Erm so earlier this month someone asked Gen. McChrystal to talk about some of the weird shit that people tell him to do, all the time, re: Afghanistan. He was like, “Oh get this: Chaosistan,” which basically involves letting Afghanistan just become a “Somalia-like haven of chaos that we simply manage from outside.” And everyone laughed and laughed, because how tenuous does that sound? Rather tenuous, is the answer. Oh but anyway, turns out “Chaosistan” was an actual classified CIA document. Ha ha: “Somalia-like haven of chaos”—a regular Sy Hersh this McChrystal. [Newsweek]
McChrystal Accidentally Mentioned This Formerly Secret CIA “Chaosistan” Memo Thing
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That was quick. Thank you, Wonkette Overlords.
McChrystal Meth is a douche, I regret to say.
This fucker prolly just wants to get fired and be the GOP’s great white hope in 2012.
Is the Onion a secret CIA front?
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28369
That’s it!
I am declaring myself the Supreme Overlord and High Priest of Upper Perturbia!
The I shall wage an unending civil war to unite the two halves of MY blessed homeland.
How do you manage chaos, anyway? I suppose someone could ask Howard Dean…
One of the best uses of national security classifications is to protect the public from fabulously expensive wastes of their taxpayer dollars by the CIA or NSA. He who is without tumult should cast the first Chaosistan, which leaves out US intelligence. They have trouble figuring if Osama — that guy they trained and liked almost as much as their buddy the oil minister of Iraq, Saddam Hussein — is dead or alive. Given the level of intelligence US troops have been given to work with, it’s a blessed miracle they’re not all dead.
We already knew it was Chaosistan, no big secret there, amirite?
McChrystal Meth is a war mongering douche!
He always talkin’ ’bout Hopey behind his back.
One persons Somali- like haven of chaos is another persons Paultard heaven.
Never mind chaos, turn over Afghanistan to KAOS and put Siegfried in charge.
Well, after reading the NYT Magazine profile of him I thought “what a humorless douchebag,” but now I see I was wrong, because that Chaosistan thing is fucking hilarious.
That’s why I donated $$ to Democrats in 2008, despite the fact that the money was in the form of expired cat food coupons: to “manage” the affairs of an artificial country 10,000 miles away, thereby enabling the Pentagon to submit annual requests for $750,000,000,000 ($2500 for every man, woman, and child in America) to better kill civilians with robots.
So if I remember my high school biology correctly, the clitoris is at the tip of the moolahs, the G-spot is at the other end of the moolahs, and the babies come out of the opening between the moolahs and the fattushis. That about right?
OK, so there’s this:
…the reference almost certainly comes from a recently published, and secret, CIA analysis titled “Chaosistan” … picks apart conventional analyses of the war and explains how forces inside Afghanistan—from hostile ethnic groups to intrusive neighbors to societal damage caused by past Taliban rule—work against the notions of a central Afghan government.”
That’s not actually so ludicrous. So it was a paper basically playing Devil’s Advocate to conventional intelligence/military wisdom? What’s the big deal, honestly?
[re=438629]shadowMark[/re]: Or at least Professor Chaos, since he presumably has a doctorate in it or something.
Did we try a “surge” yet.
According to the wingtards, we all know how well that worked.
That guy from The Fly who was in the dinosaur movie and is now a cop said that chaos theory means when a butterfly in China flaps its wings it causes a hurricane in the south Atlantic. Seeing how we only had about four named storms this year and there are like two billion butterflies in China (well there were before Red Dawn), chaos theory is full of shit. Ergo, no chaos theory, no chaosistan. You gotta use logic here people. There’s nothing to worry about.
The USofEarth will be chaosistan after Obama’s Coup!
We’ve actually been managing Somalia?! Who knew?
Wait, isn’t Chaosistan a gay bar in DC?
I think I will defer to Pat Tillman’s family on Gen. McChrystal.
If I know the Pentagon, they probably just want an enclosed/landlocked region with a politically-dissociated population and no otherwise strategic benefit in which to test new weapons platforms.
That map can only mean one thing, the CIA is planning to ethnically cleanse New York! Wake up sheeple.
[re=438638]norbizness[/re]: Chaosistan– McChrystal’s Very Own Episode!
It’s spelled K.A.O.S.istan. Control and Maxwell Smart were managing things pretty well with Siegfried and the rest until Bush put the CIA in charge and fucked everything up.
So does this mean that McChrystal is lobbying to become Grand Poobah of Eatabagofdicksistan? ‘Cuz he totally has my vote.
If this is the one that slipped out Imagine what else they have planned….Thunderdomeistan anyone?
Almost as funny as when he signed off on a Silver Star for Pat Tillman although he suspected at the time that his death was caused by friendly fire.
Chaosistan? Is that right next door to Totallyfuckedistan?
OT but I wasn’t here over the weekend so…
ENJOY!
http://blingee.com/blingee/view/100872991-Obametroid
One more brilliant fucking scheme from the CIA, whose goal is to solve all our problems by blowing up the world.
Why don’t we call it Trashcanistan and then pay somebody else to come and take it away?
And you can’t just write off Afghanistan, because where would all those banana stands go?
Chaosistan? It was pretty orderly before we got there. No loud music. No hipster used book stores. No main stream or alternate media. No gambling. No fashion industry. No sports. Public execution for parking violations. Low carbon footprint.
BTW, what is this Somalia stuff. That was a pretty snoozy place until Ethiopia (controlled from the back room of a couple of restaurants in DC) invaded.
So the super-secret CIA document was actually entitled “Chaosistan”? This must be filed next to the “Mine-Shaft Gap Protocol” and the “On The Beach Nuclear Disaster Plan”
@George Oscar Bluth: You totally have my vote for Thunderdomeistan, as long as we ship Condi over there to be the Queen of Bartertown!
What strikes me is with some effective marketing, we could get the conservatives to move there, we just have to explain to them how it serves their “enlightened self-interest”, probably just pointing out there would be no taxes so it’s “pro-business” environment is bound to make them all millionaires would be enough.
That would divert the locals from attempting to kill our soldiers to storming the heavily armed compounds of the Libertarians in an effort to get Rush Limbaugh off their local radio stations.
That’s a two’fer CIA, well done, a gold star for the US intelligence community.
Kinda like a Texas cage death match on the TeeVee.
Thank you for adding to my daily “why the fuck does McChrystal still have a job” tally.
[re=438718]TGY[/re]: There’s always money in the banana stand.
[re=438669]TGY[/re]: Maybe they’ll find water.
See, all bombastic generals are doomed to repeat themselves. They acquire rank and they think that makes ‘em mighty thinkers. The first was Washington, and from them on, deterioration. McCarthur thought to pontificate from Korea, and Truman thought maybe he might do as well from his own front porch. So McCarthur used irony about Old Soldiers Fade Away before a joint congress after a huge tickertape parade – he thought he would be chosen to lead the world.
Only, something happened. Everybody realized he was repeating all the old grandiose phrases all the time, and he had no job, so he faded away in fact. Sort of like a brighter shade of Palin, except Mack actually did something once, I forget what.
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