Wonkette
Sarah Palin filled out a Linkedin thing, and it is half-full (half-empty?) of lies, but also it’s Palin so this shouldn’t be news, per se. Ehh, so like for example, she went to literally four other schools before graduating from the University of Idaho but doesn’t list them all here. And right, it’s actually beyond disingenuous to recommend that the other Linkedin people contact her for “expertise requests,” because what, suddenly “quitting shit” is a form of artisanry? [Linkedin, Political Carnival]
Christ, she could have at least added Time’s 2006 Person of the Year to the resume but that’s based on the assumption she actually reads something beyond People, OK! and Guns & Ammo.
link no work. head hurt now.
‘Quitting shit’ is artistry, not artisanry. Possibly ‘takethisjobandshovitotology’ or the equivalent.
Fourth bullet point: Saw Russia from her house, once.
Quitter, also.
I’m calling Linkedin stealth add campaign on this one.
Maybe she meant that she saw the movie “The Russia House” with Sean Connery.
Over 500 Connections?!? Well suck me sideways.
teebob2000: Link might only work if you are a linked-in user. Full disclosure: Because of linked-in whoredom I am within three connections of that iconic American, Quitty Pissypants.
So Sarah is just sitting at home now, reading Guns N Ammo, masturbating onto her own feces, occasionally stopping & saying to herself, “Wow! It is amazing just how fucking crazy I really am!”
Actually, she posted this profile on WinkedIn.
She was the governor “at” Alaska?
And she flunked English? That’s unpossible!
No reference to the porn series? Or her Runner’s World article? Is there anything less sexy than spending time on LinkedIn?
KilgoreTrout_XL: 500 Connections: 100 Paultards, 150 Guns & Ammo Subscribers, 249 Fox News Staffers, and John McCain.
I once quit a job while doing a double-Salchow back flip with full arm extension while playing the 1812 Overture on the kazoo. I should put that on my resume.
Why does she write “at” when she should have written “of.” Or is this a regional variant at which I am not aware?
With that resume, she’s probably less qualified for employment than most interns.
at? at? at? Add “composer of smash musical hit ‘Any Preposition Will Do.’”
#2 Vice Presidential Candidate at 2008 Election.
The syntax seems strangely off somehow. Makes me believe she didn’t have a ghostwriter for her LinkedIn profile.
Glad to see that she’s interested in “getting back in touch”. Doesn’t that imply her having been in touch at some point?
Since when is being a candidate something you put on a resume? Can I mention that time I almost got a job, but the company ultimately hired someone more qualified?
at? at? at? Add “composer of smash hit musical ‘Any Preposition Will Do.’”
Terry: Yes, but she’s wonderfully qualified for the ‘phone-sex with mimes’ hotline.
Me Sarah Palin. Me smart and pretty. Me want many monies for talking and winking and also.
Whichever advisor told her that was a good idea is clearly on our side.
Internet, eh?
Sarah Palin’s parrot keeps saying, “No more politics as usual.”
So we can now add at to also and such. Thanks, Sarah!
this makes me sad
I actually have a Linkin profile. Overall, I find it to be pretty useless… though maybe it’s more important if you’re unemployed, like SP.
“And I’ll give plenty of notice before I resign from your company. You’ll get via my press conferance on Fox or CNN. (wink) Also.”
“at” is a LinkedIn deficiency, not Bible Spice’s.
Oh fuck, I can’t believe I just defended that grifter.
I think that “at” thing is a glitch caused by the LinkedIn system. Most people work jobs or hold positions “at” places with company names, so that is what their site’s template says. Still looks stupid on her though.
OHHHHH, she listed “State of Alaska” and “2008 Election” as if they were companies, so the computer writes “at” when she writes her position. The “at” is a function of the website, not Palin’s functional retardation.
the problem child: Same here. It’s very Kevin Bacon-y, except with only three degrees instead of 6.
the problem child: You jerk, we had an epiphany at the same moment. I think this is reason enough for a duel up in Alaska.
She forgot to add Mayor of Methistan, Mother of Levi Johnston’s baby Mama, and short order mooseburger cook.
AnnieGetYourFun:
Actually, she barely has ONE degree.
Reference inquiries, eh? My next resume got a lot more prestigious, provided I’m applying for a position editing the WHAT UP blog at GOP.com
Spell check your shit Juli. Three in a row have fucked up syntax.
Advocatus_Diaboli: Not giving her a complete pass, because that means she listed “2008 Election” as a previous employer. She’s still a dumass, and I lover her for it.
Since being kicked out of the working class over 2 years ago, my LinkedIn password is just another casualty of my diminished brain capacity. There’s benefits to that, of course. 1) less braaaiiins for the zombies to feed on. 2) No reason to count degrees of seperation from $arah.
I feel for her. This is a tough job market. I hear her husband is unemployed as well. And with so many children!
Last five jobs results: Quit; Failed; Quit; Used taxpayers dollars to overpay for sports facility; honed lying skills.
Gallowglass: Well at least Levi is bringing in the big bucks shilling (shelling?) for pistachios. He can keep them all afloat.
Jim89048: Bad news- as a zombieist myself- we don’t discriminate about brains- we take them all. Beware, many zombie walks are starting this weekend.
Terry: But she went to FOUR DIFFERENT COLLEGES, Terry. Probably over the course of FIVE AND A HALF YEARS or somesuch.
An additional bullet point for potential expertise requests: Magic vag: Held Trig Paxson Van Palin in all the way from Dallas Tx. to Anchorage Ak.
What is Alaska Area? Is that the name Alaska is going to use when it finally secedes?
Clancy_Pants:
Oklahoma is OK!
Alaska is AK!
What. No mention of years of huntin n fishin experience?
I hear there is a community activist job up for grabs in Chicago, Sarah.
Might work for you if you are to pursue further political ambitions.
Thank you for your inquiry __Sarah_Palin__. We appreciate your interest in our company/country. Unfortunately, we do not have an opening available which matches your particular skill set, whatever that might be, exactly.
In the unlikely event that such an opening develops, we will keep your resume on file. We request that you do not contact us in the interim. In fact, we’d just as soon not hear from you again.
Sincerely,
Everyone
Do you think she included a link to the Katie Couric interviews?
gurukalehuru: The page was obviously webmastered by Meg…..possibly Trig.
memzilla:X-lent.
It’s interesting to not that Palin’s LinkedOut Personal Network includes Richard “Batshit Crazy” Henne, Rod “Falcon Steele” Blagojovich, Rush “Libel” Limbaugh, Michael “What Up?” Steele, Meghan “Awesome Melons” McCain, Cindy “My Daughter Has Awesome Melons” McCain, John “What Happened With My Daughter, Again?” McCain, and Bill “We’re Not News At All, Everyone Knows That” O’Reilly, and Levi “Look At My Awesome” Johnston.
Potater: Weapons your choice: frozen moose turds? Or hockey sticks?
Mahousu: well, she has the solution to the health care crisis posted. on her facebook page.
and she is building a brand new Mansion on the lake w/ an airplane hangar for Todds plane.
Money flows through her hands like water….
she is burning up that book cash!
Gallowglass: She should watch “Mythbusters” and learn how many balloons it really takes to lift a person then get A LOT of balloons and send up Willow. Then when somebody said “Willow is going down” they would really mean Willow is going down.
Doris Ziffel: In Wasillan “at” is a synonym for the parenthical phrase “of, like, you know, that place, … oh, yeah, …”.
I learnz that at the University of of, like, you know, that place, … oh, yeah, … Idahoes, Charlie.
That thing she does with her jaw, the one that causes the chin to jut and the muscles to bunch, is so reminicent of some early 20th century dictator, Mussolini or Franco or maybe the one in Portugal.
I’m so pleased and proud. Three of my LinkedIn “connections” can introduce me “to someone who knows Sarah Palin. Which I guess means I have 2 degrees of separation from douchetude. Maybe I should get a tattoo? And.
Does anyone understand why LinkedIn exists? You “friend” your soon-to-be-former co-workers and then hit them up for jobs? It’s basically Facebook except nobody posts links to “funny” YouTube videos.
sati demise: I picture her living room floor all covered with scratched off bingo instant winner games and crumpled up lottery tickets.
I am very proud of the fact that I have no connection to Miss Quitty McQuittypants.
All of you bragging about being 2 or 3 degrees away, think about that a minute.
Another two links to Sarah here. But I’m also one link from Barry and the gang as well as most of the last Democratic administration so I think that cancels out any evil spirits.
It’s not cool to have mayor of Wasilla on her resume?
Does she mention anything about her skills as a ‘word talker’?
Scoopy. Scoopy. Get it while it’s hot, Wonkette editors. This is Palin’s SECOND Linkedin profile. Here is her first:
http://www.linkedin.com/in/sarahpalin
“http://www.linkedin.com/in/governorsarahpalin”
WHY DOES THIS DINGBAT (and mealy-mouthed Meg) STILL REFER TO HERSELF AS GOVERNOR?
gurukalehuru: Sorry, we can’t nail Sarah on this point. It’s a LinkedIn thing. You fill i your title and company (or state, or nation or whatever) and LinkedIn converts that to “Governor at State of Alaska.” For most people of Sarah’s background, the result would more more sense: “Pancake Flipper at IHOP” or “Highly Motivated Entrepreneur at Amway.”
Cape Clod: It’s listed in the Miscellaneous Skills category, right after ‘Oxygen Processor’ and just before ‘Feces Producer.’
Doris Ziffel: You would think by now she’d have hired one person whose job it is to look at her correspondence and say “This is wrong, and will make you look stupid.”
I’m deluding myself I suppose.
JooJoo Bee: Or not. Look two posts above yours.
JooJoo Bee: Ok, Mr. Smarty-Bee, then why doesn’t it say Governor at State at Alaska? Hengh?!
Since when is Vice Presidential Candidate at (sic) 2008 Election (sic) a Job? Can I put CEO ExxonMobil Candidate on my resume?
Soon this site is going to devolve into an every-three-hour-open-thread format with the caveat that all non-Palin comments will be deleted and the offending commenters reported to Interpol and Homeland Security.
I am proud to say with 100 or so connections on LinkedIn I have no connection with Sarah Palin. And yeah, what’s up with “http://www.linkedin.com/in/governorsarahpalin” when she quit that job?
norbizness: Oh hell, please no. I thought we finally got the Old Testament bears back in their cages.
Wonkette, your children are hungry…come home and feed them.
Does this mean I should change my username to Native at SL UT?
blogslut: Her summary shows that she cannot completely resist the Urge to Randomly capitalize stuFF.
blogslut: Good find! I particularly like her recommendations:
“OOH-RAH! A VP candidate that has thoroughly renewed my interest in this campaign– a true leader in the mold of Reaginus Magnus. Is already CINC of AK National Guard, cuts spending, and fights bureaucraps. And she can handle a speech WITHOUT a teleprompter–you can BET she gets my vote!” September 9, 2008
Top qualities: Personable, Expert, High Integrity
Terry Callendrillo
hired Sarah as a VP to be in 2008
PsycGirl: Isn’t she adorable? All her words are headline worthy!
blogslut: Hee Hee….Vice Presidential Nominee at John McCain 2008…Hee Hee. Can’t you see her head spinning as she sits w/ her laptop at 3AM, in her jammies, trying to come up w/ a work around for Vice Presidential Nominee at John McCain 2008, only she can’t, so she just pretends it never happened, starts a new LinkedIn profile, and gives us “Vice Presidential Candidate at 2008 Election”? Oh, Sarah, you silly goose!
WhatTheHeck: no shit, huh? I mean, being able to field dress a moose was supposedly a qualification to be a heartbeat away, so you would think it would be something that would impress your average potential employer.
digibal235: What’s more, apparently she still has that job. Since she was once the candidate, she always will be?
Well, this is all Al Gore’s fault. If he hadn’t invented the interwebs this bitch’s 15 minutes would have been over a long time ago.
She really shouldn’t be allowed to have “governorsarahpalin” in her URL anymore.
Potater: can we call it “Tha Thrilla at Wasilla”?
My god, she’s amazing!
Attention Wonkette Overlords: the snarking horde demands fresh meat!
Wow, she really is like me– unemployed and posting resumes on LinkedIn in hopes of getting employed
The resume doesn’t talk about: Sarah Palin, The Missing, Teenage Hooker Years, http://graphics8.nytimes.com/packages/images/photo/2008/10/24/1024-PALIN/24786362.JPG
blogslut: She’s good, but before I could hire her or even offer her a temping assignment I’d need to see her post a picture of herself in a push up bra in a low cut tee shirt holding up some totem. It’s a requirement now of our human resources department.
Godot: Depressing thought: Dubya will be officially announced as “President Bush” until he dies. Maybe in AK, ex-govs can keep the title.
nerd1951: Palin is a “third degree” friend or whatever you call somebody who knows somebody who knows somebody who’s connected to Sarah Palin. This kind of worries me, that I even have a LinkedIn connection to Palin. Of course, it probably worries those people even more. Part of me thinks it would be kind of fun to have her as a LinkedIn connection (maybe she could write a recommendation for me) but then I also have a strange feeling it might be hurt my chances of getting employed.
The strengnth of this resume is that for once she didn’t pad it.
Wearer of “I may be broke but, I’m not flat busted.” tshirt
1984-ish
Could you give attribution to GottaLaff at Political Carnival? She broke this story. http://bit.ly/3IelUE
Anyone who mocked her resume can regain their status as humble servant of the lord by donating to The Alaska Fund Trust, the official website for the Governor Sarah Palin legal expense fund.
Think about it if she were in jail she wouldn’t be able to post her resume.
user-of-owls: How about ‘Baby Development and Deliverer’? It’s one of her top skills.
I just checked and she is my “3rd Degree Friend” as well…
But even stupider - in her bio, she says she’s fighting “old boy networks”
What the fuck does she think Linked-In is?????
GreyPanter: I am not sure if this goes by state, but I was told I could use my previous “mayor” and “honorable” titles forever…
Not that do I, however…
Sorry if someone already told this joke (100 posts!)
On SarahPalin PAC the breaking news, in fact the only news, is that she won’t be seeking a second term as governor.
Alaska will soon be invaded by the Russians, no doubt, once Moscow hears of this.
Great. Thankyou, Ms. Palin. Now we’ll need three references…
Sorry if someone already told this joke (100 posts!)–
So if you had budgeted 3 seconds per post it would have cost you 300 seconds to scroll through all the comments, or about 5 minutes of your time. Who can invest that much time to looking at jokes?!
Are you a Georgetown sophomore looking for a PA?
You know what really sucks? With 10% unemployment, this bitch will land a job! That really sucks.
shadowMark:
I move my mouth when I read.
T H R E E seconds per post is a rate I simply cannot achieve.
But I can reed and rite better than Alaskas former governor!
(I’ll bet somebody has already told that joke, too.)
I have a position available that requires nothing but good oral skills. Pay is performance-based. Is she willing to pull night-shifts?
maybe she should go to work as an intern on the David Letterman show…what…he did…she hates him..oh…never mind.
She governed at Alaska, and if you’re not careful, she’ll govern at YOU.
thefrontpage: ha ha ha
Actually, when you set up a profile the site will ask you if you want to run thru your email contacts list and see who on it has LI profiles.
Looks like she used that yahoo account that she really wasn’t supposed to be conducting state business on … unless Alaska let her keep an alaska.gov address. (in which case she was doing campaign bidniss on her state account)
* Won Miss Congeniality in 1984 Miss Alaska contest (which they now want back)
* First child born non-prematurely after only 8 months gestation (In 1988, she eloped with her childhood sweetheart Todd Palin, believing that her parents “couldn’t afford a big white wedding.”)
I went and checked my LI account and she’s got two profiles - governorsarahpalin and sarahpalin. I’m 3rd degree on one, “out of network” on the other.
As someone else said upstream, I suppose it’s too much to hope that she (or Murdoch with his moneybags) could retain competent assistance in managing her online identity.
My take on that is that the good ones wouldn’t stay, thanks to Sarah’s “I’m the divinely appointed diva and I know best, any opposition is from SATAN” attitude. Talent tends to find other opportunities when “the boss” hires you for your expertise and then spends their time ignoring what you say/”knowing better”. No wonder she’s stuck with poor dim Megamouth (although I do have to wonder what Meg might have on Sarah to be kept around).
Proficiency in Word Salad
the problem child: FYI–up here, these two are used together; you whack an fmt with a hockey stick.
Hitting a bunch with one swing is known as a scattershit–very effective if you haven’t developed the stick-handling prowess this guy displays
northernbassist: what a strange, worthless group of malcontents….none of you…none…could hold a candle to Sarah Palin…..she is smarter, better looking, more successful, wealthier, more accomplished, more resourceful, more experienced….more everything than any of you nitwits…..and you refer to her as a loser……which makes you????? pathetic
terycarl:
…I refer to you as a brain-dead douchenozzle…who believes her hype…which makes you????? incredibly gullible.
fap on, terycarl
“Winky, mavericky, maverick seeks position (actually commanded by Jesus) to really get in there and shake things up, like mavericks do. Well-informed, as I have read every newspaper. Proficient in Microsoft Office and AK-47.
Wow..by reading all these comments it is undeniable that many of you have exclusive information about the life of ‘Sarah Palin’. All of you being American citizens i am confident in saying that you all want the same thing for this country and the inhabitants thereof, peace, happiness and prosperity for not only yourselves, but that for generations to come. With this being said, i ask why you have not offered your opinion on how you would respond to these issues, better yet how you would make changes to our society in a positive way that would be beneficial to all. Noone is perfect, i am sure there are things ALL of us would like to forget or wish we could change but the fact is we cant change the past, but we can change the future and that starts by changing ourselves. If i had the opportunity to be on “level one,two or thirty” so that i could talk to this woman, i would…And God willing i would be on “level one” with him that day, so that i would be able to offer something beneficial to her. Why is it people put so much effort in tearing other people down, when it only takes 17 muscles to smile as opposed to the 43 to frown. At some point we have got to start looking at one another with compassion, wisdom is worth far more than gold, and who can find that virtuous woman. To all the ladies she is within you, but only through him.
Olivelois: “we can change the future” . . . how, if it has yet to happen?
BillyLondDonny: Love that philosophy!! It is so wonderful to hear from pure spirit.
BillyLondDonny: how about the past?…perhaps a headline from the East African Standard should be looked into. The date is 6-27-2004….it headlines an article called Kenyan-born Obama all set for U.S. Senate…..check it out..;.;can’t change that either