republicans on the internet

Liz Cheney And Bill Kristol’s New KeepAmericaSafe Website Can And Would Torture GOP.com To Death

So Liz Cheney and Bill Kristol talked to some bigwigs over at Internet, who have finally agreed to publish KeepAmericaSafe.com! As soon as you can tear yourself away from Michael Steele’s A Man Got To Have A Code blog, your editor at Wonkette implores you to join us on a tour of this latest significant Republican contribution to the Internet. Never ever has there been so much torture in one place. Ha ha, this certainly is not true. But still! Wouldn’t you like to meet today’s Featured Gitmo Detainee?

GOP.com can just reuse this photo when they need a foreigny one instead of the O, right? That should work? There’s a million more things about bombs and wars and torture and cover-ups and, just… it’s a MELTING POT of human rights abuses is what this place on the Internet is. Basically, if the country did a terrible thing, there is a almost certainly a section celebrating that thing on KeepAmericaSafe.com.

About the author

Juli Weiner was Wonkette's beloved intern and books columnist and then morning editor until she was hired away by Vanity Fair in 2010.

View all articles by Juli Weiner
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74 comments

  1. magic titty

    America looks like it’s bleeding on that signage. Clever and timely. Dripping with subtext. I like it.

  2. SmutBoffin

    Few people realize the importance of networking when it comes to international terror. In fact, the FBI catches more terrorists than you’d think just by asking them for business cards.

  3. EdFlinstone

    How many times does Liz Cheny diddle herself into a frothy lather just thinking(and hoping) for another attack on the USA?

  4. hobospacejunkie

    Is there a more pathetic bunch of turd-burglars on the planet? Pining away for the Cold War, ready to denounce everyone as traitorous fags soft on “terror.” And yet, guaranteed, not one fucking person associated with this hatefest has ever served a day in the military. Chickenshit fartsniffers every last one of them.

  5. Voyou Charmant

    This may not work.

    .—————–TTTT_—–_______
    /”””””(______O] ———-____ \______/]_
    __…—’”””\_ –” Q ___________@
    |”’ ._ _______________=———”””””””
    | ..–”| l L |_l |
    | ..–” . /-___j ‘ ‘
    | ..–” / , ‘ ‘
    |–” / ` \
    L__’ \ -
    – ‘-.
    ‘. /
    ‘-./

    iStockphoto.com

    iStockphoto.com is getting FILTHY RICH off the conservatives now-a-days.

  6. EdFlinstone

    How many times does Liz Cheney diddle herself into a frothy lather just thinking(and hoping) for another attack on the USA?

    spelling corrected

  7. Sweet Baby Cheeses

    Pepsi is gonna torture sue the shit out of them. I’m Liz and Bill like to think of it as a sea of blood, but I think Pepsi calls it a “wave”.

  8. RoscoePColtraine

    I look at that photo – the one NOT from iStockphoto – of Hambali, and I get the shivers. It’s not because he looks like a monster, but the fact that he looks so normal. Question: once you feature Hambali, who was Khalid Sheik Mohammed’s most dangerous ally in the rolodex of terror as your Detainee Of The Day, where do you go? Don’t blow your wad too early, Liz.

  9. Native of SL UT

    Why isn’t this featured on their website?

    “So we’re at a very unhappy point — a very unhappy point — where unless Israel is prepared to use nuclear weapons against Iran’s program , Iran will have nuclear weapons in the very near future.”

    That John Bolton, he so funny.

  10. predilectrix

    [re=434409]magic titty[/re]: Right on. Just needs an animated logo: First Hopey’s happy O logo, then it morphs into this bloody one as Herr Obama’s reign of terror begins.

    Come to think of it, Barry’s “O” would fit nicely between a G and P.

  11. pedestrian rage

    How do the GOP faithful manage to go about their daily routines of diddling young boys, barebacking with prostitutes (whoops, that was one of ours), and having extremely not-gay sex with piss running down their legs, what with all the fear and all? Unless piss is part of the equation…

  12. Servo

    The libruls want your gunz.
    The gubmint wants your money.
    The messcans want your land.
    The chinks want your jobs.
    The niggas want revenge.
    The muslins want you dead.

    I think a study needs to be done to compare heart disease, ulcers, and strokes between Repugnants and non-Repugnants.

  13. Min

    Is it creepy? Yup.
    It is offensive? Yup.
    Does it revel in the suffering of other? Yup.
    Then it’s got “Republican” written all over it.

  14. sati demise

    Lets see her keep defending her daddys torture chambers after the Justice Department starts rounding up the people who went above and beyond Mr. Yoos guidelines.

    god, she is a pig. an entitled rich sow.

  15. freakishlystrong

    Keep America Safe? What, are they outing themselves? Who will keep America safe from those two lunatics?

  16. SayItWithWookies

    How do they have such extensive bios on their three featured detainees — did this information come out at their trials? Hahahahaha — okay, I’m going to go cry now.

  17. RoscoePColtraine

    The card with the Smith-Corona typeface is taken from the rolodex of terror, filed under “Mass Murderers.” Look, and be amazed.

  18. Tommmcatt

    [re=434436]Native of SL UT[/re]:

    Right? Like Israel, a liberal democracy, is going to nuke a country 900 miles away- basically the distance from Dallas to Philadelphia. They know fallout travels through the air and water in the Mideast, just like everywhere else…

    Bolton has built a career on being wrong about everything. Simply everything.

  19. Tommmcatt

    [re=434442]Fred Wertham Jr.[/re]:

    It’s like the address book on your I-Phone, only about $295 cheaper.

  20. obfuscator

    [re=434409]magic titty[/re]: is it just me, or does that turd of a website kind of look like the obama for america campaign site, but with 900% more shitty and 677% more fucktardation?

  21. Native of SL UT

    [re=434443]Servo[/re]: I’m a non-repugnant that had a heart attack at 47.
    I can testify that if these people want something to be truly afraid of, it’s too many 4 piece chicken dinners from KFC.

  22. Formerly Known as KevoTron

    Ahhhh!!! Good ole fashioned Fear and Loathing right there! Smells like 2003 all over again…

  23. snideinplainsight

    Maybe Pepsi is a sponsor? Pepsi – America’s number 1 not-soft-on-terrorists soft drink!

  24. teebob2000

    [re=434479]Crank Tango[/re]: Fuckin injuns!! I’ll teach them to kill our boys! Let’s round em all up and put em in big isolated enclaves where disease and alcoholism can run rampant…

    Wait… Oh, never mind.

  25. smitallica

    The Rolodex of Terror has the names of all the scary guys we keep seeing on the Monkeybars of Evil.

  26. qwerty42

    courtesy Sullivan, Scott Horton’s thoughts on “Keep America Safe” (hint: he’s not positive). After some unkind words, he concludes with:

    I’d reduce the real purpose of Keep America Safe to this: “Please don’t prosecute my father!” It’s increasingly clear that Dick Cheney was the author of the Bush-era torture policies, and my hunch is that when the Justice Department releases the OPR report on the torture memos, we’re going to find more evidence of the invisible hand of Dick Cheney behind the whole project. Any fair-minded federal prosecutor looking into the matter would shortly be preparing to do what Patrick Fitzgerald probably wishes now he had done: indict Dick Cheney.

    oh please, oh please, oh please …. let’s put the monster on trial. I don’t care what happens after that, but a trial would be so … wonderful! it it so wrong to want that?

  27. Ducksworthy

    Wow! A website dedicated to protecting war criminals. Cool! If Eichmann had thought of this he’d still be governor of Texas.

  28. qwerty42

    [re=434538]qwerty42[/re]: oops …
    oh please, oh please, oh please …. let’s put the monster on trial. I don’t care what happens after that, but a trial would be so … wonderful! it it so wrong to want that?

    was mine …. a typo in my html did not close the ital.

  29. Lionel Hutz Esq.

    First of all, everyone knows the center of torture in the United States is Liz Cheney’s bed room. And you show me just one place that nipple clamps are mentioned in the Geneva Convention.

    Secondly, the so-called terrorist is obviously a fake, as it is well known that a Rolodex is an affront to Muhammad, peace be upon him. Plus, doesn’t Bill Kristol know that you are not supposed to hit people who wear glasses? What a bully.

  30. hagajim

    Your GOP – making you shit yourself repeatedly since 2001 – whether you want to or not! God where is Larry Craig when you need him! Right – in my rolodex.

  31. friendlyskies

    [re=434453]Tommmcatt[/re]: Actually, the fallout probably wouldn’t be too bad by the time it got to Israel (wind blows in northeast from the Mediterranean), but the radiation cloud would definitely save our troops in Iraq the added expense of haircuts for awhile.

  32. snideinplainsight

    [re=434551]Crank Tango[/re]: I grew up in Alleghany County NY (Rushford, in particular.) I believe the details regarding Boyd_Parker is that, while they were still alive, the Senecas tacked one end of their intestines to the tree and then chased them around it. That’s what I’d heard, anyway. Those Senecas – they were kidders.

  33. Crank Tango

    [re=434572]snideinplainsight[/re]: Now I remember you commenting on the rochester KFC thread over the summer! My stepdad lives in geneseo. I used to see the tree every time I went from buffalo to visit. until the mine collapsed back in 94 or whatever.

    Yeah I think that’s how the torture tree worked. Tied to the tree with your own entrails. Them indians made the cheneys look like the pussies that they are. What is waterboarding compared to getting tied to a tree with your own intestines until you fucking die?!

  34. bitchincamaro

    This site is just the tip of the swamp. I got sucked into “The Long War” link site and barely got out alive. Fucking Krauthammer.

  35. Suds McKenzie

    Cant wait for the “congrats” post with adorable pictures when her Lezbo sister pops another one out!!1

  36. dijetlo

    Look Wonketteers, five ways we can help Liz and Billy

    Join Us- Because without you, the Asylum just isn’t the same

    Contribute-Of course, scaring people for free would be socialist, wouldn’t it?

    Write News Editors-Translation “Be my blogwhore”.

    Call Talk Radio- Those crackpots believe almost anything and they are easier to frighten than pack of 11 year old girls. That one was Billies idea.

    Write Your Legislators-Because if your going to be a blog whore, there is no reason no to be a pernicious one.

  37. S.Luggo

    “[Our country] needs preventative detention facilities where our intelligence officials can have the opportunity to do their job and learn about the enemy.”

    At least give Hitler attribution, Liz.

  38. problemwithcaring

    Well Liz Cheney and our very own Meggers should be the “future of the Republican Party” – or so says Kathleen Parker in the WaPo today.

    Side note: I learned in this article that Meg is a “a pro-choice, pro-gay rights libertarian.” All this time reading Wonkette, I had no idea what she actually believed.

  39. comicbookguy

    Omitted from the article: none of those Republican women have any chance of winning elected office.

  40. doloras

    Israel nukes Iran -> Turkey, Saudia Arabia, Iraq etc go radioactive -> they all suddenly join the Push The Zionists Into The Sea coalition -> the US armed forces have to pretty much airlift the entire population of Tel Aviv to Staten Island or similar. End of Israel.

  41. Zadig

    [re=434585]Crank Tango[/re]: Yeah, but their torture wasn’t masked by some bullshit attempt to gain actionable intelligence, or keep Indians safe, or whatever. It’s only purpose was to be a huge “Fuck you, whitey, die horribly.”

  42. comicbookguy

    Am I the only one with the courage to point out that we haven’t had a single terrorist attack since Liz started her website? I think their track record is pretty good here.

  43. PoignancySelz

    the obvious things we need to be kept safe from are guns and cars (roughly 500,000 fatalities since 911) and one more thing we need to be kept safe America:
    No More Cheneys or Kristols

  44. greensprout

    Aha, so they admit via their wording that America is currently safe, despite that Darkie desecrating the White Man’s House and stinking up air force one with feces! God, no wonder they fear invasion by Muslins. A domain name change would be a huge pain in the ass.

  45. Catholics4Condoms

    They should put up pictures of wolves. Wolves worked so well on that commercial in 5 years ago that gave us 4 more years of Lil’ Bush and Big Dick.

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