GAMESETMATCH  2:13 pm October 14, 2009

Michael Steele: I Am A Cow, Now [UPDATE]

by Jim Newell

Is Michael Steele the new black male Michele Bachmann, minus the macabre, plus the sexy hobbit dancing? Yes, he is that exact equation. We dedicate this blog to him, for acting out so many harmless stage gimmicks every hour, to lift the American spirit. What did he say this time, on the teevee? Well, he now fancies himself to be a cow.

Some Fox News guy here is definitely playing the very cruel and always successful Steele Game, where you throw out the beginning of some lame metaphor or strange concept or controversial corollary, sit back with your popcorn, and watch Michael Steele run with it in any number of comical ways. He poses to Steele (paraphrasing) the idea that health care is a train, and the train is leaving the station, and Obama is driving the train, so should Republicans jump on this train so as not to be losers?

Steele: “Well I’m the cow on the tracks.” [The anchor, victorious, laughs] “You’re gonna have to stop the train to get this cow off the track to move forward.”

Winning imagery, if ever there were. I, Michael Steele, am a dumb fucking cow so fucking dumb that I am standing in front of a train. The train operators will spend 15 minutes moving my dumb fucking cow self off the tracks, involuntarily. 2010, baby!

But the best part of this clip comes at the very end, when some new Fox News lady flippantly says, oh that Michael, so worthless and terrible, ha ha ha, good heavens.

Poor Michael Steele. Sometimes he means well!

UPDATE: Oh yes, jesus, thank you commenter for reminding us of how this situation tends to play out:

Steele: I’m The ‘Cow On The Tracks’ [Think Progress]

 
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{ 119 comments }

Holy Cow!! October 14, 2009 at 2:15 pm

Wow, me too!

bitchincamaro October 14, 2009 at 2:18 pm

Blood On The Tracks.

user-of-owls October 14, 2009 at 2:19 pm

The more likely…and infinitely more hilarious…outcome is described here:

http://wonkette.com/407744/nyt-headlines-used-to-be-uh-livelier

I’ve been re-reading this ever since the Bovine Mike story came out, and it just gets better and better.

Cicada October 14, 2009 at 2:20 pm

I hate to tell you this, Chairman Steele, but train engineers invented this lovely little device called a cow-catcher. You probably don’t want to know what it does.

RoscoePColtraine October 14, 2009 at 2:20 pm

I wonder what happens if you leave the cow where it is?

Jim89048 October 14, 2009 at 2:21 pm

How now brown dead cow? It’s not by coincidence that trains have cowsills on them…

Snarkalicious October 14, 2009 at 2:21 pm

Will he now milk himself on GOP.com?

iantenna October 14, 2009 at 2:21 pm

wait, hold up. did he just say he wants us to have a “rodney king moment?”

iwillsavethispatient October 14, 2009 at 2:21 pm

So, all we need is a cow-catcher on the front of our train and it’s full steam ahead?

GIJoeIce October 14, 2009 at 2:21 pm

What’s even funnier is Jim Bunning presumably got into a drawn out discussion with that lady about the physics of a train hitting a cow, and that that now passes for a serious debate about health care reform.

facehead October 14, 2009 at 2:22 pm

Bovine is the new black.

brassbear October 14, 2009 at 2:22 pm

“A Rodney King moment”? Crazyparodyofhimselfsayswhat?

Hart88 October 14, 2009 at 2:22 pm

[re=434611]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: hamburger

comicbookguy October 14, 2009 at 2:23 pm

And what if the train doesn’t stop?

Minnie Mean October 14, 2009 at 2:24 pm

The cow is just to distract you from the GOP’s “bottoms-up approach”. These guys never change.

Gopherit October 14, 2009 at 2:25 pm
RoscoePColtraine October 14, 2009 at 2:26 pm

Republicans don’t do metaphor.

you cannot be serious October 14, 2009 at 2:27 pm

[re=434607]user-of-owls[/re]: Who’s the dog?

Minnie Mean October 14, 2009 at 2:28 pm

S’up? You are one mad cow, yo!

Gopherit October 14, 2009 at 2:28 pm

Also, I can’t help but picture his rodney king moment as a bunch of white republican guys beating the shit out of him with the political metaphor equivalent of night sticks. Or real ones.

user-of-owls October 14, 2009 at 2:28 pm

*blush*

shortsshortsshorts October 14, 2009 at 2:29 pm

THAT’S NOT RACIAL TRANSCENDENCE

Dave J. October 14, 2009 at 2:29 pm

“Can we all get in the room and have a Rodney King moment” has to be one of his best lines ever.

bitchincamaro October 14, 2009 at 2:29 pm

[re=434627]Minnie Mean[/re]: Also known as the “hands-on, bottoms-up approach”.

davesnothere October 14, 2009 at 2:30 pm

OK, performance art, for sure. Steele is not for real.
Interviewer: Time is a river.
Steele: Yes, and you can’t stand in the same river twice. But a tree grows by the river, and a bird sits on a branch, and poops – I am that birdpoop, baby – goin with the flow!

Dave J. October 14, 2009 at 2:30 pm

[re=434607]user-of-owls[/re]: Really, the use of “also” at the end of that piece is what sends it from “pretty fucking funny” to “comedy gold.”

Uncle Joe October 14, 2009 at 2:31 pm

[re=434607]user-of-owls[/re]: Shame about the dog.

Sweet Baby Cheeses October 14, 2009 at 2:31 pm

Republicans can’t do comedy or metaphors, so they split the difference and end up doing whatever it is that Michael Steele just did there.

RoscoePColtraine October 14, 2009 at 2:32 pm

It’s like President Obama is a powerful jet engine, and I’m the mechanic standing in front of it, right in the suction zone. Dems are gonna have to shut that engine off to make sure I don’t get sucked…WHOA!!!!!………..

queeraselvis v 2.0 October 14, 2009 at 2:32 pm

Beef. It’s what’s for dinner.

KilgoreTrout_XL October 14, 2009 at 2:33 pm

1. Don’t trains have cow catchers?
2. Cow tipping?
3. What up, “Beefy” Steele?

Prommie October 14, 2009 at 2:34 pm

Who ties his shoes? This man has the worst case of stupid ever seen, he makes Miss South Carolina loook like a genius. Dining room tables make better arguments.

GoodGrief October 14, 2009 at 2:34 pm

[re=434630]Gopherit[/re]:
“I am a cow” + your link = http://www.dailykostv.com/w/002253/

emberglance October 14, 2009 at 2:34 pm
S.Luggo October 14, 2009 at 2:35 pm

If the Obamacare Special leaves Union Station at 2 p.m. and there is cow on the tracks, how long will it take the health care bill to pass Congress?

Pencils down.

davesnothere October 14, 2009 at 2:35 pm

What happened to “I don’t do policy?” Steele had his chance to jump off the train with that, now instead he’s in the koan-of-the-day business.

V572625694 October 14, 2009 at 2:36 pm

[re=434614]iantenna[/re]: [re=434642]Dave J.[/re]: A “Rodney King Moment” is one where the cops beat the living shit out of you for the crime of driving while Black.

GoodGrief October 14, 2009 at 2:36 pm

[re=434630]Gopherit[/re]: “I am a cow” + your link = http://www.dailykostv.com/w/002253/

problemwithcaring October 14, 2009 at 2:37 pm

Michael Steele tries to get at least one Rodney King reference into all his public appearances. ‘Cause Rodney is *such* a unifying figure.

Vulpes82 October 14, 2009 at 2:37 pm

[re=434633]you cannot be serious[/re]: Bo Obama!!! His secret Portugese communist-fag handlers ordered him to push Michael Steele in front of that train, no matter the cost to his own life.

Extemporanus October 14, 2009 at 2:37 pm

Michael Steele is a fucking disaster.

MingPicket October 14, 2009 at 2:37 pm

The GOP conundrum: how to remove this crazy gaffe-prone black man without it looking like a bunch of white people running out one of the few nonwhite people in the party…

it’s beautiful.

user-of-owls October 14, 2009 at 2:38 pm

[re=434645]Dave J.[/re]: Jeez, I hadn’t even plumbed that layer yet! Still working through the metaphysical implications of a half-black engineer colliding with a metaphorical cow so powerfully that the cow realizes it’s a Negro and, dying of shame, is denounced as a dog by…ouch, I need to lay down.

Gopherit October 14, 2009 at 2:39 pm

[re=434660]GoodGrief[/re]: I am thankful someone did that. Priceless. Also, it’s a black cow. Stupid, racist bovine.

Ducksworthy October 14, 2009 at 2:40 pm

Kos version of this broadcast is the best.

ttp://www.dailykostv.com/w/002253/

trondant October 14, 2009 at 2:40 pm

[re=434630]Gopherit[/re]: The Straight Talk Express was doomed the minute it steamed up to Alaska. Every time they hit a moose, they had to stop so Sarah and Todd could scrape the meat off the tracks for dinner.

RoscoePColtraine October 14, 2009 at 2:40 pm

He’s right about one thing. Dems are about stupid enough to stop the train to move his dumb ass.

predilectrix October 14, 2009 at 2:40 pm

The penny has finally dropped for me. GOP hired this man precisely so they could stage their alternative reality, namely, that the coloreds are idiots. The smarter Obama clearly is, the stupider Steele has to be. I suppose this was obvious to you all a long time ago, but I have Steele-like powers of perception.

freakishlystrong October 14, 2009 at 2:41 pm

“I am a cow on the tracks”. Dawg, you’ve jumped the shark…

Country Club Jihadi October 14, 2009 at 2:43 pm

He should go milk himself. Besides, I thought he was “the other white meat”.

PoignancySelz October 14, 2009 at 2:43 pm

Well they are really not even tracks, so you Dems go ahead and make fun

SayItWithWookies October 14, 2009 at 2:43 pm

Well this explains why Steele’s getting f*cked by the Neal Horsley faction.

Terry October 14, 2009 at 2:45 pm

Sometime in the 1800′s, trains had these neato things installed on the front of them called “cow catchers”. They push the cow right off the tracks, no need to stop and get out of the train and deal with the cow. My suggestion to Congress is to stall a cow catcher and plow right on through Steele.

JSDC007 October 14, 2009 at 2:45 pm

I see hamburger meat.

Min October 14, 2009 at 2:45 pm

A bit of advice, Mr. Steele. When the train is speeding down the track toward you, the smart thing to do is to mooooove.

Gopherit October 14, 2009 at 2:46 pm

[re=434671]predilectrix[/re]: I’ve thought along those same lines. Two things have kept me quiet on the matter. The first, that i’d rather not believe anyone could be so callous and evil, and second, that I cannot credit the current republican party with that level of intelligence. I’m afraid that Steele is just a walking facepalm.

Servo October 14, 2009 at 2:46 pm

You mean scapegoat, Mikey.

Downtheroadapiece October 14, 2009 at 2:47 pm

Seriously, I’ve had way above and beyond my FDA recommended daily intake of Steele. I feel as if I’ve eaten too many Hungry Man frozen meals, all bloated and fat soaked. I need to go check my glucose levels before I get all shocky.

OReillysVibrator October 14, 2009 at 2:48 pm

Something tells me the image of Steele’s death brings today’s Republican base great joy. They’ll want him to use more rope/tree-like settings, but right now they’ll take a train.

OReillysVibrator October 14, 2009 at 2:48 pm

*regrets last part of comment*

Sharkey October 14, 2009 at 2:50 pm

[re=434658]V572625694[/re]: Does Steele liken himself to King? Is Steele likening Obama to King? Does he just want everybody to agree, as problemwithcaring says, even though the King incident is rife with racial overtones? So confused…

I think he meant to say “a Michael Jackson moment”. Or maybe “a Reginald Denny moment”. Or “an O. J. Simpson moment”. Any of those would have made much more sense.

WadISay October 14, 2009 at 2:52 pm

[re=434652]Prommie[/re]: In fairness, it can’t be easy being the lawn jockey for a party that thinks of Black people the same way it thinks of Martians.

[re=434671]predilectrix[/re]: I think they’re referred to as steeley powers.

Cocktoastin October 14, 2009 at 2:57 pm

How much more can the country club set endure? after “what up” and the tiny Michael Steele on their their computer television screens this surely must be the last straw. I predict swift vengeance by the RNC to rid themselves of this afro-terrorist.

user-of-owls October 14, 2009 at 2:57 pm

Tomorrow:

“Well, Shep, I’m the turkey being held upside down behind Sarah Palin during a TV interview.”

Smoke Filled Roommate October 14, 2009 at 2:58 pm

What up, cow?

Kingbee October 14, 2009 at 2:59 pm

[re=434614]iantenna[/re]: Yeah, as I recall, a “Rodney King” moment is when eight cops beat the shit out of a black guy buzzed up on crack cocaine. This is what Michael Steele is hoping for. Everlasting Fame!

NopantsMcGee October 14, 2009 at 3:02 pm

I LOVE this man! I hope he stays forever, WINWINWIN!

Sharkey October 14, 2009 at 3:02 pm

[re=434704]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: Who let the cows out? Moo, moo, moo moo moo.

Cheney Guevara October 14, 2009 at 3:04 pm

[re=434614]iantenna[/re]: Thank you, yes.

eclecticbrotha October 14, 2009 at 3:04 pm

Man, I picked the wrong time to be black.

Michael Steele lobbies for a “Rodney King moment,” unknowingly admitting the numerous “meetings” he’s had with the RNC since becoming chairman were basically him getting a beatdown from a roomful of old white men until their arms were tired.

The 1910 newspaper clipping is perfect. Its also why we Negroes don’t stand near the tracks to watch the trains go by….

gjdodger October 14, 2009 at 3:04 pm

[re=434650]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Steele is The Other White Meat.

user-of-owls October 14, 2009 at 3:06 pm

[re=434658]V572625694[/re]: This should go a long way toward shoring up the Korean vote in L.A.

Min October 14, 2009 at 3:07 pm

[re=434707]Sharkey[/re]: How now, brown cow?

slappypaddy October 14, 2009 at 3:07 pm

if you peeled away steele’s layer of phony to get to whatever may remain of the real michael, the one who didn’t want to grow up to be a major political party’s token joke… well, there wouldn’t be anything there. if it ever existed it is gone… gone with the wind.

Toomush Infermashun October 14, 2009 at 3:10 pm

I would like un omburrghherr ….is that the public option?

Extemporanus October 14, 2009 at 3:11 pm

[re=434695]Sharkey[/re]: A “Don Cornelius moment” would be the most apt of all.

Flanders October 14, 2009 at 3:11 pm

OMG SEND IN OFFICER KOON!

Flanders October 14, 2009 at 3:13 pm

[re=434637]user-of-owls[/re]: Nice work, owl!

aleks October 14, 2009 at 3:14 pm

And here I thought Mike totally lacked self-awareness. He is indeed standing astride history shouting “Moo.”

Seanyboy October 14, 2009 at 3:14 pm

Well if this supposed “train” has a “wheel” that Obama is behind, can’t he just steer the train around the Michael Steele Cow?

Mustang October 14, 2009 at 3:17 pm

What is a “Rodney King moment”? Is that where we beat the living crap out of a black guy without health insurance?

Also, as a liberal democrat, I want to go on record as saying I would be willing to compromise and have either higher premiums OR complete government control.

Way Cool Larry October 14, 2009 at 3:19 pm

[re=434664]MingPicket[/re]: that pretty much nails it– beautiful, indeed

Min October 14, 2009 at 3:24 pm

Needs more cow bell.

Flanders October 14, 2009 at 3:28 pm

[re=434644]davesnothere[/re]: Only dead fish go with the flow, silly!

disgustedcitizen October 14, 2009 at 3:29 pm

The whole,(hole?), GOP and their one-gene’er base, are a heard of stupod cows standing in the path of progress. It is high time the train knock them out of the way for good. Sorry for the mangle metaphor.

aleks October 14, 2009 at 3:33 pm

Michael Steele is a fellow standing athwart history yelling Mooooooooooo.

But I didn’t think he knew it.

NopantsMcGee October 14, 2009 at 3:36 pm

If this hasn’t been posted yet, I’m very disappointed in you all.

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/cow

Kingbee October 14, 2009 at 3:38 pm

[re=434630]Gopherit[/re]: This video is a profound metaphor for the Republican Party.

Come here a minute October 14, 2009 at 3:40 pm

Mmmm….steeleburgers.

Lionel Hutz Esq. October 14, 2009 at 3:43 pm

Wait, Steele does realize that trains have things called “Cowcatchers” that allow them to plow right through cows that are on the tracks, right?

TGY October 14, 2009 at 3:43 pm

Michael Steele is udderly ridiculous. Obviously, his point is moo.

Prommie October 14, 2009 at 3:44 pm

Isn’t a “cow on the train tracks” the 19th century version of a “deer in the headlights?”

Extemporanus October 14, 2009 at 3:44 pm

[re=434758]Min[/re]: A cowbell is one of the faces of the GOP.

gurukalehuru October 14, 2009 at 3:45 pm

I propose that a cow be used in the place of an elephant to represent the reprehensibles in all future political cartoons. A cow with the face of Michael Steele.

aleks October 14, 2009 at 3:45 pm

There ought to be a law against Steel coming around. He should be made to wear earphones. But something is happening, and he don’t know what it is . . .

ManchuCandidate October 14, 2009 at 3:48 pm

Note to Mikey: You know that plow looking thing on oldy time trains? That was designed to shove stupid cows out of the way so as the train wouldn’t have to stop and throw off the schedule.

To be blunt, Mikey, you’re more an rusted out SUV getting run over by an M-1 Abrahms.

Why didn’t you proclaim yourself as the Tianamen guy who stopped a convoy of tanks?

comicbookguy October 14, 2009 at 3:49 pm

Today we are all cows on railroad tracks.

Min October 14, 2009 at 3:51 pm

[re=434840]Extemporanus[/re]: The mind boggles.

L33tminion October 14, 2009 at 3:58 pm

In conclusion, Steele, Obama, and Puppy McPresidentson are all doomed.

notwavingbutdrowning October 14, 2009 at 4:04 pm
S.Luggo October 14, 2009 at 4:07 pm

[re=434644]davesnothere[/re]: I’ve been waiting for quite a while to respond to Mr. Steele:

they wern’t welcome by our ancestors and never will be fuck and drive them from our country native pride forever, and here tha fact sure or colors anree to enimey red and black and white, but we keep real to our native colors native pride to all them streets of westside,northside and all ova

maven October 14, 2009 at 4:09 pm

Oh, a prophetic Sarah Palin moment: “and the life of the canine was crushed out, also”

S.Luggo October 14, 2009 at 4:09 pm

[re=434650]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: The other dark meat.

Accordion-o-rama October 14, 2009 at 4:12 pm

Does Michael Steele have a Buddha nature?

Moo.

thefrontpage October 14, 2009 at 4:15 pm

Yo, what up, Steele dawg, change the game, you know?

progressiveinga October 14, 2009 at 4:16 pm

[re=434906]notwavingbutdrowning[/re]: Shoulda known Chris Farley was a republican (drunk, fat, not that smart, and very entertaining to watch at times). Chris, we hardly knew ye.

W Hackwhacker October 14, 2009 at 4:36 pm

If Michael Steele is a cow, getting hit by a train would make him ground chucklehead.

imissopus October 14, 2009 at 4:42 pm

“I just don’t think that’s where the majority of the American people are.”

Actually it is where we are. You should read a poll every once in awhile.

I have to think if a train engineer sees a cow blocking the tracks his first thought is “Mmmmm, lunch.”

One Yield Regular October 14, 2009 at 4:54 pm

[re=434630]Gopherit[/re]: I’m going to be really disappointed if John Stewart doesn’t use that clip tonight.

GreatOldOnesParty October 14, 2009 at 7:18 pm
notwavingbutdrowning October 14, 2009 at 7:28 pm

[re=434954]progressiveinga[/re]: I don’t know if he was a Republican. But I know that at Michael Steel’s Grand Old Hip Hop Suburban Dance Party, Chris Farley can dance if he wants to.

notwavingbutdrowning October 14, 2009 at 7:30 pm

[re=435220]GreatOldOnesParty[/re]: Excellent.

kapish October 14, 2009 at 8:14 pm

dweeb.

LowerdPeninsula October 14, 2009 at 8:59 pm

One word: Cowcatcher.

I looked; it really is only one word, and with no hyphen, even. Also.

Gil Bates October 14, 2009 at 9:17 pm
asier October 15, 2009 at 3:45 am

I liked the analogy…but who is the bull?

Come here a minute October 15, 2009 at 9:35 am

As all the kids are saying these days, “Don’t have a cow, man!”

OzoneTom October 15, 2009 at 6:51 pm

Doesn’t work out very well for his little Boston Terrier.

terycarl October 19, 2009 at 11:01 pm

[re=435550]Come here a minute[/re]: you have all probably noticed that the racist engineer, seeing that was about to hit a cow, which would undoubtedly strike and kill a negro, did not swerve to avoid…..probably because he also hated dogs and obviously was aware that the dog would also die. Thats really how inane claims of racism and animal rights usually are.

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