Wonkette
By the Comics Curmudgeon
What is the most amusing part of the human anatomy? While there are a lot to choose from, I’d have to say the butt, mostly because asses and humor occupy the exact same overlap in the Venn diagram between “sexy” and “gross.” Because our dying media establishment is still clinging to antiquated concepts like “dignity” and “morals” and “for Christ’s sake people don’t want to see naked asses in the newspaper,” most political cartoons do not feature naked asses per se (though there are horrifying exceptions). Nevertheless, political cartoons cannot resist the laugh riot that even the fully clothed booty brings to the table.
Oh, that wily Uncle Sam, attempting to capture the sinister Taliban-rodent, with delicious cheese! The “rat hole” represents the caves where the Taliban live, you see, while the mousetrap is the military-industrial complex we will use to kill them. But wait, what’s this? It seems the corrupt Afghan Corruption Rat is already munching on that cheese, grinning evilly! This means that the cheese represents, money, I guess, which means that we’re going to lure the Taliban out of their hiding places by … leaving … piles of money just lying out in the desolate wastes of Afghanistan, so they’ll come out and get it? That’s not a terrible idea, actually; it’s not like the old “YOU WON A FREE BOAT, COME TO THE POLICE STATION TO COLLECT IT!” trick would work, what with Afghanistan being landlocked and all, and you could probably make a pretty good-sized cash pile for cheaper than the actual expensive military equipment we use. Where was I? Oh, yeah, Uncle Sam is shoving his ass into the Afghan Corruption Rat’s face, which probably represents, I don’t know, civilian deaths from drone missile attacks or something. Drone missile attacks! It’s like a mooning, but with more shrapnel.
But once back on the home front, Uncle Sam was sorry that he had been so fast and loose with his buttocks. Sure, it seemed like a good idea to go spend some quality time at Horror Hospital, Where The Damned Stalk The Corridors, just for some laughs, but that was before he was non-consensually groped by an undead corpse. You’ll never know how traumatic it is to be sexually harassed by a zombie until it happens to you, but afterwards poor Uncle Sam was harassed all over again — by the legal system. “Look at these grainy videos we have of you sticking your ass in some mouse’s face!” the zombie’s lawyer shouted, at the trial. “It’s almost as if you like having your buttocks sexually toyed with by subhumans and nonhumans!”
Say, you know what comes out of butts? Eggs! Well, for most oviparous animals, the more correct term is “cloaca,” the single opening that serves for both excretory and reproductive functions. Such animals include reptiles, birds, monotremes, and whatever terrifying enormous monstrous alien hell-beast extruded this awful egg, out of which a shambling misshapen Obama-thing is emerging, determined to kill us all. Believe it or not, this cartoon comes from Norway, the very same country that gave Obama the Nobel Peace Prize. My school report about Norway will be called “Norway: A Land Of Contrasting Opinions.”
Naturally, this hellish spawning took place in sub-basement of Horror Hospital. As is typical of his species, the Obama-hatchling could walk and handle rudimentary medical equipment within hours. And what mischief the little scamp soon got into! Here he is holding one of Horror Hospital’s trademark Pain Needles, going after the asses of Wall Street executives, wearing those ass-revealing hospital gowns. Ha ha, Wall Street executives! Is this not the ritual ass-play humiliation you thought you were paying for? Don’t worry, you are still very wealthy, and can afford therapy!
I wish we could say the same about the patients in this ward, suffering under the “care” of Dr. Max “Vampire” Baucus, M.V.D. (”M.V.D.” stands for “medical vampire doctor.”) Dr. Baucus is a vampire, naturally, and he is drinking the blood of the passive states, terribly weakening them, just to make sure that the states’ inhabitants don’t die because of poverty. Don’t vampires understand the concept of “survival of the fittest?” Apparently not! Anyway, Harry Reid is looking on with an evil grin on his face, because he loves a good blood-sucking. He’s not going to actually do it himself, though. Harry Reid never does anything himself. Or, really, Harry Reid never does much of anything, full stop.
Later, the terrible Obama-hatchling was corralled and pacified with waffles. Everyone loves waffles!
I was hoping for donkeys. Oh well.
OMFG. I cannot believe there is a newspaper in this country that would publish a cartoon suggesting that Obama isn’t working hard enough, after who we just had in there.
IT’S BOOB WEEK YOU BOOB! DIDNT YOU GET THE MAMMO!?
Uncle Sam was headed for the MORGUE?! Yes, Uncle Sam is still headed for the morgue.
Are things THAT dull in the Emirates, Norway and Singapore? Do the regimes in those places provide some sort of lucrative cartoon export subsidy?
AbstinenceOnly Ed: It’s balloon week.
Sharkey: yeah, I didn’t quite get that one either. If Uncle Sam is dead, why the fuck does he need a wallet anyway? And is healthcare reform being removed from the morgue because it’s not quite dead yet?
The ass theme sort of dissipated by the last two cartoons, no?
What, no chicken with those waffles?
AbstinenceOnly Ed: I demand an investigation! Someone needs to get to the bottom of this!
Judas Peckerwood: Dr. Backass? Assghanistan?
Why no chicken with the waffles? U R doin the racism RONG!
OMG afghan folder carrying guy better be ready to leggo some fucking eggos.
What is Singaporean Quagmire/Joker hybrid doing? And why is Wall Street so afraid of their weekly liquid gold injection?
bago: I think you missed Josh’s implied warning of the abject horror that ensues when you combine the Ass and Balloon themes:
http://wonkette.com/405491/cartoon-violence-is-some-kind-of-cartoon-dominatrix-for-hire-now-apparently/
Cranky Little Camperette: Jinx.
dum librul: Seriously. He’s CIC and all he gets is a toaster and some Eggos?
Wafles and Chicken?
Can we get a pic of Meghan McCain’s ass seductively rubbing against Dan Brown’s new book? TX!
Hmm. Somehow, the waffles are RACIST.
More on this later.
Min: A pun-war rears its ugly hind!
Cranky Little Camperette: I take it to mean he’s waffling on, like, everything. Which he is. Except for the things which he outright won’t do, which is mostly liberal progressive things he campaigned on. But the waffles look tasty.
Min: I don’t mean to make an ass of myself, but you crack me up!
What is that radioactive pie-pan thingy in the Uncle Sam/Rat one?
1. Is it meant to represent that someone’s fixin’ to pan for gold ? Then you nead a pickaxe, not a pan, you 49er n00b!
2. Does someone plan to make a delicious cheesecake with all that yummy cheese? Oh noes! Teh rat iz eatin all the cheez!
3. Or what?
OK. I really don’t get the egg-cup one. Anyone?
Egg-cups are kinda poncey old fashionedy, though.
dum librul: So basically it’s a rehash of a joke that Trudeau has been doing for years?
Except now I want waffles.
BTW a thousand hundred million “iPhones” to the person who can PhotoShop/ImageReady an animated Michael Steele shimmying and jiving his way out of the Obama-hatchling’s egg.
I want me a toaster with exploding hands. Want.
All I can figure is some government employee molested Asay as a child. There’s meds for that stuff, now, Chuck. You don’t need to feel the butthurt anymore.
Crank Tango: You have some cheek saying that to me.
eekahil: I don’t get it either. Are they implying that the G20 is going to eat Obama.
Min: Can you back this thread up some, I’m a little behind.
ALIVE!: I’m hearing the “Obama doesn’t work hard enough!” meme from a *lot* of Righties these days. On the Facebook Poll titled, “IS OBAMA A THREAT TO HUMANITY?”, one young man, a clear Yes-voter in this poll, was snarling about Obama “showing off” on his vacation, wondering how a President can possibly take a vacation while we have two wars going on, important healthcare issues to debate, etc.
I wrote a Private Message to this young man, completely unemotional, supported by links, contrasting *Bush’s* vacation schedule during his first 9 months in office with Obama’s, and received, for my pains, the message “Go to hell, you fucking idiotic treehugger whore!”
And they say the Art of Debate is dead!
Just yesterday, I saw *this* from a rightwinger on an MSM comment board: “There goes Obama, yukking it up at some dinner while our soldiers are dying!” Apparently this Rip Van Righty has no memory whatsoever of Bush’s hilarious “Missing WMDs” turn at one of the White House Press Correspondents’ Dinners, or the many dinners, soirees, laugh-fests, hootenannies, bike rides, fun runs, etc. in which Bush participated, notably the birthday party he attended while New Orleans was drowning, etc.
I want both wars to stop, of course. But if they both continue, it *WILL* be amusing watching the Amnesiac Right all suddenly morph from bloodthirsty superpatriots into self-righteous pacifists.
Watch. The process has already begun.
My family moved from South Carolina to Georgia in 1821. I was always glad of THAT. I am finally happy that my mom moved to Florida in 1963. Now I beg the rest of my family still stuck in GA. leave NOW! NOW! Before it is to late! Well it’s already to late but still leave now for the love of God run!!!
I swear to God you’re writing these posts just for me, Josh.
user-of-owls: Enough with these ass cracks. They’re the bottom of the barrel.
SayItWithWookies: In other words, throw the bums out!
user-of-owls: Srsly. Do these countries not have, say, their own politicians to provide them with cartoony fodder?
SayItWithWookies: No end in sight; it’s a bottomless hole. Fannyfuckingtastic
Ever see a Disney film, without a butt joke?
graceless: Hey, don’t be raggin on my dates.
You know, the one with Baucus really isn’t that far off. I’d have portrayed them much less flatteringly, though. You know, as mishapen leeches, with one end attached to the insurance companies, and the mouth-end attached to a citizen.
“..because asses and humor occupy the exact same overlap in the Venn diagram between “sexy” and “gross.”” I love it when my humor comes with some Set Theory! Thank you, Wonkette!
Where’s his bird certificate?