Wonkette
On Friday, America’s spokesperson Meg Stapleton publicly announced that Sarah Palin was totally willing to help out Bob McDonnell win his governor’s race in Virgina, which is like the “contiguous states equivalent” of avoiding being elected governor of Alaska. Anyway, McDonnell did not appear to be too excited about this, which is funny, considering how into it he used to be, back in August. Says McDonnell: “There was a time earlier on when she was governor when I thought she would come here. But I think she seems to be busy with books and other things like that. We’ve still got about 20 different events scheduled down the road and she’s not one of them.” He was pretty sure it was a casual summer thing, is the point.
Oh but so Meg Stapleton and Sarah Palin are being so awkward about the whole thing, really. It is simply not becoming! Some low-level staffer from Palin’s fake PalinPAC slipped McDonnell’s campaign a $2,500 check at a fundraiser, plus Palin offered to fly from Alaska to Virginia at her own expense. “Make no mistake, the Governor will move mountains if the campaign wishes,” Stapleton pleaded sadly, gratuitously. Oh and relevancy lexicon tip: the term “The Governor” here appears to function as an ironic metonym for Sarah Palin.
“He was pretty sure it was a casual summer thing, is the point.” I’m pretty sure he’s the first boy to not call after he went back to the city. And hooked up with his former girlfriend because absence does make the heart go yonder.
Sadly, every couple of elections the GOP snows people into thinking they are not all batshit crazy racist, American Taliabm equivalents.
This is one of those elections.
The only mountains the Snowbilliken will be moving are the mountains of bullshit stinking up her soon to be published book, amirite?
Tundra Grifter: “Summer fling, don’t mean a thing, but uh-oh those Northern Lights”
Sarah Palin is the drunken freshman who got passed around by every member of the Republican Candidate of Any Consequence frat house.
Of course, McCain is too much of a gentleman to say that his campaign hit it and quit it, in public, but as soon as they tap the first Septuagenarian Weekender kegs in the Senate offices, it’s a different story.
Juli Weiner loves her some commas,,,
hobospacejunkie: If Palin’s book is a pile of shit, does that mean I can’t use it for toilet paper? Because I really wanted to use it for toilet paper. So confused.
Knock Knock. “Heeeeellooooooo? It’s me, Sara Palin! I’ve come to help with the campaign.” Knock, knock, knock pound, pound, pound, “Listen I know you’re in there. I saw you shut off the lights when I pulled in the driveway. Come on. I won’t say nothing stupid!”
The GOPers picked her up while drunk on Racistohol and Freedumb Beer thinking she was hot in her thigh high go-go boots and short skirts. They kept doing her as everyone else wondered what the fuck were they thinking. They were getting some and it didn’t matter if she stole from their wallets and made them look foolish at social events or briefly had a fling with that guy in Hong Kong. Hey, they were getting some! The phone calls for money, the jealous rages, the noticeable sag on her boobs and the unexplained itching down there made the GOPers finally realize they weren’t the only ones doing the screwing.
The GOPers will be sad and all till the next Palin comes down the pipe to do it all over again.
Well, you can’t really blame him. Sarah should stay in the kitchen and raise that passel of youngens in a good Christian environment, according to Bob McDonnell. If it doesn’t involve ejaculation or the consequences there of, they’ve got no business involving themselves in it.
ManchuCandidate: Sounds like Bob McDonnell is the first Republican to take off his beer goggles.
yeah, mcdonnel is prob gonna win b/c the attitude in va. is basically “we voted for change but we were tricked into thinking obama would not be such a muslim!”
Oh Sarah, I lost you, I lost you to the summer wind…
She forgot that she famous for being in politics, she quit governoring to cash in on political fame, but now she ain’t in politics no more, so no more fame, no fame = no book sales, no0 book sales = no money, no money = no cash in, its like catch-22, I need to be in politics to cash in, but if I cash in, I can’t be in politics. Ya ever notice that people in showbizz sometimes move into politics, but almost never the other way?
Maybe shorter way of saying this is, McDonnel and Christie are refusing to be a part of the Palin book promotion tour.
The last thing McDonnell needs is to remind voters what batshit crazy, evangelical/pentecostal religious stupid means when you elect it governor.
Sarah Palin is political mittelschmerz.
but bob mcdonnell is one of us! he’s from virginia beach, hampton, fairfax, arlington, richmond, roanoke, charlottesvile, and tazewell county!
palinpalinpalinpalinpalinpalin mushroom
I sure hope this frees up her schedule so she can come to TX and help our own Gov Good-Hair with his upcoming campaign. Yessiree! C’mon Sarah - come hike the Pecos trail with Gov Perry. Be sure to bring some boys though. He’s not that into you.
jodyleek: If you don’t mind getting sand in your vagina, like Palin seems to have, constantly, then go right ahead.
McDonnell spokesman Tucker Martin declined to comment except to say: “We do not anticipate Governor Palin campaigning in Virginia at this point. We appreciate her support of Bob McDonnell and her historic run as the Republican nominee for vice president.”
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Key word: “historic.” Translation: she’s too old.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Prommie: nicely put.
You people keep slagging my Sarah. I still think they should have let her keep the clothes. (Please run the beaver/cheetohs shot again!)
The winner of the beauty pageant will see her beauty fade with age, but Miss Congeniality will….oh, that doesn’t work, does it?
When I saw the title I knew Juli had written it. No man would see anything odd with “Despises Her, Used To Be In Love With Her”
That was a long 15 minutes of fame.
We suggest you stay up in Alaska moving some mountains around, and don’t bother coming down to Virgina.
>>It is simply not becoming!
OH, but it IS becoming… embarrassing to everyone involved!!
Minnie Mean: I for one would pay money for the video of Perry petting Palin, however.
Try to remember the size of my member and….swallow!
norbizness: You and I are probably the only people getting that reference. Palin/Skoal Rebel as Team Laser Explosion 2012.
Prommie: Bingo!!!
yargisbargis: Plez to esplain
Then we made our true love vows,
Wonder what he’s doing now?
Gallowglass: Bristol. Someone had to say it.
yargisbargis: Ahem.
~
“But she is a polarizing figure…”
She just needs to make clear that she doesn’t want to polarize him.
Flanders: with guns! and Uncle Ted, also.
Oh, the same way Wonkette liked looking up her skirt… years ago. Before we knew what was in her head. or what wasn’t.
norbizness: No no no. Badgers are the ones without the big, flat tails.
t_rax:
Chapter 1 of the Wonkette Style Manual: Using run-on sentences for comedic effect
PabaBritannica: and Ballston?
~
I want to have sex with Sarah Palin’s corpse. Not because I am a necrophiliac or anything, but just because that would mean she was dead…
SwanSwanH: win.
shypixel2: Nuke it from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.
I hope somebody accepts her help. If everyone responds like this: “No we don’t need a crazy lady endorsement today, we’re trying to win a majority of votes, not an iPod from Wonkette” then I has a sad.
Come on Republicans, get her face out there!
juli does some mighty fine sarah sassing and word-smitherhy. she should win a prize or something.
yargisbargis: snake!
geminisunmars: http://www.weebls-stuff.com/wab/Team+Laser+Explosion+5/
Enjoy all.
I should add by the same folks who did the Badger Song.
Wouldn’t it be awesome if Sarah joined this party: Build your own Blingee
RoscoePColtraine: She’s not a polarizing figure to real Americans!
Minnie Mean: duh!
Make your own Glitter Graphics
Come on people. Do you think teenage sex rooms just clean themselves? Quitting Governor Palin is very busy!
Minnie Mean: sheesh - I give up. I’ll have to get my 5-year-old to post this fabulous blingee for me when he gets up from his nap. gah
McDonell’s college thesis is all about his religious extremism and while he runs away from THAT, he also has to run from Miss Wasilla, who will tell everyone she LOVED his thesis and supports him 100%.
But then, the others don’t want her either.
I think the word went out that moosepucky is about to hit the fan.
Lilybart: Perhaps McDonnell’s thesis can be an appendix to Going Rouge?
Prommie: Yep.
“The Governor”!! Eat my shorts, Alaska racist redneck ignoramuses.
Just wait. Redstate is about to take over the party and then Caribou Barbie will be campaigning for everyone, whether they like it or not.
She just wants on a payroll, any payroll. Lots of Real Merkins are going through that. But the Real Merkins didn’t just quit their six-figure jobs with those perkey perks.