About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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  1. mephistopheles jefferson

    Eef Ah can jus eet de fayce of a fahnnie-looookeeng mahn, eet gets me hahppy fo de rest uh de daie.

  2. Suds McKenzie

    Arnolds TTD List:

    1) Crush your enemies.
    2) See them driven before you.
    3) Hear the lamentation of their women.

  3. chascates

    That’s a pretty healthy=looking breakfast. I would imagine he actually eats several brauts, some fried potatoes, a couple of fried eggs, and a dark bock. At least that’s one of my favorites.

  4. S.Luggo

    Fruit, glass of beer, a cigar, and something with rabbit pellets on it. I start my day the same way.

  5. AnnieGetYourFun

    I can promise you that thinking of nice things and accomplishing stuff does not actually end up affecting how much you need to drink at night.

  6. Downtheroadapiece

    [re=431327]SayItWithWookies[/re]: I think they second guessed it when they fist concocted it. But then said ‘Ah f&#k it, this is San Francisco you know.’

  7. Downtheroadapiece

    Anyone have the stones to tell Ahnie his brekkie is for girlie men?

    Didn’t think so.

  8. Extemporanus

    [re=431327]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Schwarzenegger puts the “S” in “SFist”, and the “fist” in the “Shriver”.

  9. Extemporanus

    It’s nice to see that Arnold starts his day off in much the same way as SkoalRebel:

    A mess o’ grits, a big bowl of under-the-counter pharmaceuticals, and a piping hot dip spit double latte.

  10. Dicentra

    [re=431362]slappypaddy[/re]: My first thought was that he’s so lonely that he needs an Oatmeal Friend. Whom he then viciously BETRAYS.

  11. x111e7thst

    Dexamyl is good for breakfast, but I’m having trouble getting it these days and have to make due with adderall + fioricet. Life is hard sometimes.

  12. hobospacejunkie

    Arnold already agreed to not go after all the money Enron stole ($7-$8 billion) as a condition of being elected, so his reward awaits upon his leaving office. Probably in the form of strenous speaking engagements at $100,000 a pop.

  13. assistant/atlas

    Why the hell did we ever think it would be a good idea to have Arnold Schwarzenegger as our Governor?

    Less playing with your food, more fixing the goddam state. Kthxbai.

  14. user-of-owls

    [re=431387]ScaredShitless[/re]: [re=431415]SmutBoffin[/re]: Duh, Arnold? It’s robot juice.

  15. SmutBoffin

    [re=431363]Extemporanus[/re]: I once had a proud redneck acquaintance who would would sometimes eat fried onions seasoned with (swear to G-d) Skoal Wintergreen. He would think that Huckabee’s squirrel stew was effete. He also once said to me: “Ya know, when I first started chewin’ I used to spit.” He didn’t use a spit-cup, and didn’t seem to need one.

  16. Snarkalicious

    What’s the Vegas line on whether he eats it or just cums on it. Cuz I got a fiver burnin a hole in my pocket.

    Picture the options.

    Have a nice weekend.

  17. Smoke Filled Roommate

    [re=431327]SayItWithWookies[/re]: I was thinking more along the lines of ‘Sfist, like ‘Swonderful.

  18. Fred Wertham Jr.

    There’s the problem right there, Arnie. Your breakfast is backwards. That could fuck you up for the whole day.

  19. edgydrifter

    He keeps the Conan sword beside his desk and he gets smiley faces on his Uberflakes. I fucking love this guy.

  20. krooskie

    Aww, I feel sorry for him. Maybe he can watch those old Nixon/Humphrey debate tapes he used to talk about so much to cheer him up.

  21. Jim89048

    Sweet baby sky jeebus, I tried to warn everyone, but would they listen to me? Fuck no. Voting against him was my last act of disobedience before leaving CA…

  22. schvitzatura

    The Oliver Peoples Riley horn-rims and sparkly highlighter?

    Why, he’s nothing but a girly man!

    Breakfast should have been a heaping dish of kaiserschmarrn with a Davidoff Dom Pérignon Churchill chaser.

    Sacramento has not been good to you, Ahnold…

  23. Mavky

    The oatmeal looks deranged and could use that spoon as a weapon, possibly as revenge for Jingle All The Way.

  24. coolcatdaddy

    The only thing that Arnold’s happy breakfast is missing is a kitten screaming “ME NO WANT!”.

  25. MrsNateSilver

    [re=431688]schvitzatura[/re]: hold on, just googling “Oliver Peoples Riley”…ah, I see, available at Saks, hmmm, um…schvitzatura are you actually Peggy Noona??? Cmon, tell us the truth.

  26. Uncle Glenny

    That’s weisebier in the glass. DenisMN really should just get himself some lube and jerk off.

  27. Captain Swing

    He won office by attracting the votes of people in Fantasyland.

    He made grand speeches (well, sort of), to the rapturous applause of the same dipshits.

    The very first time he faced the reality of political office, he sprayed the room with his fake machine gun… and no-one fell down.

    It’s been all down hill from there.

  28. prizepig

    Healthy breakfast? Check!
    Reading glasses? Check!
    Important Papers? Check!
    Jewel incrusted dildo? Check!


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