O’Reilly’s figured it out!

This starts about two minutes in, and is TERRIFYINGLY awkward — even Michele Bachmann is disturbed:

O’REILLY: Do you think — and this is an off-the-wall question. And I’m telling the audience that it’s just something that’s occurred to me. Both you and Sarah Palin are good-looking women. I mean, you’re attractive, young — relatively young — women who other women can identify with. You’re a mom, a wife. You had a private-sector job.

I think that’s it. I think that the success of Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann drive the far left crazy because you don’t fit — they don’t like what you believe in, but you can attract others to listen to you. I think that’s what’s going on.

Note that this incorporates both the Kathleen Parker Thesis and its opposite: Michele Bachmann can “attract others to listen” to her, like Bill O’Reilly, who wants 15 minutes in a motel with her for a Cleveland Steamer, but also Keith Olbermann, who wants to schtup her so badly that he talks about her on his television program, with OUTRAGE. (Rachel Maddow, as a lesbian, would also want to Scissor with Bachmann under this theory.)

Maybe it has something to do with the things she says, though, which are ten times as frequent and insane as your run-of-the-mill congressional jackass. She’s not even hot, is the other thing.

O’Reilly to Bachmann: You ‘drive the far-left crazy’ because you’re ‘good looking.’ [Think Progress]

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  1. Jeebus H. Fucking Christ, the mere thought of Bill O’Reilly rubbing his falafel all over our Michele is enough to turn me from heterosexuality.
    Now I’m just going to have to go home and destroy those brain cells with alcohol. Thanks a lot.

  2. Bachmann is probably disturbed because this is, after all, Bill O’Reilly, and even as nuts as she is she was likely afraid that, with his talking about her alleged attractiveness, he was about to move on to talking about what he’d do with her in the shower with the loofah, and the, you know, the falafal thing; and might be using a vibrator on himself at that moment.

    Also, in what world are either Palin or Bachmann even relatively young?

  3. Ooooh so she was gang-raped by her brothers 24/7 and that’s why she’s not afraid to say insane shit constantly.

    Also “well, relatively young” = haggard and witchy, I guess.

  4. I once had the hots for ol’ Crazy Eyes, but that was long ago, when the lingering effects of drug addiction still addled my mind. Still, she’s more attractive than Man Coulter & The Human Stereotype, Michelle Malkin.

    I’m pretty sure O’Reilly has had sex with a priest more recently than with a woman. Which would explain his loufa/falafel disaster.

  5. “Both you and Sarah Palin are good-looking women. I mean, you’re attractive, young — relatively young….

    Dearest William, when we outright told you to eat a bag of dicks we didn’t mean for you to go and stick on of the aforementioned dicks in your mouth on your sockpuppet-show-in-a-cardboard-box that you do on FoxNews.

    Or did we?

  6. I mean, she’s hot compared to Charlie Rangel but just Google “genitals” and there’s enough shit to beat off to for a literal millennium. Was there something in the Patriot Act about only fantasizing about bureaucratic handjobs?

  7. I don’t hate Rep. Bachmann.

    I simply find her an atrocious, misinformed, idiotic clown.

    There is medication out there to overcome those problems, you know.

  8. When I picture that conversation happening over a candlelit dinner on a first date at a nice restaurant, it suddenly starts to make sense.

  9. Actually he is right. We should give equal time to exposing the venality of Virginia Foxx and Kay Bailey Hutchinson, and McCaughey (not a pol, but would certainly like to flog her too). Foxx & Bets brings the crazy, with, too.

  10. Wow, Michele was a tax attorney, which Bill-o calls “a private sector job.” As if there weren’t already enough reasons to hate her.

  11. Billo’s dream is a reenactment of the “Butt 2 Butt” scene in Requiem for a Dream featuring Palin & Bachmann, only when he closes his eyes, he sees himself and Hannity sharing a dirty black dong in their quivering mancunts. Poor Billo’s just trying to talk himself back into “women.”

  12. Two statements I just can’t abide in this clip:

    1) Bachmann “I don’t need government to be successful.” Sweetheart–you’re an attorney–that’s essentially the third branch of government, and now a Congresswoman–ask yourself next payday where the money comes from. Probably got the whole clan on the sweet congressional healthcare plan too.

    2) O’Reilly: “It just occurred to me that you and Palin are rather hot.” Dude, like you haven’t had that thought before about a million times….while using other devices on yourself.

    I now must go make these visions leave my head.

  13. Billy boy just wants to have group sex with Palin, Bachmann and Coulter. Only problem is only one of them would have a penis and it wouldn’t be Billy boy. There would however be 4 dicks.

  14. Bachmann: “I don’t need the government to be successful.”

    So you don’t take your $170k+ salary or any of the other bennies that come with a job that puts you at the head of the line for sucking on the government teat?

    I didn’t so, so shut the fuck up you stupid cunt.

  15. As one of the far-left what drives me crazy about Bachmann is that she gets any attention at all with her off-the-wall bullshit. Obviously she’s easier on the eyes than Rep. Joe Barton and she seems so earnest about her lunatic ideas. Maybe men are attracted to her & Palin thinking that as crazy as their ideas are they’d be great in bed.

  16. What is a “Wheel House” anyway? Brillo says “How did you get into that wheel house?” Is that the polite (i.e. repubican) way of saying whore house? Urban dictionary doesn’t list anything (except a 16 votes down definition).

  17. I like the way she stands slightly sideways to show ’em off a little, like Kitty Harris used to. BTW, what is she up to these days?

  18. So, by Billo’s, um, logic, he and Hannity want to bone Al Franken, which we can tell by the way they viciously went after him during and after the Minnesota Senate election. They despise him, ergo they must have a thing for him.

  19. [re=429993]geminisunmars[/re]: The wheelhouse is the part of a ship with the wheel in it, where the steering happens. Colloquially I think it just means a place of command or importance.

    It’s also the part of O’Reilly I’d like to punch him in.

  20. I think we can all agree that good-looking people, by and large, are persecuted in this country. Good stuff just doesn’t happen to people with nice eyes and decent bone structure. It really is unfair.

  21. i’m not really a cat in a cardboard box, you all know that, i’m a male human who has been heterosexual his entire life (including that drunken night with what’s-his-name when i was a teenager), and i cannot imagine how drunk or desperate i would have to be to want to fuck michelle. sarah, on the other hand, i could maybe go for, as long as i didn’t have to listen to her talk and we didn’t make a habit of it.

  22. Bill, Bill. The flaw in you logic is that men (the hetero subset, anyway) don’t actually listen to attractive women. We just stare at their breasts. I understand the confusion though because we do quietly chant “Yeah, yeah, I know what you mean” while we stare.

  23. Today on the House floor, Rep. Michele Bachmann said three days isn’t enough time for her to read the health care bill. “Three days to read the bill? Please! Three months would be a minimum,” she said.

  24. [re=430013]Mad Brahms[/re]: Thanks. I am so nautically challenged.

    You have my permission, and maybe that of a few gazillion others, to punch O’ ‘s wheel house.

  25. So I’m thinking … grudge-fuck. Nope, that doesn’t work either. And I like crazy women of a certain age and all, but please, hold the Bachmam.

  26. [re=429945]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: I’m trying to think of a way for you to be cruder. I just… It’s not coming.

    Also, Bachmann was a Federal Tax Attorney?? Republicans really really don’t understand irony.

  27. “It doesn’t matter that you’d likely support a Christian theocracy, think our monetary system is in danger of being replaced with global currency in the near future, and ask Bernanke ridiculous questions that aren’t related to his job. Hey Batshit, you’re gooood lookin’, did you ever think of that?”

  28. Hey, this reminds me…whatever happened to Katherine Harris…can we please get a horseback riding picture in tight pink top please?

  29. [re=430059]lawrenceofthedesert[/re]: Fix? Shit no. I believe what we’re going for here is neutralization. A nice, aggressively paced, cradle to grave thorazine drip ought to do the trick. And what with that Congressional Healthcare package picking up the bill, I’d say that’s the best money we as taxpayers will ever spend.

  30. For some reason, the only person I can think of while watching this clip is Kitty Sanchez. I keep expecting Michele to say something like “well, Bill, say goodbye because this is the last time you’re going to see these!” and then flash everyone on live TV. And you just know Bachmann is going to threaten to go all Andrea Mackris on him tomorrow unless she gets a permanent segment on his show or some Dubya sperm or something. Just remember, Billo: never promise crazy a baby permanent TV spot!

  31. Okay, had to look up “scissors.”

    “Adjust your legs so that your bottom leg is in between your partner’s legs and your top leg is draped over his side or held up.
    Step 5

    Prepare yourself as your partner lays perpendicular to you and penetrates your vagina.”

    okay how does this work with Rachel? Just askin . . . I learn so much on Wonkette.

  32. [re=430110]ithasatilde[/re]: Arrested Development referrence = win!
    Does this mean we get to see if M-Bach’s nips are as crooked as Trig Palin’s eyes?

  33. Michele was finger-boned at Oral Roberts more times than she has given birth. She’s a ho who just is collecting government CHECKS for all those foster kids that she abuses. I hope she chokes, on air. And dies. Period.

  34. [re=430133]MinnBlue[/re]: Is she hot?

    Lucky we aren’t on the far left, because we would think she really is dumber than Trig.
    Fay nom in nah,
    Prep purr ishun

  35. [re=430118]InKnockYouUs[/re]: Are you doing that thing that men do when they meet to lesbians and they ask “How do you, you know, do it?” and then you touch yourself under the table as they explain lube and fisting? Because if that’s the case, please videotape it and send it to me.

    [re=430048]EggplantParm[/re]: Dude, it wasn’t even my idea. And I think you will find that I can be much, much fucking cruder.

  36. [re=430017]Aloysius[/re]: I’m pretty sure the Whore of Babylon is a lot more fun. And probably less crazy-eyed.

    [re=430133]MinnBlue[/re]: Go blogwhore on Kos. And shouldn’t that be “democratic” candidate Maureen Reed, considering how she was the Independence Party candidate for Lt. Gov. like two cycles ago? Maureen, you selfish bitch, drop the fuck out and let Tarryl Clark, who can actually win, take on Bachmann.

  37. [re=430133]MinnBlue[/re]: If you’re in to caning, you should support Reed. But if you prefer watersports, Tinklenberg is still your man.

  38. I think the way she pronounces the word “phenomenon” at the beginning of the interview needs to be sampled and added to a dance track immediately. The phrase “middle america womans block” also.

  39. [re=429937]Seanyboy[/re]: Yeah, Republicans need to stop saying that “having brothers” or “being a mother” is “the best preparation for politics.” The best preparation is ACTUALLY, surprisingly, experience in local politics, or at the very least successfully running something other than a Christian bum-licking store or whatever Bachmann did. I think it’s because, you know, it has absolutely nothing to do with any character trait or talent whatsoever.

  40. Listen, Palin and Bachmann are attractive ONLY to sailors who are pulling after 60 or more days at sea! Or to convicts who’ve out of sight of the human female for an even longer time. I teach English in a Chinese university, which means I get to see 20-30 girls at that age when even I was good-looking! I don’t do anything I shouldn’t but it gives me a different perspective on female looks!

    Zhu Bajie, alive in the bitter sea

  41. [re=430167]OReillysVibrator[/re]: I banged a lot of girls in college, and I believe that has prepared me for a career in politics. Also, I voted occasionally.

  42. [re=430048]EggplantParm[/re]: I’m trying to think of a way for you to be cruder. I just… It’s not coming.

    That’s what she said.

  43. [re=429993]geminisunmars[/re]: It’s wear the pilot of a ship stands, handles the steering wheel. Check out _Life on the Mississippi_ for more details.

    Zhu Bajie, old sailor

  44. [re=430173]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Psst – Annie – it’s a Serenity reference. The proper response is “Two mags and my swinging cod”. Take it from one who is way too geeky.

  45. So I wasted two minutes or so and watched this…what I saw around 2:10 was an angry face flash at hearing the phrase, “the success of Sarah Palin…” She didn’t like that. Jealous.

    Now I need to go swill something to make me forget this whole episode.

  46. I hope everyone realizes that Bachmann and probably Palin will have lost whatever looks they have left by the time 2012 arrives, and thus most of their appeal will have faded. Palin will be pushing 50, and will probably be forced to spend half of her campaign budget on make-up. If you look at close-up photos of her, you can already see she’s not aging well. And, no, I’m not being shallow, because I’m not the one who supports her just because she’s “hot”.

  47. Well, now we know who Rush got his Oxycontin habit from, anyway.

    O’Rly made me throw up in my mouth quite a bit more than usual – damn. I wouldn’t even fuck that thing with YOUR dick, dude.

  48. I would assume that Bachmann is used to this. I mean she has got to know that these are the kind of men (and probably women and ladyboys) her crazy attracts, right? I mean, I’m sure she’s been propositioned by even less savory characters, like, you know, her gay husband, right?

  49. Bill is projecting again, or at least thinking with his “little” projection.

    “Staff, bring me Kleenex, lotion, and a loofa and make it quick.”

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