Wonkette
The hottest topic among nerds in recent weeks/years has been that of Net Neutrality, the backers of which would like consumers to have free reign over the Internet as opposed to, say, telecom companies determining what shit you get to look at, for how much, and at which speeds, forever. The FCC is moving forward on preparing new rules preserving Net Neutrality, which has made the telecom lobbyists FURIOUS, meaning it’s probably a good thing that the FCC is making these news rules! The lobbyists have found as their spokesman on this issue a certain John “WALNUTS!” McCain, who knows most things about the Internet and insists that these new regulations will be bad for ‘Merka. He has introduced a bill called the “Internet Freedom Act,” which would keep the Internet free for poor corporations, as opposed to those well-moneyed “average consumer” special interests.
Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) introduced a bill in the Senate on Thursday that would effectively allow Internet service providers to slow down or block Internet content or applications of their choosing.
The move came the same day as the federal government decided to move forward on an official Net neutrality policy that would prevent ISPs from making those types of decisions.
The FCC’s new rules would prevent ISPs, for example, from blocking or slowing bandwidth-hogging Web traffic such as streaming video or other applications that put a strain on their networks or from charging different rates to users.
McCain’s bill, the Internet Freedom Act, would block the Federal Communications Commission from making Net neutrality the law of the land. The rule preventing ISPs from slowing down certain types of content would create “onerous federal regulation,” McCain argued in a written statement.
It’s the Battle over the Internet! As a rule of thumb, it’s best to side with the non-John McCain/Republican/corporate lobbyist side.
McCain introduces bill to block Net neutrality [Raw Story]
“would effectively allow Internet service providers to slow down or block Internet content or applications of their choosing.”
Well, so long Wonkett!
Him & Ted Stevens should get together & produce a .PPT presentation on how the inner-tubez work. I would watch that on C-SPAN all day long!
If this slows down free porn downloads I’m against it.
This is an awful lot of effort to go through just to keep his daughter from Twittering her boobs.
Happy birthday, Meghan!
(Meghan, we love you and we’re sure that bastard Jim is saving up the last slot today for a thread of your very own and you won’t have to be satisfied with these apostrophic asides in a thread about one of your family’s olds. Please don’t stop showing us your breasts just because Jim teases you the way he does. He’s, you know, the way he is.)
‘Freedom’ in the name of a bill means that some lobbyist organization shoveled out the second-highest tier of money to the GOP (first-tier payments receive the word ‘Patriot’).
Oh jeez, how are we going to look at Meg’s mams if our bandwidth is limited? It takes a lot of bits (and some nibbles and bytes, let me tell you) to fit all that on your laptop every morning!
Alright, which one of you sent him a link to this YouSpaceBook thingie?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4uuoyKKcAwU
It’s great because for like eight years, up until like 2007 or so, McCain seemed to do nothing but pick his public positions and causes carefully so as to make himself look good and above the fray of politics.
And then for like two years McCain seemed to do nothing but pick his public positions and causes carefully so as to make himself look conservative and appealing to right-wing voters.
And now McCain seems to just be picking stuff by throwing darts at a board. I’m gonna insist on a surge in Afghanistan while even conservatives are abandoning the Afghan war! And throw a big fit about a law that makes it illegal to kill gay people! And take a bold stand against net neutrality! What is the overall strategy here? Who is he trying to impress? It’s like he’s carefully choosing those positions that make him seem crazy and grumpy to left-wing bloggers while avoiding anything actual right-wingers particularly care about right now.
Really? They couldn’t find anyone a little more credible for this latest round of knee jerk obstructionism than the oldest man in the world? WALNUTS! is coming, save us Wonkett!
If you look carefully, you’ll notice that bill was handwritten.
Are we even sure that Grampy knows the diff between a laptop and an electric typewriter?
What Up? will now have all the bandwidth it need. World Nut Daily will offer streaming rants.
Democracy Now and Right Wing Watch will be on dial-up.
Dear John,
DIE.
Love,
The Universe
This Message brought to you ViaCumBlast&Cox Cummunications
This topic bores me to the point of quoting the Neutral Planet president from Futurama: “All I know is my gut says ‘maybe.’”
nightshift: …or a closed laptop and a hot water bottle?
The Internet was one of the contributing factors in Walnuts!’s defeat last year, so of course he wants it sent to Corporate Siberia to die/become a free-market-rationed resource.
Also contributing to his failure: Sarah Palin, but it’s harder to make laws against vapidity.
mcc: We just need to look at his list of campaign donors for the answer.
McCain is a trollopy whore.
Who has, at most, one last gasp to retain his seat.
then he will retire peacefully to his Sedona estate and entertain bikers at his bar-b-ques.
More of the “Opposite Naming Convention” branding brilliance. Like Clear Skies Act, Leave No Child’s Behind Untouched By A Republican, Offshore Drilling Makes Candy Taste Better, and whatnot. Instead of the “Keep The Internet Free From Government Oversight and Scrutiny Act” he really has nothing to lose by going whole hog: The John McCain Giant Priapus of DEATH for the Plundering of Vaginas Act of 2010. Then people would at least sit up and take notice.
John McCain didn’t invent the Internet. Al Gore invented the Internet. Fuck John McCain.
John McCain is aware of all Net Neutrality traditions!
The freedom he’s talking about is corporate freedom to discriminate, censor and blackball. If McCain was ever asked to support freedom for actual citizens, he’d say no because that would be caving in to special interests.
And if a Republican ever gets elected president again, I’m just going to incorporate — no point in being second-class in Republican America.
Wonkett u think everything funny. I R not NAIL! Five and half YEARS means no kbd 4 me.
No kbd 4 me = no kbd 4 U.
I’d certainly love the choice of having either Verizon or Comcast control what websites I can view! Especially with Comcast here in Philly using their ownership of the Sixers and Flyers, along with an exclusive contract with the Phillies, to effectively block satellite subscribers from watching the aforementioned teams’ regular-season games here. Thanks, Mr. Douchebag!
He understands this isn’t your usual telegraph. Is he for American or International Morse code?
I keep waiting for Chuck up there to bang the keyboard so hard that his arms go flying off and he smashes his face into a bloody pulp, but it just never quite seems to happen.
Well, like they say, “If you want something done right…”
101`23odldldlfjagpoaqpe39i3957u20siw91i8e3jiaikaiogto2w0920340tr0uaqodkihagonaow0w20203k;lap;p[PpdapfZDSApkjapkjqerpoweriuwUWEPAOR4003054UY6[WAPSP[;SHGPXXXXXXXXXXXxXXxxXXXX……!!1..1..!
If it wasn’t for people downloading porn, the internet would have died years ago.
But the Net must remain neutral, and free to accept big payoffs from Microsoft and Amazon to send their traffic through first.
sati demise: “… and entertain bikers at his[sic?] bar-b-ques.”
I heard that “entertaining” bikers was his wife’s & daughter’s job, while McWALNUTS watches through a periscope from FIVE AND A HALF houses away….
A couple of years ago, I re-read George Orwell’s “1984,” and was struck by the obvious parallels between the book’s Newspeak and the Republicans’ use of mis-directing language, such as The Patriot Act (which stripped many civil rights) and the Clear Skies Initiative (which allowed power plants to emit more mercury). Imagine if Walnuts had won…
Extemporanus: That was cool. How come my mobile broadband was able to deliver that to me without buffering but whenever I accidently try to watch some naughty teen convince her teacher to give her a good grade the action stops every eight seconds for buffering?
Give it up now. Just open a vein and insert a siphon to the money grubbers because they always win in the end. This will save agonizing years of hanging onto such quaint concepts as “right,” “sensible,” “fair” and “just” out of some misguided idea that these things matter.
And, yes, I’ve been having one of those days at the office, where the bosses consider validity of ideas as having a direct linear correlation to one’s salary– boss’ salary bigger, boss is right in all things.
I will go down a large scotch now. I might even put it in a glass.
McCain’s bill, the Get My Daughters’ Titties Off The Internet Freedom Act
Fixed.
You know, McCain… we all have plenty of images yet to shoop of you + yours. Since Obama won and YOU LOST, we didn’t really feel the need to keep going with it, but that can be rectified, also.
Oh, and, McCain? Fuck You, for Sarah Palin, Fuck You Very Much. Still.
That makes sense, since the internet effectively made him lose. Sorry Walnuts.
Sign at next Teabag rally: NET NEWTRALITY is TYRANY MORANS!!11
Has he had enough time to learn how to use email?
American corporations won’t be happy until they get to charge us for the very air we breathe. And there’s probably some corporate goon reading what I just wrote and thinking up a way to do it.
I always thought Cap’n Crazy McWalnuts had a pool of scantily clad coeds do his internets for him? They’ll be pissed.
Shouldn’t he be pushing “Punch Card Neutrality”?
p.s. Really looking forward to his comical interviews regarding “the internets”.
Extemporanus: Laughing to tears in Borders, somewhat blushingly.
I suppose that’s how you looked with that WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot shit last week.
Too bad the Internet is going the way of dial-up internut.
RoscoePColtraine: Pretty amazing that in 2008 he hadn’t used email. I’m pretty sure he has no idea what the Internet actually does.
Atheist Nun: Boobies want to be free!
finallyhappy: When he said, in 2008, that he’d “never felt a particular need to use email,” I compared it to the way the Beverly Hillbilly’s might have said they’d “never felt a particular need to use an electric lightbulb.”
Extemporanus: goodbye Shortpacker — he was a poser.
I guess McCain figured that a year was long enough for everyone to forget about the dedicated cell towers that Verizon and AT&T installed on his ranch for free.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/10/15/AR2008101503575.html
Just tell GOP constituents that WALNUTS! is trying to cut off their access to streaming donkey porn. They’ll come after him with pitchforks and torches.
shadowMark: OMG, you are right. Meghan is a quarter of a century old today!
“I’m 25 today!! going to Vegas. I swear on my twitter account Im gonna try to keep my impulsive nature in check - cause, well, u all know ;-)”
Big tit flashing to happen in Vegas this weekend!
I guess Walnuts would rather wait 5 and half years to download his porn, with Lohraw Ydna and Meg’s ta-tas prominent.
I HONESTLY would like to hear SkoalRebels take on this.
In the war against isalmo-Maoism, the net may not remain neutral. You may quote me.
chascates: “Heiresses Gone Wild - Vegas, Baby!!
“I’m 25 today!! going to Vegas.”
And her daddy told her to be sure and catch Dean Martin and Frank Sinatra in the main room at the Sands hotel. Good times.
As a fellow stupid old fuck, Chuckles GrASSley would totes support this legislation. Unless it blocks his precious twitter, which it probably would since the whole point of this is to stop Meghan from further boobering.
You can’t neuter the ‘net. It’s female, it has to be spayed.
PoignancySelz: PoignancySelz: Thanks, but I merely passed that fine piece of gore-filled Internuttiness along. Shortpacked retains his/her crown.
shadowMark: To avoid the annoyance of cock-buffered immorality plays, try this:
1. Do a Google image search using terms related to sexually explicit acts that you would never, ever want to see on purpose.
2. Save a few hundred of these images to your desktop in a folder labeled something like “Expenses” or “TPS Reports”.
3. Print out each and every one of these saved images, preferrably on the weekend when the office is more or less vacant.
4. Neatly stack the printouts (order isn’t important), and then place a few extra large binder clips on the left margin to secure everything place.
5. Pull your pants down/skirt up.
6. Using your thumb, flip through the stack as if you were quickly scanning a phone book.
7. Fap.
8. Flip.
9. Repeat #7 & #8 until printouts become too stuck together to continue.
I have a photocopy of a document that proves beyond a doubt that McGramps was a dirt beta tester. So he is certainly qualified to help decide which content providers get to have their packets prioritized.
Wait a minute! How will this affect TUBE8 users? I mean, not that I am one, I’m just supposing…
norbizness: then don’t comment on this thread. if you can’t see why net neutrality is important, wtf are you doing commenting on wonkette? go knit a sweater, ignoramus, and make body armor for your cat out of AOL CDs.
That rag-time playing image of Chuck Noris is really disturbing me.
Only in Switzerland is there Net Neutrality.
And we all know where a certain someone didn’t attack in WW II.
That’s it, I’m starting my PAC, Concerned Citizens for RedTube.
That paragon of Korean journalistism, The Washington Times, wishes to hear from you:
http://www.washingtontimes.com/polls/2009/oct/do-you-think-federal-communications-commission-sho/
Do you think the Federal Communications Commission should destroy the Internet with freedom murdering regulatio?
• Yes
• No
• Undecided
• Other
McCain is never in favor of neutrality; he is a Class Q kid and knows that war is good for military promotions and the McCain family. I’m surprised that his bill isn’t named The Internet War Act and in favor of making The Internet a branch of the military. Johnny must not have been fully awakened when ordering it written.
I’m a bit taken aback by madtowngooner’s image of backward Andy Warhol’s ta-ta’s. If mtg’s referring to Andy’s grandparents, I’m okay with it, but I don’t think so. A nice bit of Surrealism never hurts, I suppose…or perhaps it properly places Ms. McCain in the same category as Edie Sedgwick, Patty Hearst, Paris Hilton, Doris Duke and other wealthy spacegirls.
Meagan, just kick your bought and paid for old fart of a dad right in the ass.
Freedm isnt free. John McCain is a bit confused about this pertaining to the internets.
What Al Gore joins together, let no man rip asunder!
Car Ramrod: On parchment with a quill pen.
McCain’s base knows the internet is something their grandchildren- who never write thank-you notes- are always fooling around on.
S.Luggo: Hahaha, the pro-FCC regulation crowd is winning by a landslide because people want to regulate porn off the net. Oh, dear gawd, that is the best vaguely-worded poll misfire ever!
Is this because Meghan posted her naughty photo on Twitter? No daddy has to protect his little girl?
That crazy ol’ maverick!
John McCain doesn’t care because he only watches midget porn anyway.
Midget porn would not be affected by these rules because it only uses half the bandwidth.
S.Luggo: A win from the comments:
haraldrambacher
I say Yes becouse FCC needs to maneter What our Chidren see, or Not see, on the NET.
S.Luggo: The mob has spoken:
Response Percent Votes
Yes 61% 11167 votes
No 37% 6797 votes
Undecided 0% 104 votes
Other 0% 27 votes
Can WALNUTS! even access the internet on his Jitterbug phone?
It’s been years since McCain could put his hands on his head. That’s why he doesn’t care about download speed.
Joshua Norton: And the new J.Crew version of Frank pinched her ass and said, “Hey babe, you’re the cat’s ass, why you a Republican?”
God he is such a whore. He is also the biggest (non-overhead) PROJECTOR ever, calling people “trollop” and shit. Whore and a ham, that Walnuts!
Hmmm. I’m beginning to suspect Jim isn’t going to do a Meghan thread. Poor Meghan. She’ll probably be so sad she won’t even go out tonight, just stay home, slip into her push-up bra and read about Frank Stella or somebody like that.
nightshift: “Does Grampy knows the diff between a laptop and an electric typewriter?” Grampy doesn’t know the difference between a manual typewriter and the control panel of a Boeing P-26 Peashooter. And I doubt they have tubez in Cornville, AZ. Pony Express, maybe, but not tubez.
Sen. I-Stopped-Hating-Lobbyists-the-Minute-I-Got-the-Republican-Nomination just uses the press releases Davis Manafort & Freedman (as in Rick Davis, his former campaign manager) and BKSH & Associates (as in Charlie Black, his chief advisor) hand him. Whatever their customers (BellSouth, Verizon, AT&T, Qualcomm, and SBC Communications, among others) want, they get. Grampy doesn’t have to understand.
And for added fun, don’t forget that the telecoms are forever tied to C Street via their manservant Chip Pickering. The FCC better be ready for a fight.
Would McCain keep his hands off our Internets if we all promise to stay off his lawn?
To quote the Clash, “You have the right to free speech as long as you’re not dumb enough to actually try it.” We have complete freedom of speech right now, and some of us are using it. Those in power (probably some on both side of the aisle) cannot stand for that.
On one side is JMac and his bedfull of telecom lobbyists, on other side the FCC, who I usually hate for spending an inordinate amount of time slapping people over the knuckles for saying “Poo” on television…my brain hurts.
I support the FCC of course…the Internet must be FREE!!! Free like a bird!!! But I am so NOT inviting them to my Christmas party.
Join McCains facebook and tell him. He is going to have a huge fight on his hands.
On facebook.
What size bag o’ dicks and how much rat poison would be required to send ole’ walnuts down to the ole’ ponderossa? okay, I’ve disengaged my english to Palin software now. Let’s see…let me think here, John McCain, corporate lobbbyists and the word freedom…how could this possibly go wrong? walnuts…ahem, WALNUTS! is back to being the corporate toadie and general human douchebag that he was at one time, oh so long ago…WALNUTS with still a wisp of hair on his head sans face goiter, those were the salad days..and Charles Keating…oh it was a love that dared not speak its name. Then Keating turned out to be a corrupt dildo and everyone linked to him except his good buddy John McCain resigned. Everything that was old is new again, next wingnuts will bring on Reaganstein who’ll fart dust, eat orphans with Cheney and cut every corporations taxes to zero, bring back slavery and remove all regulations, yaaay!
So, the guy who doesn’t use the internet wants to legislate everyone else ability to use the internet?
Walnuts is just sucking on that Americans For Prosperity guy’s dick. The corporate whore that Rachel Maddow totally destroyed when she interviewed him.
Can McCain keep his daughter’s tits off the internet?
I know it’s a bit late in the coming, but…
http://blingee.com/blingee/view/101226642-John-McCain-vs-Teh-Intarwebz
Great Old Ones Party:
Sweet! Except: Milhouse is not a meme. Not a meme! lol
Next time, if you could just shoop McCain’s face into a Lemon Party pic…
Great Old Ones Party: http://blingee.com/blingee/view/101236843-MCCAIN-VS-INTERNET-ROUND-2
McCain vs Internet: ROUND 2: THE NET NEUTRALITIFICATION!!! This Time, The Internet Takes No Prisoners!
Erection Death Panels?
Atheist Nun: are you referring to the “Millhouse is not a meme” meme? XD Love the McCain/Obama action, btw!
this reminds me of the independents against the alliance. as we all know, the independents were crushed in the battle of serenity valley.
however, i’m pretty sure earth-that-was was destroyed by john mccain.
ladymacbeth: so who would the Reavers be?
Great Old Ones Party: pretty sure republicans. in fact, that’s what started me thinking about firefly.
a couple day ago, yet another story of some random republican doing something unspeakable made me think of reavers.
seriously.
ladymacbeth: According to the spoiler-free legends, Reavers were explorers who made it to the edge of the galaxy and went mad when they saw all that nothingness.
This is probably what happened to the Republicans after they lost the last election and did some soul-searching.
John McCain has such a poor relationship with machinery, slamming five hi-tech fighter planes into the deck. His navy nickname was “Johnny Crash” which should make internaughts shudder at the thought of this demented old fella poking around in our servers.
oh, and, in case we haven’t mentioned it already…
what about 4chan? Do the Republicans really want to be the next targets of Chanology?
Great Old Ones Party: If you look closely, you’ll notice that McCain is the filling in the Obama/Bush sandwich. The decrepit, moldy, rancid filling.
I broke blingee with this one: One of my stamps didn’t work, the big McCain was supposed to be licking and slobbering on Sarah Palin, dammit.
This would be all that we, as a Nation, would need. How much more control are we going to allow our Government to tell us what we can or can not do, read, watch, learn, create ourselves? If anything happens, I think they need to regulate that all Internet companies need to have the same internet speeds and have an universal price for all, not some at $9.99, and others up to $80.00 + plus per month. That is what is ridiculous!!! Now I would be totally behind that, regulate the price first…show us that they are on our side and then they can talk about would be or would not be allowed to be regulated on the World Wide Web. What ever happened to our constitutional rights, freedom of speech? Our world is falling apart, and I really do not think I want to live another 40 + years to see what it is going to turn into.
I know it’s way funnier to pretend Walnuts is old and therefore incapable of understanding technology, but McCain was intimately involved in the creation of the 1996 Telecom Act which is the existing framework for telecommunications regulation. While he may not know a lot of things, telecom policy is something he and his staff are intimately familiar with.
As for the merits of his bill, it is consistent with his deregulatory tendencies in the telecom space, which long proceeds his campaigns for president. It also reflects his somewhat less consistent fear of possible unintended consequences of federal regulation. And given that AT&T is now basically arguing that if the FCC imposes net neutrality on broadband providers, it should also regulate online “gateways” such as Google to ensure neutrality, I’d say McCain’s fear of a slippery slope is justified.
Cicada: This raises an interesting point - do we really want the FCC, who takes very seriously the duty to Protect Our Children From the Terror of the Superbowl Boob - gaining jurisdiction over the internet?
ladymacbeth: Odd that you only thought of Republicans, since Reavers represent the horrible side effects which occur when big government tries to create utopia by restricting individual autonomy. I’d say that’s a trait shared by both major parties.
automaton: annnnnnnd the ability of private IS providers to determine which content to block and which programs to deny is a good think?
and way to spoil Serenity for everyone!