Wonkette
Now New York Times conservo-bot Ross Douthat DOESN’T THINK it was the worst thing ever for Obama to accept that Nobel Peace Prize, like those ideological conservatives do — those conservatives are so crazy and nuts;, he’s not like them! — but he does think, you know, maybe they have a point?? Maybe they’re on to something? It’s another Monday with Ross Douthat!
Like many (most) of his fellow big newspaper pundits, Ross Douthat’s political columns serve to enable the absolute worst tendencies in politicians. Why did Obama accept this prize, when he should be concentrating on framing his legacy, for historians?
Great achievements may still await our Nobel president. If Obama goes from strength to strength, then this travesty will be remembered as a footnote to his administration, rather than a defining moment.
But by accepting the prize, he’s made failure, if and when it comes, that much more embarrassing and difficult to bear. What’s more, he’s etched in stone the phrase with which critics will dismiss his presidency.
Slick Willie. Tricky Dick. Jimmy “Malaise” Carter. Dubya the Incompetent.
And now Barack Obama, Nobel laureate.
Ross Douthat is telling Obama, don’t accept this prize, because in the future, if things don’t end up going perfectly, terrible newspaper columnists like him will be allowed to dismiss his entire presidency with cute little nicknames.
Heckuva Job, Barack [NYT]
Isn’t there something more important Douchehat has to say like telling horny girls No?
Well, if Obama refused it, there would be another chance Ross might get it.
Ross “soft penis” Douthat
Humpback: Can you get a Nobel Peace Prize for resisting the feminine wiles of Chunky Reese Witherspoon?
Evil Dr. Puma: You can get a Nobel for that, but in Chemistry, or Physics, because to resist Chunky Reese Witherspoon you must have discovered some incredible anti-seduction technology.
Ross, next time an idea of this caliber seeps into your noggin, and you consider writing a column on it? Just think, “No Ross, don’t Douthat.”
I see. We should wait until we’re absolutely positive that our lives have been a success before accepting any type of accolades, the possibility of future failure is too real…you might even say likely! It’s like Whoopi Goldberg with her “Oscar.” Now look at her. She’s on The goddam “View.”
how do you pronounce his last name? because if it’s like “Doo-That”, then the possibilities for fun plays on words here is endless.
Omigosh, I’m so embarrassed.
I always thought it was “Jimmy Mayonnaise Carter.” Me and my bad hearing, again. No wonder I could never figure that one out.
“…he’s made failure, if and when it comes, that much more embarrassing and difficult to bear.”
It is highly more likely that the rest of this world is going to fail, not Obama. We will be the ones who will (and should) be embarrassed.
Douchehat, indeed.
Travesty? Go fuck yourself, asshole. Anyone who converts to catholicism is someone who, despite being an adult, wants to feel guilty about masturbating. And people like that should not be trusted to wipe their own asses, much less write dull columns moist with victorian moralizing. This douche is social retard pissing into a fan.
By his logic we should have given miserable failures the medal of freedom because they might succeed?
Reading that obnoxious piece, Douchehat seems to be doing everything he can to call Obama “uppity” without saying the word.
Thank goodness that the New York Times continues to employ, with a salary, this young conservative firebrand, because otherwise no one ever anywhere in US America would ever get to see what conservatives have to say about anything, ever, anywhere, at anytime, almost like they don’t even exist anymore, no where you look, on tv, in print, on the radio, you just can’t get this kind of conservative viewpoint anymore anywhere. Any place. At all.
I always see “Doubthat” when I see his name, and think it when I read his “columns”…
Lascauxcaveman: Oh, Bush the Incompetent. So he isn’t best known for chronic digestive problems?
freakishlystrong: Me, too.
If there were a Nobel Prize for Douchery, Ross Douchehat would refuse it every year, because he is a man of principle with a tiny, tiny penis. And when he died, they would hang it around his flabby neck, and then incinerate his corpse, lest his virulent douchery infect the entire populace, like some kind of pandemic douche flu.
Yo dawg, I heard ya like to pop your collar in book jacket photos so I popped the collar of your book jacket with the photo of you popping your collar.
Congratulations Ross…you’ve been douched!
I guess this guy is going for the oh-so-trendy “soulful vampire” look but all he managed to accomplish is the “gay moors killer in a 50 year old British movie” thing. Better luck next time.
…he’s made failure, if and when it comes, that much more embarrassing and difficult to bear.
That is why I routinely reject any raises that my company tries to give me. Too much pressure.
Here was an opportunity to cut himself free, in a stroke, from the baggage that’s weighed his presidency down — the implausible expectations, the utopian dreams, the messianic hoo-ha.
Now, Mr. Douthat — why are you dragging Mary Magdalene into this?
And now Barack Obama, Nobel laureate.
Good point. What a terrible slander. No worse slur could be made.
Lascauxcaveman: Gee, and I always referred to him as Jimmie “heartlusting” Carter.
Listen to Ross, this idea-less shitsack knows a little something about unearned accolades/positions. I mean, he does write for the New York Times, after all.
This guy wrote a book? What did he write a book about? The history of the polo shirt?
@PabaBritannica: I’ve never let mere pronunciation stop me from making John Boehner jokes.
Can you maybe get a different picture of Ross “ten-head” Douthat? That one scares me to death.
O please - Russ wouldn’t turn down a cheeseburger from Lucifer, but he wants Obama to turn down an award he so painstakingly shows is chosen by five “obscure Norwegians”? He says “Big mistake.” Give me a freaking break!
i’m sorry, what taliband is this beard in again?
Does anyone else think that soaking DoucheThat in water and detergent would raise a grease slick half an inch thick? Cause I look at that photo snd can’t think anything else.
Naked Bunny with a Whip: What a terrible slander. No worse slur could be made.
You could call someone a Douthat.
JMP: “…it is a high-tech lynching for uppity blacks who in any way deign to think for themselves, to do for themselves, to have different ideas…” - Clarence Thomas, 1991 (in a rare spurt of verbosity)
The Nobel Prize is so unimportant and obscure that Douchehat had to devote an entire column to explaining just how unimportant it is.
Funny. I don’t see dear old Ronnie “Monkey Fucker Alzheimer Bait” Reagan anywhere on Douchey’s list of former Presidents with cutesy nicks.
tricky dick? so who told the jock about wikipedia?
‘member how we promised not to let really stupid kids look smart? remember?? homeroom…’93? so who gave him the link??
I just took a Ross in my doutHat.
I know I’ve mentioned this before, but “Douthat” is too close to “Douchebag Asshat” to be a coincidence. This is clearly a divine indicator to anyone paying the tiniest fragment of attention that this guy is a joke of cosmic proportion.
hobospacejunkie: Nicely summarized.
I read about four lines of Douchhat’s column this morning before I decided that was enough. Life is too short for such useless idiocy.
wikipedia search: nickson+president+waterthing+something
did you mean: nixon, watergate…you semiliterate superimposed generational-bait fuck?
woah…
…resigned?
how do they knew this?
tricky dick?!?1
rhymes…kinda
gold
you’re gold, doucheman
pure gold.
So, he’s saying having “Nobel laureate” after your name is something to be embarassed of? Repubatards are so bizarre.
Similarly, poor Ross is now forced to forever refer to him as Tom “Point and Thrust Your Pelvis” Delay.
What’s more, he’s etched in stone the phrase with which critics will dismiss his presidency.
I must respectfully disagree with Mr. Douthat. Critics have a broad array of choices when it comes to dismissing Obama, and while it’s a matter of taste whether he’s Chicago-machine opportunist scum, or a Socialist, or a Terrist, etc., etc., I don’t see the Nobel as the inevitable tagline.
On the other hand, when I look at your picture here, I am left fixated on the phrase “SLOTH LOVE CHUNK!”
hobospacejunkie: David Brooks also said Obama winning was a “travesty,” so I guess it’s something in the water at the Times. Most likely urine.
One column a week and he always sounds like an eight grader. Them NYT high standards set by Bill Kristol are still safe!
I just hope President Arias of Costa Rica shows up to the big World Cup qualification game in DC on Wednesday with *his* Nobel Peace Prize, and challenges Obama to a NPP duel in the stands. Since the Costa Ricans are already used to that sort of thing, the battle will distract the US team long enough for the Costa Ricans to score a gooooooaaaaaaaal!!!!!!
Arias got his before the ink was dry on the Esquipulus Accords, btw, five years before the last of three ceasefires stemming from that treaty actually came to pass. WELL THEN.
Aflac Shrugged: That really needs to be the standard issue pic we use here at Wonkette for the Douchehat.
Aflac Shrugged: Thanks! Now I have to scratch out my eyes and give myself a lobotomy.
Why would anyone give Chewbacca the Norwegian prize of anything. He’s insane pissed. Allthetime. Except for blowking up the Death Star in Star Wars I. That was awesome. When Leia gave him the medal. I love that gay Swedish wookie.
I have thought from that guy’s debut that when he was offered a gig with the NYT that he should have said no. Damn the Times.
He looks like Silent Bob. I wish he would emulate him and, you know, be silent.
Most Americans will read the news that he’s won the NPP and think, “Well, look at that, our Dusky Overlord has won hisself a prize, from the Norwegians no less…the land of horned helmet wearing, statuesque blond women with impressive racks, shweet!” and then go back to scavenging the dumpster behind Dunkin Donuts for sustenance.
Russ Douthat and the rest of the conservative opinion makers will attempt to explain again why when given a choice between rational and irrational behavior (accepting/refusing the NPP) they always seem to come down on the side of the irrational, like refusing stimulus money or invading Iraq.
I, for one, look forward to the day they refuse to breath anymore because the Democrats have tainted the air with their constant exhalation, it’s bound to happen shortly and it should begin with Rushbo…or perhaps Hannity though this Douchehat fellow is certainly making a strong late showing.
Ross once had post-Christian, post-Marxist yearnings. But then he discovered the release given by intellectual masturbation.
Ah yes! The instant I saw this NYT masterpiece of douchebaggery, I wept real tears and exclaimed: “To the Wonkette! For misogynistic neck-beardery!”
Gorillionaire: Thirded. Or maybe fourthed, by this point.
~
I still think Obama won this award mainly for his attempts at trying to talk to a country full of violent, war-mongering, intolerant, religious extremists with dignity and respect. That country, of course, being us.
PabaBritannica: Pocket Polo, Pocket Pool: My Nights at The Baton Club
BlueStateLibtard: Well, yeah. Just ask anyone. Who want’s to be honored by the commie “Swedes”?
Hooray For Anything: Well said.
Aflac Shrugged: I hope he is able to lose his baby teeth soon.
Also there is this…
http://www.washingtonlife.com/issues/february_2006/young_guest_list/images/new_8.jpg
…ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, I have one final thing I want you to consider. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Douchat. Douchat is a Republitard from the planet Dyluzian. But Douchat is published on the planet Nigh-tymez. Now think about it; that does not make sense!
(He’s using the repulitard defense!)
Why would a Republitard, an self-deludifyin’ republitard, want to write for Nigh-Tymez, with a bunch of liberobamabots? That does not make sense! But more important, you have to ask yourself: What does this have to do with this case? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does not make sense! Look at me. I’m a lawyer defending a major douch-hat opindianator, and I’m talkin’ about the Ross! Does that make sense? “Du chat” is french for “in the house of the cat”, literally. Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense! None of this makes sense! And so you have to remember, when you’re in that jury room deliberatin’ and conjugatin’ the Emancipation Proclamation, does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense! If Douchat is featured in th e NYTimes, you must acquit! The defense rests.
On the one hand, if Obama were to turn down the award, it would be an obvious slap in the face of everyone worldwide who anticipated that his administration would be at least slightly less idiotic than that of George Bush’s. On the other, would they actually turn against Obama? Or would this act give off a ‘you always love the one who turns you down’ kind of vibe?
Barack Obama, Nobel Laureate makes infinitely more sense than the even more unlikely Ross Douthat, Pulitzer winner.
Aflac Shrugged: Someone wanted to fuck….that? I disbelieve.
Hooray For Anything: brilliant.
I saw Douthat in black suit and fedora once and then it hit me . . . He thinks he’s a young Orson Welles! Minus the intellect, charisma and talent, of course.
I don’t care what this clamboat has to say about anything. I think I saw him shoplifting porno from a Hudson News once.
Isn’t he “the Paper Chase guy”?
All Hopey needs to say is “this award is really for the American people, in particular our brave servicemen and women putting their lives on the line, for a more peaceful world. America, fuck yeah”.
Here we finally see conclusive proof of the existence of the Times’ “Leg Up Program.”
Scooter: And sex appeal.
Robert Zimmerframe: But then Wingnuts would attack soldiers with douchey headlines such as “Do Our Troops Really Love America?” Remember, if Obama supports it, it’s automatically EVIL.
Hooray For Anything: Zing!
Slick Willie. Tricky Dick. Jimmy “Malaise” Carter. Dubya the Incompetent. Ross “Two-bit Hack” Douthat.
And now Barack Obama, Nobel laureate.
/fixed