Wonkette
Some of the most ominous words you can read on the entire Washington Internet are, “Quick takes by The Post’s opinion writers.” The Washington Post has an entire blog for this sort of thing. Usually it is just like, “Wait, what happened? Oh my god you better bomb it immediately!” All other posts are the World’s Worst Writer, Richard Cohen, “riffing” on the morning’s news. “I am prepping to destroy this ethos of ‘comprehensive incrementalism,’ artfully.” Do not click on this link. [Washington Post]
Why is Mr. Cohen picking on that nice young Jew? Anti-semitism at work, folks.
He’s totally picking up Wonkette editorial style. WE SEE YOU LURKING, COHEN.
how many jackasses does it take to change an agenda?
Dave Barry, call your lawyer!
If Mr. Obama bombed Mr. Cohen, that would surely give me some measure of peace.
Only a fool or a Frenchman would doubt the incontestable fact that Richard Cohen is always right. And some things are better left in the dark.
What is this? The journalistic equivalent of a slam book?
I actually enjoy Richard Cohen pretend he’s bothered by the crudeness in the world, knowing that he curses a motherfucking blue streak as a matter of routine around the workplace, and that he will basically bone anything that moves and won’t spray him in the face with mace given half a chance. Yes, Richard, the world is full of cretinous goons and thank god we have your acerbic wit to jigger the needle on our moral compass.
I like how Rich is so “hep” to the “young people” that he has one say “fucking awesome” (although I guess several of his keys are broken. That’s just so “with it” and “fresh.”
Speaking of old blowhards that phone it in, what does Noonan have to say about this?
Someone’s sore that they never got a NPP for Punditry. Or they just pooped their depends.
God I hate these people. STOP, STOP, STOP. REPUBLICANS AREN’T POPULAR. PEOPLE HATE THEM. IT’S NOT 1994 ANYMORE.
Cohen can’t beat the freepers for satire (headlines from that dungheap):
BREAKING: Obama to be new Jack Bauer on ‘24′
BREAKING: O CURES THE UNMENTIONABLE
HOLLYWOOD ANNOUNCES REMAKE OF “THE GREATEST STORY EVER TOLD”
Clouds part, God speaks: Jesus just a joke. (Obama my real Son)
Obama Awarded Second Nobel (Chemistry) “Obama has great chemistry” Nobel Committee says
BREAKING NEWS: Barack Obama Gets to Tootsie Pop Center w/o Biting!
Obama Defeats Chuck Norris in Unarmed Combat!
Mount Rushmore renamed Mount Obama
So what can these cretins offer us? Palin, Beck, McConnell, Limbaugh, Bachmann.
somebody’s moon just got blown up….
Oh, when will Obama stop torturing this poor columnist by continuing to ignore him?
The funniest thing about Richard Cohen is not his face, his ideas, or his public humiliation in a notorious adultery scandal.
The funniest thing about Richard Cohen is that the WaPo and the rest of the MSM count him as a liberal.
MARCdMan:
The Missing Debate on Afghanistan
The president and Congress, distracted, have left a void.
By Peggy Noonan
All in. All out. Double down. Withdraw. The language of the Afghanistan debate is stark, as seem the choices. But at least the debate has begun, forced by the blunt recent comments of Gen. Stanley McChrystal. It is overdue. At the very least, less than a full airing of all the facts, realities, challenges and possibilities in that region shows insufficient respect and gratitude toward those we’ve put in harm’s way.
Nobody, really, is certain what to do, or wherein lies wisdom. It isn’t a choice between right and wrong or “clearly smart” versus “obviously stupid” so much as a choice between two hells, or more than two.
The hell of withdrawal is what kind of drama would fill the vacuum, who would re-emerge, who would be empowered, what Pakistan would look like with a newly redrawn reality in the neighborhood, what tremors would shake the ground there as the U.S. troops march out. It is the hell of a great nation that had made a commitment in retreat, abandoning not only its investment of blood and treasure but those on the ground, and elsewhere, who had one way or another cast their lot with us. It would involve the hell, too, of a U.N. commitment, an allied commitment, deflated to the point of collapse.
The hell of staying is equally clear, and vivid: more loss of American and allied troops, more damage to men and resources, an American national debate that would be a continuing wound and possibly a debilitating one, an overstretched military given no relief and in fact stretched thinner, a huge and continuing financial cost in a time when our economy is low. There is no particular guarantee of, or even completely persuasive definition of, success. And Pakistan may blow anyway.
The debate is over which hell is less damaging in the long term, which hell is more livable.
In the immediate term, we should move slowly. In an unstable time, in an unstable environment, with many movable pieces and uncertain dynamics, the best thing to do, often, is nothing dramatic. When all is excitable, move deliberately, thoughtfully. Listen, weigh and consider, with the emphasis on listen.
To what? To the serious testimony we should all be hearing so we can reach something like rough consensus on the long term.
So far, oddly, most of the debate over Afghanistan has taken place among journalists and foreign-policy professionals. All power to them: They’ve been fighting it out on op-ed pages and in journals for months now, in many cases with a moral seriousness, good faith, and sense of protectiveness toward the interests of the United States that is, actually, moving. But nobody elected them. We need a truly national debate. The closest we’ve come to the starting of one was the stunning McChrystal interview two weeks ago on “60 Minutes.” He was cuffed by his superiors for some of his comments, and rightly so—we have a chain of command, and certain ways and traditions—but he clearly knew his candor carried a price, was willing to pay it and for what seemed to be high motives: We’ve got to get this right, Washington has to get serious, and the American people have a right to know the facts and options. It was impolitic and patriotic. Good for him.
But Afghanistan is a great American undertaking, and we are at a signal moment. We know, more or less and for better or worse, what Bush policy was until 2009: stay and fight. Now we’re closing on 2010. What is the policy of the new era?
It is strange—it is more than strange, and will confound the historians of the future—that Gen. McChrystal has not been asked to testify before Congress about Afghanistan, about what the facts are on the ground, what is doable, what is desirable, how the war can be continued, and how it can end. He—and others, including experienced members of the military past and present, and foreign-policy professionals—should be called forth to talk to the country in the clearest terms under questioning from our elected representatives.
Before the surge in Iraq, we had the Petraeus hearings, which were nothing if not informative, and helped form consensus. Two generations earlier, we had the Fulbright hearings on Vietnam, which were in their way the first formal, if deeply and inevitably contentious, airing of what was at stake there and what our position was.
Why are we not doing this now? Why are we treating Afghanistan almost like an afterthought, interesting and important but not as urgent a question as health care?
It’s not as if the stakes aren’t as high as they were in Iraq, and Vietnam. It’s not as if our decisions won’t have repercussions that echo down the decades.
A few members of Congress have begun calling for hearings. Democrat Ike Skelton of the House Armed Services Committee told this newspaper that “it would be useful” to hear Gen. McChrystal speak of his proposed strategy. Rep. Skelton said he’d like to hear it from “the horse’s mouth.” Missouri’s Republican senator, Kit Bond, has noted that while the president may not want to hear from Gen. McChrystal, Congress does.
But no hearings are scheduled. Why? The Pentagon doesn’t want them. A spokesman said Gen. McChrystal should be working the war, not in Washington “wading into the debate.” But Afghanistan will be settled in Washington, not Kabul, and the debate has already begun.
Which gets us to the commander in chief, who directs the secretary of defense, who runs the Pentagon. The president, as almost all have noted—and for once, almost all are correct—has not distinguished himself in this matter. Afghanistan is a necessary war or not, we’ll see. He famously talked to Gen. McChrystal only once in the latter’s first 70 days in Afghanistan. He is meeting with advisers, considering options. Would that he’d begun earlier.
At the moment he seems a sort of anti-Lincoln. President Lincoln was early on damaged by Gen. George McClellan’s leaking to his friends in the press, but Lincoln every day was focused on one thing, the war, and took no offense. He knew what was urgent. For Mr. Obama, many things are urgent. But when many things are urgent, nothing really is urgent.
Mr. Obama reportedly began intensive meetings on the future of Afghanistan in the past few weeks. Lincoln used to go to McClellan’s house down the street from the White House and wait in the parlor for a chance at deliberations. One night when McClellan wasn’t in the mood, he came home from a party and sent a servant to say the general was too tired. Lincoln, being Lincoln, laughed, and left. He’d take anything from someone who might win. And when he concluded McClellan couldn’t win, he removed him, with no malice and complete coldness.
One senses Afghanistan has been waiting in the president’s parlor. Now that’s he’s focused, and deliberating, why not include the public?
What is said might box in the president, and Congress, but only because they’ve left a void. Hearings would illuminate issues, air differences, broaden the picture, and make clear the stakes. And all of those things would help spur decisions that spring from a thing badly needed, consensus.
You just know he was called “Dickie” for the first 60 or so years of his life.
Richard is also the CEO of small dicks and douchebeards.
If there was a Nobel Prize for Satire, Richard Cohen would be writing bitchy posts about why he’d been passed over for it again.
Where exactly is this Dick Cohen with his story?
I think sarcasm is best left to those without dementia.
V572625694: Does WSJ actually pay Peggy to blather like this?
Monsieur Grumpe:
Ok
Maybe I should have said SEVERE dementia.
V572625694: But Afghanistan is a great American undertaking –
This should be over in Josh’s cartoon thread.
V572625694: Shudder to think what Google will do with this.
Let’s see, what had GW Bush accomplished by this point in his presidency? Oh yeah, ignored warnings about al quada, made a speech at ground zero and started planning for war in Iraq.
Also, it would have been funnier if Cohen had referenced Mallard Fillmore Senior High.
“The former Alaska governor was…“floored”…in Stockholm by nude Swedes beating themselves with birch branches…”
As with all of Cohen’s work, it becomes much more interesting—and personally revealing—after the application of a few Fruedian-informed edits.
re: Do not click on this link.
OK.
V572625694: As for what we should do in Afghanistan, I’m pretty sure all we have to do is ask Bill Kristol what we should do there, and then do the exact opposite.
Post-Partisan? Maybe that’s what inspired Orly to name her site the After-Birthers.
So on we worked, and waited for the light,
And went without the meat, and cursed the bread;
And Richard Cohen, one calm summer night,
Went home and put a bullet through his head.
The last Republican to win a Nobel peace prize was Teddy Roosevelt I believe. Maybe the GOP should reflect on why that is.
He might be the worst writer, but he IS the funniest darn guy. Heck, he makes me LOL with all his wacky edgy wordsmithing. He’s kind of dirty too, but that makes me tingly. He’s got it all, and he is neato too.
chascates:
What about GOPer’s economicist masturbation fantasy Uncle Milty Friedman of “Low Deficits, Low Taxes and Torture” Fame?
V572625694: “….illuminate issues, air differences, broaden the picture, and make clear the stakes. And all of those things would help spur decisions that spring from a thing badly needed….”
Pegs, allow me to illuminate, air, broaden, and make clear a thing badly needed,
LESS REDUNDANCY on your part.
The Hell of Wonkette Unequally Cloudy Unfinished Death Of War Oddly AfGhan Petraeus
McChrystal
McClellan
Lincoln
Lincoln, Lincoln, Lincoln.
I’ve heard it said that DC is just like high school, and here comes Dickie Cohen to prove it.
Remember, this is Richard Cohen, comedy expert.
dr.giraud: Millard Filmore had the first bathtub installed in the White House by this time. Why no Nobel for him?
I love how all Republicans basically sound like Kanye West at this point: “Yo Obama, I’m very happy for you and Imma let you finish, but Ronald Regan was the best President of all time. OF ALL TIME!”
V572625694: So, Obama is the anti-Lincoln because Congress won’t hold more hearings on Afghanistan?
Richard who? And by the way, why does anyone still pay ANY attention to Peggy Noonan? Her only claim to fame was being speechwriter to James Garfield, right?
chascates: Wasn’t Kissinger repubican? I know he doesn’t count in so many ways, but they’ll take their wins where they can.
problemwithcaring: Funny - that was the only ‘turd of wisdom’ I got from Noonan’s deranged screed as well.
But Mr. Cohen, don’t the Klingons say that revenge is a dish best served incrementally?
Somebody needs to put a spoiler alert on reposting an entire fucking Noonan column; i.e. spoiled my nice BBQ lunch.
norbizness: It’s a cheese meets m(n)oon(an) moment.
geminisunmars: True. I should have put President in my post. Kissinger winning is still a bitter pill. But so was Arafat so things eventually even out.
I drink your tears, Cohen. Delicious. Please keep crying.
There is one thing that Richard Cohen apparent gets to do that most human men don’t. He has been putting the blocks to Meredith Viera for years, and for those who like older, MILF-y soccer moms, she ranks way ahead of Sarah “Nailin’” Palin on the wanna-do scale.
You’d think Cohen would be happier.
I am so glad that Richard Cohen took the time out of his schedule to cry about Obama’s win. Not as glad as the coworkers Cohen did not get to sexually harass while he was pounding out his screed, but glad none the less.
dr.giraud: Which would have been the first instance of Mallard Fillmore being connected with humor in any way.
ttommyunger: Oh, we love is some Noongintonshire. Tread carefully.
Rich Little is funnier than this bearded wonder.
When I was stuck in the car today, I did a quick flip through the AM channels. One of the sports stations (ESPN or FOX - the one with the annoying white guy) was doing this exact same lame bit. And doing it better than Cohen. That fossil would be second-rate even if he was back at Marllard Fillmore High writing for the school paper.
As a struggling freelance writer with many struggling freelance writer friends and acquaintances, I am sickened to think about the salaries Noonbeam and the Wondrous Bearded Wordsmith get paid to pound out their pointless drivel. It drives one to ponder the choices you make in life. Also to drink martinis until you can’t stand up.
Godot: Or Richard Cohen, intentionally.
Considering Richard Cohen and his ilk piss their pants at the thought of Guantanamo detainees being held in American Supermax prisons, I don’t think they’re in a good position to judge the relative courage or promise of Obama’s early foreign policy.
He’s one of the “what do you think” people at The Onion right?
CaliforniaMike: I had to google that one, Meredith is married to a different Richard Cohen, the thought of the highly milfy Meredith doing our beloved dildo made me throw up im my mouth.
When Peggy says “spring from a thing” I get all googley inside.
EdFlinstone: I’ve heard dickie’s secretly wed to eliot. They both regret that we discuss matters best left to our betters: http://fabiusmaximus.wordpress.com/2009/09/25/cohen/
I wonder how Cohen maintains his rugged good looks?
V572625694: You know, when Saigon fell, people like McChrystal could pile into helos, crash land them on aircraft carriers a couple hundred miles away. You can’t do that in Kabul. The nearest carriers are thousands of miles away. You have to drive out, until your road is blocked (the Khyber pass is easily blocked) or you run out of gas. Then you have to walk. All under fire, of course. The Afghans have up-graded from the days of the 10 rupee jazzail, too. Don’t count on getting out, if you wait too long.
“When you’re lying on Afghanistan’s plains, And the women come to cut up the remains, Roll over on your gun and blow out your brains and go to your Hell like a soldier.”
Scooter: Plastic surgery.
dr.giraud: Actually, GWB had passed the tax cuts for the rich that are a major reason for the gigantic deficits we now face, and had put most of the work into the ill-designed No Child Left Behind Act, which he signed in early 2002. So he wasn’t just PASSIVELY fucking up; he was actually working at it.
zhubajie: Meh. The Army had already left Vietnam years before Saigon fell. We can drive out any time we want. Not saying a bunch of guys won’t get killed from ambush between now and then, but the days of Afghan tribesmen with small arms being able to take on a military movement are long over. The Russians drove out relatively unscathed once they decided to do it.