the legislative branch

Lame Joe Lieberman And Russ Feingold Are Still So Into The Czar Meme!

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Joe Lieberman, the actual human equivalent of a chain letter forwarded to you by your grandparents, has a very important tuff-guy job as chair of the Homeland Security Committee. And he’ll tell ya, he does not like Obama’s coterie of czars, not one bit. He’ll probably hold some trenchant as shit hearings about the hated czars, or maybe draft some heroic legislation that forbids the President from appointing policy experts. Russ Feingold is down for whatever, so he’s in too! And don’t think he won’t look up “czar” in the dictionary, because he WILL and he HAS.

Feingold read what appears to be a rough draft of a sixth grader’s essay during the very important legislative branch persecution hearing yesterday:

“But historically a czar is an autocrat, and it’s not surprising that some Americans feel uncomfortable about supposedly all-powerful officials taking over areas of the government.”

BAM. Joe Lieberman, can you please legislate that devastating critique into law?? IMMEDIATELY??

“Leslie Phillips, a spokesperson for Lieberman’s committee, confirms by email that Lieberman’s legislation is ‘in the early conceptual stage.’ She also said a hearing is in the works, with its schedule up the air until the committee can nail down witnesses.”

Haha “witnesses”—Joe Lieberman, America is going to criminalize YOU for being so adorable!

[The Caucus, The Plum Line]

About the author

Juli Weiner was Wonkette's beloved intern and books columnist and then morning editor until she was hired away by Vanity Fair in 2010.

View all articles by Juli Weiner

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Advocatus_Diaboli

    So when did appointing policy experts in the executive branch (aka “czars”) become a bad thing? Oh that’s right, when the keys to the whitehouse were handed over to a black man.

  • MLHencken

    Droopy Dawg wants to make sure NOONE will enjoy blintzes, samovars or anything that has a vague Russian antecedent.

  • Pithaughn

    Is that hussy in the butter ad wearing a sheer skirt? It sure looks like the untrimmed garden I would expect between those thunder thighs.

  • norbizness

    “What about the three-quarters of a trillion dollars we’re throwing down the Pentagon sinkhole every year?”

    “Nah, ‘czar’ is shorter and easier to remember.”

  • ManchuCandidate

    The irony of a Pogrom on Czars.

  • OReillysVibrator

    I’d rather there be too much Senate inquiries into at least debatable executive branch activities than too little. This won’t cripple their functions, and it’s a win-win for the senators: Feingold gets to mug for the civil liberty crowd, and Joe Lieberman gets to fulfill his contractual obligation to be a miserable piece of excrement at least once a week.

  • freakishlystrong

    Vinegar Joe is just pissy because if Walnuts had somehow manged to steal the election he’d be a czar now.

  • Chain Tattoo

    Lieberman in the “early conceptual stage, eh?
    He looks a bit old and wrinkled to be an embryo, but he does have the psychological capacity of one. Perhaps that is what spokesperson Leslie Phillips meant. And we would all agree.

  • JMP

    Man, it’s so great that the ballless Senate Dems allowed this man to keep his committee chairmanships, even though he campaigned for McCain. Now he’s showing his true colors again by spreading bullshit right-wing memes.

  • memzilla

    Lieberman protesting against czars = “No one asked me to be one (sniff) (whine) (pule).”

  • chascates

    Make Joe Israel Czar and it’ll all be good.

  • AbstinenceOnly Ed

    I’d like to nail Leslie Phillips “up the air” via email, if ya know whad I mean, which you don’t, but I won’t elaborate, as my salacious quip is still in a formative stage, i.e. the comedy equivalent of a homo habilis.

  • SayItWithWookies

    ‘The early conceptual stages’ — so that means they really have no idea what kind of law they can pass to say that the president can’t hire people. Probably mostly because they can’t define “czar,” since that’s nobody’s actual title and many of them get confirmed by the Senate and they’re just advisors at various positions within the Executive branch. But way to go, dumbasses, for taking on this important issue.

  • Mr Blifil

    All Czars shall be shot, and it shall be an holocaust.

  • Cocktoastin

    What a completely worthless sack of shit. This should be an argument for eliminating some of the advantages for the incumbents in Congress. Grandpa Joe can’t even be bothered to mail it in anymore.

  • magic titty

    I’m sorry – haven’t we heard about these fake czars in every President’s cabinet since oh I don’t know fucking forever? Such as drug czars, etc.

    Gah. Barry needs to appoint a Get Off My Dick Czar. This insanity is just mind-melding now.

  • WhatTheHeck

    Give Joe the title of Czar of Nothing. Then he’ll forever be known as Who-czar.
    Hu-czar!

  • AbstinenceOnly Ed

    Robert Byrd doesn’t mind czars too much. He knew Tsar Alexander II personally, and he wasn’t a bad guy altogether, though that Rasputin feller always hangin’ around did seem a little jewy.

  • Cocktoastin

    This should guarantee him a spot on Fox this weekend. I can just imagine the loving tongue bath Rupert’s boys will deliver.

  • Mustang

    Anagram for Lieberman I REBEL MAN. Which is irony at its nadir. It should be an anagram for I SAY AND DO WHATEVER IS POLITICALLY POPULAR.

  • artpepper

    Oh please please introduce a bill to rename White Russians “freedom cocktails.”

  • Johnny Zhivago

    The solution is to appoint an overarchingly powerful Czar of Czars to watch over the Czars and insure they remain all powerful only within their specific area of responsibility.

    With their strong knowledge of history, you have to expect conservatives to be upset at the thought of dozens of czars and czarinas dancing around the White House, they way they did back in oletime Russia.

    Sort of like the way they fancy those two BFF’s Josef Stalin and Adolph Hiter sitting around Bertesgarten telling jokes, sipping cold ones and watching American movies together.

  • Sweet Baby Cheeses

    Note to Feingold–if you find yourself in agreement with Joe Lieberman, you’re probably being wrong or more likely, dumb. BONUS HINT: If the Fox News crowd is screaming the loudest about the particular issue, than it’s not only wrong and dumb, it’s probably a complete fucking lie.

  • Dreadful Gate

    Joo Lieberfuck is a bloated sack of decaying rat’s intestines, and every time he speaks, feces dribble down his chin

  • sezme

    Silly Leslie Phillips! There are no (surviving) witnesses. Maybe try Anastasia?

    And Juli … alt-text? You really do care about us? Sniff.

  • Norbert

    Fire the czars! We the People demand Soviets!

    p.s. Yo, Feingold, what the fuck. Unless you are planning ahead/establishing precedent for congressional oversight for when Pres. Romney appoints Sarah Palin Czarina of Reproduction in 2012.

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    “Joe Lieberman, the actual human equivalent of a chain letter forwarded to you by your grandparents,”

    Just beautiful Juli and alt text also!
    I’m in love with you. Will you father my babies?

  • An Outhouse

    Anagram for Lieberman: Mrs. Leiberman’s exploding bowels.

    okay, not an anagram. shoot me.

  • nappyduggs

    Sooooo, we’re gonna have to trade in teabaggers for Bolsheviks?

  • chascates

    [re=429540]An Outhouse[/re]: Great image, tho!

  • Naked Bunny with a Whip

    All White House employees will now have to get Senate approval, including interns, prostitutes, and the President.

  • Evil Dr. Puma

    That shot makes Holy Joe look like a stoned gnome.

  • liquiddaddy

    They are both Jewish, and czars are scary gollems. Imagine what Roland Burris would say if Obama appointed 33 policy grand kleegles? Or, Jim Nighthorse Campbell if there were 33 policy cowboys?

  • tootsieroll

    [re=429538]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: except I get them forwarded from my parents. So while funny snark, it re-enforces how old I am.

    And Joe sucks. Also.

  • grendel

    [re=429495]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Yakov Smirnoff says: In Russia Czars have pogrom on you

  • V572625694

    Lieberman’s greatest crime against government and the people was the creation of the Department of Homeland Security, which sucks in every conceivable way:

    (1) The name sounds Germanisch, fascist, tribal. Americans don’t have a “homeland.” Huns and Italians do.
    (2) He’s merged together every conceivable agency from the Coast Guard to INS into an unmanageable bureaucratic clusterfuck that will never be untangled, because he chairs the “oversight” committee and likes the frequent diverse blowjobs he gets from the many agencies.
    (3) Tom Ridge, more or less appointed by Joe because why not.
    (4) Chip Hawley, the Czar of Taking Off Your Shoes to get on an airplanes.

    Plus Lieberman is a total whore for Israel, delivering all the goodies on their wishlist year after year.

    Plus his wife’s name is Hadassah.

    Plus his voice makes me glad Al Gore lost, so we get to hear less of it, but still too much.

  • Joshua Norton

    So if they’re Czars do they get free Faberge Eggs?

    And since when are Repiggies and their cheerleaders against being autocratic? The very thought of it keeps them fapping into the wee hours of the morning.

  • Evil Dr. Puma

    [re=429556]Joshua Norton[/re]: “And since when are Repiggies and their cheerleaders against being autocratic?”

    Since a black man was elected President.

  • schvitzatura

    Obama will thusly organize a Loya Jirga of the Vigintisexviri-kaiser-satraps, just to really piss off Droopy Dawg.

  • Joshua Norton

    Lieberman’s legislation is ‘in the early conceptual stage.’

    A more polite way of saying that old shit-for-brains is not only completely clueless, but he’s as lost as Atlantis about the whole thing.

  • chascates

    [re=429540]An Outhouse[/re]: Actually, Leiberman’s Exploding Bowels would be a fantastic name for a band.

  • bitchincamaro

    [re=429540]An Outhouse[/re]: C-z-a-r is worth 15 points in Scrabble; Lieberman 13. Advantage: Czars

  • El Pinche

    I can’t wait until 2012 when they kick old Joe in his fake Democratic cunt.

  • samsuncle

    Ssssh! Don’t wake sleepy Joe, he’s having sweet dreams of his Anus Csar Lindsey.

  • Joshua Norton

    If I was a Czar, I’d have Riley be Rasputin. How cool would that be?

  • Birdcrash

    Leiberman is the man for whom the word “putz” was invented.

  • Prommie

    “Advisors” with autocratic, unlimited power too. . . advise. Scary.

    Since when did the US Amurrica start taking its habitual hyperbole literally? A Denny’s “grand slam” is not a 4 run homer, Tom Delay is not actually a “hammer,” and by “eat a bag of dicks, Joe,” all we really mean is “die, fucking die, fucking die a humiliating, messy, and public death, you piece of shit.”

  • chascates

    [re=429581]Joshua Norton[/re]: Make Juli Grand Duchess Anastasia too.

  • TGY

    Appoint Joe Lieberman as Anti-czar.

  • ManchuCandidate

    [re=429588]Prommie[/re]:
    A Denny’s Grand Slam is a 4 flusher though.

  • notwavingbutdrowning

    [re=429534]Sweet Baby Cheeses[/re]: I know. It is like Russ somehow wandered into the fun house and can’t find the way out. Run Russ Run! Run for your life!!!

    Juli: “Joe Lieberman, the actual human equivalent of a chain letter forwarded to you by your grandparents” [HA!]

  • comicbookguy

    [re=429636]ManchuCandidate[/re]: You will be running to home plate, yes.

  • ifthethunderdontgetya”

    [re=429503]JMP[/re]: Great point. Given how pathetic their 60 vote majority has proven to be, what exactly was the payoff for letting this shill have any seniority at all, let alone a committee chair?

    To hell with Holy Joe. Give it to Al Franken, at least he’s worth something.
    ~

  • hobospacejunkie

    Someone please kick Lieberman in the teeth, with a horse.

  • PoignancySelz

    Yeah, but don’t we all feel safer knowing our yarmulked hero is watching over a useless bureaucracy that was spawned as a knee-jerk, paranoid overreaction to 911 — never to be unraveled.
    This is why I am for sterile, legal, uterine curettage.
    “early conceptual stages”…ABORT!

  • DustBowlBlues

    Oklahomans are dumb as a bag of hammers, which is why Inhofe and Spooky Doktor Tom are senators. What’s Connecticut’s excuse?

  • durn

    But Lieberman wanks and wanks to “Homeland”, the most authoritarian-sounding description of the country ever contrived. The name of his committee sounds like something made up in the basement of the KGB.

  • Bruno

    [re=429505]chascates[/re]: Yes please. Make Joe a czar (I prefer tsar) and CT can get on with electing a real senator. With principles

  • hunter.blatherer

    Leave Joe Lieberman alone!! The man is a true artist, and all you people making fun of him while he’s still in the “early conceptual stages” of creating what will surely be a masterwork, will be sorry. Very, very sorry.

    Especially when he “nails down” witnesses for the installation.
    Remember, we (The Jews) did it to Jesus. So what’s protecting you?

  • Captain Swing

    Memo to NASA:

    Next time you eggheads decide to crash a rocket into the Moon, make sure Joe Lieberdouche is aboard it.

    Oh, and while you’re at it, you might choose a better target, like the Faux News studio.