Wonkette
The — THE — most important and objectively true and super necessary ironclad rule in Washington Politics is that if someone powerful tries in any way to help a fellow human win something but then that fellow human ends up losing for whatever reason, the powerful person is ergo very very weak and disgraceful and had better resign out of humiliation. David Broder himself etched this rule into the original Bible. And so Barack Obama will campaign for Gov. Jon Corzine in New Jersey, where the race is deadlocked, but only record a a dinky phone message or two (at least for now) in Virginia for Creigh Deeds, who is going to lose.
As every serious person understands, if Obama campaigned in person for Deeds and Deeds still lost, the embarrassment would immediately render such upcoming agenda items as financial regulatory reform meaningless to most Americans, who wouldn’t want to associate with this weak loser president tangentially involved in a lost governor’s race in one state.
Ever heard the term “political capital?” It’s on CNN approximately every four seconds? Ban it. It’s a clown-term meaning nothing, invented by middlemen with a profit motive to squeeze in and fuck everything up. (Later, it would spread into the popular lexicon as douchebag after douchebag became aware of its existence.) If you’re ever conversing with someone or watching someone speak and that person bases an argument on the implications of “political capital” — “Well, Stephen, perhaps the president could spend two hours campaigning for his colleague, but what about political capital? Would this be bad for the political capital if whatever and blah blah?” — then congrats, that’s your red flag, you’ll know for sure that that person has no idea what he or she is talking about — or, more likely, believes in nothing.
(Now we will quickly scrub the archives of our own “political capital” arguments… we were young and trying to fit in!)
Obama To Campaign For Corzine Next Week [HuffPo]
I prefer the portrait of Corzine on the Sistine Chapel’s ceiling.
Assuming Corzine doesn’t get into another auto accident…
Of course, he’ll bail out Corzine. He’s a Goldman alum, fer Jeebus sake.
Ugh — after watching the debate on Monday, I realized that the national politician Bob McDonnell most closely resembles (whether he intends it or not) is Mitt Romney. Unfortunately, if McDonnell becomes governor, he won’t be dealing with a state legislature that’s 92% filled by opposition members. And I’m sure that tax-cutting, family-values-loving, Regent University graduate will do everything in his power to keep Virginia mired in the 19th century.
And yes, political capital is an egregious term. It gained popularity after the 2004 election, and various dumbasses used it as though it were some sort of measurable quantity to be earned, saved and spent. Dubya was one such dumbass, further galvanizing his reputation as living in some world created by Marvel Comics.
Corzine looks like a chemistry professor. Does Corzine have the chemical capital to be a good governor? The other (fat) guy sure looks like he is fulla carbohydrates.
John Corzine looks kinda like he could be Steven Spielberg’s asshole older brother or something.
Also, is he demonstrating the world’s worst handjob on that rolled-up paper? Some say, yes!
MLHencken: Hope so! Then I could trot out the Corzine tag that came to me in my half-sleep the other day (does that happen to anyone else?). Oh hell, why wait. “Orthopedic Jumble Puzzle Jon Corzine”
Hey, I said I was half-asleep.
“Political capital” is a ruse invented by presidents who just really really really don’t want to spend their Saturdays in Bumfuck, USA reciting platitudes for some dude/dudette they shook hands with once. Blowing them off would seem rude so, viola, political capital.
Where are the Beatles? They could explain that the political capital you make is equal to the political capital you take … or something.
…this is the political equivalent of sitting at the “Goth-Kids” table during lunch! If you are seen associating with anyone other than blond-haired blue eyed cheerleader types(who liberally hand out blow jobs and take it up the ass to save their “virginity”) or jocks(who take part in homo-erotic locker room rituals) then you are considered a freak!!!
Isn’t Corzine busy coaching the Vikings?
Where are the Beatles?
Chris “Crisco” Christie is one of the faces of the GOP.
And then some….
I also love the term “human capital”– reminds me of ‘human cargo’. Why don’t companies just flat out refer to their workforces as Pieces Of Shit (POS)? Oh wait, that would conflict with their Point of Sale systems.
Jim, thank you very much for expending so much of your valuable satirical capital today. You must be exhausted!
Douchebag after douchebag indeed….
Corzine looks like the original DDR (East Germany) bad guy, Walter Ulbricht. I don’t imagine this will hurt him in on election day.
Tommmcatt: He probably thought the Capitol Building was the Mint.
pretty sure ‘lose political capital’ is just a polite euphemism for ’cause wingnut wank fest’, e.g. “the failed olympics bid made obama lose so much political capital that i’m gonna have to replace my carpet”
pampl: Good lord pampl, is that a dog as your avatar? Definite Chris Christie supporter.
Jesus Newell you seem to have a bit of pent-up anger slipping out today.
Extemporanus: http://s841.photobucket.com/albums/zz333/Extemporanus/?action=view¤t=GenisP.jpg
Corzine should just offer everyone $2500 to vote for him and stop wasting money on the fat jokes.
hobospacejunkie: I agree, I don’t think he’ll be the wurst for it.
I LIVE in New Jersey and I am so sick of robocalls that even if dear sweet Barry’s voice greeted me when I picked up the phone I would hang up.
The Amazing Grace Baptist Church is set to burn David Broder’s Bible too, so I wouldn’t worry too much about what’s written in it.
Jim, it’s cool: I checked the archive and you only ever used it ironically. Right?
Deeds is a well meaning hillbilly of a candidate from rural Virginia trying to get a foothold with the so called liberals of Northern Virginia. Trouble is that NoVA really had it’s beginning of it’s growth spurt in the White Flight from DC and the MD suburbs in the late sixties and into the 70’s. Folks talk progressive there, but given the slightest reason, they will fall back into the GOP fold.
Smoke Filled Roommate: Better yet, why don’t they simply call their employees chattel or serfs?
BTW, I’ve not been following Virginia’s politics, at all, and I’m wondering what went so wrongly with Kaine that folks wouldn’t be willing to give Deeds a chance? Is he really that much less a good candidate than Kaine was? I can’t imagine that being the case given that Kaine had the personality of wallpaper in my view.
Yes, just two weeks ago the Republican mouthpieces were unanimous in determining that by going to Copenhagen and not delivering the Olympics to Chicago the President was essentially finished. The country would surely rise up and inpeach this muslin, Marxist, Socialist terrorist for this terrible embarrassment.
hobospacejunkie: I was going to mention that. Remarkable resemblance. But reading Corzin’s bio, it’s doubtful his mother visited Berlin in 1946…
At least there’s no mention of ‘political physics.’ I swear I heard Paul Begala use that phrase once. And only once.
LowerdPeninsula: He’s boring and uninspiring and the NRA loves him. There’s three problems. He’s from Bath, VA. Know where that is? Me either, and I’ve lived in VA the majority of my life. Finally, he only got the nomination because retarded Terry McCauliffe and idiot Brian Moran ran excessively negative campaigns in the primary and split the hippie vote, giving the “eh, maybe I’ll vote for this dude I’ve never heard of, because McCauliffe has big teeth and Moran is a moran” the win.
Why is Barry wasting his time? As any NJ native knows the state politics is a joke. The governor is merely a figurehead for the underlying governmental structure of corrupt local suburbanite asshole politicians, the Jewish mafia (apparently?), money launderers and probably Jimmy Hoffa and the Unions. Oh and it provides a convenient excuse for Cory Booker in Newark and the city of Camden to continue improving nothing, because “the Governor” won’t help them out (aka send more money their way).
MargeSimpsonsBlackFriend: You guys sure have a love affair with politicians with varyingly sized piano teeth (i.e. Mark Warner).