Wonkette
- Big Oil and Big Natural Gas are fighting, like they always do! It’s about energy policy, like it always is! [New York Times]
- David Axelrod and all his friends are preemptively very offended—on behalf of America—by Wall St.’s big bonuses. [Washington Post]
- Pakistan soldiers cornered a bunch of Taliban people in South Waziristan, which is a place they really wanted to be for whatever reason. [WSJ]
- A suicide bomber interrupted a meeting between Shiite and Sunni tribesman in Iraq by blowing it up and killing six military commanders. [Los Angeles Times]
- The sheriff who has jurisdiction in Evil Balloon County, Colorado, confirmed the hoax and will now be doing everyone on Earth a favor by pressing charges against the hellish Balloon Parents. [CNN]
- Three people died of non-Detroit-related reasons while running the Detroit Marathon. [Detroit Free Press]
Come on people, let’s stretch this Balloon Boy thing to Elian Gonzalez proportions. What’s the Cuba angle?
Remind me again what Axelrod/Emanuel’s functions are? I think that (nine months in) we can rule out trying to get meaningful legislation passed or enforcing party discipline. Have they been sidetracked by a sweet vintage Intellivision left behind by Dubya?
Big Crowd, three dead, feel good story, feel good story, feel good story, feel good story. American journalism at its finest.
This whole Detroit marathon people dying thing could have been avoided entirely had the fed’s new medical pot policy already been in place. People who smoke pot don’t do stupid things like run marathons because they’re too busy munching on Tony’s pizzas and Oreos. Yet another example of Obama’s slow decision-making style unnecessarily costing lives. This policy should have gone into effect on January 20.
wow Juli got to work early this morning … couldn’t find a good party last night?
Hahaha, I had three hours of sleep and even I managed to notice that the suicide bombing happened in IRAN, smartasses.
The suicide bombing actually happened in IRAN, you know that country right next to IRAQ, but isn’t?
The article on Big Oil fighting Big Gas fighting Big Electricity fighting Big Coal fighting everyone warms my cynical heart.
Who doesn’t like an ultra douchesack firing squad?
We should let the market decide the proper action in the Balloon Boy case, and in this case, I think the market has spoken. The people have chosen the freedom to waste an afternoon watching the balloon instead of being a collectivist.
TheGryphon: Some people are dedicated to their work because they have jobs worth dedicating their lives to. Some people also have class in the morning.
And then there are unfit parents who believe Hillary Clinton is one of the lizard people. Zero originality points for fruity hair guy.
What with the Facebook blocked at work, I came home Friday to a bunch of updates of my idiot friendatariat having expending 1000 personal updates concerning the balloon incident.
I reiterate my plea to Skynet: please become self aware and do something about this.
Can’t we have a national law or agreement among all 50 states that as soon as something starts to break on the news involving high drama and kids that child protective services and a psychiatrist or two have to immediately be sent in?
norbizness: David Axelrod’s primary function is being a guy who looks like he’s from Chicago, with the mustache & the accent. It helps keep Obama grounded. And Goldman Sachs on its way to global domination.
norbizness:
Skynet has become self aware, but it’s too busy downloading free pron and conquering World of Warcraft to care.
Balloon dad thinks he’s a brilliant scientist, but apparently not brilliant enough to realize, “once they catch that balloon and realize there’s no little boy in there, I’m going to be in big f***ing s**t.” If they press any charges at all against him, it should be for criminal stupidity.
Terry: Agreed. Reminds me of my proposed draconian punishment for drivers who go 90+ in the slow lane. Cop pulls them over, shoots ‘em in the head, leaves body in shoulder to rot. Sounds harsh, but just one or two instances in each locality would restore order and safety to our freeways, and probably rid the road of its remaining Hummers.
hobospacejunkie: Couldn’t they just hire George Wendt in his Chicago Bears Superfan get-up? I’m sure he comes cheap. Stupid 1.2-party system.
bureaucrap: If stupidity were a crime this country would be a wholly-owned subsidiary of Wackenhut.
I’m not so sure the Detroit marathon runners’ deaths were not Detroit-related. I mean c’mon! They were all running in Detroit, weren’t they? They were probably used to huffing so much made-in-America exhaust that the streets being closed for the marathon resulted in an oxygen overload.
PabaBritannica:
Yes! We should decide the fate of Joe the Balloonist by phone in voting a la American Idol.
Suggested categories:
A flight in his flying saucer balloon dropped from 10,000 ft with live camera in the cockpit.
Ship him off to Afghanistan wearing nothing but a Mickey Mouse costume and water pistol with a live camera strapped to his head.
Dinner with Sara Palin and family
hobospacejunkie: It isn’t now?
norbizness: George Wendt is busy celebrating the 25th anniversary of his roles in Dreamscape & Fletch. The highlights of a truly great career.
hobospacejunkie:
I was thinking that instead of shooting them, you pull the drivers licenses of all their friends, family members, and co-workers for about two weeks.
Then see if the person violates traffic regulations again. The ones with no friends, family, or jobs? Well, use the old Puritan method. Make them stand 12 hrs a day on a platform at a busy cross roads for a week or so wearing a sign about their transgressions.
I wonder if you can put that on a death certificate??
Cause of death: Detroit
Oil and gas are always fighting in my stomach, unfortunately. Usually gas wins.
I’m glad the Colorado sheriff is pressing charges. Parents should not be inflating their children by pumping helium into their anuses, unless it’s a religious ceremony, or funny.
the problem child: With all the factories shut down and Detroiters unable to afford cars or gasoline, they actually have the cleanest air quality in the country. Perhaps the runners OD’d on oxygen?
Come to think of it - maybe this whole economic meltdown was put in place by AGA (Al Gore’s Army) to save the planet… brilliant!
It was only a half-marathon. Which is all that prevented more carnage.
hobospacejunkie: It’s usually safer to pull over for a hummer. I tend to swerve and tap the pedals too much otherwise.
Am I bad because I didn’t care about Balloon Boy? When you really have a scary thing happen to a loved one, it’s not fun. I understand the attraction of pretend caring about stuff we don’t REALLY have to care about, but I like to try to stay mentally healthy by doing this through watching fictional accounts of stressful situations in the form of movies. I don’t hate the Balloon family. They understand that it’s all about entertainment.
Those stupid-ass balloon people are so going to have their own reality show. When they get out of jail.
I know you guys are used to the suicide bombing being in Iraq, but this time that headline should read “Iran.”
Min: Or, if MSNBC picks it up, while they are in jail.
Will the Balloon Boy be Gawker’s Jessica Cutler? He’s probably not going to pose for Playboy OnLine - anytime soon…
hobospacejunkie: Out here in the Ethanol Patch® our choice is to rocket around in the Grandpa-With-Turn-Signal-On Lane or tailgate along behind Sudeikis-and-Wiig clones driving 45 mph side-by-side in the two other lanes as they chat on their Blackberries. Shoot them first, and the whole prob goes away.
“Three people died of non-Detroit-related reasons while running the Detroit Marathon.”
–That’s just frickin’ hilarious. Nothing more need be said!
Am I bad because I didn’t care about Balloon Boy?
No. You’d go insane if you really and truly cared about every stranger you ever came across or heard about.
Now, if you were rooting for something bad to happen, that’s different.
Oh ha ha ha Juli.
thefrontpage: It actually made me feel bad because I laughed so hard. And then I read MagicTitty’s post (above) and laughed even harder.
Tundra Grifter: No, but Playgirl and the Pistachio Nut People are making offers.
“Three people died of non-Detroit-related reasons while running the Detroit Marathon.”
I’m a Detroiter (expatriate), and I begrudingly laughed at this, and felt dirty, afterward. It’s funny, because the first thing I thought about when I heard of the deaths was that people would think the marathoners were murdered, anyway. **sigh**