Did any of you evil men impregnate a lady on election night? Then you probably voted for Barack Obama! (It’s a real “win-win” situation, too, because this would mean you, the liberal, were able to make the lady get an abortion — and not take care of some baby!)
Some cabal of pop scientists reveal: “(Oct. 21) — Young men who voted for John McCain lost more than a presidential election last November. A study says their testosterone level plummeted.” Oh ho ho! “Men who voted for Obama maintained stable testosterone levels, while men who voted for McCain saw those levels drop more than 25 percent.” Oh man, testosterone! It’s crazy!
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Externalities. Priceless dorky econ joke.
How did they even DO this study?
It was disappointing to find that their field observations were based on saliva testing rather than actual field observations. “Pop scientists” indeed.
It’s not about WALNUTS; those Bible Spice voters lost their testosterone into a tube sock.
Another Bush recession
No big deal for the McCain voters — most of them were able to kick a puppy and get their levels back up in a few minutes.
I’ll have the testosteroni with walnut cream sauce, please.
Bullshit. The Duggars conceived six kids that week alone!
Control group please. What were the McCain voters’ levels before the election? Exactly.
The last line’s good, but judging by current polls probably inaccurate:
“Republican men can take comfort in the fact that the testosterone drop was only temporary, and that the midterm elections are coming.”
IF only McCain had allowed the Snowbilly to address all of America’s Boners during his concession speech ceremonies this study would have turned out much more mavericky.
No correlating study on estrogen levels among women voters? Misogynist scientists conducted this study. Remove tenure and take away departmental funding NOW. This is NOT funny!
I had a testosterone drop as a result of meeting Meghan McCain. Actually, it was more of a testosterone dump.
Under Obamacare, that problem might be treated for “free.” Hint: Little Blue Pill
Look at that, McCain voters again voting against their own self interest.
[re=441715]hockeymom[/re]: They just guessed a result and published it. (i.e. the same way most studies are conducted.)
So, help me out here: After the election, they were at like, what, -23%?
Math is hard (even if they’re not.)
[re=441736]Aflac Shrugged[/re]: So messy!
Young men who voted for McCain lost testosterone. Another mechanism to facilitate average human intelligence increasing with each generation.
Young men who voted for John McCain. Did Erick and Johah ever have measurable testosterone?
it was african voodoo, pure and simple.
It’s 2009. Lionel Richie is only famous for being Nicole Richie’s father. Hint, hint.
Yeah, they all cut their dicks off.
They were only – at best – FIVE AND A HALF INCHES, ALAN!!!!
in all seriousness (is that allowed here?) i would expect republicans to have 25% more testosterone in the first place. that’s what makes them homosexual, chauvinistic warmongers
Think of all those birth certificates carried around in plastic bags we avoided!
[re=441715]hockeymom[/re]:
By walking up to guys and asking them for samples. Works best in bars about 2am.
Most McCain supporters were men who subscribe to the Tucker Max school of masculinity: they talk a great game but never get any. They also find Liz Cheney attractive. I don’t even want to think about what that means.
It’s Cindy’s icy stare.
On election night, someone text messaged me a photoshopped picture of Sarah Palin with a giant black dick in her mouth. At the time I was horrified, but now it all makes sense.
[re=441760]germansteel[/re]: Well done.
But, as it says here, mid-term erections are cumming.
winning = more testosterone isn’t news
http://psycnet.apa.org/?fa=main.doiLanding&uid=1993-28643-001
In 2 experiments, a total of 129 male college students (aged 18–50 yrs) either won or lost $5 on a task controlled by chance. In both studies, winners reported a more positive mood change than did losers and, in Exp 2, winners reported a more positive mood change than a neutral group that did not win or lose money. After the task was completed, winners exhibited significantly higher testosterone (TES) levels than losers.
[re=441715]hockeymom[/re]: Dixie cups and dirty mags?
Maybe they were all just watching the election results in an outdoor bath tub.
[re=441769]hobospacejunkie[/re]: It’s 2009. Is anybody getting anything?
this story hurts my walnuts.
TODAY WE ARE ALL BONER LESS REPUBLICANS WHO BEAT OUR WIVES ON ELECTION NITE.
…this explains skoalrebel’s youtube video…
If these McCain voters in this study would’ve just eaten a bag of dicks as instructed, perhaps we would have seen a rise in the results.
[re=441790]Suds McKenzie[/re]: Unlike you, who apparently watched the results at home on the couch.
Are you sure you’re not a Boxer?
Scary. If McCain had won, there’d be no Baby K. Smith. Thanks Barack!
does this mean that all the McCain voting Wimmen had the collective Cindy McCain Migrane headache?
hi Cyndi if you’re looking….and yes everything is funny wonketee!
[re=441777]Country Club Jihadi[/re]: Link please! You can’t just casually toss that out & forget about it.
This sounds like a job for Rick Santorum!
[re=441809]hobospacejunkie[/re]: There is this from the Sarah-being-Sarah collection…
[re=441715]hockeymom[/re]: At GOP election night parties, everyone gets a rectal probe. After that, it’s just an exercise in data-mining.
[re=441719]Advocatus_Diaboli[/re]: I thought it was because they all thought they had lost Palin for their fantasy about the bat-shit crazy girlfriend who destroys everything but, boy, you like to hate-fuck her.
Little did they know, once unleashed on the American People, craziness like that doesn’t go away.
What if they had an election and no one… Oh, never mind.
Teabaggers—We want our country, errr boners back!!!
I was hanging out with Meghan McCain, Jenna Bush, Caroline Kennedy, Gore’s daughters, Chelsea Clinton and Tricia Nixon at the Hooter’s on Rockville Pike on election night. When Hooter’s closed, everyone went over to the Shriver mansion, and we partied there until like 5 a.m. There was a lot of going rogue going on.
So there was no need to force abortions for all non Obama boner babies after all. Who knew?
Mostly they were exhausted by November from 2 months of jacking off to pictures of the hockeymom.
Worked out for Dave Letterman – He got Willow Palin pregnant!
[re=441834]EdFlinstone[/re]: Now that you mention it, the teabaggers at the townhalls seemed just as upset as an old when he discovers that the rubber-band trick isn’t working anymore.
I knocked up my wife shortly after the election. SCIENCE!
Is this what’s known as “Blue” balls?
[re=441809]hobospacejunkie[/re]: I can’t work the link thingy, but Google “Palin blowjob” in images and it shows up on the first page. It’s disturbing.
They shot the wad while McCain was waving a .45 around during that (a)rousing nomination speech.
Right, Lindsey Graham has a testosterone problem because McCain lost. What other explanation could there be?
[re=441728]Cassawary[/re]: I don’t care…Winnn!
I suppose the results would have been similar for Democrats after Bush won. So what have we learned? Nothing. And what have we not learned? Who paid for this study? Just a lot of bullspit.
Nows the chance. Outbreed them! Demography rules!
What a load of crap! I voted for Obama and haven’t had a decent boner in six months. Doesn’t matter who you vote for, old age is a bitch.
[re=441715]hockey[re=441805]MattW[/re]: It doesn’t say liberals would have suffered the same fate if McCain had won. I tend to believe there would have been a lot of liberal anger banging if that had been the case. It’s one of the few areas of human interaction where overt aggression is occasionally encouraged.
Also, the dates are wrong. Lil’ Trucknutz wasn’t born nine months ago, also
Bill Frist should run for president in 2012 so he can use the slogan, “If the results of this election last for four years, call a doctor!” Then he would proceed to lose every state with a literacy rate over 30%, so he’d get most of the South, plus Idaho, and not much else.
All the bitterness probably aged them ten years.
This just in! From one Levi Johnston’s Twitter site
“Men who voted 4 McCain saw significant drop on testosterone l LEVEL http://is.gd/4wpWo pussies !”
It is to be presumed men who voted for McCain merely sported a tuft of pubic hair along with some sort of benign, though possibly precancerous growth, down there. They couldn’t have had much testosterone to start with, the sad little dickless wonders.
The study is here if anybody’s interested: http://wonkette.com/411766/mccain-loss-killed-numerous-boners-on-election-night#more-411766
/serious
How the hell did that happen? Anyway, here’s the study for reelz: http://www.plosone.org/article/info%3Adoi%2F10.1371%2Fjournal.pone.0007543
My uncle has a great-nephew who was born last Election Day whose parents named him Maverick. Does this mean his parents might as well lay in a supply of Barbara Streisand albums and perfectly pressed Dockers now?
[re=441777]Country Club Jihadi[/re]: That wasn’t shooped.
“Who’s going to pay for insuring all those babies conceived because of Obama? They were born fat and they expect to stay fat with liberal breastmilk, Medicare, and Cadillacs. There can be NO FREE LUNCH for fat babies with their gout, their high cholesterol, and their baldness!” — Sen. Mary Landrieu
I thought it was kinda weird when I got a ballot, a cup, and a copy of Juggs magazine.
Obama was born (either in Kenya or Hawaii) almost exactly 9 months after JFK’s election night. So the cycle continues.
[re=441765]joe2[/re]: In general: No, that is not a state condoned or endorsed by Wonkette. In the future, please refrain from interjecting non-snarkishness into the record. (In other words, if you insist on posting comments like, f’rinstance, [re=441785]pampl’s[/re], you’ll likely receive multiple bags of lightly salted appendages in your ‘inbox’.
Don’t say you weren’t warned.
However, since your serious statement has also managed to elicit a chuckle from yours truly, I’m going to move to allow this particular instance of seriousness to stand. All opposed?
I don’t know about you all, but I had crazy redonculous election sex with the ex until about 2am election night. No Obama-babies though. Dang protection.
This certainly does explain how they became the “Party of Bitches.”
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