haha england

Meanwhile, In England, Parliament Is Terrified About Something Going Public

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Blowjobs.England’s Parliament, which is what they call their “Senate Finance Committee,” is being very mean to a newspaper! “The Guardian has been prevented from reporting parliamentary proceedings on legal grounds which appear to call into question privileges guaranteeing free speech established under the 1688 Bill of Rights.” Meh, that was so long ago though.

“Today’s published Commons order papers contain a question to be answered by a minister later this week. The Guardian is prevented from identifying the MP who has asked the question, what the question is, which minister might answer it, or where the question is to be found.”

Blowjobs. The MP (Frodo) and the minister (Harry Potter) are going to talk about blowjobs, in Parliament, while giving each other blowjobs. These stories: they always come down to “blowjobs, blowjobs, blowjobs.” Can’t let it be published, terrible stuff, very embarrassing…


About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Crank Tango

    If it don’t have a Second Amendment, then it ain’t no Bill of Rights.

  • norbizness

    LIBRARIAN: Mr. Bernstein?

    BERNSTEIN: Yes, ma’am.

    LIBRARIAN: What I said before? I was wrong. The truth is, I don’t have a card that Mr. Hunt took out any Kennedy material. I remember getting that material out for somebody, but it wasn’t Mr. Hunt. The truth is, I’ve never had any requests at all from Mr. Hunt (pause). The truth is, I don’t know Mr. Hunt.

  • Min

    Oh, I read this one…”Barry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Bone”.

  • memzilla

    The Guardian is one of the few newspapers in Britain which is not owned by Rupert Murdoch, who is the Master of Sucking. Irony!

  • SwanSwanH

    Sounds confusing. Is this a box score from a cricket match?

  • freakishlystrong

    If you clickee through to the Guardian article, you’ll notice the Gaurdian was “gagged”. So, yes, blowjobs.

  • hobospacejunkie

    This is what happens when you don’t have a constitution. Ass clown lap dogs like Tony Blair lick their finger, hold it up to the political wind & then make up some new law to please W. If they’re not already occupied fudging expense reports.

  • JMP

    The Guardian was, however, allowed to print the answer to the question: 42.

  • OzoneTom
  • AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=433065]freakishlystrong[/re]: I thought that the British were into nannies and paddling each other? Oral sex has probably never occurred to them.

  • magic titty

    [re=433053]norbizness[/re]: Hooray for the All The President’s Men reference!

  • shadowMark

    Those people thought Eric Clapton was God.

    Maybe Eric will fix their little freedom of speech problem.

  • Canmon (the Inadequate)

    We’ve suspended habeas corpus for those in Guantanamo, and that goes all the way back to 1215. Once again, U.S.A. prevails.

  • Cicada

    [re=433083]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Have you their teeth? Would you want that anywhere near your genitals?

    I think I’ve made my point.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    [re=433090]shadowMark[/re]: Blimey. Eric Clapton isn’t God?

  • freakishlystrong

    [re=433083]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Uhhh..have you seen their teeth? Would you want anything even closely resembling that anywhere near your bits?

  • Paul Tardy

    1688? My mother chucks perfectly edible stuff after a few months.

    >>>>>>Spoiler Alert<<<<<<<

    Colonel B and Field Marshal Pink are the same person. Bet you didn’t see that coming.

  • AggieDemocrat

    I’ll say it again: I’m glad I don’t live in a country where some unelected skank can fire the entire elected government just because she has a bad hair day.

  • freakishlystrong

    [re=433093]Cicada[/re]: Long lost Sib?

  • Cicada

    [re=433097]freakishlystrong[/re]: Yep. British teeth are so nasty, that joke just writes itself.

  • N8Ma

    oh they took the gag ball out.

    it’s something to do with Lord Nelson and toxic sludge.

  • gurukalehuru

    This is the kind of thing that newspapers should do. These are the questions we asked. These are the questions they refused to answer.
    Also, Page 3 girls.

  • WhatTheHeck

    The Guardian wouldn’t be in so much bother if only they had some page 3 T&A photos for the honorable members to take under advisement.

  • SmutBoffin

    The thing in question. (No, I have no idea what it is talking about)

  • AxmxZ

    Stephen Fry, a renowned British expert on cock and not gagging thereupon, has set his vast Twittering armies against this mysterious gag order.

  • shadowMark

    [re=433120]SmutBoffin[/re]: A private law firm gets a report about a private company doing bad stuff in Africa and the government gags a newspaper?

    It all sounds complicated so I hope somebody asks Hillary what her husband Bill the former president thinks about the issue.

  • charlesdegoal

    According to none other than the BBC, the matter has now been resolved.
    BTW, “The question from Paul Farrelly was related to an injunction stopping the publication of a report commissioned by Trafigura into “alleged dumping of toxic waste in the Ivory Coast”.” and “he publication of internal Barclays reports documenting alleged tax avoidance schemes” Run of the mill gross abuse of authority, in other words.

  • Decker

    You can see where they want to hush it up, because imagine what dicking over an African country would do to their otherwise sparkling reputations on the Dark Continent. Hail Camilla!

  • emberglance

    This is a classic case of a PR backfire turning into a PR nightmare. Trafigura’s lawyers managed to persuade a judge to grant an injunction preventing the Guardian from reporting on a question in Parliament about the “alleged dumping”. Twitterers form an instant lynch mob behind the Guardian. Law firm backs down, injunction is lifted, people round the world get to find out about Trafigura and what they’ve been up to. Kudos to the Guardian and the tweeting masses, I say.

    Now, please resume the amusing comments about English teeth. They are so terrible!!!

  • Numbat Dundee

    If a Tory MP is involved, it will be something more bizzare than a straightfoward blowjob. Think asphyxiation, high heels and suspenders. Think gerbils.
    They have a tradition to uphold. There big on that there.

  • Robert Zimmerframe

    To clarify:

    – The Daily Mirror is read by people who think they run the country;
    – The Guardian is read by people who think they ought to run the country;
    – The Times is read by people who actually do run the country;
    – The Daily Mail is read by the wives of the people who run the country;
    – The Financial Times is read by people who own the country;
    – The Morning Star is read by people who think the country ought to be run by another country;
    – The Daily Telegraph is read by people who think it is.
    – The Sun is read by people who don’t care who runs the country, as long as she’s got big tits.