Georgia Gov. Candidate Produces ‘Citizen Kane’-esque Technical Breakthrough Of Our Time

Wait, sane, adult humans are running this campaign, right? I mean, the alternative makes just TOO MUCH SENSE. (I have also seen better animation in episodes of The Herculoids.)

Doesn’t this ad make you think “man, it would be cool to go and see some of the cool sites in the world, like the Eiffel Tower, or the Empire State Building, or the Hollywood sign, or…uh…Turner Field, which is in, where, Atlanta? Or something?”

God, Georgia sucks.

That’s it. I’m totally convinced the Republic party has been taken over by a troupe of German performance artists.

Well, I’ll reserve final judgement for the edited version, but I hope they keep the part about the ox being graceful. That was brilliant. Republicans are cold stealing all the artistic talent in Georgia.

I’ve seen this before–

Please do not be alarmed.
We are about to engage…the nozzle.
Please do not move while the nozzle . . . is engaging.
Moving will disrupt calibration of…the nozzle.
Please wait while we calibrate…the nozzle.
Please do not look away from…the nozzle.
The nozzle is now calibrating.
The nozzle is still calibrating.
The nozzle has completed calibration.
Thank you.

REAGASM @ 3:25.

Aw man that made my week.

[re=437368]jodyleek[/re]: What he should have said is, “I could do better than that.”

I find the spread eagle pig very disturbing.

The ox is a steer. Next.

Davey and Goliath was better animation that this shit.

Can you blow your brains out with a laser-tag gun?

Am I the only one who wanted to see the ox head-butt the puppy?

Vote for Ox. Lum Ox.

The Rat..

[re=437393]user-of-owls[/re]: Well if he couldn’t, it’s time to fire your son.

We have reached the absolute apex of political advertising, people. Nothing will ever be this good again. The best part of all of this was that the guy who made this video was probably feeling so proud of himself as he edited the epic score and bored narration into this animated abortion.

[re=437379]Advocatus_Diaboli[/re]: No shit, I mean c’mon. You simply cannot convince me that at some point, a major candidate for the office of governor turned to his aide after watching this and said, “I like it. Let’s run with it!”

[re=437397]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Particularly the light-colored mystery liquid it appears to be wallowing in.

skee skee skee skee
fapfapfapfapfapfap
skee skee skee skee

Oh, and congratulations on recycling your Pi Kappa Alpha, Emory chapter frat nickname for these construction-paper abominations. Is Ogre running for Lieutenant Governor??

King Roy…

The Rat…

[re=437408]Autochthon[/re]: Honestly, if Roy Barnes doesn’t refer to him as a castrated cattle for the rest of the campaign, he is missing a golden opportunity. That dude might get so mad that he’ll threaten to take him down to the paintball field and challenge him to a duel.

[re=437379]Advocatus_Diaboli[/re]: jetzt wir tanzen!

What’s with the clipart shot of John Kerry @ 1:05?

Needs more cowoxbell. Also.

“NEW YORK CITY?!?…. String ’em up.”

That time your house burned down? The ox was there! Goddamn ox with his servant’s heart burned your house down. That’s right.

Yeah, what is stronger than an ox? A snake? I stoat? An odorable PUPPY???

What does cartoon Ronald Regan think?

Wait, isn’t Neal Horsely running in this race? I think this video was produced to tempt him with images of hawt, sexay cows.

Alternate Title: Mad Cow Disease

If Mr. Rogers had swallowed a handful of percocet and washed it down with a fifth of vodka, he would sound like that narrator.

Now Roy Barnes knows who’s been scribbling him all those death threats in crayon.

In typical RepubliFail fashion, King Roy the Rat will probably become a lovable cartoon hero, appearing every week to flummox & fluster his archnemesis, the big dumb Ox. Seriously, no one roots for Wile E. Coyote or Elmer Fudd. We love our pesky cartoon scoundrels.

see, Georgians ain’t so swift either.

/signed a SC resident

[re=437444]Extemporanus[/re]: Darling, as a hick I must correct you. Cows have teats (correctly pronounced “TIT” – really), bulls who have not been castrated (that would make them steers) have balls. Sorry for boviating. Go on….

[re=437431]nbawriter[/re]: Paintball? that’s too rough and tumble for a ball-less beast of burden. After their awesome laser tag birthday party (which you are SOOOOOOO not invited to) he will will dual the King Roy….THE RAT, to a brisk game of D&D. 20s will be rolled, and I dare that bastard Rat king to throw a save. The liberal prick.

[re=437437]Click[/re]: The Rat.

[re=437433]slappypaddy[/re]: Ah hah! I thought so. But I’m sorry Mr. Ox, your story has become tiresome.

[re=437458]Click[/re]: Roy.

This the most un-funniest Tim & Eric skit ever.

Okay, I’ve actually seen oxen. And there’s not a lot about them that could be considered graceful. Besides, the rat looks like he’d be a helluva lot more fun at parties.

Also, and I forgot to mention this before, but the ox is normal sized, apparently, while …The RAT is gigantic. How would a normal sized ox stand up against what is clearly a mutant… The RAT? If …The RAT can grow to such epic sizes, might it not also have healing powers? Why not? I don’t think the battle with …The RAT is quite as straightforward as the ox guy thinks.

isn’t an ox just a bull without balls? i.e. all the bullshit and no balls?

[re=437429]Extemporanus[/re]: this looks to be a reference to the 2002 campaign in which the Republican candidate had commercials picturing the Democratic candidate (Roy Barnes, running for re election) as a giant rat and called him “King Roy”. Exactly how these were related to the to each other, let alone the race was unclear, but Barnes was behind the move to get the Confederate flag off the state flag and the neo-confederates did not forgive him for it (the Republican who won, Perdue, didn’t help them either and they were very po’d with him on that score).

Is the state of Georgia HUFFING GLUE? The Raaht. The Raaht. The Raaht. Oh I see it’s a metaphor.

[re=437474]Trace[/re]: Plus, he’s royalty!

Apparently, Republican websites pumping up this vid as The. Best. Ever have failed to see the disconnect between the message and the imagery used to convey said message. GOP: Still politically tone deaf.

http://republicancandidates.blogspot.com/2009/10/ox-vs-king-roy-rat.html

[re=437476]Crank Tango[/re]: Okay, I had to look it up since the term is used more broadly now. Appears “ox” can be any kind of cattle – long as it’s a bull without balls. However, this ox also appears to be dickless. So is it a heifer?

I am the walrus.

As the Duke so eloquently put it in Huckleberry Finn, “If that don’t fetch ’em, I don’t know Arkansaw!”

Or in this case, Jawga.

The guy who first came up with this “King Rat” tag for Barnes was Sonny Perdue – who defeated Barnes and is now the current governor.

So yeah, this will work.

[re=437480]user-of-owls[/re]: You’re not from around these parts, are you?

[re=437450]PrairiePossum[/re]: I thought it might have been electronically slowed down. It’s got some of that sound we older ones recognize as “tape dragging”. But no, it’s probably just Jaw-Juh.

Why does Georgia have such a little wang in its southeast corner? They must HATE Florida.

Gregg Toland, eat your heart out.

[re=437491]Click[/re]: but a titless, er teatless heifer? udderly macowbre!

THIS IS SO AWESOME! I’ve been waiting FOR YEARS to see the original animation for Tom Petty’s “Running Down a Dream” video!

“That may work in California… that may work in New York… that may work in France.” Then why wouldn’t it work in Georgia?!

I predict a lot of write-in votes for “Ox People” and “Rat People”. Georgia is the new Minnesota.

[re=437516]Crank Tango[/re]: Well, I hear they’re not big on MLK in Georgia, anyway.

So a mongoose, a snake, a puppy, and Ronald Reagan walk into a bar …

god why do I live here?

[re=437538]Click[/re]: oh well, where I come from they want to breed chickens with four wings, so I can’t really talk. And I have too much of a headache too keep up with your puns! Where’s that medical mj…

Game Boy vote?

I feel like they’re trying to make some kind of reference to Chinese astrology here, to capture the all-important Chinese-American vote in Georgia. Perhaps they think that the vast majority of Georgians eat at cheap chinese restaurants with those paper placemats.

This was totally made by some Georgia College Republican while he was at home not getting laid on a Saturday night and thought he would do something righteous for the cause.

Wow, this reminds me of that time I was playing Grand Theft Rodent and the sinister nOx syndicate was kicking my ass because of low frame rate.

Who am I kidding? That horrible vid was funny as hell.

I would apologize for Georgians, since I feel vaguely responsible as a long-time resident of Atlanta, but these things just happen too often. By now, I’m like “Oh, more retardation. Whatever.”

Feel free to tell me if this gag’s already run its course: The GOxP

[re=437606]CapnFatback[/re]: That shit still plays, son.

Wait, who is King Roy again? I forget.

MAN, that piece o’ shit is about as cutting edge as a piece of wet toilet paper.

The ox is so awesome that he’s actually a cow.

I think he could really drive his point home if he just had a few more large things flying through the air at buildings in Manhattan.

Nice and all, but I strongly recommend a claymation treatment for the sequel.

[re=437624]mocowbell[/re]: That ox is gonna headbutt the shit outta those California Raisins.

Sweet teaser trailer for “King Roy of Redwall.”

[re=437494]Click[/re]: That’s one frightful bacon strip.

“Heeeee’s baaaack!” will haunt my dreams forever.

I love the part where the (clip-art) state of Georgie opens its gaping maw and vomits forth money, though. Fuck Piss Christ, send some NEA money to Oxendine pronto, we need a sequel (“The Ox Goes to Washington”, perhaps?).

Also, Oxendine sounds like some sort of pharmaceutical, maybe to treat bladder control issues or something.

[re=437646]yanquilandia[/re]: That, or Robert Smigel came down with Parkinson’s.

So what is with the republicans and relating to bovines lately? The cow, the ox, etc… I mean besides the obvious cud-chewing.

I got your rat.

http://blingee.com/blingee/view/100694521-Blingee

Wait. I thought Michael Steele was the cow.

[re=437445]SmutBoffin[/re]: For real? We need a follow up video, with the Ox headbutting the Horse. OMFG.

[re=437530]slappypaddy[/re]: Somehow I’d rather believe air-traffic controllers nap at their desks than spend all day commenting on Wonkette.

[re=437595]tootsieroll[/re]: Oxendine’s first name isn’t Chaaarrrrleee by any chance?

What about the bulldog? This whole thing is going down because he didn’t placate to the Georgia mascot.

The quick, brown ox headbutted the lazy rat. And that’s the fact, jack.

Man, the image at 1:11 is priceless. Only someone from the GOP would think of an image of a giant rat dry humping the Capital building as sperm rains down from the skies. “And the Academy Award for Mindfucked Multimedia Presentations goes to…”

I was quite taken with the Confederate flag at 0:37.

Oh, Lord. For y’all who don’t follow Georgia politics, here is a primer:

Roy Barnes was the last Democratic governor of Georgia, and made the huge mistake of letting everybody in the state legislature know how stupid they are, while ramming through a MAMMOTH amount of legislative reform (nearly all good), to do stuff like fix the transportation system and schools. But being that smart had the effect of making him an arrogant SOB, and he pissed off the teachers, who didn’t turn out for the election, and let Sonny “Pray for Rain” Perdue get elected. Perdue was the Republican candidate because no competent Republicans thought there was any chance of beating Barnes. Sonny had recently become a Republican only because The Coloreds hadn’t given him the leadership job in the State Senate he wanted.

Roy also got beat by the Flaggers, because he put together a back-door group to change the state flag to something inoffensive by taking the big Confederate battle flag off it, saving the state tourism industry from the sort of boycotts that have hurt South Carolina. Flaggers are far more patriotic to the CSA than to the USA or Georgia (which refused to send state troops to fight in Virginia, btw, during The Wah). Sonny infamously created the King Roy the Rat commercials, which were widely ridiculed until he shockingly won.

Oxendine is an effeminate crypto-mulatto, who has faithfully served the insurance companies for many years as the state’s insurance commissioner (when not carrying their water, he likes to pretend to be the State Fire Chief, too, right down to having lights and siren on his car). He does not realize that a) an ox is a particularly stupid, neutered beast of burden, and b) the Homestar Runner guys live in Atlanta and could probably be hired to make him some competent flash animation.

I bring up the mixed-race heritage only because Oxendine spazzes out when people mention it; he think he white.

[re=437749]eclecticbrotha[/re]: lol. Or showing a picture of Ted Turner Ballpark while saying the rat is bringing liberals back to Georgia – oh, you mean and bring back the millions in revenue and the jobs created by commie boosters like Ted Tuner? Who would want that?

This is sooo recycled, I first saw it at my local Chinese restaurant in Georgia when looking up my Chinese horoscope sign.

Lazy Media, you’re right about the Republicans, they’re brain dead. But you’re wrong about Barnes. He was an arrogant jerk-off and he deserved what he got. Now let’s see if he’s learned anything. I doubt it.

[re=437792]Lazy Media[/re]: One Night Only! King Roy and the Crypto-Mulattos!

This must have all begun when he realized that his name started with “Ox”. So was this guy the ox that started the Reichstag fire or whatever happened? With all this Republican cow-referencing as of late, one wonders which Senator is about to be caught fondling Bessie’s udder (Chuck Grassley) or soliciting cow furry sex (all of them).

The ox needs to get his money back from the community college art students that created this.

[re=437792]Lazy Media[/re]:

You follow that shit? Dude, there are better ways to abuse yourself….

[re=437450]PrairiePossum[/re]: There is an element of Fred Rogers in the voice over, but also a Al Gore/Forrest Gumpish intonation and timbre to it also, Add valium and delete percocet and keep the booze in the equation. And yup, it is just a wee bit creepy, in that liquored-up slightly retarded, horribly awkward middle aged uncle with a little too much booze sense.

[re=437376]FMA[/re]: “That may work in Georgia.”

And here in Oklahoma, no doubt. “I mean, shit fahr, Junior. Let’s go git us some a’ that free pizza and laser tags.” “That works, Leroy.”

I was strong enough to click the clicky, and graceful enough to hit pause after he pulled the O’Leary thereby forestalling the incineration of Georgia.

Vote for me!

Who the hell were the mongoose, snake, and the puppy supposed to be?

[re=438074]Hunger Tallest Palin[/re]: The Puddle is Georgia. The Slot is its Cloaca. Apparently, it both poops and reproduces with Georgia, in the form of Money.

LEMMIEWINKS!

Fucking b r i l l i a n t. The Ox for Govenah! I say, boy, the South shall rise again!

So bad, so very bad. Georgia is a dumb ass.

Obama looks very dark in this otherwise dead-on accurate masterpiece.

[re=437792]Lazy Media[/re]: Didn’t Perdue win the year the guys at the warehouse storing the voting machines for the state alleged that the software had been changed in the week before the election? Diebold for the win!

[re=438209]knobwurst[/re]: I keep waiting for Russia to attack. If they really want a “Georgia,” they can have this one. As a bonus, they can have South Carolina too. I’d even unlock the door for them, but no. They’re such pussies.

[re=438268]Darkness[/re]: why yes he did. his wife also invited the UGA mascot (a bulldog named UGA, pronounced ug-ah) to the governor’s mansion for sexin with their dog. perdue was a veterinarian. TOTALLY qualified to be gov!

[re=437792]Lazy Media[/re]: oooh! good call on that one! who’d get his panties in a wad quicker—-Bob Barr or John Oxendine? i say the Ox because he’s so graceful and what not. Barr would likely have to drop off someone at an abortion clinic and be a little distracted

What’s with the GRACEFUL stuff? The ox just stood there trying to look all, what? a house on fire? I don’t know anything about it… And the photo op with in the trailer park .. at least TRY to look like you care. If he’s so graceful, he should have been wearing a tutu, like the hippos in Fantasia.

Gawd-DAMN! That there castrated ox in his logo sure has the cutest, tightest little butt ah’ve EVER seen…

Ha ha ha ha HA HAAA HAAA HAAAAA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HAAAAAAAAAAAA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I hereby endorse John Oxendine’s candidacy for governor of Nickelodeon.

[re=437384]slappypaddy[/re]: No, don’t weep for them. Southerners waste way to much time demanding everyone else pity them already. It’s not as if no one else has ever stubbed a toe!

[re=437619]UncleTom[/re]: vote for John O, he’s never fucked a mule?

what is it with the republicans in georgia? one fucks mules another thinks he’s an ox and ralph reed is a serial killer/viper…well, when kids open their 100% evo-lution free text books after ox is elected, they can thank saint reagan for such a maginficent walking/shitting beast of burden…oh and, gayest video since “big john” cornyn’s queer (in more ways than one) western-themed campaign commercial…all I got out of this is the only way to fix Georgia is a three-way of reaganzilla, the ox and the corporate lobbyist hamster…who’ll slide up Georgia’s proverbial ass, never to leave.