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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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  • Crank Tango

    hmm. no balls. no dick, no udders. Standard republican stock.

  • Jim89048

    He could star in his own Georgian gubernatorial campaign ad! Mooove over, Barnes!

  • Neilist

    Moo?

    More bull from Michael?

    “The new Sheriff’s a’comin’! And he’s a ni . . . ”

    Oh, never mind.

  • user-of-owls

    You know who else is called Moo Moo? Chris Christie, that’s who.

    No, wait. that’s what his preferred clothing style is called.

  • Extemporanus

    King Mike.

  • Extemporanus

    The Cow.

  • CrunchyKnee

    These kids today with their hipping and hopping.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    Wait a second… The train, the “moo moo.” It all makes sense now! Steele’s been taking all his cues from the KLF.

  • Advocatus_Diaboli

    [re=437533]Extemporanus[/re]: The cow.

  • Neilist

    Oh, and I always thought that “Cow On The Tracks” was one of Dylan’s weaker songs.

    Nowhere near as good as “Udderly Fourth Street.”

    Or “It’s All Right Ma (I’m Only Bovine).”

    Or “Lowing In The Wind.”

    Or . . .

    Oh, never mind.

  • KilgoreTrout_XL

    Steele was just thinking about Smurfette’s huge melon breasts.

  • ChernobylSoup v2

    My three year old son just watched that video and said, “father, do you think the GOP really believes that placing an African American at the head of their party will truly change the electorate’s perception of them as the white man’s party, or are they just a bunch of dumbass racists like you and mom are always saying?”

    From the mouths of babes…

  • user-of-owls

    [re=437533]Extemporanus[/re]: [re=437543]Advocatus_Diaboli[/re]: The Negro.

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    Seriously, Chik Fil-A needs to make Mikey their new spokesman. He can parachute into football games in cow uniforms, right??

  • Click

    What a load of tripe.

  • Neilist

    Oh, and isn’t “The Cow” one of the more important Suras (Number 2) of The Holy Koran?:

    And when Moses said to his people, ‘God bids you slaughter a cow,’ they said, ‘Art thou making a jest of us?’ Said he, ‘I seek refuge with God from being one of the unwise.’ They said, ‘Then pray thy Lord for us to show us what she is to be.’ He answered, ‘He saith it is a cow, nor old, nor young, of middle age between the two; so do as ye are bid.’ 64 They said, ‘Pray now thy Lord to show us what her colour is to be.’ He answered, ‘He saith it is a dun cow, intensely dun, her colour delighting those who look upon her.’ 65 Again they said, ‘Pray thy Lord to show us what she is to be; for cows appear the same to us; then we, if God will, shall be guided.’ 66 He answered, He saith, it is a cow, not broken in to plough the earth or irrigate the tilth, a sound one with no blemish on her.’ They said, ‘Now hast thou brought the truth.’ And they slaughtered her, though they came near leaving it undone.

    Why is the GOP Chairbovine a Mooslem Terrorist?!?!?!? (And when is the execution?)

  • DP

    What a coincidence. Oddly enough, the only question I have is also “Really?”

  • user-of-owls

    [re=437547]ChernobylSoup v2[/re]: He should have said, “I can do better than that.”

  • Extemporanus

    [re=437531]user-of-owls[/re]: Crisco wants to turn New Jersey into a vast waistband.

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    [re=437552]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: I mean cow costumes…doh!

  • Hed007

    [re=437540]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: FTW to awesometown.

  • mardam422

    Now the Republicans have an ox and a cow. How can the Democrats possibly compete with this in the farmyard of politics?

  • Oldskool

    Guess he’s never heard of cow-catchers mounted on the front of trains.

  • One Yield Regular

    So the GOP is committed to stopping health care reform. Got it. Refreshingly honest!

  • Extemporanus

    [re=437551]user-of-owls[/re]: I believe he prefers the term “Angus-American”.

  • Holy Cow!!

    It’s an insult to cows everywhere!

  • Autochthon

    [re=437540]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: OK, *I’m* impressed!!! LOL

    Def. sounds like the Repugs have boarded the Last Train to Transcentral…

  • user-of-owls

    Needs more Steele bell.

  • Scruffy_The_Janitor

    Moo is street slang for “What up bitches?”

  • Country Club Jihadi

    Bovine Intervention.

  • user-of-owls

    Que es mas macho? A train or an ox?

  • Click

    [re=437564]Oldskool[/re]: The GOP cow-catchers are always mounted on cows.

  • Extemporanus

    [re=437569]user-of-owls[/re]: He’s one Steele bell away from officially ghostriding the balloon.

    (“Balloon” is the new “shark”.)

  • Autochthon

    [re=437561]mardam422[/re]: Hmmm. Now, who will they pick to be their Golden Calf?

    “And when the people saw that Moses delayed to come down out of the mount, the people gathered themselves together unto Aaron, and said unto him, Up, make us gods, which shall go before us; for as for this Moses, the man that brought us up out of the land of Egypt, we wot not what is become of him.
    And Aaron said unto them, Break off the golden earrings, which are in the ears of your wives, of your sons, and of your daughters, and bring them unto me.
    And all the people brake off the golden earrings which were in their ears, and brought them unto Aaron.
    And he received them at their hand, and fashioned it with a graving tool, after he had made it a molten calf: and they said, These be thy gods, O Israel, which brought thee up out of the land of Egypt.

    And they rose up early on the morrow, and offered burnt offerings, and brought peace offerings; and the people sat down to eat and to drink, and rose up to play.”

    ~Exodus 32: 1-6, KJV

  • SayItWithWookies

    Somebody call Capital Area Metaphor Rescue. Michael Steele has brutally beaten more metaphors into the ground than anyone else in politics. He’s a menace to imagery of all sorts, in fact — might have to get the synecdoche police involved in this one as well.

  • The Cold Sea

    Michael Steele has three words for you, baby. Moo moo, baby. Just moo moo, baby.

  • PrairiePossum

    What’s up with the GOP and bovine obsession? First, Megs and her utters, then Oxendine and the Ox, and now Steele is mooing like a heifer in heat. Was there some funky tainted beef served at a GOP fundraiser recently?

  • Click

    The loco-motive pulling the GOP crazy train.

  • Advocatus_Diaboli

    I sense a theme emerging this week around milk.

  • PuffAdder

    Michael Steele Oxendine

  • TGY

    Again, I say, the point is moo.

  • dijetlo

    It’s a sad, sad day when Michael Steele can’t pretend he’s a cow without a lot of uncalled for comments from libtardia. Next, you’ll have something mean to say when he has his Dominican cabana boy (all Republicans have at least one Dominican cabana boy) coat his hands in udder cream and “milk” chairman Steele.
    You people are philistines, you claim to be accepting of alternate life choices but let the homosexual head of the RNC indulge his bovine fetish just a tad and your all over him like stink on a cow patty.
    Moooove on, people, just mooove on.

  • Extemporanus

    [re=437573]user-of-owls[/re]: The answer is C: An oxtrain.

    CHUGGA-chugga-chugga-CHUGGA-chugga-chugga-MOOO!-MOOO!

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    Now now Mikey, don’t have a cow, man.

  • Extemporanus

    [re=437589]Advocatus_Diaboli[/re]: It does a body politic good!

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=437580]SayItWithWookies[/re]: And all the Who’s down in Whoville all cried “Boo Who Moo Moo.”

  • Crank Tango

    funny, i always thought of him as a sacrificial lamb.

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    What does Steele do for a living?
    I forgot.

  • loquaciousmusic

    [re=437540]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Oh, we’re all bound for Moo-Moo Land now!

  • ChernobylSoup v2

    [re=437605]Crank Tango[/re]: Nice.

  • Min

    Where’s the beef?

  • Jim89048
  • Autochthon

    [re=437628]Jim89048[/re]: Dang, Michael’s got some NICE gams!

  • DirtyHarriett

    [re=437570]Scruffy_The_Janitor[/re]: Shouldn’t it be, What up, heifers?

  • DirtyHarriett

    This cow needs to be tipped……

  • sezme

    So very sad.

  • TGY

    Also, needs more moo-cowbell.

  • sezme

    Forget the second wave of pig AIDS, looks like we’re in for a round of Republican Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy. Yikes!

  • SparkleKitty

    so, mike-R has no idea how many trains the Republicans have pulled”? Is he serious? Just look at Sarah Palin!

  • Autochthon

    [re=437685]sezme[/re]: This DOES just cry out for (bellow for?) some sort of “mad cow” meme…

  • Snarkalicious

    I guess when you mess with the bull, you get the shit.

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    I, for one, endorse Mr. Steele’s cow based strategy. I am sure that it will take the White House by total surprise, as no one expected anything this bat shit crazy.

    Still, if Steele wants to get the tea-baggers on board, he needs to adopt a pig based strategy, ’cause the Muslims in the White House will flee in terror from that.

  • DeLand DeLakes

    Moo, bitch, get out the way.

  • problemwithcaring

    But honestly, until Michael Steele came out as the most powerful adversary against national Health Care, I was never this confidant about reform.

  • AxmxZ

    Steele ought to form a one-mand band called “Cow, Negro, Dog.”

  • Moleman v2.5

    “Will Michael Steele Change His Blog Name To ‘Moo, Moo,’ Because He Is A Cow?”

    Nope. I heard it’s going to be changed to “MooveOn.org”

  • engulfedinflames

    [re=437544]Neilist[/re]: “Give me some milk or else go home”

  • kth

    [re=437986]engulfedinflames[/re]: whoever checks “Ballad of a Thin Man” wins this thread, thought I before I even checked in on the comments.

  • Edywin

    la vache!

  • Decker

    [re=437628]Jim89048[/re]: He’s a game changer. Before Chairman Moo Moo, people would have associated the GOP with other old time films. Bank Dicks or Birth of a Nation for instance.

  • LowerdPeninsula

    Republican love animals. No; I don’t think you understand. Republicans love animals. They want to ‘know’ animals in a Biblical way. They want to ‘know’ everything in a Biblical way, but especially the animals.

  • Click

    [re=438173]LowerdPeninsula[/re]: Goddamned carnivwhores.

  • Olivelois

    AND THE COWS MOUTH UTTERS…First the pet named started as “heifer” (charming isnt he?), this of course meaning {{a young cow used for yeilding milk,or bearing a yoke. Metaphor KING OF BASHAN, a name given to the luxurious of Samaria. I have read that the word means cow used for high quality breeding…..

    That being said i have read reports that there is a no tolerance policy bann on the once popular Harry Potter series. Any student found watching the movies or obtaining memoribilia will be suspended from the premises immediately untill legal actions have been finalised.

    Also, in health care news, all patients are encouraged to reread their insurance carriers liability contract given upon initial account registration. In most cases signature is required stating, You understand that in order to receive the best possible medical care you must first have a desire to receive medical attention and thereafter be willing to relieve yourself of failed methods prescribed by previous practitioners.

  • Jim89048
  • Jim89048

    Crap, bad link. Better link.

  • ShortShadey

    So Jim Oxendine is The Ox. And Michael Steele is The Cow. Which Republican celebrities will be The Steer, and The Heifer?