Wonkette
Good gravy, the GAZONGA COLLECTORS are after former California Biddie of the Year CARRIE PREJEAN! Poor Carrie signed a six-month lease on her enormous ta-ta job, but now she doesn’t want to make the monthly payments because seriously, what is DONALD TRUMP going to do, repossess her boobs? Like the Good Book says, The Trump giveth and The Trump taketh away …
GOSSIP, S’IL VOUS PLAIT: NEWT GINGRICH ate a peanut butter and amphetamine sandwich and then spent the entire day tackling joggers on the National Mall, because he needs to tell everyone about his new book, regardless of the cost … MAMMA AND PAPPA ENSIGN dished out another $90,000 so John could lose a high-stakes game of seven-card stud … REP. JOHN DUNCAN (R-TN) likes to start every morning with a pleasant walk in the park and a brisk punch in the face …
What happens to your old bent, stain-ridden PASSPORT when you trade it in for a younger, sexier one with a spooky computer chip? Apparently it’s cremated by a loyal troupe of ex-Marines, and then its ashes are sprinkled in the Pacific Ocean so that its spirit can live forever amongst the DOLPHINS. It’s safe with the dolphins, because dolphins are smart and know that identity theft is a federal crime.
Riley Waggaman’s WAGG THE BOG appears constantly here at Wonkette. Send your hot gossip to the usual tips@wonkette.com
The story says Carrie asked the pageant to pay for her breasts so she’d be more competitive and they did under a verbal agreement.
It’s kind of depressing the businessmen behind the pageant (that’s a hard word to spell) would be paying for stuff like that for the contestants.
Ummm, Riley, if you could cut me a check I’d hire some writers and my posts would get more competitive with posts from the actually funny people…
She made a verbal agreement to pay for the accessories. In California and many other states, a verbal agreement for goods over $5,000 is not enforceable. However, an oral agreement may be.
Silly Gyrenes don’t do a good job with passports because someone named Flipper bought a bunch of mackeral using a credit card with my name.
This is just like the Bank crisis but with nipples…so better.
Two thumbs up (in a totally non-fingerbanging gesture of course)
Did anyone see Meghan McCain on Jay “Trainwreck-Avalanche-Hurricane” Leno last night? The subject of balloon boy came up, and modest Meg blushed, covered her chest and said, “No comment. I had my own balloon incident last week.” I KNOW YOU’RE READING THIS MEG. CALL ME! 1-800-597-JENNY!
I imagine it wouldn’t be too hard to find some people willing to hold her down and cut them things out of her.
Bringing new meaning to the term “Boob.”
If dolphins are so smart, why do they always pretend to be tuna and hide in my tins of Starkist? Stupid dolphins, don’t even have on-demand porn.
As a Tennessean, I approve of this face-punching thing. But not for John Duncan. for me, I’d prefer a shiner on John Tanner.
Crank Tango: WOW.
Riley, you had me at “GAZONGA COLLECTORS”.
Enough with the fake boobs. I’m getting tired of hearing about Newt.
Passports are shredded by former Marines? I feel left out. All they did with my old one was punch a hole in it and mail it back to me as a souvenir.
Crank Tango: So you’ve seen Antichrist?
Why do we - in the 21st Century - still obsess about tits so much?
I ask that in an uncritical way, because I’m as guilty as everyone else.
Terry: Yes, that’s the normal way. I dunno what you have to do to get your passport lovingly destroyed. Probably be on a ‘no-fly’ list.
Sometimes ta-tas run wild all by themselves.
“Donald Trump Wants Carrie Prejean’s Tits…Back” is about as great a headline as there ever could be.
germansteel: WOW.
Crank Tango: If they had been saline implants, they could just microwave those bags until they burst.
Actually, that could be a product - saline implants with radio-controlled drainage taps. No money, no titty.
Jumping Jim: You’re talking about Newt, right?
WARE IZ MY UPDATE ON THE ISLAMIX TAKEOVER OF THE CONGRESS111! DAGNABBIT RILEY, YOUR DITHERING HAS ALLOWED THAT ISLAMIX SOUNDING WOMAN ON MY REPRESENTATIVES TELEPHONE TO KEEP HER LOW PAYING JOB! THINK OF THE POOR AIPAC INTERNS WHO ARE SHOPPING AT BLOOMINGDALES TODAY INSTEAD OF DICTATING FOREIGN POLICY FROM THEIR PERCH UNDER MY REPRESENTATIVES DESK LIKE RONALD REAGAN INTENDED!!!
DON’T MAKE ME OUT YOU TO GLENN BECK AS A MAOIST!11!1
(ON AN ASSOCIATED NOTE, DOES ANYONE KNOW HOW TO RELEASE THE CAP LOCKS ON MY KEYBOARD? THEY APPEAR TO BE STUCK…)
And Riley left out the Pints and Pretzels with Tpaw??? Riley, get thyself over to Capital City Brewing at 6:30 for this event!
AbstinenceOnly Ed: Don’t look at my giant boobies, America! Sayeth Meg.
Hahaha, so Ms. Christian Values not only tries to induce lust in men by inflating her breasts, but skipped out on payment? Well at least the gays can’t marry!
AbstinenceOnly Ed: I was channel surfing and caught that too. Megs didn’t look too well, and the balloon joke, well, it kinda fell flat. And the hair weave, I mean, jeeze. Hard to believe this is a wealthy person we’re looking at.
Arianna, wow, she’s getting old. But the only one in the room to say anything coherent, much less intelligent.
I don’t know drugs that Baldwin fellow was on, but if I had taken them, I’d have made sure I wasn’t going out in public until they wore off.
The comedian guy was obviously chosen to make Leno look funny by comparison. Amazingly he failed to do even that.
‘Trainwreck’ was right.
magic titty: KilgoreTrout_XL: LOL I don’t mean ME. It just seems she has ruffled some, feathers.
maybe I’ve had too much coffee this morning.
Lascauxcaveman: The only reason I watched it was because of My Wonkette. I now follow Mega McCans on Twitter and she tweeted about Sleazin’ Baldwin’s car breaking down and him hitching a ride (on her DUMP TRUCK!??! But no, he’s a good married Christian). So I turned it on just in time to catch that (worm) segment. And summed it up thusly:
CANCEL JAY LENO’S SHOW RIGHT FUCKING NOW. cut that shit out like the malignant fucking cancer it is. GOPig MEGHAN MCCAIN, ALEC BALDWIN’S AFTERBIRTH, SOME BALD PENIS LOOKING COMIC, MIKE HUFFINGTON’S SHAVEN BEARD AND JAY LENO’S HUMORLESS CORPSE DO NOT A PRIME TIME MAKE. NBC: Niggardly Barfcasting Channel.
AbstinenceOnly Ed: Lascauxcaveman: I don’t understand. In her 10/15 tweet Meghan said her next Daily Beast column would be the last time she EVER commented on her breast pic. Then she made a joke about the breast pic on Leno? You know sometimes I think there’s no reason to pay any attention to what people say on twitter. But I will look at more breast pics when she puts them up.
Why won’t the world just leave Carrie Prejean alone? All she wanted was to make the world a better place with her ass and tits. Then those meddlin’ faggots had to come along and just ruin everything.
Dear Rep. Duncan:
Thanks once again for giving us another reason to hope that East Tennessee gets obliterated by a meltdown at Oak Ridge. STFU, you pathetic retard.
No love,
Memphis
RoscoePColtraine: If you’re going to leave Carrie a loan get something in writing don’t expect her to remember the oral sex.
dijetlo: (ON AN ASSOCIATED NOTE, DOES ANYONE KNOW HOW TO RELEASE THE CAP LOCKS ON MY KEYBOARD? THEY APPEAR TO BE STUCK…)
Apply the business end of a standard carpenter’s hammer directly to keyboard using a sharp, forceful downward motion — works every time.
TGY:
The RNC may have had Mark Sanford’s passport destroyed that way. They probably should, actually.
If there’s a way to repossess boobs, Trump will do it.
Lascauxcaveman: Wait–I thought Homicide Daniel was the drug-addled Baldwin, and this one was the born-again. Distinction without a difference?
Ah, that Politico! Showing not only political but spelling acumen: “a Las Vegas casino magnet.”
shadowMark: Well then I can’t blame you after all that my keyboard was wearing this morning’s cereal flakes AND milk spewed after reading something a few threads over, before finishing my breakfast.
It wasn’t funny of you, no not at all.
AbstinenceOnly Ed: Seriously, fuck Jay Leno.
You’ll like this Boston Globe review:
http://www.boston.com/ae/tv/articles/2009/10/20/nbc_took_a_risk_and_lost_now_its_time_to_pull_the_plug_on_an_experiment_gone_wrong/
“Wearing his best “modest face,’’ which looks more like a “maniacal-wizard face,’’ Leno is greeted at the stage’s edge by a small rush of audience members. They high-five Leno like a pack of dutiful, embarrassed eighth-graders. Then the standing ovation recedes on cue, the music peaks, Leno speaks. This little flurry of staged enthusiasm is as inauthentic as the opening salvo of an infomercial.”
It actually gets WORSE from there. Including:
“And watching Leno talk to kids via computer about their science experiments after 10:30? The show is paced like a turtle. With arthritis. In slo-mo.”
Im with Carrie, her grandfather fought in the battle of the bulge for free titties for beauty pageant contestants. Cue national anthem, cue Carries starting to cry, Yes its morning in Merika again, Mom, apple pie and FREE BIGGER TITTIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AbstinenceOnly Ed: trying desperately to mute my laughter from my cubicle. ty
assistant/atlas: That creep is talking to kids via computer? Ugh, so that explains the new internet meme “Chinjobs.” NBC— Catch that Predator already!
geminisunmars: It’s a free country, think what you will.
I think all that free health care that the Muslin is pushin ought to pay for free boobies - BIG ONES!
Always about teh tits. Can’t we have meaningful conversation?
Never mind.
Anyone see the P-90X story on Politico? Some quotes:
“It was Paul Ryan’s abs that sold Kevin Brady.
“When I saw Paul Ryan — man, he’s gotten in great shape. He doesn’t have a six-pack; he’s got, like, a 12-pack,” Brady, a Texas Republican, says of his fellow GOP-er, who hails from Wisconsin.
“And Heath Shuler said he was in the best shape he’d been since his football days,” Brady adds, referring to the North Carolina Democrat’s stretch as a quarterback in the National Football League, “and I was really impressed with that.”
Inspired by Ryan’s rock-hard core and Shuler’s gridiron-ready condition, Brady has joined the growing legion of legislators who have shelled out three easy payments of $39.95 (plus shipping and handling) for the privilege of pushing their limits with the P90X workout, a 12-disc home boot camp routine that has become something of a craze on Capitol Hill.”
First, I call bullshit about the 12-pack, and secondly: roll. cut. gay.