then his wiings appeared and he flew bac into the cave.