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Michael Steele you have got to stop it with the funny today, we can’t take much more. NO NO DON’T GO ON TV! Oh no he’s going to say something too hilarious! Uh oh: “It’s a new platform for us. It’s not even really a web site.” No! A website is *exactly* what it is! This is too much. Let’s read some arbitrary news outlet to get away from all this, it doesn’t matter which… ah, New York Daily News, as good a choice as any, let’s see what’s in the ollll’ NYDN“GOP Posts Password, Admin Instructions on New Web Site.” GAHH. [TPM, NYDN]

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130 COMMENTS

  1. Michael Steele is not even really a black man. Or a man. He is a Dreyfussbot 3000, a rogue machine engineered during Richard Dreyfuss’s heyday. Michael Steele, a.k.a DBot3000.176XR, is characterized by his overactive pigment chip and penchant for unintelligible verball diarrhea. He is considered robo-armed and extremely embarrassing.

  2. Steele’s not even really black. And the Republicans are really even a party anymore. And I’m not really that bored with gravity, now that I think about it.

  3. The GOP does everything in a humiliatingly public beta fashion. “the kinks have to get worked out.” Just like the Iraq War, Sarah Palin, the Contract with America, foreign diplomacy, etc. Heckuva job, GOP web designerz.

  4. Apparently “The Intertubes for Dummies” is too high level even for Steele.

    As a telecom engineer, I recommend that the GOP forget that whole intertubes, wireless or even old wireline phones (and certainly no Jitterbug phones) and look into “Tin Cans with String” technology as it is more their, er, speed.

  5. “GOP.com is officially recruiting volunteer coders to work with our API. If you write in PHP (the base code of Facebook), and develop applications that we approve of and use at GOP.com, you will be eligible to join the Founder’s Club, the team that starts-up the first open API effort for any major political party. Members of the Founder’s Club will enjoy direct access to the RNC’s new media and technology teams, product previews and will also visit regularly with RNC Chairman, Michael Steele. For instructions on how to access our sandbox,” […]

    O.M.G.

  6. This is not really a website. It is more like a billboard painted on your computer monitor. Our a magazine page transmitted through magic tubes with electrons and stuff.

  7. Like most conservatives who go on the teevee to talk about the intertubes, Steele probably has no fucking idea what a web site actually is. Or a platform.

  8. Oh man. This reminds me of when the fat girl who has a huge crush on the asshole jock and the asshole jock finds out and he and his asshole buddies makes oinking noises when she walks by and she says she never really liked him anyway. This was never really a website anyway, was it Michael? Oh, man.

  9. plat⋅form –noun
    a place for public discussion; forum. (Like on your website, ya choad?)

    Or maybe he meant ‘a decklike construction on which the drill rig of an offshore oil or gas well is erected’.

  10. I kept getting a PHP error message. But PHP is free, public domain (socialist!) software designed by some sort of Marxist Danish guy. Why does the GOP hate capitalism so much?

  11. [re=433631]AbstinenceOnly Ed[/re]: I’ve been saying forever that “Michael Steele” is actually Larry David doing some Borat-level gonzo performance art.

  12. The “I’m a Republican because…” part of the Republican Faces thingy is hysterical. “I’m a Republican because I lack any real knowledge of what the party is about. I really like buzz words like ‘family values’ but I lack the understanding to realize the GOP is taking away my power to live an even marginally decent life by redistributing all the wealth to the top 1% or less of the population and giving all real power to corporations only concerned with their own profits.”
    Good times!

  13. I went to the site and it simply loaded a blank white page. It certainly is a very creative way to illustrate the general orientation of the GOP.

  14. “a new tool to communicate the new GOP” — in other words, it was programmed by some overweight white guy in Toledo while he was drinking his PBR and cleaning his AK-47.

  15. I adore the fact that under “accomplishments” 2003 Operation Iraqi Freedom is listed without a hint of irony. Oh, and that apparently the last GOP “accomplishment” was in 2004.

  16. MS, no, don’t say it!! I’ve laughed too much today already at your monumental fails!!!

    HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

    *choke choke*

  17. Hollah, GOP! What up, my nizzles?! Gettin’ funky like an ol’ mess a collard greens! Suburban-Urban hip hop flavah, stove top style right atchah!

  18. I would go there but I’m afraid of teh compuder trojan AIDS.

    And what the fuck is a “republican engineer or coder”? Do they have, like, different schools? Can html, you know… trickle down?

  19. He wants to “take this party to the streets”? So he’s having a party and his non-website is for invites? Or, he’s taking the Republican Part to the streets Doobie Brothers style? He’s so not on his game today.

  20. “We’re taking this party to the streets, which is why we’re launching a website.” [re=433618]Sharkey[/re]: Pfft.; a 386? Ballin’ shot callahs like Michael ‘Tha Steal’ Steele use only the finest of TRS-80s. But they might better spend their time doing some actual work, instead of playing Dungeons of Daggorath for hours on end.

  21. the repeatedly demonstrated disjunction with reality is the central defining characteristic of the republican party, as it has been for the past half-century or so. occasionally during that time they have gotten lucky and have achieved what may pass for a while as success, but their resting state has been that of an ideology essentially out of touch and floundering about. this latest snafu is no exception, it is their rule.

  22. @TheJerkStoreCalled

    We cannot both exist at the same time, or the universe will implode. How do propose we resolve this temporal disturbance?

  23. In short,

    Shep: “Gay gay gay .. gay gay gay gay”
    Steele: “Yo man…takin it to the streets boyeeeee. GOP is Hip Hop. I hate myself. ”
    Shep: “Gay gay.”
    Steele: “You’re gaycom”

  24. Ummm why are they advertising something that doesn’t work? Is that the new “on the streets”…they sayin’ people ain’t workin’so the interwires and tubes ain’t either, you got to get out on the street?

  25. [re=433637]snideinplainsight[/re]: Product reviews? Of what? Guns? Spell checkers for “Wake Up Morans!” signs? Stars and Bars flags?

    Also, what’s sadder–the epic FAIL that is Mr. Steele, or the fact that more than about 10 people take the GOP seriously? The G(r)OPers are doing half the job for us, but the rest of us need to step up and finish the job, so that, by 2012, the GOP is as relevant as the Whigs. Actually, the GOP would improve if they became the Whigs. No word yet on how good the Whigs were at html coding, however.

  26. Why doesn’t Ronald Reagan return from the dead and make this all run like clockwork?

    I am just amazed that our belovéd America has not completely collapsed in on itself before now. If any Republican is ever elected to anything again, I leaving the United States for some other country like Alaska.

  27. Highlighted Republican hero on gop.com: Picney Pinchback. Huh? WTF? Did a Wonketeer hack the site to Mr. Pinchback that or is it for real? Or did they hire the staff from The Onion to do this?

  28. The Steele non-website loads, so to speak. Not many commenters, tho. I SAID, NOT MANY COMMENTERS, THO. :
    http://www.gop.com/

    13 Oct
    Discussing the Blogs
    Posted by: alexa
    Welcome to the all-new GOP.com! We are happy to have you. Please take some time to look around.

    Under the Discuss tab, you will find several dedicated blogs:

    •The Action Blog will ask you to go beyond reading and start doing
    •What up? By Michael Steele is where you can find out what the Chairman thinks
    •Co-Blog is the blog of Jan Larimer, the Co-Chairman of the Republican National Committee
    •Stomping Grounds features blog posts from the RNC Research department
    •Say It Loud is the blog for our Coalitions department
    •Communications features blogs from the RNC Communications division
    •Political is where our colleagues in the field report from
    •Feeding the Machine is the more tech-minded blog from New Media [HAHAHAHHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAH, a-heh.]

  29. [re=433704]TheJerkStoreCalled[/re]: I like yours better, quitter. Did Michael Steele quit when the doctor’s told him he had terminal Uncle Tom-itis? NO! Did Glenn Beck quit when his parents informed him he had a sow’s vagina for a mouth? I THINK NOT! Did Rush Limbaugh quit when his Oxy dealer fucked him in the ass so hard his rectum prolapsed like a pink sock!? NEVARRRRRRR!

    Keep on chooglin’….

  30. [re=433720]Flanders[/re]: From the Wikipedia entry:

    …he served as the governor of Louisiana for 35 days…

    You Republicans are really reaching, ain’t you?

  31. [re=433679]god.was.stingy[/re]: “finest of TRS-80s”

    Let’s hope they made a backup of that cassette tape – looks like the h4XX0RZ erased everything in its RAM!

  32. This is really just such a pathetically awful pile of Fail I almost feel sorry for these pathetic awful looser [sic] faily McFailFails.

    JUST KIDDING!! haw haw haw haw I’ve been laughing my ass off all DAY!! haw haw. Now I have to go make dinner. I can’t wait to see what new dimension of Fail this platformy non-web site has entered when I get back! Haw haw haw

  33. Next up: it isn’t really GOP.com, but GoPee.com, a site for golden shower fetish fans.

    Actually, that sounds like something GOP.com followers might like.

  34. [re=433637]snideinplainsight[/re]: Hey! I’m apparently a lot better at coding PHP than Republicans! I’m totally gonna sign….whoa, whoa, whoa, “volunteer” coders? Fuck you, you socialist communist Republican hippies!

  35. We’re making fun of the website GOP.com becuz it has teh kinks? I thought it was becuz it was full of funny looking faces. And it looks like it was designed by skoalrebel. Or skoalrebel’s retarded cousin.

    Okay, consider me “briefed” and “up-to-speed.”

  36. [re=433691]El Pinche[/re]: I got one driving home. G{[El Pinche avatar]}P + blingee. I’d do it myself but those learning curves kill me and I have to wash my SmartCar before tonite’s airing of Frontline, Obama’s War, Poignancy Sells, and/or why we need more troops.

  37. This is not a website…

    Thiiiiis is not a website

    Somewhere out there, Johnny Lydon is laughing.

    I’m going over to the other side
    I’m happy to have not to have not
    Big business is very wise
    I’m inside free enterprise

  38. This is my favorite aspect of the site so far- in the (presumably heavily moderated) comments on Steele’s first blog entry, there are the following two sequential comments by the same guy.

    ___________________________________

    Posted by Joe McGee on 10/13/2009 10:49:30 AM

    Sometimes I wonder what brings one to, what mentality and under what circumstances does one come to the conclusion that they are a certain political affiliation? Must one keep the faith once they make the decision? I have always been a Republican and am proud of it. Next time someone asks, I’ll just show them my card.

    Posted by Joe McGee on 10/13/2009 11:07:26 AM

    Why bother with screen names if users’ real names are going to show up in public anyway?
    _________________________________

    Please tell me – who is Joe McGee? Which one of you is “Joe McGee”?

  39. [re=433737]GreatOldOnesParty[/re]: That black dude looks like Cornell West swallowed Rash Phlegmball. The face of the New GOP! Now with Blingee!

  40. [re=433852]GreatOldOnesParty[/re]: HA!

    I actually started to make a goatse one, but I had to bail out. Maybe I’ll try again when it’s not so close to dinner time.

    Or perhaps there’s a brave, sick soul among us willing to step into the breach?..

  41. Darn it. They definitely blocked my comment. All I did was suggest that some of those people in the banner looked like potential Obama voters and need to be checked out.

  42. Hey guys, sorry if this has been brought up somewhere else, but what the fuck is up with the site referring to Reagan as “Ronaldus Magnus”? Am I missing something?

  43. [re=433987]Cathangover[/re]: I totally called BS on that!
    This thing has ‘parody’ written all over it.
    Could it be that the republitards are beginning to understand irony?
    and I still prefer the terms “Reaganus Maximus” or “Ronaldus Prime”.

  44. Let’s see if there’s any intelligent discussion on these new forums…

    “We shold ban snowe from the senate. she is more like a demoncrat than a member of the republican party. she should just join that traitor from PA in the demoncrat party (i can’t even say his name because he’s scum) – Where is Maine’s Toomey?!”

    Fuck. Never mind.

  45. [re=433647]Native of SL UT[/re]: “Republican faces need yours”
    What the fuck does that even mean?

    They want faces to sit on. For the tea-baggers.

  46. [re=433713]AbstinenceOnly Ed[/re]: But I’m like a point guard, knowing exactly when to pass the ball so that the team can… ah, fuck it.

  47. Come on, guys! This isn’t even reality? It’s just a manifestation of some consciousness in another dimension! Really, guys! Cut it out!

  48. They truly are shockingly incompetent. And they want to what?…run the country again?

    If the American people fall for this again, I’m telling you, I’m on the first fucking flight to Canada.

  49. Can I just start the day by telling all of you how funny you are and how it makes my day when I come here and remember that not all Americans are f*ing stupid.

  50. No, guys, he’s right; it’s literally a platform. This new “GOP.com” is something you can set up on a street corner, stand on, and make speeches from. And the passwords were given out because this is a real grassroots operation! No astroturf; everyone’s a leader, just like in those anarchist demonstrations.

  51. Not only is it a “website” but it is possibly Christmas come early. Create and account and a login, (no email verification needed, natch. Or maybe my choice of DickCheneyWorldRuler@hotmail.com flew under the radar) and begin participating in their discussions. Question 1: “Why are you a Republican?” Its like a softball from Jesus!!!

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