INSTANT CLASSICS  7:55 pm October 13, 2009

RedState About To Blow Olympia Snowe’s MIND

by Jim Newell

This happened. [RedState]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 162 comments }

Sharkey October 13, 2009 at 7:58 pm

Guess the “Snowe Blowers” were too expensive.

Atheist Nun October 13, 2009 at 8:00 pm

Well, you didn’t expect him to send her his baggie of coke, now, did you?

Darkness October 13, 2009 at 8:01 pm

Snowe’s office should stack the bags by the outside door, take a picture of it with the snow blowing outside, and write an accompanying thank-you letter for the local paper.

comradepaulson October 13, 2009 at 8:01 pm

Send powdery substance to The Capital. Yeah, that’ll go over big.

GDuvall October 13, 2009 at 8:01 pm

“Having been banished to our world after Aslan chased her out of Narnia…”

Does anyone here speak Nerd?

Suds McKenzie October 13, 2009 at 8:02 pm

So five pounds of Summers Eve to Erik Erikson than?

PoignancySelz October 13, 2009 at 8:02 pm

Send her some Tea-Bags too, just because your so creatively funny.

Smoke Filled Roommate October 13, 2009 at 8:04 pm

Why do they always have to send shit to people? Yawn.

Alpha O. Mega October 13, 2009 at 8:05 pm

Just don’t do anything to turn the snowe yellow.

Extemporanus October 13, 2009 at 8:07 pm

What ever he touches starts to melt in his clutches, he’s too much!

NebraskashireGentry October 13, 2009 at 8:07 pm

I didn’t know right-wingers were allowed to read fantasy fiction…or books of any kind.

problemwithcaring October 13, 2009 at 8:08 pm

Sending her hard to find, quality rock salt and just in time for the DC freeze?

It’s demonstrating something alright…

Crank Tango October 13, 2009 at 8:08 pm

[re=433892]Darkness[/re]: yeah that dude is fucking retarded. Way to show’em, by sending rock salt to maine. Last I heard, rock salt was getting pretty expensive for towns and shit.

They are so into their stupid cute little metaphoric ideas, first by sucking on ballsacks and calling it a teabag party, and now every asshole is gonna mail five pounds of rock salt through the public option post office to GIVE ROCK SALT TO MAINE AT THE START OF WINTER.

JMP October 13, 2009 at 8:09 pm

Send it to her office in Maine. Has Erickson ever been to Maine in the winter, or even late fall? Because rock salt is actually pretty damn useful there.

“Oh, what a horrible insult; a product that we normally have to spend money on, for free!”

tiny mexican October 13, 2009 at 8:14 pm

Didn’t they actually send trucknutz to Mitch McConnell because he’s such a nancy gay? Or maybe it was because they thought he needed more testicular fortitude. iono, I swear I read about it on Sadly No, or else I dreamt it.

Atheist Nun October 13, 2009 at 8:14 pm

I should know better than to expect anything “written” by a drooler like Erikson to make sense, but:

“An actual person is doing something I don’t like. SOMETHING ABOUT A FICTIONAL CHARACTER IN A CHILDREN’S BOOK. I shall wish a little child’s version of revenge upon her! Her last name indicates that she is actually made of frozen water. I will spend actual money to demonstrate my substandard level of intelligence. I will then suggest that other people spend money on this stupid thing, in the middle of a recession caused by my own political party. Whaaa whaaa whaaa, I need my diaper changed.”

Extemporanus October 13, 2009 at 8:14 pm

[re=433899]Alpha O. Mega[/re]: Erick should try to write his name in her.

MingPicket October 13, 2009 at 8:17 pm

If I ask nicely, will they send me some rock salt too?

Extemporanus October 13, 2009 at 8:17 pm

[re=433910]Extemporanus[/re]: Though in order to do so, he’d first have to mount Olympia, and I seriously doubt that he’s in that kind of shape.

PoignancySelz October 13, 2009 at 8:18 pm

[re=433898]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: I know it’s lame to send shit, but could we send Erick Erickson (BTW, WTF kinda name is that?) something? Fill in the blank…..

Johnny Zhivago October 13, 2009 at 8:18 pm

That’s brilliant, shipping large amounts of a crystaline substance to a federal official…

Hopefully the entire East Coast Post Office ends up being shut down and closed for a month for fumagation and irradiation thanks to this moronic trick.

Hopey dont play that game October 13, 2009 at 8:18 pm

I support the public option too. Could he and his minions send me Starbucks gift cards? A gentle tug from a nubile coed? That will show me…

PickneyPinchback October 13, 2009 at 8:21 pm

What a bozo. Symbols should not have to be explained in minute detail with progressive qualities.

Why not just send her glue? Because, you know, Erickson’s rubber and she’s glue, because like the insults, they stick to her. So that’s a way of communicating to her that you’re going to insult her, by sending her glue! Ingenious!

coolcatdaddy October 13, 2009 at 8:22 pm

Click here to order your bag.

Or, better yet, if you’re a regular reader of Red State, grab a spare sack from WalMart and empty the rocks from your head into it…

tiny mexican October 13, 2009 at 8:22 pm

Libtards! We need to step up our game. Let’s brainstorm similarly great ideas for our protests.

- Send air conditioners to Rick Perry to show him that executing innocents isn’t COOL

- Send dehumidifiers to Charlie Crist to show he’s got to CLEAR THE AIR about his connections to scam fundraiser Alan Mendelsohn

- Send coupons for Mystic Tan to John Boehner to show that SKIN CANCER IS A PRE-EXISTING CONDITION

- Send a lot of Vicodin to Rush Limbaugh to show the importance of NOT CAUSING PAIN TO OTHERS

- Send Lindsey Graham gay porn because he should be supporting STIMULUS

Johnny Zhivago October 13, 2009 at 8:24 pm

[re=433921]PickneyPinchback[/re]: Actually, salt melts snow, but Salte would be the thing that melts Snowe, right.

TheWaltonFirm October 13, 2009 at 8:25 pm

and just like that, the “salter” movement was born. “we were totally different than the tea-partiers, sure of course both of us were grassroots movements based on mailing shit to people, ors was different guys, cause ours was about, like, this one time there was this bill that was going to get out of comittee, but it was REAL IMPORTANT that we all voted no on it together, but then there was this one woman who was like, a traitor, even though there was a six-vote difference hers was the important one because… hey wait this is important… hey c’mon guys this is really serious … I’m really mad here…”

glamourdammerung October 13, 2009 at 8:27 pm

[re=433915]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: Sounds like a job for the FBI/Homeland Security. After all, incitement to threaten public officials was illegal last time I checked.

stolichnayaaa October 13, 2009 at 8:27 pm

So.. if.. she weighs, the same as a duck… then…

Lulzors. I love how elaborate the explanation of the joke is. This guy has some serious respect for his audience.

It’s like he is telling a joke to a golden retriever. I am picturing lots of miming.

stolichnayaaa October 13, 2009 at 8:29 pm

Also, can we please get Erik Erickson in a room with Kris Kristofferson?

Johnny Zhivago October 13, 2009 at 8:29 pm

Hurray!!! Maine gets to keep it’s roads open this winter afterall!!!!

Smoke Filled Roommate October 13, 2009 at 8:29 pm

[re=433913]PoignancySelz[/re]: We shall send Erick, Son of Erick a Viking hat and some Midol.

hobospacejunkie October 13, 2009 at 8:30 pm

Every time these ‘tards protest something it only serves to highlight a government function that is done or has been done relatively well: the USPS, Medicare, the Federal Reserve (bailout,) the FBI (whose interrogation was working until the CIA torturers stepped in.) I’m sure there are others. They seem intent on disproving Ronaldus Prime’s maxim “govt ain’t the solution, it’s the problem.”

Exterminatus October 13, 2009 at 8:32 pm

Why are they not sending Calcium Chloride, something that is actually useful for melting ice? It melts ice down to lower temperatures and is no more toxic to plants than the Sodium Chloride that makes up rock salt. Calcium Chloride and not rock salt is what is used in Minnesota to melt ice on roads and highways. These RedState bozos would be better off buying a 40 pound bag of Potassium Chloride intended for water softeners, sharing it amongst themselves and then injecting themselves with a saturated solution of it into a large vein. It would do us all a favor.* A solution of water and Potassium Chloride is what most states use as final ingredient in execution by lethal injection. It stops the heart and if one was conscious, it would be no fun.

*Actual RedStaters considering suicide, call a suicide prevention hotline instead. There are various types of resources available to everyone, even those with no health insurance or those with inadequate coverage.

Johnny Zhivago October 13, 2009 at 8:32 pm

Send Erick Erickson used condoms – because he’s a dick!

grevillea October 13, 2009 at 8:32 pm

C’mon guys, take part in my super serious protest. UPLOAD A PHOTO OF YOUR NUTZ HERE.

stolichnayaaa October 13, 2009 at 8:32 pm

[re=433926]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: You know what gets rid of Snowe? Plowes. And what are plowes made of? That’s right.

Steele.

DemmeFatale October 13, 2009 at 8:33 pm

Hmmm…Snowe…snow…rock salt!
Oh, how funny!
How original!
So clever!
What a knee-slapper!

Rock salt to Maine, coals to Newcastle!

stolichnayaaa October 13, 2009 at 8:34 pm

[re=433934]hobospacejunkie[/re]: haha, awesome. “Look, it only costs $3 to send a heavy, unwieldy bag of minerals to Maine! So you can show that socialism is a failure!”

I know I am all over this thread but you people are making me warm inside.

Johnny Zhivago October 13, 2009 at 8:34 pm

Actually – a note to all RedStaters – send the salt to ME – I’ll be sure to let Snowe know how much I ended up with…

Because I’ve got a like a half mile long driveway and it’s a pain in the ass going out and hauling those 90 pound bags back from Agway.

bhosp October 13, 2009 at 8:34 pm

[re=433901]Extemporanus[/re]: Give this man a comment of the day award. WWASC WIN.

Dilaceratus October 13, 2009 at 8:36 pm

As though there were any human way to keep track of the ways Erick Erickson is wrong about everything, always, he also doesn’t understand Chemistry, since salt doesn’t melt snow, it merely allows it to stay liquid near it’s freezing point.

(Not that using science facts was ever a useful gambit when mocking a cretin intent on acting out his sublimated fantasies of pooping on those who’ve angered them… They are always so proud to present their poohs, too. Like Rush Lumbaugh spawning Glenn Beck.)

President Beeblebrox October 13, 2009 at 8:37 pm

[re=433924]tiny mexican[/re]: I was actually thinking that sending Rick Perry a gross of ShamWows would be appropriate.

This will all end in tears … for the nutters. If we’re lucky, Olympia will decide she’s had enough of wingnuttery and do a Specter on them.

Lord Growing October 13, 2009 at 8:38 pm

Then send some cow shit to Grassley so he will keep growing tall and strong.

bhosp October 13, 2009 at 8:39 pm

[re=433908]tiny mexican[/re]: Yes, that was also a thing that happened.

Wasn’t this actually what started the Wonkette trucknutz thing?

Crank Tango October 13, 2009 at 8:40 pm

Since I am not a 13 year old girl I don’t get the whole Narnia thing, if it makes sense to any of you 13 year old girls out there…

Simba B October 13, 2009 at 8:40 pm

Yeah, haha, Erick has done this before, and it’s genius, really, because I guarantee you that’s an affiliate link and he gets a cut of the sales.

Eh. It’s safer most scams that operate off of conservative websites, if a little shameless.

bhosp October 13, 2009 at 8:41 pm

[re=433939]stolichnayaaa[/re]: OH MY GOD! That is more prophecy than the Da Vinci and Bible codes combined!!

grevillea October 13, 2009 at 8:43 pm

Snowe, salt, teabagz. It’s the new rock, paper, scissors for wingtards.

hobospacejunkie October 13, 2009 at 8:45 pm

[re=433942]stolichnayaaa[/re]: All over this thread is good. Just like in grade school, participation is looked upon favorably. And vodka makes me feel warm inside.

I’m sending Rick Perry a gross of doggy combs so he’ll have a clean one with which to pet the heads of all the constituents he meets whose hair he can’t resist petting. I’m not sure how this is a protest, but it will come to me.

Long Form Def Certificate October 13, 2009 at 8:46 pm

Leni Reifenstahl had other ideas for Olympia.

Crank Tango October 13, 2009 at 8:48 pm

Customer Reviews
Dirty Salt
This is the dirtiest rock salt I’ve ever seen. Remember years ago when you opened up the rock salt, and it was white, and you could actually grab a piece and suck on it ..this isn’t it ! This bag of salt looked like they’d swept it up off the busy New York streets after a long storm
and then dried and bagged it. Like a friend said, “Buy Morton, it’s clean salt.” Think I’ll do that next time.

Chemistry at its best
This amazing product miraculously combines sodium and chorine into a stable mineral compound. Then when combined with ice, it accelerates the melting of the ice. That reaction requires heat, which it draws from the surrounding area. The result? A mixture of dairy products, fruit and sugar in an adjacent container becomes ice cream. There is a glacier near my house that’s really been bothering me, and I’m going to pour some of this “sodium chloride” on it to see what happens. Wish me luck.

not worth the cost of shipping
I added this to my cart as a last minute purchase and the shipping cost 4X the price of the salt!

Liebestod October 13, 2009 at 8:51 pm

[re=433910]Extemporanus[/re]: in her? or on her?

t_rax October 13, 2009 at 8:52 pm

[re=433924]tiny mexican[/re]: Send dildos to Boehner.

tsunami October 13, 2009 at 8:53 pm

actually, since snowe is used to make snow balls, this douche erickson should send
her one of his…if he has any.

Terry October 13, 2009 at 8:53 pm

[re=433892]Darkness[/re]:

Donate the bags of salt to folks in Maine. Needy folks, preferably ones with illnesses or injuries that would make walking on the ice particularly dangerous and health insurance a particular necessity.

Smoke Filled Roommate October 13, 2009 at 8:54 pm

[re=433940]DemmeFatale[/re]: Farts to Jersey..

AbstinenceOnly Ed October 13, 2009 at 8:55 pm

Erick Erickson should donate his excess consonants— or even his exxtra erick, if he’s feeling acutely generous— to the Nordically challenged denizens of Maine. I mean, spitting distance from Greenland and nary a viking in sight. For shame.

Biden Time October 13, 2009 at 8:55 pm

The Rock Salt is actually sold through Amazon and costs another $9 to ship it. Priceless.

Also, please note that we can all add our own customer reviews to the Amazon site, which will then show up on the Redstate site:

http://www.amazon.com/Rival-5-Pound-Bag-Rock-Salt/dp/B00005OTYO/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=home-garden&qid=1255481676&sr=8-1

Jumping Jim October 13, 2009 at 8:56 pm

Can we all get together and send her some cream, vanilla, ice and sugar so she can make vanilla ice cream and serve it to the health care lobbyists that come by her office.

ifthethunderdontgetya" October 13, 2009 at 8:58 pm

[re=433951]Crank Tango[/re]: Narnia is all about how Obama is an evil witch but Dick Cheney is a courageous lion warrior who sacrifices himself to save all the other Republican animals but then he rises from the dead and kills the witch and all her demonanimals, the END.
~

Smoke Filled Roommate October 13, 2009 at 8:59 pm

[re=433961]t_rax[/re]: Dildos to Boehner–Come in Boehner.

Hunger Tallest Palin October 13, 2009 at 9:02 pm

Except Aslan kills the Witch, thus adding a whole new level of fail to Erick’s already failtastic failure of a protest.

ladymacbeth October 13, 2009 at 9:03 pm

[re=433894]GDuvall[/re]: yes*, but all you really need to know is the ‘snowe queene’ is eee-vil and the the opposing team is jesus christ. i’m sure you already figured that out.

people who claim jesus christ is on their side are pretty much always wrong.

also: often obese, toothless, bigoted, selfish, ill-mannered and ill-read. yeah, it’s been crappy day and i hate these smug, self-satisfied shites.

* the narnia chronicles, written by the noted theologian c.s. lewis who had very many interesting oxford things to say about religion and philosophy and english history – along with his BFF JRR Tolkien.

bago October 13, 2009 at 9:07 pm

Given the 14 dollars in shipping costs, this is really seventeen bucks of stupid in a three dollar bag.

RoscoePColtraine October 13, 2009 at 9:08 pm

Send your political enemies something enormously practical? I smell a Miracle-On-34th-Street-Macy’s-Gimbel’s-screw-each-other type scheme.

ifthethunderdontgetya" October 13, 2009 at 9:09 pm

[re=433974]Hunger Tallest Palin[/re]: Pour Some ROCK SALT On Me!

(Sorry, someone had to do it. Maybe.)
~

HipHopOpotamus October 13, 2009 at 9:18 pm

[re=433951]Crank Tango[/re]: Working on my vague recollection of trailers for the first film, and the Lazy Sunday sketch, and piecing them together with various other children’s entertainment, I believe that this melting snow thing involves a lion (“Aslan”) meeting with some kids in a carriage in a snowy landscape (“Narnia”), having been ousted by the tribal-leader lady from The Beach [who is now like the Snow Miser since she's not in Thailand]. Aslan, after dying and coming back from the dead [I think they plagiarized this plot] wins Narnia back with the help of Rainbow Brite, whereupon Rainbow and her horse chase Stormy back into the clouds, thus melting the Snow/Tilda Swinton (icy The Beach lady). And then the kids tap their shoes 3 times to get back to Red State America.

So, what I’m getting…. is that by Aslan (“Society”) melting the snow (“Snowe”), America can get back to Auntie Em?

Since their parents died waiting in an Emergency Room for 24 hours, obviously.

Johnny Zhivago October 13, 2009 at 9:19 pm

[re=433966]Biden Time[/re]: You really have to wonder exactly what Amazon is offering as “used” bags of rock salt.

Oldskool October 13, 2009 at 9:20 pm

Wait a minute, didn’t a lot of Repubs vote for Bush’s first stimulus in early ’08? They seem to be having a hard time finding stationary targets.

Judas Peckerwood October 13, 2009 at 9:24 pm

Hey, I Iive in Olympia (the city, not the senator), and it’s already getting pretty cold here. Any chance of me getting in on this free rock salt action?

Crank Tango October 13, 2009 at 9:26 pm

[re=433986]HipHopOpotamus[/re]: thanks…also thanks ifthethunderdontgetya”—for some reason it won’t gimme a reply thinger for your name.

also[re=433924]tiny mexican[/re]: Send a lot of Vicodin to Rush Limbaugh…in care of me, al franken.

tootsieroll October 13, 2009 at 9:30 pm

[re=433981]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: love it. And I love Wonkette. And I hate the fucking Boston Globe website that let me go on and on posting smack talk to all the wingnuts this afternoon without ever informing me they had cut me off and no one could see my posts. FAIL. It was such good stuff too. And I was stupidly wondering why no one was talking back to me.

Fuckers. I hate these people they are self righteous trolls who need to come to Wonkette for a good bitch slapping. Because we can swear here. And tell people to eat bags of dicks. You know, real dialog.

Darkness October 13, 2009 at 9:30 pm

Hah! Silly Redstate. The Chambers of the Ice Queen Snowe are less than -6°F, thus defeating your pathetic attacks via the freezing point depression constant. So there!

Gallowglass October 13, 2009 at 9:33 pm

[re=433894]GDuvall[/re]: That’s Jesus Nerd, a very obscure dialect of the major Nerd language family. It’s closely related to the Lord of the Rings Nerd, but with a series of loan-words from Ham-Handed-Allegory language family. It is widely acknowledged to be the inferior language, lacking any of the artistry and grace of its cousin and it is only spoken by nerds whose parents wouldn’t let them speak Lord of the Rings Nerd.

rachelv October 13, 2009 at 9:33 pm

I’ve bent myself into a pretzel trying to explain how Obama won the Nobel – I really hope those Red Staters don’t send me 5-lb bags of chocolate covered pretzels! (hint hint)

badmuthagoose October 13, 2009 at 9:41 pm

Mmmmm, ice cream!

grevillea October 13, 2009 at 9:41 pm

[re=433966]Biden Time[/re]: I tried to add a review recommending Celtic Gray Salt instead (only $29.95!) But since Wayne Kett had never made a purchase, he was not allowed to comment.

Robert Zimmerframe October 13, 2009 at 9:43 pm

The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe is good, clean, Jesus-y fantasy fun, unlike your satanic, witchdoctor-y Harry Potters or your Lord of the Rings with its subliminal homosexual themes.

facehead October 13, 2009 at 9:46 pm

Is that like sending condoms to Dick Cheney?

Potater October 13, 2009 at 9:53 pm

Taking bets on the number of wingnuts who send her salt peter by mistake.

ThisIsNotAnAvatar October 13, 2009 at 9:54 pm

ROCKSALT! You don’t have to turn on the red Snowe!

edgydrifter October 13, 2009 at 9:54 pm

Wait now, so she’s a hobbit or a Jesus-lady-snowman, or what? Red State math is hard.

ifthethunderdontgetya" October 13, 2009 at 9:57 pm

[re=433996]Crank Tango[/re]: Wonkette has surpressified my name because they can’t handle the TRUTH!

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®©, beaches!

Anyways, that’s my theory on why the reply function doesn’t work.
~

the problem child October 13, 2009 at 10:04 pm

Will Olympia have to declare these bags of salt as “gifts”, or are they uunder the mandatory gift declaration limit? And is it okay if she just donates them along to the Aroostook Medical Centre? It was briefly snowing up in northern Maine tonight… hurry, Erick Erickson, you’re our only hope…

doloras October 13, 2009 at 10:09 pm

[re=434012]Robert Zimmerframe[/re]: You obviously don’t remember the bits in The Silver Chair where Jill “made love to everyone”, or Puddleglum talks about “fooling about and being gay”.

Hunger Tallest Palin October 13, 2009 at 10:10 pm

[re=434017]Potater[/re]: Or their own peters.

shortsshortsshorts October 13, 2009 at 10:15 pm

it is time to declare war on redstate. some of you nay be up to the challenge, but those of you with actual balls will receive 40 virgins and a free carwah in the kingdom of heaven.

BMK October 13, 2009 at 10:20 pm

Wimps. Real Christians stone sinners.

ifthethunderdontgetya" October 13, 2009 at 10:20 pm

[re=434027]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: How many carwahs does it take to get a carwash? Will the trucknutz get a thorough soaping? Inquiring minds wants to know!
~

hockeymom October 13, 2009 at 10:23 pm

[re=433975]ladymacbeth[/re]: Does that mean Harry Reid is Mr. Beaver? And Nancy Pelosi is Mrs. Beaver?

bakeneko October 13, 2009 at 10:25 pm

Perhaps Ms. Snowe could send Erick a three-pound bag of “Corey’s Slug and Snail Death” in return.

bitchincamaro October 13, 2009 at 10:27 pm

Uh, what grade is this motherfucker in?

shortsshortsshorts October 13, 2009 at 10:30 pm

bastard! i am on the mobli thing, but you must google the great Carwah and tell me what the fuck it actually is.

bitchincamaro October 13, 2009 at 10:34 pm

[re=434034]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Sounds like shorts needs a netbook for xmas.

bitchincamaro October 13, 2009 at 10:40 pm

O/T but, any of you pantywastes dutifully watch “Obama’s War” and feel their knobby knees buckling? I’m looking at you, Ms. Kristol.

hobospacejunkie October 13, 2009 at 10:45 pm

[re=433923]coolcatdaddy[/re]: better yet, if you’re a regular reader of Red State, grab a spare sack from WalMart and empty the rocks from your head into it

Ha! A gold star for your Big Chief tablet, my friend, for making me chuckle. I fear any redstate reader participating in this activity would be left with an empty head.

Spike October 13, 2009 at 10:47 pm

That Red State link to Amazon is an affiliate link…. classy of Red State to encourage folks to buy rock salt, and then collect a 7% kick-back on the cost!

ifthethunderdontgetya" October 13, 2009 at 10:52 pm

The Great American Car Wash, etc.®. 825 Lionel Ritchie Highway. Severna Park, MD 21146.
~

wildturtlelove October 13, 2009 at 10:55 pm

Walking it backwards- into the depths of Erik Erikson’s mind: On Amazon, listed under the rock salt- customers who bought this also bought “PLAY AND FREEZE FLAVOR FOUNTAIN: CHOCOLATE FUDGE”.
See, he really just wanted to make home-made ice cream and shopping got a little, er, out of hand….

A conservative’s desire to perform unmentionable acts immediately leads to lashing out.

zhubajie October 13, 2009 at 11:14 pm

What about colloidal silver? Ionized water? Over-priced gold-coins?

Mad Brahms October 13, 2009 at 11:16 pm

Freed of the necessity to spend hard-earned stimulus money on rock salt, Maine’s state legislature will instead send it straight up their noses, in a further act of snow-related irony.

zhubajie October 13, 2009 at 11:20 pm

[re=433894]GDuvall[/re]: Born-again jargon. I doubt the poster would genuinely like C. S. Lewis.

CARCUNTZ!(tm)-R-Us October 13, 2009 at 11:21 pm

[re=433898]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: Because it’s fun!!!!

http://www.poopsenders.com/

Hunger Tallest Palin October 13, 2009 at 11:24 pm

A conservative’s desire to perform unmentionable acts immediately leads to lashing out.

Especially when they’ve got their dick caught in the ice cream maker’s dasher.

RED STATE BLUE BALLS ALERT, AAARGH!

Crank Tango October 13, 2009 at 11:28 pm

[re=434027]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: private first class crank tango reporting for duty, sir!

Unless the storm knocks out my intertubes. Typhoon and all.

Mad Brahms October 13, 2009 at 11:33 pm

[re=434027]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Is a carwah sort of like flafel? (Five years – never forget!)

I really feel like we should be supporting Red State in this and all other ventures in which they waste their cash sending useful products to people. It’s like trickle-down moronomics.

desertwind October 13, 2009 at 11:36 pm

The fools. Do they not know there are occasions when the state of Maine experiences inclement weather of the cold variety for which rock salt is the prescribed remedy?

Send on the bags! Free rock salt for all!

Holding Out for a Hero October 13, 2009 at 11:42 pm

[re=434030]hockeymom[/re]: Please do not ever put the words Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi and beaver in the same sentence ever again.

zhubajie October 13, 2009 at 11:44 pm

I think some of you misunderestimate “Eric”; he’s trying to con stupid conservatives into sending him money! Shortwave radio is full of cons like this.

NYNYNY October 13, 2009 at 11:46 pm

Rock salt to Maine, rape whistles to Florida (to protest Grayson’s reeming of congress), dick pills to Texas, fancy crackers to Wisconsin, and speak n spells to South Carolina. C’mon repubs, let’s make the world a better place!

dijetlo October 13, 2009 at 11:59 pm

I think we’ll shortly descend into a Mad Max type future where roving bands of “health care lobbyists” just shoot you in the head and take your wallet, thus removing the middle man (medical science) from the equation. Red State, for it’s part, will welcome them as Ayn Randesque heroes and as a result they’ll be sold to the Saudis’ for their spare parts by their new BFFs’.
Their semi-functional quasi-cadavers will, of course, remain active on the internet, proudly proclaiming ” I didn’t need that kidney, that leg or either of my testicles”, and extolling the virtues of loosing them to the free market solution of the Lobbyist/bone-snatchers rather than being deprived of their sundry and assorted accoutrements by “socialism”.
However, at that point, we’ll have to harvest them for their delicious, if somewhat undersized brains and it wont matter a good god damn what they say.

artbot2000 October 14, 2009 at 12:05 am

[re=433924]tiny mexican[/re]

A reasonably good idea, but the execution should be more like:

flaming bags of dog shit to Eric Cantor, because how else would Proust have expressed his regret at the imperfection of memory?

Extra big bags of dicks, inscribed “EAT ME,” to Chuck Grassley, as thanks for his exquisitely timed bankruptcy reform law, and because as Hemingway said, “he was a great fish, but still only a fish, after all.”

Mentos, Dr. Pepper, and year-old chicken guts to Mitch McConnell, because his coprophagia scene in Gravity’s Rainbow has never failed to bring tears…

couchbound October 14, 2009 at 12:08 am

[re=433901]Extemporanus[/re]: Do you mean Heatmiser?

Starrigavan October 14, 2009 at 12:15 am

Of course Erick Erickson is into names and their meanings. He’s a blogger named eRick. And everyone knows Rick is another form of Dick. And if something is online we put an ‘e’ in front to show it. Like eMail. And eHarmony. And eBay. So Erick Erickson is really eDick son of eDick. It’s not his real name, it’s a clever nom de plume. It just shows he likes his dicks online. Especially when he role plays as the son.

Man, this thinking like a red stater is hard.

obfuscator October 14, 2009 at 12:21 am

i knew i should have fed-ex’d a hedge trimmer to crawford, texas at some point over the past 8 years. or some napalm.

Crank Tango October 14, 2009 at 12:30 am

[re=434070]obfuscator[/re]: or nair!

cashaholic October 14, 2009 at 12:41 am

If this works, will we be able to ask, “Where are the Snowes of yesteryear?” Sorry.

Lascauxcaveman October 14, 2009 at 12:50 am

[re=434002]rachelv[/re]: Hey! I know just what you’re talking about! And since I’ve spent many hours declaiming how all America has a “stake” in the passage of a health care reform bill, I wouldn’t be suprised if many, many Red Staters sent me some delicious Omaha Steaks to show me they know what I’m up to, and the fact that I’ve been known to “whine” about how the Republican minority seems to be holding up reform, they could show me a a thing or two by sending me a case or two of some decent wines to go with it.

And since I’m a big, vocal supporter of our “chocolate” president, they could cleverly hammer that point home by airlifting me some Chocolates to go with that after dinner.

I think they would find this a very satisfying protest. (I know I would).

Let Me Wet My Beak October 14, 2009 at 12:53 am

Hey let’s all mail a dirty diaper to Vitter’s office! LOL!

Send your semen-soiled Bibles to John Ensign! ROTFL!

And of course a butt plug makes the perfect gift for “Bitch” McConnell! HARDY HAR HAR!

zhubajie October 14, 2009 at 1:01 am

[re=433902]NebraskashireGentry[/re]: Probably this dope has seen the Narnia movie. Anyway, Lewis in real life was far from his kind of person.

obfuscator October 14, 2009 at 1:40 am

[re=434080]Let Me Wet My Beak[/re]: can we enlist mark penn’s direct mail Micro-Trendz media consultant firm to send butt-plugs to every republican in congress? i hope so.

can we put chris hanson in a big crate and mail him to mark foley?

obfuscator October 14, 2009 at 1:46 am

mr. erickson’s metaphorical assault would also be effective on senator keith slugg (R-my driveway).

Darkness October 14, 2009 at 3:00 am

[re=434081]zhubajie[/re]: What, living like a henpecked servant of your dead best friend’s much older mum and diddling her on command? Are you SURE they are so different?

Atheist Nun October 14, 2009 at 3:15 am

[re=434027]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: “it is time to declare war on redstate.”

Yea, verily, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death and stupidity,
I will fear no evil: For shortsshortsshorts art with me;
Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me, and maketh me a little horny, quite frankly.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies; it haveth an abundance of rock salt.
Thou annointest my bumper with TRUCKNUTZ; My athletic supporter runneth over.

Surely snarkiness and merciless mockery shall follow me all the days of my life, like a creepy stalker
and I will dwell in the House of Wonkette forever.

Amen.

Lionel Hutz Esq. October 14, 2009 at 3:18 am

Of course, when Sen. Snowe gets all that Rock Salt, won’t she think that all the people shipping them to her think that she “rocks”?

Or that they want her to throw the greatest ice cream social ever?

Scofield October 14, 2009 at 3:44 am

Nice article. I just accidentally found your site and hope that I really like browsing your articles. In any case, I will subscribe to feeds, I hope you will soon re-released!

mollymcguire October 14, 2009 at 3:56 am

[re=433895]Suds McKenzie[/re]: Thank you.

Smoke Filled Roommate October 14, 2009 at 4:25 am

[re=434050]CARCUNTZ!(tm)-R-Us[/re]: Gotta admit, I did send a Fecalgram™ once. God bless ‘em.

hobospacejunkie October 14, 2009 at 5:07 am

[re=434097]Atheist Nun[/re]: Amen!

Gumboz1953 October 14, 2009 at 6:48 am

I guess letter-writing is too difficult?

Sigh. At least the teabaggers are helping the economy by buying all this stuff — although it is probably offset by the security cost of closing down the buildings when all these suspicious packages come in and have to be checked.

Servo October 14, 2009 at 7:22 am

Yet another retarded crusade is born.

greensprout October 14, 2009 at 7:31 am

[re=433975]ladymacbeth[/re]: No worries, Pullman set that douchebaggery right.

greensprout October 14, 2009 at 7:33 am

[re=434114]Gumboz1953[/re]: Why put in days of hard labour trying to cipher out the words “Iz do not lik yor soshelizm” when you could just toss another little drop into your vast ocean of terrible credit card debt?

Gumboz1953 October 14, 2009 at 8:23 am

Given all these teabagger stunts, they really should organize and form a circus. You’d have all the entertainment, with far less cruelty to animals.

GayInMaine October 14, 2009 at 8:42 am

This is perfect. She can give the rock salt to towns in Maine for snow removal, and she’ll be even more of a hero here.

Thanks Red State!

couchbound October 14, 2009 at 8:48 am

Speaking of cruelty to animals, Morning Joe just reran the clip of Richard Belzer’s dog vomiting on Mika. It was awesome.

hobospacejunkie October 14, 2009 at 8:49 am

[re=434121]Gumboz1953[/re]: That is if you don’t count the redstaters as animals.

norbizness October 14, 2009 at 9:06 am

Has he been taken into custody by federal marshals yet?

iburl October 14, 2009 at 9:46 am

This red hair, the name “Erick Erickson” and my raging retardation IS my passport!

binarian October 14, 2009 at 10:13 am

[re=433966]Biden Time[/re]: The Rock Salt is actually sold through Amazon and costs another $9 to ship it. Priceless.

Also, please note that we can all add our own customer reviews to the Amazon site, which will then show up on the Redstate site:

I posted the following on Amazon:
This product is very effective for melting ice (although potassium chloride is more effective still) on driveways and sidewalks. It is, however, singularly ineffective as a vehicle for expressing political disapproval. And anyone who does so should seriously consider growing up and getting a day job.

Mr.BorgtoYou October 14, 2009 at 10:25 am

This has to be the funniest wonkette I have read in a while. To all red-staters, it’s been said but I will say it again, please DO send us all the rock salt you can. We here in Maine can always use it. What with the 9 months of winter and 3 months of rough sleddin an all.

Roll Fish October 14, 2009 at 10:27 am

Bullshit the Postal Service won’t deliver 5 pounds of anything anywhere for $3. Erick Erickson is just keeping your three dollars for himself.

Manos: Hands of Fate October 14, 2009 at 10:29 am

So what does Linsey Graham get his office’s mailbox stuffed with for supporting cap and trade?

http://tiny.cc/vQU1p

comicbookguy October 14, 2009 at 10:32 am

If you go to redstate’s amazon store and click “Recommended products” the Narnia shows up right on top. What are they 12 year old girls? Ha hah ah ha ha!

groove October 14, 2009 at 10:36 am

“It’s time to melt some Snowe” sounds like it would be a great line in some hokey action flick starring Ben Stiller.

“In a world of snow and ice, only one man has the rocksalt to take on Snowe. Tugg Speedman is…Jag Laugerman in Scorcher 6!”

JSDC007 October 14, 2009 at 10:48 am

And here I thought that Mitch McConnell was the Queen of Narnia.

glamourdammerung October 14, 2009 at 10:59 am

[re=434242]JSDC007[/re]: Nope. McConnell is just a figurative queen.

Lascauxcaveman October 14, 2009 at 11:19 am

[re=434002]rachelv[/re]: Hey! I know just what you’re talking about! And since I’ve spent many hours declaiming how all America has a big “stake” in the passage of a health care reform bill, I wouldn’t be surprised if many, many Red Staters sent me some delicious Omaha Steaks to show me they know what I’m up to, and the fact that I’ve been known to “whine” about how the Republican minority seems to be holding up reform, they could show me a a thing or two by sending me a case or two of some decent wines to go with it.

And since I’m a big, vocal supporter of our “chocolate” president, they could cleverly hammer that point home by airlifting me some chocolates to go with that after dinner… etc etc

I think they would find this a very satisfying protest. (I know I would).

comicbookguy October 14, 2009 at 11:37 am

McConnell is just one of many Queens of Narnia who frequent teh redstate.

comicbookguy October 14, 2009 at 11:39 am

[re=434260]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Has the redstate amazon store got a deal for you! Buy the complete all-in-one protest superpack, only $499 plus shipping.

smartypants October 14, 2009 at 11:47 am

Coming out of hibernation because this is the SHIT, Jim. And all ya had to do was type ‘This Happened’.

Brilliant!

Thank you, Lego Jesus, for giving us RedState.

And off I go to Amazon to post impishly…

WIDTAP October 14, 2009 at 12:01 pm

You are all missing the key point in the post.

The whole things comes down to “Order your bag here”.

In other words there are enough wingnuts, teabaggers and dipshits out there who can be sold bags of rock salt at exorbinate prices to make this a business if you just give them a vague reason to be outraged. Frankly Jim and Ken, Redstate has got this blog income stream all over you. You need to start cashing in.

Maybe you can’t sell crap to Wonketteers, but I know you guys are not too low to sell TruckNutz to these folks. Or maybe sand or dirt. Get Riley or Julii to whip up some text on why a wingnut should be pissed off enough to send Congressman X a bag of garden manure to their home state campaign office.

Hell, I’ll even set up the web store for you if you cut me in for a piece of the action. All you have to do is the marketing, and you have a whole team of war-bloggers here just ready and itching to go blogwhoring for you on the wingnut sites.

Money, Jim. It’s all about the money.

Traveler October 14, 2009 at 1:14 pm

[re=433975]ladymacbeth[/re]: Yeah but you don’t really think he read the books do you? His understanding (and I am using that word way more loosely than it deserves) is doubtless based on the recent 2005 movie. After all the series runs seven books long.

GDTRFB October 14, 2009 at 1:35 pm

Send that bag of salt to Gail the Snail instead. “wake and bake”. love that show.

Traveler October 14, 2009 at 1:36 pm

Holy crap, I followed the link to RedState and then their Amazon store and then I clicked on the Miscellaneous tab to find;

Two things that make farting noises
Little girl panties
Silly putty
Playground balls and
Rock salt

http://astore.amazon.com/reds0b-20?_encoding=UTF8&node=9

And the book section list precisely one of the Narnia books.

FreshCliches October 14, 2009 at 2:23 pm

Who is John Salt?

Shanghaied October 14, 2009 at 2:23 pm

Can we all get together and mass fuck Erick Erickson. First of all what kind of assholes did he have for parents? Second, fuck him. Everybody go to a public place with free internet and log in to RedState. Then post a comment along the lines of

“Erick Erickson has no penis. This is the complete truth because when I went to give him a reach around there was nothing for me to grab on to. How disappointed I was.”

Then you will be banned. But it will not just be you who are banned but the ip address. That means later on when an actual racist tries to log on to find more proof that Obama is actually a gay robot from Iraqistan he wont be able to and he will cry. Keep doing this over and over wherever people give away internet. If you live in one of the stupid states like Utah or Mississippi or Old Mexico (Texas) then you should do it much. We will kill RedState. It will be sad because there will be less funny in the world but it will be happy because it will make Erick Erickson cry and anything that can do that is worth any sacrifice.

Gumboz1953 October 14, 2009 at 3:06 pm

[re=434125]hobospacejunkie[/re]: Yes, there is that. But animals are sentient.

steve October 15, 2009 at 11:33 am

What a great marketing campaign, ice will be gone in 20 years so what better way to get it off the shelves than pushing people to buy it now and ship it to Olympia before it becomes obsolete. However, just think of the gallons of ice cream that can be made with all that rock salt. This will clearly backfire on Redstate as Olympia will buy able to buy votes from her constituents with her world famous double fudge chuck cherry sorbet.

Dave in Maine October 18, 2009 at 3:20 am

Unphuckingbelieveable, but typical for the resident geniuses at RedState. After they get done loading up Senator Snowe’s office with salt maybe they could start sending it to all the citizens on Maine. We’d really appreciate it come December.

Pragmatist October 20, 2009 at 2:36 pm

Hey, GREAT Idea!!!
Now let’s send a present to Red State!!!
What to get? What to get?
Hey, how about this?
Manure shaped into bouquets!!!! What a terrific idea.
Order here:
http://justhorsingaround.com/

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