REPUBLICANS ON THE INTERNET  12:41 pm October 14, 2009

Liz Cheney And Bill Kristol’s New KeepAmericaSafe Website Can And Would Torture GOP.com To Death

by Juli Weiner

So Liz Cheney and Bill Kristol talked to some bigwigs over at Internet, who have finally agreed to publish KeepAmericaSafe.com! As soon as you can tear yourself away from Michael Steele’s A Man Got To Have A Code blog, your editor at Wonkette implores you to join us on a tour of this latest significant Republican contribution to the Internet. Never ever has there been so much torture in one place. Ha ha, this certainly is not true. But still! Wouldn’t you like to meet today’s Featured Gitmo Detainee?

GOP.com can just reuse this photo when they need a foreigny one instead of the O, right? That should work? There’s a million more things about bombs and wars and torture and cover-ups and, just… it’s a MELTING POT of human rights abuses is what this place on the Internet is. Basically, if the country did a terrible thing, there is a almost certainly a section celebrating that thing on KeepAmericaSafe.com.

 
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{ 74 comments }

norbizness October 14, 2009 at 12:44 pm

I liked the original website name, perpetualpantspissing.co.jp

Lascauxcaveman October 14, 2009 at 12:44 pm

As an American, I fear the “Rolodex Of Terror.”

Hold me, Liz!

magic titty October 14, 2009 at 12:46 pm

America looks like it’s bleeding on that signage. Clever and timely. Dripping with subtext. I like it.

SmutBoffin October 14, 2009 at 12:51 pm

Few people realize the importance of networking when it comes to international terror. In fact, the FBI catches more terrorists than you’d think just by asking them for business cards.

EdFlinstone October 14, 2009 at 12:51 pm

How many times does Liz Cheny diddle herself into a frothy lather just thinking(and hoping) for another attack on the USA?

hobospacejunkie October 14, 2009 at 12:53 pm

Is there a more pathetic bunch of turd-burglars on the planet? Pining away for the Cold War, ready to denounce everyone as traitorous fags soft on “terror.” And yet, guaranteed, not one fucking person associated with this hatefest has ever served a day in the military. Chickenshit fartsniffers every last one of them.

AtlasHugged October 14, 2009 at 12:53 pm

I love how Step 3 is “call talk radio.” Receive Little Orphan Annie decoder ring is Step 6.

Voyou Charmant October 14, 2009 at 12:53 pm

This may not work.

.—————–TTTT_—–_______
/”””””(______O] ———-____ \______/]_
__…—’”””\_ –” Q ___________@
|”’ ._ _______________=———”””””””
| ..–”| l L |_l |
| ..–” . /-___j ‘ ‘
| ..–” / , ‘ ‘
|–” / ` \
L__’ \ -
– ‘-.
‘. /
‘-./

iStockphoto.com

iStockphoto.com is getting FILTHY RICH off the conservatives now-a-days.

EdFlinstone October 14, 2009 at 12:54 pm

How many times does Liz Cheney diddle herself into a frothy lather just thinking(and hoping) for another attack on the USA?

spelling corrected

Voyou Charmant October 14, 2009 at 12:54 pm

hahahaha and the answer is it did not work.

Tommmcatt October 14, 2009 at 12:55 pm

You know, shave that guy and take off the glasses, and voilà- Turtle from Entourage!

Native of SL UT October 14, 2009 at 12:56 pm

Oh fuck, not the Rolodex of death. Everybody hide!

Sweet Baby Cheeses October 14, 2009 at 12:57 pm

Pepsi is gonna torture sue the shit out of them. I’m Liz and Bill like to think of it as a sea of blood, but I think Pepsi calls it a “wave”.

Buzz Feedback October 14, 2009 at 12:57 pm

All those guys look alike to me.

Sweet Baby Cheeses October 14, 2009 at 1:00 pm

All the news that’s fit to make the chickenhawks pee their pants. WOLVERINES!!

Carrie_Okie October 14, 2009 at 1:01 pm

That time the puritans burnt all the Pequot people alive -Cold KEEPIN’AMERICA SAFE!

RoscoePColtraine October 14, 2009 at 1:01 pm

I look at that photo – the one NOT from iStockphoto – of Hambali, and I get the shivers. It’s not because he looks like a monster, but the fact that he looks so normal. Question: once you feature Hambali, who was Khalid Sheik Mohammed’s most dangerous ally in the rolodex of terror as your Detainee Of The Day, where do you go? Don’t blow your wad too early, Liz.

Native of SL UT October 14, 2009 at 1:02 pm

Why isn’t this featured on their website?

“So we’re at a very unhappy point — a very unhappy point — where unless Israel is prepared to use nuclear weapons against Iran’s program , Iran will have nuclear weapons in the very near future.”

That John Bolton, he so funny.

predilectrix October 14, 2009 at 1:02 pm

[re=434409]magic titty[/re]: Right on. Just needs an animated logo: First Hopey’s happy O logo, then it morphs into this bloody one as Herr Obama’s reign of terror begins.

Come to think of it, Barry’s “O” would fit nicely between a G and P.

pedestrian rage October 14, 2009 at 1:03 pm

How do the GOP faithful manage to go about their daily routines of diddling young boys, barebacking with prostitutes (whoops, that was one of ours), and having extremely not-gay sex with piss running down their legs, what with all the fear and all? Unless piss is part of the equation…

Crank Tango October 14, 2009 at 1:04 pm

[re=434421]EdFlinstone[/re]: every times?

Fred Wertham Jr. October 14, 2009 at 1:05 pm

What’s a rolodex?

Servo October 14, 2009 at 1:06 pm

The libruls want your gunz.
The gubmint wants your money.
The messcans want your land.
The chinks want your jobs.
The niggas want revenge.
The muslins want you dead.

I think a study needs to be done to compare heart disease, ulcers, and strokes between Repugnants and non-Repugnants.

Min October 14, 2009 at 1:09 pm

Is it creepy? Yup.
It is offensive? Yup.
Does it revel in the suffering of other? Yup.
Then it’s got “Republican” written all over it.

sati demise October 14, 2009 at 1:09 pm

Lets see her keep defending her daddys torture chambers after the Justice Department starts rounding up the people who went above and beyond Mr. Yoos guidelines.

god, she is a pig. an entitled rich sow.

freakishlystrong October 14, 2009 at 1:10 pm

Keep America Safe? What, are they outing themselves? Who will keep America safe from those two lunatics?

WadISay October 14, 2009 at 1:10 pm

I hope the site has a section where vampyres can meet werewolves.

Jim89048 October 14, 2009 at 1:11 pm

It’s a small leap from rolodex to another deck of cards. The horror!

SayItWithWookies October 14, 2009 at 1:11 pm

How do they have such extensive bios on their three featured detainees — did this information come out at their trials? Hahahahaha — okay, I’m going to go cry now.

RoscoePColtraine October 14, 2009 at 1:11 pm

The card with the Smith-Corona typeface is taken from the rolodex of terror, filed under “Mass Murderers.” Look, and be amazed.

Tommmcatt October 14, 2009 at 1:11 pm

[re=434436]Native of SL UT[/re]:

Right? Like Israel, a liberal democracy, is going to nuke a country 900 miles away- basically the distance from Dallas to Philadelphia. They know fallout travels through the air and water in the Mideast, just like everywhere else…

Bolton has built a career on being wrong about everything. Simply everything.

Tommmcatt October 14, 2009 at 1:12 pm

[re=434442]Fred Wertham Jr.[/re]:

It’s like the address book on your I-Phone, only about $295 cheaper.

obfuscator October 14, 2009 at 1:13 pm

[re=434409]magic titty[/re]: is it just me, or does that turd of a website kind of look like the obama for america campaign site, but with 900% more shitty and 677% more fucktardation?

EdFlinstone October 14, 2009 at 1:15 pm

Liz Cheney and Jonah Goldberg both prove the nut doesnt fall far from the (nut)tree.

Native of SL UT October 14, 2009 at 1:15 pm

[re=434443]Servo[/re]: I’m a non-repugnant that had a heart attack at 47.
I can testify that if these people want something to be truly afraid of, it’s too many 4 piece chicken dinners from KFC.

Formerly Known as KevoTron October 14, 2009 at 1:19 pm

Ahhhh!!! Good ole fashioned Fear and Loathing right there! Smells like 2003 all over again…

Crank Tango October 14, 2009 at 1:19 pm

[re=434464]EdFlinstone[/re]: in upstate NY, there is actually a “torture tree”

http://www.waymarking.com/waymarks/WM3J6B

snideinplainsight October 14, 2009 at 1:19 pm

Maybe Pepsi is a sponsor? Pepsi – America’s number 1 not-soft-on-terrorists soft drink!

Country Club Jihadi October 14, 2009 at 1:20 pm

That logo looks like it had its throat slit with a box cutter.

user-of-owls October 14, 2009 at 1:25 pm

The Cheney Family Dynasty: Because America needed its very own Somozas.

EdFlinstone October 14, 2009 at 1:26 pm

[re=434479]Crank Tango[/re]: I believe one of Liz’s kids were conceived under that tree.

sarcasticusername October 14, 2009 at 1:27 pm

all these years, who knew that all it took to fend of terrorists was a wingnut website.

Dr. Spaceman October 14, 2009 at 1:28 pm

Kill.all.darkies@the.world is signed up for their newsletter.

sati demise October 14, 2009 at 1:28 pm

[re=434482]Country Club Jihadi[/re]: oh snap!

a Jihadi would know of course.

Crank Tango October 14, 2009 at 1:30 pm

[re=434497]EdFlinstone[/re]: and then sacrificed and eaten under a full moon!

teebob2000 October 14, 2009 at 1:32 pm

[re=434479]Crank Tango[/re]: Fuckin injuns!! I’ll teach them to kill our boys! Let’s round em all up and put em in big isolated enclaves where disease and alcoholism can run rampant…

Wait… Oh, never mind.

smitallica October 14, 2009 at 1:35 pm

The Rolodex of Terror has the names of all the scary guys we keep seeing on the Monkeybars of Evil.

qwerty42 October 14, 2009 at 1:37 pm

courtesy Sullivan, Scott Horton’s thoughts on “Keep America Safe” (hint: he’s not positive). After some unkind words, he concludes with:

I’d reduce the real purpose of Keep America Safe to this: “Please don’t prosecute my father!” It’s increasingly clear that Dick Cheney was the author of the Bush-era torture policies, and my hunch is that when the Justice Department releases the OPR report on the torture memos, we’re going to find more evidence of the invisible hand of Dick Cheney behind the whole project. Any fair-minded federal prosecutor looking into the matter would shortly be preparing to do what Patrick Fitzgerald probably wishes now he had done: indict Dick Cheney.

oh please, oh please, oh please …. let’s put the monster on trial. I don’t care what happens after that, but a trial would be so … wonderful! it it so wrong to want that?

snideinplainsight October 14, 2009 at 1:38 pm

[re=434479]Crank Tango[/re]: I’ve been to that tree!! I love upstate history!

Ducksworthy October 14, 2009 at 1:39 pm

Wow! A website dedicated to protecting war criminals. Cool! If Eichmann had thought of this he’d still be governor of Texas.

qwerty42 October 14, 2009 at 1:43 pm

[re=434538]qwerty42[/re]: oops …
oh please, oh please, oh please …. let’s put the monster on trial. I don’t care what happens after that, but a trial would be so … wonderful! it it so wrong to want that?

was mine …. a typo in my html did not close the ital.

Lionel Hutz Esq. October 14, 2009 at 1:43 pm

First of all, everyone knows the center of torture in the United States is Liz Cheney’s bed room. And you show me just one place that nipple clamps are mentioned in the Geneva Convention.

Secondly, the so-called terrorist is obviously a fake, as it is well known that a Rolodex is an affront to Muhammad, peace be upon him. Plus, doesn’t Bill Kristol know that you are not supposed to hit people who wear glasses? What a bully.

Crank Tango October 14, 2009 at 1:44 pm

[re=434539]snideinplainsight[/re]: Nice! Kinda outta the way–do you live in the area?

hagajim October 14, 2009 at 1:48 pm

Your GOP – making you shit yourself repeatedly since 2001 – whether you want to or not! God where is Larry Craig when you need him! Right – in my rolodex.

friendlyskies October 14, 2009 at 1:49 pm

[re=434453]Tommmcatt[/re]: Actually, the fallout probably wouldn’t be too bad by the time it got to Israel (wind blows in northeast from the Mediterranean), but the radiation cloud would definitely save our troops in Iraq the added expense of haircuts for awhile.

snideinplainsight October 14, 2009 at 1:56 pm

[re=434551]Crank Tango[/re]: I grew up in Alleghany County NY (Rushford, in particular.) I believe the details regarding Boyd_Parker is that, while they were still alive, the Senecas tacked one end of their intestines to the tree and then chased them around it. That’s what I’d heard, anyway. Those Senecas – they were kidders.

blader October 14, 2009 at 1:59 pm

Why don’t they just take KSM’s rolodex from him so he can’t make any more calls?

Crank Tango October 14, 2009 at 2:03 pm

[re=434572]snideinplainsight[/re]: Now I remember you commenting on the rochester KFC thread over the summer! My stepdad lives in geneseo. I used to see the tree every time I went from buffalo to visit. until the mine collapsed back in 94 or whatever.

Yeah I think that’s how the torture tree worked. Tied to the tree with your own entrails. Them indians made the cheneys look like the pussies that they are. What is waterboarding compared to getting tied to a tree with your own intestines until you fucking die?!

bitchincamaro October 14, 2009 at 2:06 pm

This site is just the tip of the swamp. I got sucked into “The Long War” link site and barely got out alive. Fucking Krauthammer.

Suds McKenzie October 14, 2009 at 2:10 pm

Cant wait for the “congrats” post with adorable pictures when her Lezbo sister pops another one out!!1

dijetlo October 14, 2009 at 2:11 pm

Look Wonketteers, five ways we can help Liz and Billy

Join Us- Because without you, the Asylum just isn’t the same

Contribute-Of course, scaring people for free would be socialist, wouldn’t it?

Write News Editors-Translation “Be my blogwhore”.

Call Talk Radio- Those crackpots believe almost anything and they are easier to frighten than pack of 11 year old girls. That one was Billies idea.

Write Your Legislators-Because if your going to be a blog whore, there is no reason no to be a pernicious one.

dijetlo October 14, 2009 at 2:13 pm

[re=434577]blader[/re]: He’s got the really bad ones on speed dial.

S.Luggo October 14, 2009 at 2:14 pm

“[Our country] needs preventative detention facilities where our intelligence officials can have the opportunity to do their job and learn about the enemy.”

At least give Hitler attribution, Liz.

Extemporanus October 14, 2009 at 2:20 pm

[re=434423]Tommmcatt[/re]: Turtle is a GOP face.

problemwithcaring October 14, 2009 at 2:26 pm

Well Liz Cheney and our very own Meggers should be the “future of the Republican Party” – or so says Kathleen Parker in the WaPo today.

Side note: I learned in this article that Meg is a “a pro-choice, pro-gay rights libertarian.” All this time reading Wonkette, I had no idea what she actually believed.

comicbookguy October 14, 2009 at 2:31 pm

Omitted from the article: none of those Republican women have any chance of winning elected office.

doloras October 14, 2009 at 2:41 pm

Israel nukes Iran -> Turkey, Saudia Arabia, Iraq etc go radioactive -> they all suddenly join the Push The Zionists Into The Sea coalition -> the US armed forces have to pretty much airlift the entire population of Tel Aviv to Staten Island or similar. End of Israel.

Zadig October 14, 2009 at 3:04 pm

[re=434585]Crank Tango[/re]: Yeah, but their torture wasn’t masked by some bullshit attempt to gain actionable intelligence, or keep Indians safe, or whatever. It’s only purpose was to be a huge “Fuck you, whitey, die horribly.”

comicbookguy October 14, 2009 at 3:13 pm

Am I the only one with the courage to point out that we haven’t had a single terrorist attack since Liz started her website? I think their track record is pretty good here.

PoignancySelz October 14, 2009 at 3:14 pm

the obvious things we need to be kept safe from are guns and cars (roughly 500,000 fatalities since 911) and one more thing we need to be kept safe America:
No More Cheneys or Kristols

Josef K. October 14, 2009 at 3:47 pm

I’m a bigger fan of http://keepamericascared.com/

greensprout October 14, 2009 at 3:51 pm

Aha, so they admit via their wording that America is currently safe, despite that Darkie desecrating the White Man’s House and stinking up air force one with feces! God, no wonder they fear invasion by Muslins. A domain name change would be a huge pain in the ass.

Catholics4Condoms October 14, 2009 at 5:24 pm

They should put up pictures of wolves. Wolves worked so well on that commercial in 5 years ago that gave us 4 more years of Lil’ Bush and Big Dick.

PoignancySelz October 14, 2009 at 6:03 pm

[re=434859]Josef K.[/re]: Great site man, but the scary thing it will be lost on the end of a thread. My two new additions to my Favorites are http://keepamericascared.com/ and the Hillbilly Church

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