AMERICA'S TOP WEBSITES  2:53 pm October 13, 2009

Sweet Crickets, This New GOP Website Is One Helluva Funbag

by Jim Newell

Yes. YES. Look at him shake it. He’s like, “What up? I’m here, and it’s time to party, baby.” Again: a hilarious dancing hobbit version of Michael Steele appears when you load the new GOP.com. Everyone is loving this. Think Progress is having a very Think Progress-y field day, with its dreaded flat tone of icy partisanship: “However, one of the people listed as a ‘great Republican’ is baseball legend Jackie Robinson, who actually identified himself as an independent. In fact, Robinson spoke out about the ‘hatred’ he saw at the 1964 GOP convention, where Barry Goldwater won the nomination. He called it ‘one of the most unforgettable and frightening experiences of my life.’” Holy potatoes, this is one fuckin’ website here. We’ll probably post about some other insane aspect of it in like an hour. [GOP.com]

 
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{ 108 comments }

ManchuCandidate October 13, 2009 at 2:57 pm

Welcome to the GOP, and internets like it’s 1999.

snideinplainsight October 13, 2009 at 2:58 pm

Ummmm. It doesn’t seem to work.

“An error has occurred trying to make connection to the site. Please try again later.

0 ->

Trying to access: http://www.gop.com/index.php/functions/gopMenu

Well, OK, it works about as well as republican policy has for the last eight years or so.

Crab1 October 13, 2009 at 2:59 pm

It’s like when my high school guidance counselor wore a baseball hat backwards one time. He totally got me and all my teenage friends!

Boozeweek October 13, 2009 at 2:59 pm

Holy potatoes? Holy baloney? Get yourself some lunch, Jim, you’ve earned it…

pub_option October 13, 2009 at 2:59 pm

Where’s the Boston Terrier?

AnnieGetYourFun October 13, 2009 at 2:59 pm

Can someone with more time on their hands than I have, and also probably an office rather than a cubicle frequented by one’s boss every ten minutes, please add items to that animal gif, like boobies, or penises or anything other than empty space, where Steele’s hands keep touching?

snideinplainsight October 13, 2009 at 3:00 pm

Maybe he just shook it a little too hard. (Massive amounts of effort being expended to resist tacking on a cheesy emoticon here.)

Jim Newell October 13, 2009 at 3:00 pm

[re=433411]Boozeweek[/re]: I would kill for baloney and potatoes right now.

Crank Tango October 13, 2009 at 3:01 pm

man, that dude has some fucking moves! It’s like his underwear is made of sandpaper or something.

AnnieGetYourFun October 13, 2009 at 3:01 pm

[re=433413]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Uh, “animated”, you nitwit.

Buzz Feedback October 13, 2009 at 3:02 pm

Mr. Steele reminds me of the white cop from “Sanford & Son” who would always screw up the jive talk.

AnnieGetYourFun October 13, 2009 at 3:03 pm

The ultimately tragic thing is that, because we are all trying to view the site in order to mock it, the GOP will try to push their pageviews as proof of how the Republican Party is ON THE MEND, and the media won’t question it.

“One million views in the first DAY, Jim!”

Gopherit October 13, 2009 at 3:03 pm

what a slow ass piece of shit website. They must pay

Spiro Agnew October 13, 2009 at 3:03 pm

Needs more comically obese people

jetjaguar October 13, 2009 at 3:03 pm

when in rome…

Boozeweek October 13, 2009 at 3:04 pm

There’s nothing like a good BPLT!

snideinplainsight October 13, 2009 at 3:04 pm

Fatal error: Out of memory (allocated 262144) (tried to allocate 24576 bytes) in C:\Webs\www.gop.com\sphere\Sphere.php on line 195

What I like is all the interesting and different errors they can make. Every time you click the clicky, it’s like a whole new thing!

BklynIlluminati October 13, 2009 at 3:05 pm

Steele=pocket tool

Extemporanus October 13, 2009 at 3:06 pm

“What up?”

Sure as hell not your website, Chairman Humpty!

Just because you designed it to look like something out of Communist Russia doesn’t mean that you had to make it function like it was, too. Or did the GOP just proactively block my ISP or something? Not that I would blame them, but still, what tha fuck?!

Fred Wertham Jr. October 13, 2009 at 3:06 pm

[re=433421]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: NO! “Animal gif” is great. Everyone must start calling them that RIGHT NOW.

snideinplainsight October 13, 2009 at 3:06 pm

OMG, Tibi E. – totally my pick for “most bangable Republican face”

thatonegirlsays October 13, 2009 at 3:07 pm

YOU BROKED IT, WONKETEERS!

shadowMark October 13, 2009 at 3:07 pm

“During Phase 1 of the experiment, Gecko 1 showed only a slight preference (2%) for sweet over bitter crickets. Gecko 2 had a much higher preference at 9% more sweet crickets eaten over bitter. During Phase 2 when I rotated the control gecko, Gecko 1 showed a greater preference for sweet with 9% more sweet eaten over bitter and Gecko 3 showed exactly the same 9% difference. Finally during Phase 3, Gecko 2 (who had showed a higher preference for sweet in Phase 1) showed only a 1% preference and it was for bitter crickets. Gecko 3 continued to show a significant preference for sweet crickets with a 12% difference. In summary, over all crickets eaten during the experiment, the geckos showed varying degrees of preference for sweet over bitter crickets.”

Lizards that whore out for insurance companies like sweet crickets

facehead October 13, 2009 at 3:07 pm

“You down with G.O.P.? Yeah you know me!”

RoscoePColtraine October 13, 2009 at 3:08 pm

The GOP doesn’t invest munny in websites! 90% of their constituents don’t have computers, and the ones that do have dial-up. Juno. It’s true!

Fuck Toad October 13, 2009 at 3:09 pm

Michael Steele sure has some great moves! He’s definitely a street-smart urban warrior, who knows exactly when to get down to brass tacks and tweak some nipples like a starving meth-addicted piglet.

Crank Tango October 13, 2009 at 3:09 pm

[re=433423]Buzz Feedback[/re]: some asshole commenting on one of my friend’s fb posts the other day tried to cite Sanford and Son as an example of whitey getting the shaft stereotype-wise. I could only assume she was talking about that cop.

Luke E Pierre October 13, 2009 at 3:10 pm

Clippy!

Servo October 13, 2009 at 3:11 pm

The only thing missing is Cortana kickin’ the shit outta him.

Sarjo October 13, 2009 at 3:11 pm

Under that suit coat, Mikhail Steele got his pants belted way doooown his ass.

responsible commenter October 13, 2009 at 3:12 pm

Cutting edge web design. One minute I’m meditating on the crossed flags ‘n curlicues and the next: Fatal error: out of dynamic memory in yy_create_buffer() in Unknown on line 0

bait: “Will you please submit your photo and a brief statement on why you are a Republican? Who knows, you may soon see your face as part of our new “GOP”.” I wonder how carefully they will check the photos.

Gopherit October 13, 2009 at 3:12 pm
Noonan October 13, 2009 at 3:12 pm

Now that terrible early 90s “rap” song with the hook “Express Yaself” is stuck in my head. But just those two words because I can’t remember the rest. Save me.

snideinplainsight October 13, 2009 at 3:15 pm

She’s saying “Because I support small government, low taxes, and conservative family values.” which isn’t exactly a complete thought, whatever, but her eyes are SO saying “Come get me, big strong values voter!”

hockeymom October 13, 2009 at 3:16 pm

WTF? Why was I not warned that this is a TALKING website? That Michael Steele not only moves, but speaks? I about had a heart attack.
Totally NSFW.

Crank Tango October 13, 2009 at 3:16 pm

[re=433448]responsible commenter[/re]: bait: “Will you please submit your photo and a brief statement on why you are a Republican? Who knows, you may soon see your face as part of our new “GOP”.” I wonder how carefully they will check the photos.

Sounds pretty “iphone” worthy to me, no?

teebob2000 October 13, 2009 at 3:16 pm

Spell-checker fail:
http://thinkprogress.org/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/irawwar.gif

To be fair, though W is right next to Q. It’s easy to get letters screwed up if upit gomhrtd str om yjr etpmh [;svr/

The Cold Sea October 13, 2009 at 3:17 pm

What up, my nizzle! Chicken! Fat back and greens! Hamhock! Hamhock! Hamhock!

Country Club Jihadi October 13, 2009 at 3:17 pm

I clicked on “Republican Hero” Frederick Douglass and it said “fatal error”.

PoignancySelz October 13, 2009 at 3:17 pm

Where’s Trig? Or some dancing cats?
Please, also, be inclusive of our wigger friends.

I took this Psychology Test in college, “I can’t remember the name of the prestigious University”, where they flashed a black image in front of me, then a white image, then a black image….it was all very disconcerting.

ifthethunderdontgetya" October 13, 2009 at 3:18 pm

When the Goopervs finally can Steele, perhaps they can hire Orly Taitz to replace him.
~

Fuck Toad October 13, 2009 at 3:19 pm

So, Wonkette, are you going to mention that the Reagan page calls him ‘Ronaldus Magnus’? Because it does:

http://www.gop.com/index.php//learn/heroes/ronald_reagan/

Please screenshot this for posterity, because it is amazing. Thanks!

centerguide October 13, 2009 at 3:19 pm

Haha………….you said funbag

Gopherit October 13, 2009 at 3:19 pm

I’m submitting this guy:Alan David Berlin, He is an aide for Senator Jane Orie of Pennsylvania. He is also a furry who contacted a fifteen year old boy over the internet, and offered to “yiff” the boy in a panda outfit, while his parents weren’t home. The parents discovered the graphic emails on the boy’s computer and called the attorney general’s child predator unit sometime in May. Police raided his home and discovered various furry outfits such as a wolf costume, as well as a cat outfit; all complete with two holes cut out at the undersides of the costumes. He is now arraigned in Dauphin County jail on a $250,000 bail.[10][11][12][13]

Min October 13, 2009 at 3:23 pm

I’d feel kinda bad for the Repubs, if I didn’t loathe the GOP with the heat of a thousand suns. During a period of unusually high sunspot activity.

Extemporanus October 13, 2009 at 3:23 pm

[re=433438]facehead[/re]: I hardly needed to change a word:

First I limp to the side like my leg was broken
Shakin’ and twitchin’ kinda like I was smokin’
Crazy wack funky
People say ya look like M.C. Hammer on crack, Steeley
That’s all right ’cause my body’s in motion
It’s supposed to look like a fit or a convulsion
Anyone can play this game
This is my dance, y’all, Steeley Steele’s my name
No two people will do it the same
Ya got it down when ya appear to be in pain
Wheelin’, dealin’, reelin’,
jig around, shakin’ ya heel,
and when the dude with real feel points a finger at your meal
tell him “Step off, I’m doin’ the Steele!”

Black people, do the Steeley Steele, do the Steeley Steele!
White people, do the Steeley Steele, do the Steeley Steele!
Puerto Ricans, do the Steeley Steele, just keep on doin’ the Steele!
Samoans, do the Steeley Steele, do the Steeley Steele!

Let’s get stoopid!

RoscoePColtraine October 13, 2009 at 3:23 pm

I’m rather surprised the “faces of the GOP” doesn’t feature any grown-up unaborted retard babies. (or does it(?))
CHOOSE LIFE!!!!!111!!1!!

natoslug October 13, 2009 at 3:25 pm

WTF are they using for a web server? Windows 3.11 on an old 486? I’ve never seen so many errors at one site. I’ve yet to actually see the site up and experience the David Duke Dance Troupe or whatever it is that keeps crashing their server.

Extemporanus October 13, 2009 at 3:30 pm

[re=433444]Luke E Pierre[/re]: Dead on.

“It looks like you’re losing all credibility with the American people. Would you like help?”

coolcatdaddy October 13, 2009 at 3:32 pm

Gee, their site works as well as the Bush era Federal Emergency Management Agency. And just as disastery.

BadKitty October 13, 2009 at 3:33 pm

Like everything else the GOP does, the web site is a big fucking FAIL.

Atheist Nun October 13, 2009 at 3:33 pm
comicbookguy October 13, 2009 at 3:35 pm

I think it’s time for redstate to make their move, take over the GOP, and install Palin as their leader.

Crank Tango October 13, 2009 at 3:36 pm

[re=433450]Noonan[/re]: I’m expressing with my full capabilities, and now I’m living in correctional facilities, cuz some don’t agree with how i do this, i get straight, meditate like a buddist. I’m dropping flavor, my behavior is hereditary, but my technique is very necessary, blame it on Ice Cube, because he said it gets funky when ya got a subject and a predicate…

oh fuckit…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zitbExMdlvY

Downtheroadapiece October 13, 2009 at 3:37 pm

I think they got a discount from the web design firm Carly Fiorina used.

slappypaddy October 13, 2009 at 3:37 pm

from babble spass through tea bagging to their abortion of a website, the gop is cornering the market in fail, the price of which can now be expected to rise like an inflating real estate bubble, what with their having a monopoly and all.

memzilla October 13, 2009 at 3:37 pm

Praise be to Cthulhu Jeebus, we broke da ‘Thuglican Intertubez!

I have (snf) never been prouder of our community.

This is only a warmup for what we can do next. I’m looking at you, Weblog Awards!

Sweet Baby Cheeses October 13, 2009 at 3:38 pm

WATCH IT, STEELE. Don’t shake it too hard, you might hurt yourself.

Mustang October 13, 2009 at 3:38 pm

Now it can’t even display the webpage. It’s not even trying anymore. Come on GOP. We’re having lots of fune for a Tuesday.

Extemporanus October 13, 2009 at 3:40 pm

[re=433472]natoslug[/re]: The GOP didn’t factor in the probability that most of the hamsters they installed to power the site would die of ass-phyxiation prior to its launch.

BadKitty October 13, 2009 at 3:41 pm

Yea, Steele is about as black as this guy:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vp-is6S_b_g

Stop, collaborate and listen… At least Ice had some decent dance moves.

Smoke Filled Roommate October 13, 2009 at 3:41 pm

[re=433455]The Cold Sea[/re]: Ain’t no thang but a chicken wing yo. They gotta cut that Steele loose like JeriCurl juice. Drop that oreo zero and get them a hero.
But the kids and racist small business owners seem to like him.

AnnieGetYourFun October 13, 2009 at 3:43 pm

[re=433448]responsible commenter[/re]: OMG. You have given me SUCH a gift.

S.Luggo October 13, 2009 at 3:45 pm

“Save me, Obi Wan Kenobi. You’re my only hope.”

Back into your can, Mikey.
—- The Acacia Blocc Compton Crips

Smoke Filled Roommate October 13, 2009 at 3:45 pm

[re=433496]Extemporanus[/re]: So the internet tubes are actually Habitrail tubes.. Wow.

Bearheim October 13, 2009 at 3:47 pm

He lives on my shoulder and counsels me on ‘keep-ing it re-al, you-all’. Please kill me.

Flanders October 13, 2009 at 3:48 pm

[re=433421]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: I think “animal” is tres perfect in this situation.

BeWoot October 13, 2009 at 3:49 pm

Is there a Nobel prize for web design? I think we have a wiener.

Come here a minute October 13, 2009 at 3:49 pm

We FAILed them without even trying. WARBLOG win!

Downtheroadapiece October 13, 2009 at 3:50 pm

I hope you all are happy. The site is seriously borked now. And to make matters worse, looks like these geniuses also have rnc.org pointing to the same place. Now what fun is that for the rest of us?

Scruffy_The_Janitor October 13, 2009 at 3:52 pm

He says “Whats up?” and then points to his crotch and looks at you
as if to say “You like?”

rag October 13, 2009 at 3:54 pm

s’broken? can not seez? i has a sad….

teebob2000 October 13, 2009 at 3:54 pm

EVERYONE must be going there because EVERYONE like teh fun!

Opie Curious October 13, 2009 at 3:54 pm

Ahem! The even newer GOP website … have fun.

Way Cool Larry October 13, 2009 at 4:02 pm

Just goes to show the POWER OF WONKETTE!1!!1!

Wait– it’s back, but MCSteele is seriously shaky, like a bad cell phone connection

TGY October 13, 2009 at 4:02 pm

This is what comes from having monks code in HTML using wordpad as they gather in their cold, dark cells, sharing their communal hardtack and water while flagellating themselves. Blessed be the name of Our Lady of the NULL EXCEPTION ERROR.

Gopherit October 13, 2009 at 4:07 pm

[re=433525]Opie Curious[/re]: SWEET! Time to add some more republican greats to their site

joezoo October 13, 2009 at 4:11 pm

Does Blingee work with pics that are already animated?

teebob2000 October 13, 2009 at 4:13 pm
Jukesgrrl October 13, 2009 at 4:13 pm

Wasn’t Sweet Cricket friends with Barbie and Midge?

Gopherit October 13, 2009 at 4:13 pm

[re=433564]joezoo[/re]: sadly, no

shazbat October 13, 2009 at 4:14 pm

Noonan @ 3:12 – “I’m expressin’ with my full capabilities
And now I’m livin’ in correctional facilities”

that’s straight outta compton.

http://www.lyricsdepot.com/n-w-a/express-yourself.html

S.Luggo October 13, 2009 at 4:17 pm
Jukesgrrl October 13, 2009 at 4:17 pm

[re=433448]responsible commenter[/re]: “I wonder how carefully they will check the photos.”

Uh oh, I feel another Glenn Beck Website moment coming on.

The Cold Sea October 13, 2009 at 4:21 pm

Blingee Contest with dancing Steele?!

Gopherit October 13, 2009 at 4:23 pm

[re=433579]Jukesgrrl[/re]: I’ve already submitted skoal rebel, Mark Sanford, and some republican yiffer. GET ON IT, PEOPLE.

coolcatdaddy October 13, 2009 at 4:23 pm

Hmph… I always knew Michael Steele was actually Clippy, the Microsoft Paper Clip Office Assistant…

S.Luggo October 13, 2009 at 4:25 pm

[re=433525]Opie Curious[/re]: That was totally, but totes uncalled for.

[re=433568]teebob2000[/re]: Sha-zizzle.

Roll Fish October 13, 2009 at 4:27 pm

OH MY GOD THERE IS A FUCKING BLINGEE ON THE HEROES PAGE

S.Luggo October 13, 2009 at 4:28 pm
notwavingbutdrowning October 13, 2009 at 4:32 pm

[re=433413]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: That gif will get my full blingee treatment. Stay tuned.

It is like they asked The Onion to create their site for them. Or Wonkette. It defies parody.

mocowbell October 13, 2009 at 4:35 pm

It needs that “dancing baby” in the upper right corner. Then it will be complete (so long as David Vitter’s face is, of course, superimposed on aforementioned “baby”).

Atheist Nun October 13, 2009 at 4:41 pm
imissopus October 13, 2009 at 4:46 pm

Whoever created that animated gif is to be commended. I’m getting my money’s worth of laughs out of Wonkette today!

teebob2000 October 13, 2009 at 5:15 pm

I might be wrong, but aren’t “funbags” tits?

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=funbags

mumblyjoe October 13, 2009 at 5:29 pm

A friend of mine summed up what’s wrong with the “GOP Heroes” page where there are all of 3(?) people from after 1939:

“The message really is ‘Look at all these people who made a stand for things that were progressive 100 years ago! We also grudgingly accept that the things they fought for are probably okay to still keep around.’”

problemwithcaring October 13, 2009 at 5:31 pm

[re=433448]responsible commenter[/re]: I submitted a picture of Willie Horton, since they need Black people. Quote: “The GOP really is all about faces like mine.”

ScaredShitless October 13, 2009 at 5:54 pm

“Born to a former slave in Georgia, Pinckney Pinchback lived in Ohio as a youth, but then moved to Union-controlled New Orleans during the Civil War. He served on the executive committee of the Louisiana Republican Party and wrote the civil rights section of the 1868 state constitution. That year, he was a delegate to the Republican National Convention and won a seat in the state senate. His senate colleagues elected him president pro tem in 1871.

The office of Lt. Governor being vacant when the Governor was impeached, Pinchback served as Governor of Louisiana from November 1872 to January 1873.”

Ummm, wow. That’s pretty impressive. Glad they enshrined this guy as a hero on their new website. A delegate to the national convention. You don’t say!

Flanders October 13, 2009 at 6:06 pm

[re=433507]BeWoot[/re]: No, not our Juli!

GreatOldOnesParty October 13, 2009 at 6:13 pm

can someone PLZZZZZZ turn that MC Steele animation into a Blingee stamp .gif?

i would lurv you for all of five minutes more than i would have otherwise!
How could you pass up my lurv?

Atheist Nun October 13, 2009 at 6:27 pm

[re=433749]GreatOldOnesParty[/re]: Here you go!

http://blingee.com/stamp/view/3483121-STEELE

GreatOldOnesParty October 13, 2009 at 6:34 pm

[re=433768]Atheist Nun[/re]: you win my lurv for the next five minutes.
THAT ROX!

Atheist Nun October 13, 2009 at 6:52 pm

[re=433774]GreatOldOnesParty[/re]: FINISH HIM!!! lol

notwavingbutdrowning October 13, 2009 at 7:12 pm

[re=433601]notwavingbutdrowning[/re]: as promised:

http://blingee.com/blingee/view/100550507-rnc-warning

notwavingbutdrowning October 13, 2009 at 7:18 pm

[re=433697]problemwithcaring[/re]: pleasepleaseplease let willie show up on their faces page

Potater October 13, 2009 at 7:35 pm

The GOP Heroes page features an ACTUAL BLINGEE at the top.

I just about came.

http://gop.com/index.php/learn/heroes/

betamu October 14, 2009 at 9:21 am

So they are looking for republican programmers/developers. So, an unemployed programmer (there are so many of us!) has to prove republican party bona fides before they will employ them? Is that even legal?

problemwithcaring October 14, 2009 at 1:54 pm

[re=433867]Potater[/re]: No words.

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