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NO FOR REAL GUYS

Politico: Our Friend The Fat Toxic Slug Could Super Seriously Be President!

Mike Allen with the scoop! Some mutual friends of his and fat obnoxious Republican operative space demon Roger Ailes suggest, anonymously, that Roger Ailes might run for president. Not even idle speculation — it could really happen, says THE POLITICO CLICK, an offshoot of the mothership that focuses on such things as donkey sex and donkey fingering.

Friends and associates are encouraging Fox News chief Roger Ailes to jump into the political arena for real by running for president in 2012, top sources tell POLITICO.

“Ailes knows how to frame an issue better than anybody, and that’s what we need now,” says one Ailes friend who is encouraging the Fox founder, chairman and CEO to seek the Republican nomination to run against President Barack Obama.

Frame an issue better than anybody! Dear god. It’s over, Mike Allen. It’s over. Please stop transcribing tapes of your soothing ocean sounds.

Politico Begins Posting Fox News Slashfic [Gawker]


3:10 PM on Fri October 23 2009
By Jim Newell
5769 Views

  1. Lascauxcaveman says at 3:13 pm, October 23rd, 2009

    Ailes/Jabba the Hutt 2012!

  2. germansteel says at 3:13 pm, October 23rd, 2009

    He’ll for sure have the sympathy/empathy vote of all the fat, greasy slobs in this country.

  3. qwerty42 says at 3:14 pm, October 23rd, 2009

    Ailes! What will Governor Palin have to say about that? Meg Stapleton, we await your word.

  4. dum librul says at 3:14 pm, October 23rd, 2009

    Mike Allen wrote this before getting a recurring gig on Fox n Fucktards? We’ll see what J. Sco has to say about this infidelity!

  5. JohnnyMeatworth says at 3:15 pm, October 23rd, 2009

    Great, Jabba The Fucking Hutt as president. But hey, maybe if he wins Carrie Fisher will put on the gold bikini and strangle him with a chain….

  6. vladster says at 3:16 pm, October 23rd, 2009

    I think this would be about as exciting as the long awaited Fred Thompson entry into the arena.
    zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

  7. Lascauxcaveman: Ailes/Jabba the Hutt …

    But you repeat yourself.

  8. Extemporanus says at 3:17 pm, October 23rd, 2009

    Watch your back, Jim! Every bounty hunter in the galaxy will be looking for you.

  9. BerkeleyFarm says at 3:17 pm, October 23rd, 2009

    What is this I don’t even.

    A++ headline, Gawker, would LOL again.

  10. JohnnyMeatworth says at 3:17 pm, October 23rd, 2009

    Great, maybe if he gets elected Carrie Fisher will put on the gold bikini and strangle him with a chain….

  11. martinette says at 3:18 pm, October 23rd, 2009

    I remember when all “sucking up” meant was complimenting the boss on his tie. Now you have to tell him he oughta be president or pope of Ming the Merciless in order to be a proper suck-up. WHERE WILL IT END!?!?!?!?

  12. Humpback says at 3:18 pm, October 23rd, 2009

    Friends of Obama pushed Ailes off a cliff, for the president. (fixed)

  13. SmutBoffin says at 3:18 pm, October 23rd, 2009

    In real life, I heartily disapprove of Ailes running. The last vestiges of old republic would be swept away, replaced by universal, stage-managed (mis)informational warfare cloaked in Presidential pageantry.

    In Wonkett life, I want this to happen, for hilarity’s sake.

  14. With Ailes appealing to the old, scared, white vote and the new GOP web site bringing in the fresh, young, hip-hop crowd, how can they lose in 2012?

  15. Advocatus_Diaboli says at 3:20 pm, October 23rd, 2009

    Great, I can’t wait to see all the Obama-is-Willie-Horton ads news stories on Faux.

    Oh, and I for one welcome our new fat slimy overlords also.

  16. SayItWithWookies says at 3:21 pm, October 23rd, 2009

    Roger Ailes — giving corrupt, manipulative, megalomaniacal evil trolls a bad name since 1980.

  17. Airborne Toxic Event says at 3:21 pm, October 23rd, 2009

    Dick Cheney’s clone but without all the annoying compassion.

  18. bitchincamaro says at 3:21 pm, October 23rd, 2009

    Wait. “Donkey sex” and “donkey fingering” are not the same? This is newsworthy.

  19. Mull_Man says at 3:21 pm, October 23rd, 2009

    Lascauxcaveman: Ailes/U. Whatever

  20. ChernobylSoup v2 says at 3:21 pm, October 23rd, 2009

    I think there’s something in the Constitution that says if you are the closeted slave of an Australian megolomaniac then any vote for you for president only counts as 3/5 the value of a vote for a Kenyan. It has something to do with keeping out of foreign entanglements and making sure Alexander Hamiltin can never run for president. Something like that. Anyway, it’s going to be hard for Roger to beat Obama with that kind of handicap.

  21. PoignancySelz says at 3:21 pm, October 23rd, 2009

    So, what do you read Mr. Ailes?

    Also, does he get to go on Oprah?

  22. Canmon (the Inadequate) says at 3:21 pm, October 23rd, 2009

    He’s a Republican? I thought Fox News was fair and balanced.

  23. So we could have the man who gave us the Willie Horton ad running against a black President. At least the racism at the Palin/McCain (and you know that’s how the true believers thought of the ticket) rallies was confined to the crowds and warm-up speakers…

  24. Suds McKenzie says at 3:24 pm, October 23rd, 2009

    Can Roger Ailes “take it to the streets”?

  25. Mr Blifil says at 3:24 pm, October 23rd, 2009

    There’s a sister article on Politico declaring that Roger Ailes is not going to run, but then they quote Frank Luntz who says “I’ve known Roger Ailes for 29 years, he knows how to WIN” or some such folderol. Boy if you were feeling heartsick over lack of coverage of Roger Ailes in the press, this is a red letter day for you.

    Why is Politico afraid to quote friends of Roger Ailes for attribution? Is it because THEY ARE GHEY?

  26. Monsieur Grumpe says at 3:26 pm, October 23rd, 2009

    Let him run. Then we’ll get to see what nastiness resides in his closet.

  27. Mr Blifil says at 3:27 pm, October 23rd, 2009

    What the foxtrot tango delta is going on over there?

    http://www.politico.com/click/stories/0910/ailes_declines_12_draft.html

  28. JohnnyMeatworth: Hutt/Slave Leia ‘12!!

  29. freakishlystrong says at 3:30 pm, October 23rd, 2009

    Why does Ailes need to run for President to frame issues? He’s already successfully doing just exactly that.

  30. finallyhappy says at 3:32 pm, October 23rd, 2009

    What is it with these fat jowly bald GOPers?

  31. If Roger ran, could his jowls be his running mate since they occupy space in the next State?

  32. Sweet Baby Cheeses says at 3:34 pm, October 23rd, 2009

    Has that other fat sack of shit Gingrich approved this message? I DON’T THINK SO.

    POLITICOOOO!!!!

  33. Come here a minute says at 3:36 pm, October 23rd, 2009

    That’s all we need is Ailes throwing his weight around.

  34. x111e7thst says at 3:39 pm, October 23rd, 2009

    germansteel: Might just be enough for a win.

  35. chascates says at 3:39 pm, October 23rd, 2009

    If Tailgunner Joe McCarthy was still around he’d be the heads-on favorite.

  36. While stating he would not run, Ailes said, “Besides, I can’t take the pay cut.”

    Yeah, it takes a lot of money to run the dungeon holding those Latin boy sex slaves that Roger and his buddy Dick Cheney feed off of.

  37. Oh yes, that’s all we’re lacking. Someone to ‘frame’ the issues

  38. Texan Bulldoggette says at 3:41 pm, October 23rd, 2009

    “Our Friend The Fat Toxic Slug…” Gee, what have slugs ever done to you, Jim?

    I think you meant “Our Friend the Fat Toxic Sludge…”

    You’re welcome.

  39. rubybuckaroo says at 3:42 pm, October 23rd, 2009

    Roger is what Ailes me.

  40. comicbookguy says at 3:49 pm, October 23rd, 2009

    In Ailes’ America, white kids won’t get beat up on the school bus ever.

  41. Extemporanus says at 3:50 pm, October 23rd, 2009

    JMP: Do forget it’s companion piece, the b&w “Revolving Door” ad, which ended with an Afro-wielding ne’er-do-well giving the camera a slo-mo stink eye.

    Mr Blifil: Do you have any idea the number of friends one needs to push someone of his size? Until the Internet Freedom Act passes, POSHITICO simply can not afford the amount of bandwidth required to list them all.

    Decker: “Mmmmmm. Uga. Spasteelia a bunkadunka. Race a spuce adoobla!”

  42. hockeymom says at 3:50 pm, October 23rd, 2009

    Canmon (the Inadequate): FOX News is not a political arm of the republican party, FOX News is not a political arm of the republican party, FOX News is not a political arm of the republican party.
    If you say it over and over again, it starts to sound true-ish,

  43. I think it has more to do with no Republican politicians polling higher than the low teens than any groundswell to draft Ailes for President. Shortly, they’ll be asking random people on the bus if they’d be willing to sell their souls for a chance to be the candidate of a major (regional) political party.

  44. Atheist Nun says at 3:51 pm, October 23rd, 2009

    “Lesson number two: Don’t get high on your own supply.” - Elvira, Scarface

    If Roger Ailes thinks he can run for President, then it’s possible he’s been dipping into the bukket filled with the special Kool-Aid over at Fox.

  45. Talk about wet dreams come true, next to Palin and Rush Limbaugh running this is would be epic.

  46. Canmon (the Inadequate): What? You think those who work in journalism should maintain the appearance of impartiality? HAHAHAHA. That’s rich and oh so quaint.

  47. Gorillionaire says at 3:56 pm, October 23rd, 2009

    THIS IS GREAT NEWS1!! FOR JOHN MCzzzzz…zzzz…zzzz…zzz

  48. Country Club Jihadi says at 3:57 pm, October 23rd, 2009

    He needs to run for president of Lifestyle Lift.

  49. taylormattd says at 3:59 pm, October 23rd, 2009
  50. snideinplainsight says at 4:01 pm, October 23rd, 2009

    I don’t really support Ailes. Now a good stout or a porter, that I can get behind.

  51. Blue_in_VA says at 4:02 pm, October 23rd, 2009

    Don’t people like Thompson and Ailes have anyone around them who look them in the eye and just say no? As in, “No, sir, this just isn’t a good idea. Outside of, like, maybe 5000 fervid supporters, there’s nothing?

    I ask this in all seriousness, because it seems to me they live in an impenetrable bubble of inflated egoism — and egotism.

    Cheney’s next.

  52. Scruffy_The_Janitor says at 4:02 pm, October 23rd, 2009

    Cant wait to see the debates where burger-chucks fly out of his mouth as he speaks.

  53. I-man: Limbaugh/Ailes 2012! They’d need steel reinforcement for joint appearances.

  54. PickneyPinchback says at 4:04 pm, October 23rd, 2009

    Ailes/Palin. Wouldn’t that sort of be like the GOP dream ticket? And they wouldn’t have to spend much on the campaign because they’d get all their messages broadcast free 24/7 by Faux News.

  55. qwerty42: I like the idea of an Ailes/Palin ticket! They could dress up as Jabba the hut and Princess leia! A sure lock on the star wars nerd vote and the younger male vote.

  56. It’s such a delight to see representatives of an ideology to which only a maximum of 30% of the population still subscribes delude themselves that THEY CAN TOO YET BE WINNERZ!

  57. user-of-owls says at 4:12 pm, October 23rd, 2009

    On the up side, if he did run some hippy social studies teacher could update a meme:

    “And Roger Ailes? Roger Ailes stayed fat.”

  58. BlueStateLibtard says at 4:15 pm, October 23rd, 2009

    People like Ailes don’t have “friends and associates,” they have ass-kissing employees who say whatever he wants to hear. They probably tell him he should be on the cover of GQ too.

  59. Mr Blifil: The dream is dead.

    But let us not wallow in the valley of despair, I say to you today, my friends.

  60. DoktorZoom says at 4:22 pm, October 23rd, 2009

    Roger the Hutt would not so much run for President as he would slither.

  61. Extemporanus says at 4:22 pm, October 23rd, 2009

    Extemporanus: “Don’t forget its…” Greta get’s it, but I dont.

  62. BerkeleyFarm says at 4:38 pm, October 23rd, 2009

    BlueStateLibtard: Indeed. Witness this cycle’s gubernatorial and Senate races in California (Whitman and Fiorina).

    The Rs haven’t had much of a bench in California basically since Pete Wilson screwed the pooch for them in ‘94. The Governator didn’t have a primary to deal with in the recall election (which, due to The Rules, could have been won on a plurality, not a majority). It’s possible that he would have survived one due to his Star Power, but other moderate Rs have been pretty much SOL thanks to the increasingly wingnutty base.

  63. chascates says at 4:48 pm, October 23rd, 2009

    All Ailes and the rest want is a President who will:
    lower taxes on the wealthiest, including the estate tax
    quash all governmental regulations concerning business especially antitrust and corporate taxation
    end any sort of labor or employee voices and concerns

    To get that they must put up with:
    ‘values’ issues such as God, guns, and gays
    ignoring science and other countries regarding the environment and health concerns of their products

    and:
    control the daily news flow
    marginalize any other ideas
    discredit academia. the arts, and foreign influences

    At this point I’m afraid there’s anything anyone can do to halt this.

  64. lawrenceofthedesert says at 4:54 pm, October 23rd, 2009

    The sound of bottom being scraped is apparent when mentioning the aptly named Roger Ailes. To paraphrase Mr. Dylan, “between the windows of the booth, where fat producers blow, and nobody has to think too much, on Desperation Row.”

  65. GreatOldOnesParty says at 5:06 pm, October 23rd, 2009

    kinda weak, but I have to leave quick.

    http://blingee.com/blingee/view/101091332-Run-Roger-RUN-

  66. Bearbloke says at 5:12 pm, October 23rd, 2009

    chascates: You mean, they have to pull a Berlusconi?

  67. Big Liver says at 5:14 pm, October 23rd, 2009

    lawrenceofthedesert: Isn’t that ‘Desolation Row’? A fantastic song/poem.

  68. GreatOldOnesParty says at 6:59 pm, October 23rd, 2009

    here’s a remake now that I had time…

    http://blingee.com/blingee/view/101097034-Run-Roger-Run-v2-0

  69. BobTheBuilder says at 7:20 pm, October 23rd, 2009

    I can just picture the debates between Ailes and Obama. Stunning political theater, that.

  70. Extemporanus says at 8:19 pm, October 23rd, 2009

    GreatOldOnesParty: You definitely put the “big” in “ambiguity”.

    And, for that matter, the “bi”.

  71. sagebrush says at 1:02 am, October 24th, 2009

    Would a “Roger Ailes/Rush Limbaugh 2012″ ticket tip the scales in favor of the Republicans? With a couple of such heavy weights how could they miss?

  72. Repuke bag o' says at 1:04 am, October 24th, 2009

    The evil grinch demon/obese chinch bug for president? wow…now if only we can run Limbaugh for vice president, we’ll be all set. One is obese, racist, cruel and generally a barnacle feasting on societies brine and the other, oh wait, this describes them both pretty aptly. If Ailes runs for prez…do you think we can get Willie Horton released just long enough to strangle him? on second thought…nuts to Rush (he sits down and consumes them) it’s time to go for the full gainer and make Newt his VP. They can have twitter civil war re-enactments from the oval office with the loser having to sleep with Newt’s 18th wife. I wonder if Hopey would eschew the debates and instead just to walk up and punch Ailes in his fat, pasty smug face for all the shit he’s been talking disseminated through his mindless turds at faux….nice thought.

  73. leaveskoalrebelalone says at 11:28 am, October 24th, 2009

    president of what?!?! sneers snake plesskin!

  74. bopumofu says at 6:23 pm, October 24th, 2009

    He’s go the most presidential jowels since Herbert Hoover

  75. chascates says at 9:33 pm, October 24th, 2009

    I support insurance paying for jowl reduction and neck waddle revampment.

  76. LowerdPeninsula says at 10:47 pm, October 25th, 2009

    bopumofu: As impressive were the jowls of lowly Herbert Hoover, the veritable king of American presidential jowls was the American president and Professional Criminal Richard Nixon, who’s jowls were “famous to children”, even.

  77. Nascent circle-jerk in 3..2..1

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