Sex-having Sen. John Ensign hauled in a whopping $33k for himself and his Republican Party last quarter, down approximately $300,000 from the previous quarter, when he was still a virgin. This is great news for the corporates! Ensign’s vote-selling fee is spiraling down down down to a farthing’s worth: “Most of Ensign’s contributions since news of the affair broke came from individual donors, although he did receive $1,000 from the BlueCross BlueShield Association in September, just as the Senate Finance Committee — on which he sits — was considering its health care bill.” In a few months, John Ensign will be living in an Anacostia dumpster soliciting Dixie cups of urine and cigarette butts from Goldman Sachs in exchange for a vote against financial regulation. [Politico]

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  1. Prediction: Ensign will be shacked up on the futon at the Republican’s C Street brothel confessional, speed-dialing the folks at Blue Cross Blue Shield to whine that he really really really DID vote against health care reform, and asking them if they could be a little bit more spendy his way.

  2. He spent more than he raised last quarter, shelling out $46,000 on legal fees, meetings, political consultants and administrative expenses.

    Or, as I like to call it, Don’t-tell-anyone-I-fucked-your-wife money.

  3. “Sex-having Sen. John Ensign hauled in a whopping $33k for himself and his Republican Party last quarter, down approximately $300,000 from the previous quarter, when he was still a virgin.”

    when he was still a virgin…haha. You had me at sex-having, Jim.

  4. [re=437791]chascates[/re]: Or he could repent of his sinful ways and take up fucking boys. Does that woman he banged, retroactively for cash, have any sons?

  5. “…soliciting Dixie cups of urine and cigarette butts …” What? No whores, furries or little boys? I’m disappointed in this fine Republican.

  6. See? The system works! As long as by “the system” you mean transfer of funds from corporations to politicians in exchange for political favors untarnished by tawdry interludes of overtly-paid-for sex. Articles III through IX of the Constitution describe this process quite succinctly.

  7. And he’s not spending the money he has very wisely. He offered fifty bucks to touch my leg during dinner the other day. David Brooks was soooo jealous.

  8. Well, I guess Ensign will have to keep it zipped, because you can’t pay off your lover and her family for under $45K now days.

    Still, what is wrong with his parents? $100K to pay off his whore, but they can’t even come up with a few thousand for their own son?

  9. Come on, you guys. Lay off the honorable senator. What he did is totally different & in no way similar to what Bill Clinton did. Don’t believe me? Ask Sen. Ensign himself, he’ll tell you.

  10. Whoredom is not only legal here in Nevada, it’s also required of our republican politicians. Some democrats, like Oscar Goodman of Vegas, take it on as extracurricular activity, for bonus points.

  11. If I can’t be the Chairman of the Republican National Senatorial Committee and have the unfettered right to fuck the wife of your chief of staff and former best friend, then I wouldn’t want no part of the job. Who would?

  12. John Ensign, meh. On the other hand, according to my employer it’s time for me to choose my health insurance for the upcoming year, and lo! I’ve just crossed Blue Cross-Blue Shield off my list.

  13. [re=437811]WadISay[/re]: Right now, Ensign has got to have been thinking, I need to put out a cartoon. Something animated. A fable. Maybe a horse–yeah, a stallion–overcoming problems like zombie rabbits nipping at its feet. I mean hoofs. Or hooves. Fuck, words suck, no wonder cartoons are so cool.

  14. [re=437814]KilgoreTrout_XL[/re]: And you took it, right? I mean, fifty bucks is fifty bucks.

    Plus that and you get to see David Brooks get all pouty.

  15. Has he blamed this on liberals yet? Surely, this is the result of Obama’s America. And we all know who’s behind that…Saul Alinsky and Karl Marx

  16. …although he did receive $1,000 from the BlueCross BlueShield Association in September..

    $1,000? Jeesh! Even I could bribe John Ensign. But then again, what could he get for me? A Dixie Cup full of feces?

  17. [re=437863]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Damned right I did. Went over to that C-Street bible-thumping Congress-hostel and got a gram and some hookers. And hey, John Boner was there too!

    (Sorry, inside joke, you really had to be there.)

  18. [re=437773]Bearbloke[/re]: Politicians are such cheap whores I have often have the same thought. They give away billions of taxpayer dollars for an envelope full of cash and a ride on a corporate jet. Still, you gotta admit, Ensign is giving new meaning to the phrase, “cheap whore.”

  19. This cunt will turn a trick (vote for a john’s interest) just as cheaply as any of those fuckers. DC stopped even pretending a long time ago. Fuck the fucking fuckers already.

  20. [re=437869]Extemporanus[/re]: That “hymen repair surgery” offer in Argentina sounds like a really good deal.

    You can fly down there, spend a week with your mistress in a really nice hotel, and then get her fixed up afterward for plausible deniability (“How could I have done anything? Look, she’s still a virgin!”) – all for around 2/3rds of the U.S. price for the operation alone.

  21. [re=437843]One Yield Regular[/re]: Ensign is my favorite- because he’s such a pathetic shit. I know- it’s straight stuff- but it’s so so tawdry and sad. The mommy daddy payoff was what really got me.

  22. It’s a sad, sad day when the powerful of this nation cannot bang their staff, their staffs spouses, their staffs children and if needs be, there staffs house pets without getting a ration of shite from Libtardia over it. Now he may actually have to resort to listening to the toothless yokels that infest his hellscape-of-a-district in order to keep his place at the corporate glory-hole that is the United States Senate !
    All I’m saying is John Ensign worked his way up from “Fluffer” to “Anchor Man” in the non-stop, pay-to-play “orgy-of-the-insane” that is the modern Republican party and now, because he’s porked some nobodies wife, he’s back on the fringes offering five dollar hand jobs to the health insurance companies. We, as a nation, are reduced by having one of our august Senators available to any Tom, Dick or Harry that has a couple of C-Notes to rub together, bribing our leaders should be prohibitively expensive, otherwise the poors will start buying Senators and where will that end?
    Socialism, that’s right, Socialism!

  23. Hey Ensign, let’s just get right to it: I’ll give you 500 American real dollars to stop the wars in Iraq, Afghanistan, and Pakistan. $200 real American dollars to audit the Fed. $100 to legalize marijuana. $50 to prosecute Henry Paulson. $25 to vote against Bernanke’s confirmation.

    These offers will stay firm over the weekend, but I will reduce the numbers at noon on Monday. If you call on Tuesday, you will be begging for peanuts. Get on it right now.

  24. Don’t you just love that when everyone else runs from Ensign, the health insurers are still lurking around the street corner to keep him going? God bless ’em. Those fuckers are hooked on some good stuff if they’ll continue to touch a pariah like Ensign.

    [re=438104]NYNYNY[/re]: Same here. Ensign’s story is only second to Sanford’s in that both are so pathetic. Sanford’s is tops, though, because he admitted to loving his mistress and subsequently going meta-philosophical for the rest of time, making him a primo-pussy. Engisn rank’s high because his mommy and daddy are paying off his mistresses family.

  25. [re=438092]Mahousu[/re]: How many of those what you have to have done on say a Paris Hilton, before it stuck and she was passable as a “virgin”? Poor girl’s been stretched more times than Joan Rivers face. “Cavernous” is probably the best word to use for her vaunted lady-bits.

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