Wonkette
By the Comics Curmudgeon
America might be a land of shouty illiterate fartsacks who will die of massive Hardees-induced coronaries in filthy hospital waiting rooms while trying to fill out insurance forms with numbing fingers, but at least we aren’t Europeans, am I right? I mean, Jesus, think about the awful nadir of degradation it must be, being one of those people. Wait, what, you don’t think Europeans are terrible mutant monsters? Oh, ho ho, do I have news for you, after the jump.
So imagine that you’re going to draw a cartoon about the Irish role in European Union politics. (Don’t worry, I don’t expect you to actually understand the role of Ireland in the EU for the purposes of this thought experiment.) With what icon would you depict our friends on the Emerald Isle? If you said “leprechaun,” you, sir, are a grade-A RACIST, and I want to hear no more of your Hibernophobic hate speech. No, obviously a modern symbol of Ireland would be an aquatic panther-like creature, with a lithe and unsettlingly sexy body and a somewhat humanoid face. And then, yes, you can put a little bowler cap on him and have him talk in a comical brogue, because you can’t have a political cartoon about Foreigns without a little stereotyping. Anyway, the European Union will be depicted as an old dude with a beard, obviously, and then the tiger will eat him, maybe? (Note to self: do research on role of Ireland in the EU.)
But at least Ireland was depicted by a man-beast that some furry fetishists might find vaguely attractive. Germany, meanwhile, will spend the next five years cowering under the rule of this squat, numb-faced golem-thing, if we are to believe this cartoon from jealous neighbors Austria. The most disturbing part of this cartoon is, of course, not the depiction of Angela Merkel as a hulking dead-eyed goon, nor even the fact that her defeated socialist rival is apparently saying an ellipsis aloud (is this somehow possible in the devilish Teutonic tongue?); no, it’s that Merkel’s new coalition partner, the charming libertarian Guido Westerwelle, is erupting out of her bicep like some kind cheery muscle parasite. How can he fulfill his duties as Germany’s foreign minister if most of his atrophied torso is connected by a complex network of interconnected blood vessels to his Chancellor’s arm?
See what I mean? European, right? But before we get all smug about the fact that they’re a bunch of tiger furries/golem monsters, let’s consider our own political class. Did you know, for instance, that if you parted the hair on the back of their heads, you’d see another face there, blinking and wheezing in a monstrous parody of the human form that God intended for us? This is true of the liberals, anyway, though not for conservatives, like the single-faced patriots who run insurance companies. CONCLUSION: These mutant multi-faced liberal freaks are, secretly, Europeans.
But what can ordinary Americans do about it? We’ve been too beaten down the recession to rise up against our Janusian overlords. Why, just look at the once-proud Uncle Sam, who seems to have traded his trademark chinbeard for three days of stubble, his natty suit for a filthy, tattered American flag t-shirt (dude! I know times are tough but you can wash it down at the laundromat for a dollar), and his slim physique for a cheap-beer-and-french-fries gut. Only his battered top hat remains perched on his head to remind him of better days, and even that will probably be pawned soon.
America’s leaders are of course unaware of the hard times faced by ordinary citizens, as they’re surrounded by a protective layer of sexual decadence. Here, for instance, is General Stanley McChrystal playing some kind of twisted dominance and submission game with Vice President Biden, while President Obama shoves his hands down into his pockets, suggestively. At least I think it’s Biden. It looks an awful lot like one of the creepy supposedly sexy aliens from the new James Cameron movie. Is our military fatally weakened by sexy alien cosplay? WE ARE AS BAD AS THE EUROPEANS, it turns out.
Should we be greatful that the Celtic Tiger isn’t shown with a pint of beer or a bottle of whiskey in his paw?
On a serious note…Celtic Tiger is a term that came up when Ireland was going gangbusters in the last bubble, before it suffered the same fate as Iceland. SO the assertion is that they are only signing the Treaty of Lisbon now because they’re boned.
Having said that…WTF vis a vis the EU character?
Two Danzigers and an Asay? Easy pickings. When he heard Asay’d won a prize, Joseph Pulitzer rose up out of his grave and said, “All right, forget it, I want my money back.” And why can’t Danziger draw backgrounds? Seems kinda lazy. It’s not as if the foregrounds are all that wonderful.
I believe that’s legendary Wonkette commentator Tony the Tiger, taking his schtick to bigger and better places overseas.
“the creepy supposedly sexy aliens from the new James Cameron movie.”
Kirk would hit it.
I, for one, would be delighted to be a European. Delighted not to believe my country has ‘exceptionalism’, that is, to be a country selected by God himself to rule over all the nations and be a beacon for Godliness (Protestant Christianity mixed with unregulated free markets).
To have decent health care, affordable (if not free) education, and a tolerance for people different from yourself. To be respected for wise actions instead of violent reactions. And don’t get me started on the food.
Terry: Maybe, but if you squint just right, it looks like Erin Go Purr has a spud in its front left paw.
I generally like Danziger’s cartoons, but in that last one, nobody looks like who they’re supposed to be. Obama looks like some random dude, McChrystal looks like MacArthur, and if that mutant with a squashed football for a head is Joe Biden, I’m Colonel Sanders.
very lifelike rendering of vice-president joe “smeagol” biden
SayItWithWookies: Oh god, I thought McChrystal/MacArthur was Obama and Obama was some random dude referring to Obama as McChrystal/MacArthur. It doesn’t make sense to me either way.
chascates: well then you wouldn’t have pics like this to wake you up in the morning. (jeeze, that was a sight when I checked this am)
qwerty42: I’m still trying to get that out of head from last night. But it may have made a difference with the Nobel committee.
What is Asay saying? That liberals for the public option are really doing the bidding of insurance companies? Does he really understand the issues here?
SayItWithWookies: That’s always been my beef with Danziger, his cartoons are often insightful, but nobody caricatured there ever looks anything like who they are supposed to be.
And for once, I agree with Chuck Assy. Politicians are generally fickle; insurance executives are pretty straightforward in their greed.
Josh, the fact that you know something about the politics of Germany’s new foreign minister marks you at as a European.
Is that “Celtic Tiger” thing a (an?) homage to Calvin and Hobbes? Is Eurpoe supposed to be Calvin all grown up and his play tiger comes to have fun with him again? Or eat him in his imagination again? Is Calvin and Hobbes still a happening meme? Or is he playing “Calvin and Hobbes” on “Calvin” and “Hobbes” in contemporary European culture? Tiger is the new hippo.
Methinks that tiger’s havin’ the sex wit’ the boat…
Wait insurance execs are secretly pushing the public option? WTF? Epic teabagger FAIL.
do I have news for you, after the jump.
Can’t jump. Too fat. *nom nom*
Kitties don’t like water.
shadowMark, the Celtic Tiger is an existing media phrase, but I was actually wondering if the cartoonist intended a reference to “Life of Pi”.
Yeah, I don’t get the Asy cartoon either. Am I supposed to be picking up something about the expressions on the masks? Or is it just not worth the trouble.
chascates: You had me right up to the “tolerance for people other than yourself”. Maybe tolerance for people other than yourself as long as they aren’t darker than you, Muslim or have strange ideas about god.
pampl: Has Biden been known to refer to Amtrak as his “birthday present?”
Wonderman:
Kitties don’t like water
It’s a Detroit tiger. And the boat is going to sink.
@shadowMark: Mwrar!
This discussion is way too thoughty for me, can we get back to fucktards and democraps?
donner_froh: True. At least in Europe I couldn’t understand what anyone was saying which would be a blessing in itself. Muslims now make up 1/4 of the world’s population I read yesterday.
Dear Mister Asay: you don’t understand the “humor” so much, it seems. I recommend networking with some of your friends in the professional editorial cartoon game who have demonstrated a wit superior to your own.
In this case, I’m guessing Donna Barstow.
There was an important question in that first cartoon which I don’t believe has been addressed here…can the EU spare a ciggie for the salty but lovable pirate kitten?
Thank god they Schumer a giant nose and…um…black gentleman (Clyburn?) big lips, or we would not know which minorities were taking the money and rights of decent hardworking christian folks today (face smashes into palm).
chascates: The food isn’t so hot in Europe IMO, but who could deal with the nice subways, lack of desperately poor people, and “we’re all in it together” attitude? Damn Frogs with their lovely parks, affordable health care and beautiful cities, who needs them?
donner_froh: Are you talking about Europe or the US there? It’s very hard to tell! Last time I checked the US wasn’t exactly a beacon of tolerance on racial or religious grounds! (Notwithstanding its President)
Come to think of it not very tolerant about opposing views on healthcare either…
chascates: Err… how many European countries don’t have free education?
chascates: Bizarrely, when I first visited the US I realised that, despite not speaking their languages at all well, it was A LOT easier to understand French, Spanish, Italians, etc than many, many Americans. The words may be similar but the underlying American worldview is frequently utterly alien.
BlueStateLibtard: Food not so hot in Europe. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Very funny.
Angry Brit: I think you missed the point. He wasn’t saying that the U.S. is more tolerant — which, BTW, I think a serious case can be made on many fronts for just that — rather that much of Europe isn’t exactly as tolerant as they often make themselves out to be, which is true. The difference is that you guys simply don’t admit you have real problems with xenophobia and racism, if I’m to be brutally honest.