Wonkette
The worst bands on Earth are very offended that their music has been played at Gitmo as part of actual torture, which, legally-speaking, is somehow different than being playing in your stupid brother’s car like constantly. All your favorites—Trent Reznor, Billy Bragg, Tom Morello, etc. etc.—have joined the National Campaign to Close Guantanamo, some sort of Traveling Wilburys-like superband. “Guantanamo may be Dick Cheney’s idea of America, but it’s not mine. The fact that music I helped create was used in crimes against humanity sickens me — we need to end torture and close Guantanamo now,” said Morello, he of Rage Against the Machine. Oh man, things are about to get so heavy and shit.
Politics: This is the very thing all those songs are about, right guys? Dude… this is the MACHINE:
“Hoping to cast further light on the potential illegalities that took place at the detention facility, the group is also working to obtain records about why and how music was used (under laws authorized by the Bush administration) to effectively torture suspected terrorists. The musicians have officially endorsed a Freedom of Information Act request for the declassification of all secret government records pertaining to music utilized during interrogations. At least two members of the coalition, Reznor and Morello, have had their music linked to interrogations.”
It’s like, at the very least the military could have the courtesy to say they’re just playing Evil Empire ironically.
[HuffPost]
Just stop making torturous music.
Next thing we’ll hear is that the food was bad at Gitmo too.
What? Oh, well, never mind.
Trent misunderstood. Cheney was torturing prisoners with real nine-inch nails.
For real torture, they should have used the music of Pat Boone, Slim Whitman, and Pia Zadora.
I never thought I see Trent Reznor’s name brought up here. He’s fucking everywhere now. Anyway, The Downward Spiral used to scare me to death so I know what you guys are talking about.
They make the inmates eat Sausage Biscuits from Mickey D’s if they misbehave. Torture. Pure and simple.
Shouldn’t these bands at least get royalties? These were public performances after all.
Isn’t “pia zadora” another form of British slang for unprotected anal sex, like “going rogue?”
I saw Billy Bragg on acid once. I mean I was on acid, not him. I’m pretty sure it was better than torture. And warmer than the Cubs game earlier in the day.
binarian: Which Ray Kroc changed to all beef about twenty years ago when he found out some religions don’t eat pork.
Terry: Yoko Ono
Cheney’s Top 10 Songs to Torture By:
Bodies Hit the Floor - Drowning Pool
God Bless the USA - Lee Greenwood
Mad World - Gary Jules/Tears for Fears
Smack My Bitch Up - Prodigy
Stuck In the Middle With You - Steeler’s Wheel (Reservoir Dogs)
Do you really want to HURT ME - Culture Club
Hurt - NIN
I need a New Drug - Huey Lewis and the News
Anything by Hootie and Blowfish
My Heart Will Go On - Celine Dion (It’s torture to me)
binarian:
Are you kidding? A sausage biscuit and an iced tea is a darn fine way to start the day. Too bad McD’s screwed things up by only serving that Carolinian abomination, sweet tea.
Terry: No need to take gratuitous shots at Slim Whitman. Maybe Conway Twitty, though he wasn’t all bad, either.
well, it may not stop the torture, but at least it’ll restrict the torture to public domain songs and isn’t that what really counts?
Terry: Two all beef patties special sauce lettuce cheese pickles onions on a sesame seed bun.
Hello darlin’/Did you miss me?/It’s been a long time/You’re just as lovely as you used to be
ManchuCandidate: You’re forgetting one: The Helen Keller part of “Don’t Trust Me” by 3OH!3, repeated endlessly.
Rage against the Machine? What kind of interrogation strategy is it to play a song that says, “Fuck you I won’t do what you tell me” over and over again? I doubt that would encourage cooperation. At the end you just end up with terrorists who are also metalheads.
You let me violate you
You let me desecrate you
You let me penetrate you
You let me interrogate you
http://www.wired.com/listening_post/2008/04/a-scientific-at/
Better music torture with science!
I wonder if this publicity will hurt the sales of New Edition’s comeback album Gitmo’ Lovin: The Ballads.
The revolution is just a t-shirt away.
hobospacejunkie:
One word: yodelling.
I’d like to rage against the machine for “Let’s go Barbie, let’s go Barbie!” No wonder they “hate freedom.”
Johnny Zhivago: Yoko’s music sounds like a cement mixer full of broken glass and cats.
Listening to Billy Bragg natter on endlessly about his messianic self, with or without guitar, is absolutely torture. No doubts there.
Put a sock in it, Reznor. My local public radio station’s having its pledge drive, and the CEO of the station actually gets on the air and sings off-key, a capella, rhythmless ditties about becoming a member, to such tunes as the theme to Gilligan’s Island. Why that station is not crawling with blue-helmeted peacekeeping troops I have no idea.
Terry: Are you kidding? A sausage biscuit and an iced tea is a darn fine way to start the day. I meant for them…you know, against their religion…..But according to JMC, it’s not even pork anymore! Is nothing sacred????
Terry: Celine Dion is my vote and most country musicians. They should have used Toby Keith, etc. They would be honored to have their music torturing the brown people…
How do they think Mozart feels in heaven when he hears his music played to keep hobos from sleeping on the floor at the Port Authority bus terminal?
Terry: One word: yodelling.
Oooh. Like in “Mars Attacks”. But they’d have to stop just before the Muslin’s head exploded.
Terry: Yeah, about that yodeling. Well, there’s really no excuse for it, so you got me there.
Billy Bragg was less annoying 20+ years ago. Or probably was. Haven’t seen him in over 20 years. Mandy Patinkin & Bette Midler (in Las Vegas) are the only live acts I’ve seen this century. Jews are where it’s at when it comes to money & music, or so I heard down south.
Where is the RIAA on this? Don’t they always lawyer up and start suing the shit out of everybody?
To amplify my point, hobos hate classical music so much they will find another place to sleep even though they HAVE NO HOME TO GO TO and it is hard to get a good nights rest when people are FIGHTING YOU FOR TURF SUPREMACY AT 3 AM. So suck on that Guantanamo inmates. Come to New York’s Port Authority and see if you can make it through a night of Sinfonia Concertantes and orchestral interludes from The Marriage of Figaro.
Just send the RIAA after them for these “unsolicited public performances.” A little extra cash and they can hire Blackwater out from under them.
Maybe we can find unauthorized recordings of NFL games at Gitmo while we’re at it.
If we can send Capone away for tax evasion, maybe we can finally pin down Cheney on copyright violation.
I’m no Toby Keith fan, but I do remember him saying he’s a Democrat a year ago. Still doesn’t make up for his maudlin 9/11 offerings, though parodies of him on South Park almost make the original worth it. Almost.
Wait, Rage Against the Machine? Please tell me that this was, at very least, some CIA torturer’s idea of humor.
Also, am I a bad person because the detainee photo above reminds me of Abbey Road?
Torture set I:
The Eagles covering Billy Joel’s “the entertainer” ->
4 seconds of nickleback ->
Instant confession/suicide.
E: Shit sandwich
hobospacejunkie:
Mr. Keith also has his name on a chain of uber patriotic restaurants, too.
mumblyjoe: A bad person? That observation just earned you a gold star.
ManchuCandidate: Oh god, Stuck in the Middle with You. An inspired choice.
I’m old enough to remember Leo Sayers and You Make Me Feel Like Dancing–to much even for Gitmo, I’ll wager.
Terry: “Mr. Keith also has his name on a chain of uber patriotic restaurants”
What? The Cracker Barrel?
Although there are some who would put ABBA on their torture mix tape, I believe for real torture we must all stand humbly, anal pear in hand, before the true masters, the Germans. Who would not break after a few days of Einstürzende Neubauten interspersed with Nina Hagen? And, does the Viking Valkyrie Björk qualify for the Herrenrasse list of musical Mengeles? If yes, add her to the mix tape.
I’ve experienced this sort of torture as a dj at an easy listenen station. After learning to recognize four different instrumental versions of “up up and away in my beautiful balloon” I cracked and admitted to everything ever in the world up to that point.
Then I put on a old Steppenwolf 7 I found in the closet and got fired.
ManchuCandidate: Two words: Hannah Montana.
I’m sure that if you listen to Willaim Shatner’s albums long enough you will either go mad or confess to anything up to the blowing up of the USS Maine.
Terry: Oh, god, my boyfriend ordered that the other day when we were on a road trip, and I was all, “Are you sure? You’ll have, like, four cavities after the first sip” and he was all, “You know how I like sweetened tea” and I was like, “Dude, you don’t know from sweet” and he was like, all, “That’s not even a sentence.” And then he ordered the tea, took one sip, and threw it out.
I had a Diet Coke, like a good fat girl.
One of the stop signs in my neighborhood has been vandalized to read “STOP JOAN BAEZ.” I always imagined that had something to do with music torture in Gitmo, like they were playing that one Joan Baez song from “The Life Aquatic” on repeat.
ManchuCandidate: Any song by Avril Lavigne
Guppy06: Three words: Billy Ray Cyrus. Achy Breaky Heart for great justice and the American Way! Such poetry.
I say good luck to the musicantes, whatever you think of their relative artistic merits. At this point, I don’t care if George Bush goes to prison for copywright infringement, as long as he goes to prison. Federal, pound-me-in-the-ass prison.
In hindsight, Noriega had it pretty good when the Marines cranked up their AC/DC tape
hobospacejunkie: True. Slim Whitman is good for martians. Well, bad for martians, but good for martian infestations. Whatever.
TGY: They actually literally used that at the Waco siege. Literally. Then all the people inside killed themselves and each other. Draw your own conclusions.
I just had visions of detainees forced to do the Macarena at gunpoint.
Come here a minute: Mixing Pop and Politics?
binarian: YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH!
They should have stuck with Nordic Death Metal.
did they at least get royalties?
Hey, man, is that Freedom Rock!?
Hound: DAMMIT!!! Made me all LOL in my cube here!
I used to work at one of those old-timey photo shops — you the kind where you can get an old sepia photo of yourself dressed like a cowboy. It played Ragtime on a loop nonstop and I’m about ready file a suite with UN over it.
crawdadslim: What about “Stormy”? I bet you remember “Stormy”! As teenagers my best friend tried to convince me that Kiss was a rebranding of The Association. She lost a lot of credibility with me at that point.[re=441425]
AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Back home we refer to that kind of tea as “barbeque joint tea”.
Texan Bulldoggette:
You need the sound of a rimshot after that one. LOL
They could have avoided all this unpleasantness if they just left the country western music playing. Ba - da - Bump
As a youth my younger sister would play It’s a Hard Knock Life!from the musical Annie to torture her three older brothers. We gave her whatever she wanted to make it stop, including the secret maps of Bin Laden’s vacation home.
Smart man, this Cheney guy.
Any Yoko Ono recordings,
Monsieur Grumpe: I made it through 11 minutes of that, and I have a sudden urge to go shopping, at Walmart! Later gator.
PsycGirl: The abomination you’re thinking of is “Windy.” “Stormy” is by the Classics IV and is actually pretty tolerable.
Take the hint, Trent!
Ya know, nothing sucked as much as 70s pop. “Billy don’t be a Hero,” “One Tin Soldier,” “Loving You” with the chirpy birds, and “You Can Ring my Bell.” Country-western has nothing on it.
So, making the detainees drink sweet tea is the best torture?
(I personally like it, but then again I am from GA.)
binarian: No, and thats why I’m a member of the Jews for Reclassification of Bacon as a Vegetable League.
I would pay five hundo to see Zach De La Rocha take a running skull-fuck at Dick Cheney, also.
SayItWithWookies: Who’s the bigger geek, you or me?
yay, let’s make fun of torture. this must be a republican site, as almost every single response has taken this issue lightly and made fun of it. if you made baseball bats for a living, you’d probably be pretty pissed off, too, if you found out your bats were used to torture people. how about if american soldiers were beaten with your bats, instead of guantanamo detainees? that changes things doesn’t it? idiots.
Duh. Why didn’t they just treat them to a live concert featuring the vocal stylings of the Attorney General himself?
Let The Eagle Soar
PsycGirl: If that’s a challenge I will totally defend my geekiness against any and all.
wonks.suck: Especially if they were those break-anywhere maple travesties. Ash or nothing, I say.
I didn’t think being forced to listen to crappy metal music was a such a bad thing until I saw in the Post that one of the songs that was used was the “Meow Mix jingle”. You know what I’m talking about. The horror…
wonks.suck:
Presence, essence, iconoclasm.
Philosophy 101. Time for a refresher course.
Bush Was Right!
Hound: But I’m talkin’ about Shaft!
lostintransit: How did the interrogators not harm themselves when playing Billy Bragg?
wonks.suck: Andrew Sullivan, welcome to Wonkette! How’s your rag shirt holding up these days?
What would the Traveling Wilburys do??
wonks.suck: Hey, Ninja Tune was a great label back in the day when I did way too many drugs.
Just JAM CREED!!1, according to Slate they are “good” ??? http://www.slate.com/id/2233082/ Don’t even bother reading the article, or ever going back to Slate for that matter.
Mack the Knife
I Wanna be Sedated
The Dreidel Song
yargisbargis: Amen. My time in hell will be an endless loop of the Carpenters’ “Close to You.”
Jim89048: JOHN Shaft!…can ya diggit?
Almost any kid’s music would work, especially when sung BY kids and has cutesy lyrics. A few of the CDs at my house were disappeared for the greater good. Psychotic parents are not in a kid’s best interest.
SayItWithWookies: My synapses still resonate with your geekiness, no challenge here.
wonks.suck: It’s fun to imagine you writing that with my balls on your chin.
A couple of repeats of Seasons in the sun and I’d bash my own skull into the cement cell wall.
wonks.suck: this must be a republican site, as almost every single response has taken this issue lightly and made fun of it.
You must not be from around here, son. We make fun of pretty much goddamned everything.
Please to remember House Rule #1 of Wonkette: Bring the funny or STFU. Alternately, TITS OR GTFO. Also.
queeraselvis v 2.0: Bring the funny? O.K. The best torture song EVER is “Yummy, Yummy, Yummy” by the Ohio Express. Is that fuckin’ funny enough for you, bitch? Or do you want to talk to my little friend here, Philip Glass?
wonks.suck: Now that’s funny!
I was hoping more of you would riff on the ‘musicians scrounging for royalties’ theme. Alas, no.