Michael Steele: I Am A Cow, Now [UPDATE]

  gamesetmatch

Is Michael Steele the new black male Michele Bachmann, minus the macabre, plus the sexy hobbit dancing? Yes, he is that exact equation. We dedicate this blog to him, for acting out so many harmless stage gimmicks every hour, to lift the American spirit. What did he say this time, on the teevee? Well, he now fancies himself to be a cow.

Some Fox News guy here is definitely playing the very cruel and always successful Steele Game, where you throw out the beginning of some lame metaphor or strange concept or controversial corollary, sit back with your popcorn, and watch Michael Steele run with it in any number of comical ways. He poses to Steele (paraphrasing) the idea that health care is a train, and the train is leaving the station, and Obama is driving the train, so should Republicans jump on this train so as not to be losers?

Steele: “Well I’m the cow on the tracks.” [The anchor, victorious, laughs] “You’re gonna have to stop the train to get this cow off the track to move forward.”

Winning imagery, if ever there were. I, Michael Steele, am a dumb fucking cow so fucking dumb that I am standing in front of a train. The train operators will spend 15 minutes moving my dumb fucking cow self off the tracks, involuntarily. 2010, baby!

But the best part of this clip comes at the very end, when some new Fox News lady flippantly says, oh that Michael, so worthless and terrible, ha ha ha, good heavens.

Poor Michael Steele. Sometimes he means well!

UPDATE: Oh yes, jesus, thank you commenter for reminding us of how this situation tends to play out:

Steele: I’m The ‘Cow On The Tracks’ [Think Progress]

Related

 
Related video

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

119 comments

  1. Cicada

    I hate to tell you this, Chairman Steele, but train engineers invented this lovely little device called a cow-catcher. You probably don’t want to know what it does.

  2. iwillsavethispatient

    So, all we need is a cow-catcher on the front of our train and it’s full steam ahead?

  3. GIJoeIce

    What’s even funnier is Jim Bunning presumably got into a drawn out discussion with that lady about the physics of a train hitting a cow, and that that now passes for a serious debate about health care reform.

  4. Minnie Mean

    The cow is just to distract you from the GOP’s “bottoms-up approach”. These guys never change.

  5. Gopherit

    Also, I can’t help but picture his rodney king moment as a bunch of white republican guys beating the shit out of him with the political metaphor equivalent of night sticks. Or real ones.

  6. Dave J.

    “Can we all get in the room and have a Rodney King moment” has to be one of his best lines ever.

  7. davesnothere

    OK, performance art, for sure. Steele is not for real.
    Interviewer: Time is a river.
    Steele: Yes, and you can’t stand in the same river twice. But a tree grows by the river, and a bird sits on a branch, and poops – I am that birdpoop, baby – goin with the flow!

  8. Dave J.

    [re=434607]user-of-owls[/re]: Really, the use of “also” at the end of that piece is what sends it from “pretty fucking funny” to “comedy gold.”

  9. Sweet Baby Cheeses

    Republicans can’t do comedy or metaphors, so they split the difference and end up doing whatever it is that Michael Steele just did there.

  10. RoscoePColtraine

    It’s like President Obama is a powerful jet engine, and I’m the mechanic standing in front of it, right in the suction zone. Dems are gonna have to shut that engine off to make sure I don’t get sucked…WHOA!!!!!………..

  11. Prommie

    Who ties his shoes? This man has the worst case of stupid ever seen, he makes Miss South Carolina loook like a genius. Dining room tables make better arguments.

  12. S.Luggo

    If the Obamacare Special leaves Union Station at 2 p.m. and there is cow on the tracks, how long will it take the health care bill to pass Congress?

    Pencils down.

  13. davesnothere

    What happened to “I don’t do policy?” Steele had his chance to jump off the train with that, now instead he’s in the koan-of-the-day business.

  14. V572625694

    [re=434614]iantenna[/re]: [re=434642]Dave J.[/re]: A “Rodney King Moment” is one where the cops beat the living shit out of you for the crime of driving while Black.

  15. problemwithcaring

    Michael Steele tries to get at least one Rodney King reference into all his public appearances. ‘Cause Rodney is *such* a unifying figure.

  16. Vulpes82

    [re=434633]you cannot be serious[/re]: Bo Obama!!! His secret Portugese communist-fag handlers ordered him to push Michael Steele in front of that train, no matter the cost to his own life.

  17. MingPicket

    The GOP conundrum: how to remove this crazy gaffe-prone black man without it looking like a bunch of white people running out one of the few nonwhite people in the party…

    it’s beautiful.

  18. user-of-owls

    [re=434645]Dave J.[/re]: Jeez, I hadn’t even plumbed that layer yet! Still working through the metaphysical implications of a half-black engineer colliding with a metaphorical cow so powerfully that the cow realizes it’s a Negro and, dying of shame, is denounced as a dog by…ouch, I need to lay down.

  19. Gopherit

    [re=434660]GoodGrief[/re]: I am thankful someone did that. Priceless. Also, it’s a black cow. Stupid, racist bovine.

  20. trondant

    [re=434630]Gopherit[/re]: The Straight Talk Express was doomed the minute it steamed up to Alaska. Every time they hit a moose, they had to stop so Sarah and Todd could scrape the meat off the tracks for dinner.

  21. RoscoePColtraine

    He’s right about one thing. Dems are about stupid enough to stop the train to move his dumb ass.

  22. predilectrix

    The penny has finally dropped for me. GOP hired this man precisely so they could stage their alternative reality, namely, that the coloreds are idiots. The smarter Obama clearly is, the stupider Steele has to be. I suppose this was obvious to you all a long time ago, but I have Steele-like powers of perception.

  23. Terry

    Sometime in the 1800′s, trains had these neato things installed on the front of them called “cow catchers”. They push the cow right off the tracks, no need to stop and get out of the train and deal with the cow. My suggestion to Congress is to stall a cow catcher and plow right on through Steele.

  24. Min

    A bit of advice, Mr. Steele. When the train is speeding down the track toward you, the smart thing to do is to mooooove.

  25. Gopherit

    [re=434671]predilectrix[/re]: I’ve thought along those same lines. Two things have kept me quiet on the matter. The first, that i’d rather not believe anyone could be so callous and evil, and second, that I cannot credit the current republican party with that level of intelligence. I’m afraid that Steele is just a walking facepalm.

  26. Downtheroadapiece

    Seriously, I’ve had way above and beyond my FDA recommended daily intake of Steele. I feel as if I’ve eaten too many Hungry Man frozen meals, all bloated and fat soaked. I need to go check my glucose levels before I get all shocky.

  27. OReillysVibrator

    Something tells me the image of Steele’s death brings today’s Republican base great joy. They’ll want him to use more rope/tree-like settings, but right now they’ll take a train.

  28. Sharkey

    [re=434658]V572625694[/re]: Does Steele liken himself to King? Is Steele likening Obama to King? Does he just want everybody to agree, as problemwithcaring says, even though the King incident is rife with racial overtones? So confused…

    I think he meant to say “a Michael Jackson moment”. Or maybe “a Reginald Denny moment”. Or “an O. J. Simpson moment”. Any of those would have made much more sense.

  29. WadISay

    [re=434652]Prommie[/re]: In fairness, it can’t be easy being the lawn jockey for a party that thinks of Black people the same way it thinks of Martians.

    [re=434671]predilectrix[/re]: I think they’re referred to as steeley powers.

  30. Cocktoastin

    How much more can the country club set endure? after “what up” and the tiny Michael Steele on their their computer television screens this surely must be the last straw. I predict swift vengeance by the RNC to rid themselves of this afro-terrorist.

  31. user-of-owls

    Tomorrow:

    “Well, Shep, I’m the turkey being held upside down behind Sarah Palin during a TV interview.”

  32. Kingbee

    [re=434614]iantenna[/re]: Yeah, as I recall, a “Rodney King” moment is when eight cops beat the shit out of a black guy buzzed up on crack cocaine. This is what Michael Steele is hoping for. Everlasting Fame!

  33. eclecticbrotha

    Man, I picked the wrong time to be black.

    Michael Steele lobbies for a “Rodney King moment,” unknowingly admitting the numerous “meetings” he’s had with the RNC since becoming chairman were basically him getting a beatdown from a roomful of old white men until their arms were tired.

    The 1910 newspaper clipping is perfect. Its also why we Negroes don’t stand near the tracks to watch the trains go by….

  34. user-of-owls

    [re=434658]V572625694[/re]: This should go a long way toward shoring up the Korean vote in L.A.

  35. slappypaddy

    if you peeled away steele’s layer of phony to get to whatever may remain of the real michael, the one who didn’t want to grow up to be a major political party’s token joke… well, there wouldn’t be anything there. if it ever existed it is gone… gone with the wind.

  36. aleks

    And here I thought Mike totally lacked self-awareness. He is indeed standing astride history shouting “Moo.”

  37. Seanyboy

    Well if this supposed “train” has a “wheel” that Obama is behind, can’t he just steer the train around the Michael Steele Cow?

  38. Mustang

    What is a “Rodney King moment”? Is that where we beat the living crap out of a black guy without health insurance?

    Also, as a liberal democrat, I want to go on record as saying I would be willing to compromise and have either higher premiums OR complete government control.

  39. disgustedcitizen

    The whole,(hole?), GOP and their one-gene’er base, are a heard of stupod cows standing in the path of progress. It is high time the train knock them out of the way for good. Sorry for the mangle metaphor.

  40. aleks

    Michael Steele is a fellow standing athwart history yelling Mooooooooooo.

    But I didn’t think he knew it.

  41. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Wait, Steele does realize that trains have things called “Cowcatchers” that allow them to plow right through cows that are on the tracks, right?

  42. Prommie

    Isn’t a “cow on the train tracks” the 19th century version of a “deer in the headlights?”

  43. gurukalehuru

    I propose that a cow be used in the place of an elephant to represent the reprehensibles in all future political cartoons. A cow with the face of Michael Steele.

  44. aleks

    There ought to be a law against Steel coming around. He should be made to wear earphones. But something is happening, and he don’t know what it is . . .

  45. ManchuCandidate

    Note to Mikey: You know that plow looking thing on oldy time trains? That was designed to shove stupid cows out of the way so as the train wouldn’t have to stop and throw off the schedule.

    To be blunt, Mikey, you’re more an rusted out SUV getting run over by an M-1 Abrahms.

    Why didn’t you proclaim yourself as the Tianamen guy who stopped a convoy of tanks?

  46. S.Luggo

    [re=434644]davesnothere[/re]: I’ve been waiting for quite a while to respond to Mr. Steele:

    they wern’t welcome by our ancestors and never will be fuck and drive them from our country native pride forever, and here tha fact sure or colors anree to enimey red and black and white, but we keep real to our native colors native pride to all them streets of westside,northside and all ova

  47. progressiveinga

    [re=434906]notwavingbutdrowning[/re]: Shoulda known Chris Farley was a republican (drunk, fat, not that smart, and very entertaining to watch at times). Chris, we hardly knew ye.

  48. imissopus

    “I just don’t think that’s where the majority of the American people are.”

    Actually it is where we are. You should read a poll every once in awhile.

    I have to think if a train engineer sees a cow blocking the tracks his first thought is “Mmmmm, lunch.”

  49. One Yield Regular

    [re=434630]Gopherit[/re]: I’m going to be really disappointed if John Stewart doesn’t use that clip tonight.

  50. notwavingbutdrowning

    [re=434954]progressiveinga[/re]: I don’t know if he was a Republican. But I know that at Michael Steel’s Grand Old Hip Hop Suburban Dance Party, Chris Farley can dance if he wants to.

  51. LowerdPeninsula

    One word: Cowcatcher.

    I looked; it really is only one word, and with no hyphen, even. Also.

  52. terycarl

    [re=435550]Come here a minute[/re]: you have all probably noticed that the racist engineer, seeing that was about to hit a cow, which would undoubtedly strike and kill a negro, did not swerve to avoid…..probably because he also hated dogs and obviously was aware that the dog would also die. Thats really how inane claims of racism and animal rights usually are.

Comments are closed.