Wonkette
New York Times “Not lightning-rod conservative, but the lightning-rod conservatives may have a point” columnist Ross Douthat was taken to task by a New Yorker fact-checker and some libtards at an n+1 panel last night when the topic came to gay marriage: “At first Mr. Douthat seemed unable to get a sentence out without interrupting himself and starting over. Then he explained: ‘I am someone opposed to gay marriage who is deeply uncomfortable arguing the issue in public.’ …At one point he said that, sometimes, he feels like he should either change his mind, or simply resolve never to address the question in public.” These are dark times for Ross Douthat. [NY Observer]
He prefers to wrestle with gay issues in private? Oh. Well that’s cool.
So Douthat is staying in the closet on gay marriage.
I’ve always wanted to be the first Commentatorator, but unfortunately I feel deeply uncomfortable discussing Ross Douthat’s neck beard in public so I will have to abstain.
magic titty: NTTAWWT
Ross is in Narnia. The closet would be a step forward.
That picture displays a lot of self hating gayness.
Yes, yes. *Very* qualified to have a column.
magic titty: A slip of the tongue can be life-altering when dealing with homosexual affairs.
So he’s put himself in the closet about gay marriage for fear of retribution?
I am deeply conflicted over clubbing baby seals, selling young boys into sexual servitude, and setting fire to our national parks. But I prefer not to enter into discussions of these issues in public.
Naked Bunny with a Whip: Damn you.
Institutional support for reproduction?
Okay, Granny. No marriage for you.
Also Michael Steele’s dancing abilities - I never discuss those in public.
Mr. Douthat indicated that he opposes gay marriage because of his religious beliefs
Translation: Douchey and his boyfriend are tired of doing it missionary-style.
“I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that, no I won’t.” -Douthat
In all seriousness, he should just admit that he doesn’t support gay marriage because gays sort of creep him out (in the same way he finds sexually aggressive women yucky). It’s a dumb reaction, yet it’s probably more widespread than most people will admit. But pretending as though he has serious (read: able to be defended reasonably in public) concerns about it is disingenuous.
I understand, I mean, DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEY DO???
Hint: Penises and Butts
Give him a break. Referring to marriage as the “legal recognition accorded without hesitation to the fleeting enthusiasms of Britney Spears and Newt Gingrich” is pretty snarky.
Poor, poor Ross. He would make such a nice bearcub for some lovely guy, but he’s all deeply uncomfortable about it. He should just stop talking permanently and move to Vermont.
He’s being such a fag about gay marriage.
It’s hard out there for a self-hating, closeted gay man.
But I won’t. - Douthat
Oh come on, this is not a guy who needs to prove his heterosexual bona fides. He nearly nailed Chubby Reese Witherspoon (TM) that one time, after all. (Until, uh, he discovered that she only wanted to have sex with him.)
“The Cat Got Douthat’s Tongue on Gay Marriage,” says the Observer headline. Clearly a male cat, marital status TBD.
“,,,tend to be abstract in ways that don’t find purchase in American political discourse….”
“purchase.” Who talks like that? That isn’t a douche, I mean.
I think we should encourage Douthat’s desire to keep his views to himself.
I think he just didn’t want to admit in a public forum that he just really wants to stick to foreign policy, and doesn’t give a f***&g f*&k about gay marriage. He knows that His handlers would be very displeased.
He doesn’t like to talk about it in public because, if and when it gets back to his secret 14yo Philipino sex puppet, he doesn’t hear about anyhting but matching tuxedos and the benefits of white frosting as a lubricant for like, two weeks.
Even in the photo above, the most flattering that has ever been or will ever be taken of him, the Littlest Inquisitor still looks like a cobag.
You mean he’s not gay? Doubthat.
He seems to understand that it’s much more difficult to get laid in NYC when you’re a neckbeard and you admit publicly that you’re a bigot. But, then he admits that he’s a bigot? It’s that second part that makes me think that he’s kind of an asshole.
doxastic: EXACTLY. I actually have redneck friends who are simply scared that someone will stick something up their buttholes.
Nevermind that they can’t WAIT to bugger their wives. Or, as the British would say, “go rogue” with their wives.
He’s afraid he might give new meaning to the term “beard.”
Sometimes it’s just so hard to be *reasonable* and at the same time placate the swinish multitude whose knee-jerk bigotry you’ve parlayed into a cushy columnist career, you know!
How much of a douche to you have to be to come off as the douchiest person at an event hosted by n + 1? Oh Neck Beard, as if my respect for you could slip any lower.
Ironically, the Littlest Inquisitor is 100% straight; he’s just hedging his bets. If they ever reinstate the draft, Ross reserves the right to play the gay card.
His suffering at the hands of those non-religious gays is so terrible!
Break out your Kazoo, and hum thirty or so seconds of the “Magnificent Seven” theme whilst gazing upon the photo of Douthat. I laughed so hard my nose ran…away I think, up, up, and away.
freakishlystrong: That boy’s as straight as a horseshoe.
AnnieGetYourFun: Is that what “go rogue” really means? Oh Annie, you so funny.
Jukesgrrl: FTW
AnnieGetYourFun: I know EXACTLY what you mean. There are men who fear that gays will immobilize them, using secret gay-rays, and then sodomize them by any means available. Even funnier, the men who fear this most would possibly be (from my limited knowledge) the least appealing to a gay man (or a woman, for that matter).
Dad: I don’t care if he’s gay, he better not make a move on me.
Me: Don’t worry, you’re too old and fat.
AnnieGetYourFun: There’s really only two types of guys when it comes to having stuff put up there: guys who admit they like it, and guys who claim (in public) to be afraid of it.
He does have a kind of chubby George Michael look to him, though.
Just sayin’….
He should either change his mind, or simply resolve to die horribly and as soon as possible.
I liked Douchehat better when he played Silent Bob.
That’s a writer I would work hard to keep on staff if I were managing editor of the Observer, not least for the “decamped” in the last line.
Funny, Douchehat has never had a problem saying stupid shit before.
Naked Bunny with a Whip:
In the closet? He’s not in the closet. He’s staying in the men’s room at Union Station on this issue.
GreatOldOnesParty: The popped-collar-cum-cum-catcher really seals the deal.
“Meet the Neo-Cons: They’re Young, They’re Bright, They Tilt to the Right”
They’re young, they’re not signing up for military service, and they spend a lot of time in their own restrooms.
PsycGirl and AnnieGetYourFun: I’m always reminded of the classic Bobcat bit about a guy backstage at a club saying he didn’t like Boy George because Boy George was gay and Bobcat’s response was essentially “I’m pretty sure you don’t need to worry. I don’t think Boy George’s dream date is an out of shape plumber from Duluth”
I think y’all really don’t understand Ross.
His ideas … his ambition to political punditry … his personality … his chubbiness… his beard….
He actually wants to grow up to be Grover Norquist.
Just come out of the closet there Ross. The Log Cabin Repubs need your help.
AnnieGetYourFun: Hmm. Isn’t Sarah Palin’s upcoming book called “Going Rogue”?
That bearded man is gay as fuck. Come out and be free, Orson.
Extemporanus: Ya, rly.
http://i56.photobucket.com/albums/g178/Nyx9_2006/RossGeorgeMichaelDouthat.jpg
AnnieGetYourFun:
How does your obviously well thought and to the point comment play into….say Michael Steele’s penchant for the ‘down low’, or the RNC alternative, and The Pope approved, birth control for the new millennia??? Now that’s A whole Lotta Love..
I always very much enjoy your stories about young Orson Welles.
Not that in Douthat’s case it’s much of a surprise, but ANOTHER closeted (and prominent) Repub? Seems to be no end to them . . .
I’m all for Ross Noonewantstohitthat forswearing public appearances. Now if he’ll just stop writing and getting paid for his shitty column, we will all be happy.
I was going to say, just wait until Douthat finds that perfect guy that he wants to spend the rest of his life with and he won’t be able to make his marriage official to the rest of the world, but hey, it’s Douthat, what are the chances of that happening?
doxastic: I think this whole “irrationally prejudicing gay people, but having enough rational sense to be properly chagrined by your ignorant bigotry” thing is so retro. Let the Supreme Court and overwrought conservatard “thinking” be your pillowcase hood forever!
But wait, isn’t he . . . ?
Wow, a Conservative that is uncomfortable with his sexuality. Dear God, it must be a very big closet. Why the hell was Larry Craig reduced to cruising airports?
And, doesn’t anyone else think we should get Ross and Tucker Carlson together to work out their feelings on homosexuality?
Crow T. Robot: That is so unfair. Young Orson Wells had talent.
He is SO going to be the new Andrew Sullivan.
Lionel Hutz Esq.:
Dear Mr. Hutz:
RE: Ross Douthat and Tucker Carlson Buttsex
Eeeeeeewwwwwww.
Sincerely,
Tommmcatt
NOT GAY! Might hold one between his teeth until the swelling went down, but definitely NOT GAY!!! Hell, just ASK HIM!
Too bad he can’t keep all of his other opinions to himself as well.
And yes, that is the most flattering picture of Douchehat you will ever find- and he still looks like a creepy gay garden gnome.
This is good news, because I am totally Gay for Ross Douthat.
Somebody please put Douthat on the mailing list of one of those places where they cure him of Teh Geh. The final night’s ceremony is really moving, where you delete all the show tunes from your iPod.
Sissy say what?
He buys Hustler for the cock. No doubt about it.
Douche hat? What’s a douche hat, anyway?
I smell mothballs.
That is all.
Whuh?: Douche hat? I’m not sure what it is, either, but I’m pretty sure you don’t want to wear one.
I’m in the same boat. I think I have some kind of reading problem. Every time I see “Douhat” I read it as “Asshat”. Also, whenever I see “Orly Taitz”, I read it as “Oily Taints”. Is this dyslexia, or a severe allergy to stupidity?
Supernumerary Apostolic Protonotary Monsignor Douthat.
Get thee to a nunnery, Ross, you quee-ahn!
Isn’t that pronounced, “Douche Hat”?
He’s one of two things (maybe, both now that I’m thinking about it):
- A self-loathing closet case.
and/or…
- Truly embarrassed by the specter of his irrational prejudice.
It could actually be both. So, maybe, it was more of an epiphany than a breakdown. One of the best things that can happen to a bigot is the first time he or she realizes that they are embarrassed to air their prejudice in public. It shows some kind of understanding of cognitive dissonance.
http://blingee.com/blingee/view/101002307-Emo-Douthat-Dreams-of-Cock
“Meet the Neo-Cons: They’re Young, They’re Bright, They Tilt to the Right”
Yeah, sure, except for the following…
The leader of the Young Republicans is in her forties.
Sarah Palin is considered one of their brightest presidential prospects.
And their biggest complaint is that George W didn’t tilt far enough to the right.
It should be:
“Meet the Neo-Cons: They’re Old, They’re Bitter, They’re led by a Quitter.”
LowerdPeninsula: Exactly– nobody looks more like a self-loathing homo. Than Mr. Stardust Ooh.
Um, yeah… I’m against gay marriage… Um, because…. Um… Oh yeah, my religion says so. But, um… I can’t… I really don’t… I’m just not comfortable talking about it in public. Yeah, that’s it. I don’t really mind oppressing gay people in public… But I’d rather not have to explain myself… Okay?
problemwithcaring: Love it!!!
Methinks his forehead doth project too much.