And that's how America was made!
Except for how Tennessee just killed Jesus.

A bunch of you have sent us a link to this painting by a fellow named Jon McNaughton, depicting the divine event that took place during the hot Philadelphia summer of 1787, when Jeebus flew to America from his ice cave on Pluto to deliver the U.S. Constitution to some brat before an in-studio audience consisting of George Washington, Mister Hollywood, Liberal News Reporter, Satan, and others. “Jon McNaughton would like to set the record straight,” we read.

What’s so essential about this Internet painting is that McNaughton has included, for each character, that thing you commenters love so much: Alt-Text. Descriptive Alt-Text.

The bottom-right corner is where you’ll find the good stuff:

Spend the rest of your afternoon with it!

One Nation Under God [Jon McNaughton]

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  • canadasteve

    I wonder if this guy is Mormon? The style reminds me of paintings you see plastered on every free surface in Salt Lake City.

  • magic titty

    Satan…Dr. Doom, whichever.

    Is anyone else having a problem opening the link??

  • DoktorZoom

    Izzat really Satan? Or is it John Lithgow auditioning for the part of Emperor Palpatine?

  • Suds McKenzie

    He forgot SkoalRebel.

  • Jukesgrrl

    Are we sure Jon McNaughton isn’t a “paintbrush name” for Thomas Kinkade? It’s so-o-o-o real and the light behind Jesus’ head is so bee-you-tee-ful.

  • AnnieGetYourFun

    There has never, ever been a thing better than this painting that was made, ever. In history. Period.

    EXCEPT maybe for the pile of shit that my dog excreted this morning. But other than that, nothing.

  • sanantonerose

    Haha. John Lithgow. I can’t think of Lithgow without seeing him as Roberta in World According to Garp.

  • WestEdEd

    Alt text is the devil’s footnote, it’s a trap! Run to Jebus, he only uses chareter driven unix based applications.

  • american mutt

    I’m going to take this painting and place it in my jar of urine. And sell it for mmm, 10k.

  • magic titty

    Soooo…Jesus is basically…Bill & Ted?

  • sanantonerose

    And Mr. Hollywood looks a bit like Gerard Butler.

  • Suds McKenzie

    Then he swung over to Missouri to build that Temple right?

  • sanantonerose

    Or Russell Crowe. It’s hard to tell Butler and Crowe apart now that they’re both fat.

  • AnnieGetYourFun

    Oh, shit. I forgot to include Martin Luther King, Jr., that black guy. Oh, here’s a black guy that is supposed to represent “The Iraq Wars Soldier”. I’ll just paint “KING” on his chest and pretend that he represents all darkies.

  • DoktorZoom

    Also, not included under Thomas Jefferson: “Dude who loved God’s Inerrant Word so much that he edited his own version of the New Testament, removing all the miracles and God stuff.”

  • nbawriter

    This is a gag, right?

  • torera

    Even if the FF called on G-D often to cover all their bases (and asses), G-D is not the same as Jesus. (Who wasn’t a white dude with long brown hair anyway but I digress.) Consider the Treaty of Tripoli, ratified by the U.S. Senate June 7, 1797, signed by President John Adams June 10, 1797 — who knew first-hand what the Founding Fathers meant:

    Art. 11. As the Government of the United States of America is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion…

  • Extemporanus

    [re=427828]canadasteve[/re]: I wonder if this guy is Mormon?

    Hover over the book-wielding token black guy, and I think you’ll have your answer.

  • nbawriter

    As a liberal news reporter, the fact that I’d want to fuck that liberal news reporter makes this painting utter fiction.

  • memzilla

    No picture of the inventor of TruckNutz? WHY DOES JEEBUS MCNAUGHTON HATE AMERICA???

  • Nim, ham hock of liberty

    It’s awesome that one of the opinions causing the judge to cover his face in shame is MARBURY VS MADISON.

    Seriously, fuck judicial review! Nothin but trouble.

  • Cape Clod

    [re=427834]sanantonerose[/re]: Hey Rose, good to see you. Any idea why Lincoln is singing ‘Mammie’ in this picture?

  • Dashboard_Buddha

    Jesus H. Jumped Up Christ – I just threw up in my mouth.

  • AnSnarkist

    Where is John Galt?

  • Mustang

    Where the hell is Waldo?

  • populucious

    [re=427832]Jukesgrrl[/re]: Do you think it could be possible for me to buy an authentic signed print of this masterpiece for 22 easy payments of 79.99 each?

  • shadowMark

    This isn’t exactly a punchline, but the Magna Carta was written BEFORE the Constitution and the Magna Carta flat out mentions God three or four times and speaks of the need for healthy souls and the exaltation of the Church so our Founding Fathers actually TOOK OUT the religious stuff they didn’t write a religiuos document they put in some extra hours and did the strikeover thing crossed out the religious stuff.

  • Country Club Jihadi

    Glad to see Joan Van Ark got a job as a liberal news reporter after Knots Landing.

  • nappyduggs

    Jesus is totalling rolling in his grave. Oh, wait. My bad. Disregard.

  • finallyhappy

    [re=427841]sanantonerose[/re]: How can that be- I am sure Mr. Hollywood should be Jewish as we run Hollywood. I didn’t know Jesus wrote the Constitution but then I believe in evolution(or evil-ution)

  • PrairiePossum

    That pictures begs for blingees and a black velvet canvas.

  • Suds McKenzie

    I’ll wait for it to come out on Velvet!

  • SayItWithWookies

    Oh, and who’s that between Thomas Jefferson and Ben Franklin? Why it’s dead teacher Christa McAuliffe. And she’s representing — of course — astronauts.

  • frailamerica

    I can buy everything in that photo…except that the Jesus was (is?) taller than Jefferson or Washington.

  • lawrenceofthedesert

    Jesus is flashing the contract, George leading the band and Al Jolsen, dressed as Honest Abe, is singing “California, Here I Come.” It’s another routine show in Branson.

  • BitchyMel

    First, who the fuck invited Satan to the ceremony. We need to condemn that jackass to hell. Secondly, business woman seems to be the only person without a description. Because in John’s world THEY DON’T EXIST.

  • memzilla

    [re=427848]Extemporanus[/re]: Also, the black Civil War soldier is all the way at the back of the line.

  • BobTheBuilder

    “I did not include Martin Luther King due to copyright reasons.” WTF???

  • Extemporanus

    [re=427836]american mutt[/re]: You could call it The Last Sipper.

    [re=427837]magic titty[/re]: Strange things are afoot at the Circle-Jerk.

  • tunamelt

    I need this on a plate.

  • RoscoePColtraine

    I think we might have crashed his GoDaddy website. Must be more than three trying to access it today. I can’t seem to pull it up.

  • PoignancySelz

    I think the kid is Mark Levin

  • jmell

    [re=427848]Extemporanus[/re]: Yeah, I saw that too.

  • PoignancySelz

    I think its Blingee time!!

  • Potater

    There are exactly two black people in this painting. Two. And only one other non-white, who is literally made afraid of all the white Christians. Then he realizes that everyone respects everyone else’s religion, but only if they’re Christian.

    I love how he draws the college student and teacher with so much respect and yet DESPISES the professor.

    Also Ronald Reagan looks marvelous in that black cloak.

  • Potater

    Alright, I was mistaken, there are more than two black people, but they’re hidden allllllll the way in the back. What is this artist trying to tell us?

  • fromhils
  • frailamerica

    That justice is obviously Breyer, the pussy.

  • DoktorZoom

    I don’t know what would be the more useful corrective to send Mr. McNaughton: A copy of Steven Waldman’s Founding Faith, which points out that the FFs’ deeply-held beliefs led them to INSIST on a strict separation of church and state, or maybe just a bag of lightly-salted etc., etc.

  • germansteel

    Sarah is going to be so pissed that Trig was ignored – what greater American is there, than Trig? How can this “artist” claim to be for the troops when he excludes the autistic from his great art?

    And, that reminds me of my favorite Jeesus musical lyric: “How great thou art, Art.”

  • shadowMark

    [re=427875]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: I can’t get it either and I wanted to look closely because in that image we have I don’t see even one happy tree or one happy bush where the happy birds can live and the happy squirrels can live so I don’t think Bob Ross would even call this piece of shit a painting whatever the fuck it is.

  • AnnieGetYourFun

    I like how the mouse-over is sort of off, so that in order to see a close up of Jesus’s face, you have to point your mouse at his crotch. Of course, as I discovered, in order to get a close-up of Jesus’s crotch, you need to point as his feet.

  • Prommie

    I am a little woozy here. Its like looking directly into the mind of a schizophrenic. Not for the faint of heart.

  • freakishlystrong

    Where’s Jebus’s dinosaur? FAIL.

  • WheresMyJetpack?

    Totally Mormon – the painter is from Utah and has eight kids. For a great read, click over to the interview that he conducted of himself, wherein he channels his inner-Hannity for some serious softballs.

    And I love how Ronald Reagan, the first Teleprompter President, is so highly revered, to the point of Deity, among a certain set.

    Jesus wrote the Constitution, dummies.

  • RoscoePColtraine

    Hasn’t our Comics Curmudgeon taught us that, when an artist is really bad, he/she feels the overwhelming urge to tell us who everyone is and what they stand for? You know, in case you look at it and miss the point? I, for one, am grateful to Mr. Whats-His-Name for providing the alt text, AS SHOULD YOU BE, ELITISTS!

  • AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=427887]germansteel[/re]: Um, Trig IS there. They just show the back of his head. And a pregnant Piper is pointing at him.

  • SmutBoffin

    “Ronald Reagan…was a true patriot of freedom.” WTF does that even mean?

  • JMP

    Why are Franklin, Jefferson and Adams all bending down before a deity that none of them believed in?

    Also, I like how he puts in the college professor, holding the “Origin of Species”, and attacks him for daring to insist that only facts and not lies be taught in schools.

  • NopantsMcGee

    It’s only missing a velvet representation of Elvis.

    I can forgive the bitters for their guns and their missing teeth and their penchant for RC Cola and moonpies. But, I do not forgive bad art. Bad, bad, BAD art.

    Besides, Jesus looks like he’s trying to figure out a way to GTFO of this douche-party, pronto.

  • Lazy Media

    [re=427847]torera[/re]: How come it’s not blasphemous if you use a hyphen instead of an o in God? Jehovah, Jehovah, Jehovah!

    Sez who Jesus wasn’t a white guy with long brown hair? A: Jews = white(ish), then and now (Arabs, too). They just live in a sunny place and tan good. B: Nazarenes of the time frequently had red hair, so it’s possible he was a ginger. C: I’ll give you the “short” hair, although short was more of a Beetle mop than a high-and-tight. Not sure how Hellenized ol’ Jeebus was, speaking Aramaic and all, but the Greeks and Romans wore their hair fairly short.

    Trinitarians consider Jeebus an equal aspect of God, along with the God and Holy Spirit parts (God the Father, etc.). So, Jeebus = God. Don’t ask me how they claim monotheism out of that, except through semantics.

  • TGY

    Where is Ron Paul? WHERE IS RON PAUL???!!!

  • Evil Dr. Puma

    [re=427845]nbawriter[/re]: It made me gag.

  • YellowKid

    Wow….imagine how good someone like Rembrandt could have been if they’d only thought to include a lot of explanatory accompanying text!

    I still grapple, though, with the slam at liberal journalists and the praise for Frederick Douglass who was, like, a liberal journalist.

  • Lazy Media

    [re=427887]germansteel[/re]: You missed the “handicapped child” rollover? Trig is ALL UP IN THERE, baybee! Also, “Business Woman,” who apparently merits no further description.

  • Gopherit

    Mr McNaughton: Just one comment. When you explain your art, you take any interest out of it for the rest of us. So fuck off and let us interpret it.

  • bago

    And by the way, if you see your mother this weekend, be sure and tell her I said

  • NopantsMcGee

    I smell a Blingee contest.

  • bureaucrap

    He should also have included Tom DeLay, representing “The Spirit of the Dance.”

  • BeWoot

    Apparently the McNaughton guy confused bandwidth with brainwidth, and it is much too narrow to handle the number of hits the Wonketteers are pounding it with. (I can’t get it to open either.)

  • widget09

    I think the one described as “school teacher” actually deserves the retarded baby, she does look like Sarah Palin.

    What possesed some dickweed to put under-dog in the pledge of alligience 50 years ago, it seemed to be just fine before that.

  • blinky_twinkie

    Needs more cowbell.

  • coolcatdaddy

    The only thing that would make this painting better … a dog. A dog with a hunting rifle. And Ted Nugent.

    And where’s the leather-clad lesbian BDSM mistress in the lower right?

  • Godot

    Why does Jesus have the White Tree of Gondor embroidered on his shirt?

  • qwerty42

    but which Elvis? the young one or the middle aged one? whichever, a serious omission.

  • shadowMark

    After you have sex for twelve hours with Andrew Sullivan you paint stuff like this.

  • Atheist Nun

    I’m being denied access… My eternal soul is in jeopardy!

    I can’t tell what the hell is going on in that tiny thumbnail… is the guy facepalming himself in the front supposed to be Dick Cheney, frustrated that he could not complete his mission to destroy America? Or is Cheney the guy on the cellphone twittering Satan?

    Also, I do not see Rip Taylor throwing confetti, so I don’t feel like this is representative of real life, at all.

  • Ducksworthy

    [re=427848]Extemporanus[/re]: Thanks but I’m holding you responsible for my learning that such a person as Cleon Skousen ever existed. But the Five Thousand Year Leap does include a forward by Glenn Beck so even though Cleon is a dead Mormon he is still serious.

  • qwerty42

    [re=427918]coolcatdaddy[/re]: The only thing that would make this painting better … a dog. …
    how about dogs playing poker?

  • Tommmcatt

    [re=427903]Lazy Media[/re]:

    How many time must I tell you people that your “common sense”, “logic”, or “historical fact” have no place here! HISTORY IS BEST VIEWED THROUGH YOUR OWN PREJUDICE AND IGNORANCE!

    16 Million Southern Baptists can’t be wrong.

  • RoscoePColtraine

    Mr. McNaughton should try to watch some of the shows they have on History Channel. There was some squabblin’ over that there writin’ and a few of those founders didn’t get along too well. Not the kind of thing where god just comes down and gives it to you, like the Ten Commandments. Oh, and why is Jesus in a trance? I prefer my Jesus smiling and playing with kids and little lambs.

  • Gopherit

    I like that the politician looks like a cross between Kyl and McCain. Perfect choice to be near satan.

    Als, why doesn’t the Farmer, the Backbone of America, have his hand out for a subsidy? Fucking commie.

  • mdotsota

    Shouldn’t this have been posted by the Comics Crumedgeon on Friday?

  • digibal235

    Oh, how I wish I took hacking in college.

    He doesn’t mention that the lawyer is a Jew, but it’s clearly implied.

  • WadISay

    I like that the pilot is, specifically, an F-16 pilot. Suck it, Chesley Sullenberger and all you F-4 jocks.

  • Holy Cow!!

    Pure lunacy.

  • Tommmcatt

    Oh, and it is a sad day, Mr. Newell, when we get more alt from some crazed christofacist than from our beloved Wonkette.

    Just sayin’.

  • YellowKid

    [re=427923]Atheist Nun[/re]: I think Cheney is the unseen presence that’s quietly exerting influence over everyone from behind the Grecian facade on the right…..

  • JMP

    [re=427851]Nim, ham hock of liberty[/re]: Hey, you know how much the jesus goblins hate judicial review; without it, the Constitution wouldn’t be enforced and they’d have their precious forced pregnancies, forced prayers, prosecutions for the buttsex, and segregation.

    The Randroids, on the other hand, just want to go back to the Lochner era, when the Court found the 14th amendment protected such “rights” as that of children to work, or employees to be paid less than state minimum wages.

  • A Better American Than You!

    In Alabama, it’s the time of year when Psilocybin Cubensis can be found in every cow pasture. Don’t know what it is about the painting that reminded me of that fact.

  • blue_e

    Wow, that’s actually quite the, um, hot and robust Jesus. Seriously, check out that neck – Christ has banked some serious gym hours, I think.

    Or ‘roids. Hard to tell. Anyways! I’d hit that.

    Also: the screwy mousing over is somewhat fabulous. There’s a certain wingnut madlibs quality about it!

  • Godless Liberal

    I am an excellent lip reader, and it is clear to me that the pregnant woman is not looking at the handicapped baby and saying “I want to keep my baby” but instead she is saying “I am going to get an abortion in case my baby looks like that…thing.”

    She is a liberal.

  • Extemporanus

    [re=427871]memzilla[/re]: Hey, that guy wasn’t there before! Wait a minute…now there’s a third one? And a fourth?!

    Oh my fucking god. The painting is stealing our souls!


  • Joshua Norton

    This is a gag, right?

    Well, there’s gagging involved at several levels.

    The “holier-than-thou” hack that created this should reread the parts of the bible that condemn idolatry because I’ve never seen a better example of it than this.

  • bago

    [re=427930]digibal235[/re]: You don’t so much take hacking, as you just push buttons until things break. And then you find out why.

  • widget09

    Why doesn’t Jesus eat M & M’s?

  • randomsausage
  • Julius Drinkwater

    I would totally hit that Jeebus. Bonus if he lets me invite the naughty school teacher.

  • emberglance

    “I have written my thoughts about each piece but remember; sometimes art is the expression of feelings too subtle for words.” Jon McNaughton …

    Fine sentiment. Remember too, that sometimes even the most subtle art needs a written explanation stuck onto it. If only the great allegorical painters of the 19th C. had been able to use alt-text.

  • jetjaguar

    His case is very much bolstered by the fact that Jesus and God are both mentioned in the Constitution. Without that, it’d be veeeeery obvious that neither inspired it.

  • magic titty

    [re=427859]shadowMark[/re]: The Aristocrats!

    There’s your punchline.

  • magic titty

    [re=427897]SmutBoffin[/re]: Just random words in a sentence. I personally love when Reagan was all freedomy and supported apartheid.

  • PoignancySelz

    Doesn’t this guy know the hippies caused us to lose in Vietnam?

  • Reefpilot

    Holy shit Satan looks like Arthas!

  • dijetlo

    I’m thinking the conservatives are about to split from Christianity and form their own religion, they’ve taken to rewriting the bible so it exalts greed and exploitation. That’ll make is a better fit with their political outlook. I can only say, it can’t happen soon enough to suit me, I think they should call it Reagianity or maybe Voodoo Economics.

  • Tommmcatt

    Oh my god, each of the little pieces of paper dropped by the judge actually have alt for each of them. The Judge is apparently weeping because of Marbury v. Madison, Martin v. Hunter Lessee, Gibbons v. Ogden, Everson v. The Board of Education, Kelo v. New London, and, of course, Roe v. Wade.

    This gift just keeps on giving.

  • RoscoePColtraine

    [re=427953]emberglance[/re]: If only Leonardo had told us who she is and why she’s smiling? Bravo, Mr. McNaughton. Posterity will never be put through the awful task of guessing the meaning of your magnum opus.

  • Evil Dr. Puma

    [re=427953]emberglance[/re]: “Remember too, that sometimes even the most subtle art needs a written explanation stuck onto it.”

    And apparently, so does this aesthetic killing blow.

  • shadowMark

    In the annotation for “School Teacher” he says,

    The value of qualified, trained
    and hard working teachers in
    teaching the youth of America
    cannot be underestimated


  • steve

    Why is it that when God and Nation are discussed it’s always in context of the missionary position. I think the Nation would occasionally want to be on top rather than always “under God”.

    Also why does this painter hate sailors, he depicts members of the marines, airforce and the army but not the navy, WTF?

  • Lascauxcaveman

    Couple of celebrity stand-ins as models:

    Young Don Johnson as Nathan Hale, and that guy who plays the romantic lead in Jane Austen movies as Thomas Payne.

  • shortsshortsshorts



  • totoro

    [re=427882]Potater[/re]: He’s trying to say that when the whole 3/5ths and fugitive slave clause biz came up, they were out of ear-shot.

    So later, when black folk were complaining to Jesus about chattel slavery and babies being stolen from mothers’ arms, etc., Jesus was all, too late, suckers, you should-a spoke up. Jesus is a stickler. And pretty arbitrary about certain stuff.

  • Snarkalicious

    [re=427897]SmutBoffin[/re]: Reagan was not an American citizen. He was, in point of fact, a Platonic Exemplar of ‘Freedom’. From remorse, memory and accounatbility in his case.

  • Tommmcatt

    And the baby is apparently Trig Palin! Good Times!

  • JMP

    [re=427847]torera[/re]: [re=427903]Lazy Media[/re]: The hyphen thing is just weird. I don’t think a deity would care how you spell its name; especially since god isn’t even supposed to be the Christian daddy’s real name. Anyway, I don’t think god or Jesus would care, what with the one being made up, and the other either made up or dead for a long, long time.

    According to the nuns from my grade school, at least, the father, son and spirit were all separate, but also just one singular god. They said how they were both three and one was a Holy Mystery, or Catholic for “Shut up and don’t ask questions”.

  • Mr. Tusks

    Can I get this in 1440×900 for my desktop?

  • taylormattd

    Anyone else feel like banging Jesus for 12 hours?

  • sezme

    This is a nasty nasty piece of work. Particularly fun is the immigrant who is free to worship as he chooses while simultaneously realizing that America’s ‘greatness’ comes from Christ. Also, while there is are two black men, one represents ‘college students’ while the other represents the American Soldier by way of Martin Luther King (??!!?!). There’s no representative of the slaves, although Frederick Douglas (sic) is mentioned as an abolitionist and a “fighter for women’s suffrage”. But he’s way in the back.

    MIA is a rep. for the Native Americans who had their continent stolen from them – oops! Though another backbencher is Sequoyah who somehow represents progress for teh savages by learning to write and lead the way for the future native emulation the (Christ-given) US Constitution (which solved all their problems).

    Really quite nauseating, apart from the heroic representation of Harvey Milk. I thought that was quite refreshing.

  • aaronincus

    This seems relevant:

    I blame wonkette for bringing me the joys of blingee.

  • Spiro Agnew

    [re=427841]sanantonerose[/re]: Pretty sure it is missing Admiral Akbar

  • bago

    [re=427962]Reefpilot[/re]: Not Drizzt?

  • randomsausage

    Abe looks like he’s away to launch into an early vaudeville number. Why do you hate America, Jon McNaughton?

  • bago

    [re=427981]JMP[/re]: No Way!

    Jah Weigh.

  • Come here a minute

    U.S. Constitution Inspired of God and created by God fearing, patriotic Americans.

    Funny how his name isn’t in the damn thing, though. (Yeah, yeah, it’s in the Declaration — “endowed by their Creator”, etc. — but that’s a whole different thing.)

  • southerngeek

    “The blacks had a difficult role in the Civil War.”

    That is all.

  • YellowKid

    [re=427979]Snarkalicious[/re]: Uhm – in that case, birth certificate for Mr. Reagan, plz?

  • gurukalehuru

    The teabaggers killed JFK. Some fucking nerve.


    How come none of the “Founding Fathers” quotes mention Jesus? When did Abe Lincoln become a “Founding Father”?

  • shadowMark

    [re=427966]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Yeah, yeah, we make our jokes but if Leonardo had done mouseovers for the Last Supper we would know if that gay looking apostle at Jesus’ right hand was just a pretty John or a sexy Mary Magdalene and Dan Brown’s whole career might be taken more seriously.

  • Guppy06

    Let it be known that, in 1787, Jesus came down to tell us that a black man is worth only 3/5 of a white man.

    How come Jesus didn’t put His name anywhere in the document? Is He one of those kids in school who forgets to put His name on His assignments before He turns them in?

  • digibal235

    Look for Nathan Hale, standing behind Washington, and tell me that’s not Don Johnson. The guy standing in front of Kennedy could be Phillip Michael Thomas. I count 5 “the blacks” in this painting. Only Phillip Michael Thomas doesn’t have to stand in the back.

  • bitchincamaro

    “Spend the rest of your afternoon with it!” Ha! I’ll spend the rest of my working life with it and won’t need Wonkette.

    [But that would be wrong.]

  • grevillea

    “Fifty Stars: Represents [sic] the fifty states of the union. Some stars shine brighter [sic] than others.”

    Ooh snap, Reel America!

  • labdork

    This would be a great crib sheet for Palin: skewed right leaning history lesson, lots of military and a couple of quick reference supreme court cases she can site when being questioned by the gotcha media.

  • Urbanachiever

    I know I’m kinda answering my own question here, but why does Satan look like Draco Malfoy’s dad?

  • sprankles

    [re=427866]frailamerica[/re]: Washington, Washington. Six-foot twenty fucking killing for fun.

  • AnSnarkist

    [re=427920]qwerty42[/re]: Or the Costello one?

  • randomsausage

    America: ’tis a silly place.

  • Tommmcatt

    Orly Taitz is conspicuously absent.

  • x111e7thst

    Jeebus must have been on break from all that football playing he does with middle-schoolers.

  • Cheney Guevara

    This is actually a very good likeness of Mr. Hollywood, who still refuses to return my calls.

  • RoscoePColtraine

    [re=427998]shadowMark[/re]: You thought I was joking? Do you know how many night’s sleep I’ve lost pondering La Gioconda? I refuse to believe that sometimes a smile is just, well, a smile.

  • sezme

    [re=427940]Extemporanus[/re]: Oh, actually 5! You’re right, I never noticed the black Union soldier or Harriet Tubman, but the alt-text for the soldier is icky-patronising: The blacks had a difficult role in the Civil War, but nevertheless willingly fought for their freedom in whatever capacity they were asked to perform.

  • digibal235

    Also, Washington was 6’3″. That’d make Jesus, what, 6’6′, 6’8″? Should have a basketball in the other hand.

  • OReillysVibrator

    Why does Lincoln look like he just finished a musical number? Wow the rumors really are true (and he truly was our first Republican).

  • el_chupacabra

    I hear Lennon wanted Jesus AND Hitler on there but the label told him to get off the pipe, man. Get off the pipe.

  • aaronx

    Good news for the sad Civil War Soldier — all the black people are now dead and up on the stage with Our Savior. What on earth could we fight about now? And what is this “American fought against American and brother against brother” stuff? All the ‘brothers’ I know of fought for the Union army in the ‘America v. America’ war, not in some side war for blacks only.

  • Captain Justice

    The immigrant in the lower left is precious.

  • mdotsota

    [re=427964]dijetlo[/re]: Actually, our good friends at Conservapedia are currently working on that. They are translating the Bible to remove it’s liberal bias and insert more conservative-friendly language and “free market parables.”

  • Dave J.

    So if the liberal Hollywood actor is looking down at the liberal activist judge in scorn, does that mean that the liberal actor is….right? I’m so confused!!!!1!!

  • McDuff

    Rather than “In God We Trust” on the money, maybe we should print this:

    “… no religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States.”

    U.S. Constitution, Article VI, paragraph 3.

  • Extemporanus

    [re=427971]steve[/re]: For variety, the Nation has God behind it.

    So praise the Lord and pass the lube! The Nation is gay for God!

  • DangerousLiberal

    [re=427828]canadasteve[/re]: No shit. Or in the Book of Mormon (available at a Marriott nightstand near you!) where Jee-zus is ministering to the Aztecs or Mayans or whatever the fuck, who all look like models from an old ZCMI ad, also.

  • JesusButter

    Oh, I can’t WAIT to get home and Blingee…

  • Extemporanus

    [re=427994]southerngeek[/re]: The artist had a difficult time passing a kidney stone, so he knows just how they felt.

  • Dave J.

    Not one person in here represents the victims of 9/11? #WINGNUTFAIL

  • Evil Dr. Puma

    [re=428023]McDuff[/re]: As long as we remember that we have freedom to worship as we choose…because of Jesus!

  • AnnieGetYourFun

    I should never have closed my connection to that link. It will never open again.

  • takes12no1

    Can someone explain to me what the fuck Jesus has to do with the Constitution? or America for that matter? Jesus.

  • Redhead

    So Jesus was the secret writer of the Constitution, which was signed by a little boy wearing blue jeans, as them durned heathen furriners looked on. Got it.


    Why does he have his hand up like that? There are many good people in America, they are not all Christian. I wanted him to have a look of shock when he realizes where the source of America’s greatness comes from as he sees Christ holding the Constitution. We live in a country were we are free to worship as we please.”

  • blinky_twinkie

    [re=427976]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Way +1, my young apprentice.

  • Accordion-o-rama

    [re=427899]JMP[/re]: Well, to be fair, they were rationalists. If Jesus actually appeared, they might well bow. Wonketteers can take advantage of 200 years of scientific advance – upon seeing Jesus these days I recommend quickly finding an emetic.

  • MLHencken

    Nathan Hale was a brave, but utterly incompetent spy.

    Missing from this picture:

    Malcolm X: “Some black guy who was really ANGRY for NO GOOD REASON”
    Richard M. Nixon: “Remember how he totally disgraced the Presidency? That was AWESOME.”
    Peter Minuit: “He bought Manhattan from some stupid Indians for 22 dollars. Best scam EVAR!11!”

  • DP

    I think I see the Beatles in there.

  • x111e7thst

    [re=427970]shadowMark[/re]: He meant misunderestimated but grew confused.

  • S.Luggo
  • Extemporanus

    [re=428023]McDuff[/re]: Even using both sides, that would never fit on a dime.

    Perhaps it could be shortend to “…religious…United States.”

  • Botswana Meat Commission FC

    Please say he did not forget to include Biggie and ‘Pac…

  • Redhead

    Oh and I love how Ronald Reagan is standing in front of Paul Revere. I mean, when I think of a “true patriot of freedom,” Reagan is definitely what comes to mind. Not that stupid guy that ran around on a horse shouting something, what was it again, to help America win freedom.

  • Evil Dr. Puma

    [re=428036]MLHencken[/re]: I don’t see Rupert Murdoch either. “Upon seeing the Glory of Our Lord’s Free Press, he knew he must become American!”

  • Upthruster

    What’s with the long haired guy in the dress and shawl? He must think he’s woman or something.

  • Sharkey

    [re=428002]grevillea[/re]: As it is with artists.

  • jmfleetwood

    “Fifty stars. Represents the fifty states of the Union. Some stars shine brighter (sic) than others.”

  • JMP

    [re=427999]Guppy06[/re]: Hey now, the Constitution may not mention Jesus directly, but the two parts where it mentions religion make it pretty clear that this is a Christian only nation:

    “no religious test shall ever be required as a qualification to any office or public trust under the United States.” “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof”

    See? Clearly a Christian nation.

  • labdork

    Needs more aplets and flowers spelling words.

  • x111e7thst

    [re=427981]JMP[/re]: Shut up, don’t ask questions or we will beat you and you will go to hell.

  • Dave J.

    Also, come on, James Madison and Alexander Hamilton, the fucking jig is up. We now know you were hobbits. Game over.

  • Jimb

    Check out Mr Hollywood’s proboscis. He may be a follower of the Star of David.

  • Sharkey

    [re=427936]A Better American Than You![/re]: Please bring several garbage bags full to D.C. Pronto.

  • Guppy06

    [re=428002]grevillea[/re]: It’s right there in Jesus’ constitution!

    The United States shall guarantee to every State in this Union a Christian Form of Government, and shall protect each of them against Apostasy; and on Application of the Evangelists, or of the Clergy (when the Evangelists cannot be convened) against domestic Mohammedans.

  • Spike

    What, no Cesar Chavez in the picture?

  • Evil Dr. Puma

    [re=428049]jmfleetwood[/re]: True. California shines very brightly indeed, no doubt because it’s burning.

  • thegunner

    *********LIVE MEGHAN ALONE, oh wait,no MEGHAN? how? what happened and Where di JEEBUS HIDE MY MEG> she too bloated to to be hidden….MEGHAN RULE.

  • hobospacejunkie

    Jesus what the hell happened? I take a short break to go get ripped off ($150 for a 3-minute “consultation” & prescription) for my suboxone refill and suddenly every Wonkett alumnae on the planet is commenting on this Kinkade-y abortion of a painting. If lefties/liberals ever have a book (&etc) burning this eyesore should be the kindling, along with the rendered fat of rush the dominican trannyboy diddler.


    [re=427903]Lazy Media[/re]: How come it’s not blasphemous if you use a hyphen instead of an o in God? Jehovah, Jehovah, Jehovah!

    Now don’t give [re=427847]torera[/re] a hard time. G-D is clearly an acronym since the “d” is upper case. In this case toreara just wants to say “God-Dammit”.

    Besides, those Catholic nuns must not have beat you enough if you are using Jehovah instead of Yahweh. That’s three Hail Mary passes and an extra night of practicing your ancient Hebrew pronunciation, my friend.

  • El Pinche

    Does that painting come in toilet paper format?

  • JMP

    [re=428045]Redhead[/re]: Now, you have to hand it to Reagan; he helped free a lot of Americans from financial stability. True patriot indeed!

  • Guppy06

    Actually, come to think about it, Jesus made sure to always capitalize “Republican” in His constitution, so he obviously meant that we should only be voting for Republicans. Now it all makes sense! /epiphany

  • Min

    Any moment now, Tom Jefferson is going to come roaring up out of his grave and smack this guy upside the head.

  • Extemporanus

    Hey, I think I finally figured out what’s going on with Honest Abe—it’s an homage.

    According to the artist’s bio, he’s a really big fan of amphibian minstrelsy.

  • Larry McAwful

    [re=427872]BobTheBuilder[/re]: Where does he mention the copyright issues with Martin Luther King? I mean, I could understand Che Guevara and copyright issues, what with the big merchandising market for his image, but King? I don’t buy it.

  • ph7

    Wishing not discourage Southern customers by including Lincoln’s visage, the painter poses Lincoln in a homage to Al Jolson

  • Cheney Guevara

    [re=428014]digibal235[/re]: Jesus already returned to the NBA. See, The Onion.

  • Larry McAwful

    [re=428049]jmfleetwood[/re]: Some stars shine brighter than others, indeed! And, as a resident of Massachusetts, I’m proud to say that Mr. McNaughton no doubt painted my state as a fizzled-out speck, obscured by a storm cloud, going into a small nova brought on by its habit of slouching toward perdition, as we Massachooters are wont to do.

  • jodyleek

    US Constitution: Inspired of God (?) and created by God fearing (slave owning), patriotic (racist) Americans (who didn’t have the balls to give women the right to vote when they wrote it).

    Yeah, those “patriots” where some great chaps!

  • ph7

    Also, I’m pretty sure I saw a black light version of this, on black velvet, at Spencer’s gifts.

  • jodyleek

    [re=428075]Min[/re]: Naw, he’s too busy forcing sex on his slaves in heaven.

  • El Pinche

    Where’s MLK? I noticed Harriet Tubman is at the back of line.
    It’s like a joke, if you have to explain it (in fancy alt-text, even), then you FAIL. The Mormony looking crap is shit.

  • Spam-N-Can

    If this “Artist” has such a hard-on for symbolism then why did he put all of the God-forsaken liberals on the RIGHT! Maybe the “Artist” was dressed up as Jesus and was painting with a mirror. Backwards “B” anyone?

  • EmSharp

    Anybody else notice the typo for Thomas Payne? Thomas PAYNE was British, and by virtue of that fact..probably not a Founding Father.

    Thomas PAINE was a Founding Father. Get it right, man.

  • Redhead

    [re=428091]Spam-N-Can[/re]: duuuuuuuuuuuuuh. They’re on Jeebus’s left. Cause everyone knows it doesn’t count if you don’t look at it from Jeebus’s perspective.

  • Constantine

    If this “Artist” has such a hard-on for symbolism then why did he put all of the God-forsaken liberals on the RIGHT!

    Because they are on Jesus’s left. In the Gospel of Matthew 25:31-46, the “sheep” (the saved) on Jesus’s right go to heaven, and the “goats” (the damned) on Jesus’s left go to hell.

    Actually, i’m surprised that the painter didn’t explain that one.

  • Aardvark Gumbo

    [re=428092]EmSharp[/re]: Not to mention that Thomas Paine, the founding father, was a well-known rationalist and deist. He wrote “The Age of Reason” as a critique of organized religion. Counting him as a “religious” Founding Father is even more bogus than counting Jefferson.

  • Snarkalicious

    [re=427970]shadowMark[/re]: No typo. Book lurnin is the DEVIL!

  • sfstewart

    He should do one of those guess the movie title pictures next.

  • S.Luggo

    [re=428091]Spam-N-Can[/re]: It’s called plagerism and lack of creativity,

    See, e.g.:

  • SpikeyDog

    That site has crashed. Too many art lovers or too many Wonketters?

  • Ninong

    Well, let’s see, he might be Mormon. He’s from Utah and he and his wife Tammy are the proud parents of eight children. So I think the chances are pretty good that he might be Mormon.

  • S.Luggo

    And one more thing, dagnabbit! Why isn’t Johnny Yoo in the right-hand corner? Oh. Forgot. No Asians.

  • Joshua Norton

    Thomas PAINE was a Founding Father

    “The study of theology, as it stands in the Christian churches, is the study of nothing; it is founded on nothing; it rests on no principles; it proceeds by no authority; it has no data; it can demonstrate nothing; and it admits of no conclusion.”
    – Thomas Paine

  • AxmxZ

    [re=427852]Cape Clod[/re]: That’s not it at all. He’s simply gone down on one knee to propose to The Professor, who is playing coy instead of acknowledging him.

  • TGY

    [re=428091]Spam-N-Can[/re]: Our right is Jesus’s left. Duh.

  • Spam-N-Can

    [re=428096]Redhead[/re]: Well damn me all to hell, I forgot to look through Jesus’ eyes, AGAIN!

  • randomsausage

    Ein Volk, Ein Reich, Ein Jeebus

  • scotack

    Hey, Jesus, printed t-shirts suck.

  • leftcoaster

    [re=427907]Lazy Media[/re]: hilariously, the alt text on that baby is actually “handicap baby” not handicapped. As in, having babies will handicap you. Which is true.

  • cashaholic

    Yeah, well, I did a whois search on this mcnaughton art thingie domain, and it belongs to The Onion, just like that gag Chinese fish paste company’s supposed website did. (Really! It must! It has to, right?)

  • ScaredShitless

    The commentary on this “masterpiece” states modestly: “This may truly be the most important new painting of the twenty first century.”

    Uh, yeah.

  • Pizzuti

    That’s clearly the Voldemort not Satan, btw.

  • I_Like_Tigers

    How can we be sure that photo is historically accurate?

  • Larry McAwful

    For more information, you can place a non-toll call to the 801 area code. That means the Salt Lake City area, specifically. I wonder if True Christians realize this is a Mormon vision of Our Great Land? That’s probably why he left out Martin Luther King and the guy who gives our prisoners lethal injections.

  • chascates

    This Jesus is truly one honky-looking mutha! Apparently Bethlehem is actually near Des Moines. And if America is God’s Special Place why did He/She take 3.5 million years to get it started? Jehovah is the weirdest deity in all of fiction.

  • mollymcguire

    Dolly Madison, I’d hit it.

  • flyingspaghettimonster

    It looks like Jesus has been raiding the costume racks from “The Return of the King”

    Business Woman [blank] – i guess he wanted to write how she’s DESTROYING THE AMERICAN FAMILY but he restrained himself.

  • TJBeck

    OK, the site doesn’t work for me, and I’m not reading through 200+ comments from you jackasses just to see if someone’s already done this, so I found a larger copy (sadly, sans ALT-text) and here it done be:

    Found the image at, where you can buy a 66″x44″ “Canvas Gilcee” version of this for I SHIT YOU NOT $2,500.00 ameros.

    One Nation Under God?

    This simple phrase, added to the pledge of allegiance over 50 years ago has been the source of unbelievable debate and heated controversy. Likewise, the phrase ‘In God We Trust’ on our currency has been targeted and continues to be attacked as improper and politically incorrect. Lawsuits have been filed and legal minds employed to ascertain whether such statements violate the concept of ‘separation of church and state’.

    As this debate continues, some so called experts have implied or concluded that our Founding Fathers and Patriots were not religious. These secular champions, in an effort to further their own causes, have even painted these great men and women from our history as being devoid of religious passions or even a belief in God. This is a part of their strategy to remove any discussion of God from the public forum.

    Jon McNaughton would like to set the record straight.

    These men and women were passionately religious and saw the hand of God all around them. To God they gave Thanks for His Hand in the founding of this great nation. To Him, according to their own testimony, they turned for wisdom and strength when life and liberty hung in the balance. Certainly the debate on separation of church and state will continue. But no one can dispute how our Founding Fathers and Patriots felt about God. The record is clear!

    ‘One Nation Under God’ is Jon McNaughton’s witness and reminder that those who went before us knew from whence their blessings came!

  • Aloysius

    Hey! There’s those 40 Virginians you get when you go to heaven, just like it says in that Mohammedism book.

  • shadowMark

    Just yesterday when I was so much younger and so much more foolish I actually typed these words:

    Jesus H. Christ when I was a boy a man would just say Liefde Baart Kunst and let it go at that. No wonder there are no more great paintings.

    Clearly I need a time out.

  • Jim89048

    [re=427897]SmutBoffin[/re]: reagan was the original Freedom Beacon.

  • Aardvark Gumbo

    [re=428166]Aloysius[/re]: Win.

  • CaptWillard

    Jesus should be bringing everyone Redskins tickets. Also.

  • chascates

    All the original Americans (natives, First Nation peoples, etc) are nowhere to be seen since they did not accept Jesus Christ but did accept those smallpox-infected blankets. The Palestinians of the United States, they must be kept on reservations, for their own good.

  • EdFlinstone

    No FDR?…shocking a wingnut would overlook him. Guess that ending the depression and winning WWII didnt quite measure up to Saint Ronnies achievements.

  • grevillea

    I thought Joseph Smith was the American Jeebus? And shouldn’t that constitution be on a golden tablet and written in Moron or whatever?

  • snideinplainsight

    Which LEFT BEHIND Bible is this from?

  • randomsausage

    we’re all douche-bag polygamist artists today

  • Shortpacked
  • blinky_twinkie

    [re=428159]TJBeck[/re]: This makes me want to kill the Internet right now. With fire.

  • chascates

    [re=428190]Shortpacked[/re]: Fucking awesome! You are awarded the Prix de Wonkette!

  • bitchincamaro

    Where’s Sully’s cum spitoon?

  • PsycGirl

    I knew I forgot something this semester! I was supposed to assign everyone the Five Thousand Year Leap but carry around the Origin of Species!! Looking smug while I did it!! Well, I guess the first book could be used to teach psychopathology.

  • Guppy06

    Wait… Patrick Henry is in this? Didn’t he spend a great deal of time writing screeds against Jesus’ Constitution? Why isn’t he burning in Hell in this picture?

  • blinky_twinkie

    [re=428190]Shortpacked[/re]: EPIC WIN

  • S.Luggo

    The National Republican Committee wants to know:
    Today’s Question:
    Given Alan Grayson’s outrageous claims that Republicans want people to “die quickly”, do you think he should be censured by Democrats for his behavior on the House floor?

    Yes __

    No __

  • LittlePig

    It’s the Lake Of Fire for you, Mr. McNaughton

    Say hi to Ronnie while you’re doing the backstroke.

  • Darkness

    Snort! This painting is nothing more than recreated false history pandering to whitey. Jeebus had delivered the basis for the constitution to the Iroquois YEARS before that. You need a nice Onondaga there in the middle, givin’ it to the white man.

  • chascates

    I now see there is one original America: Sequoya, whom I mistook for Aunt Jemima.

  • El Pinche


    I fixed it even better:

    That’s right…it was a matter of time.

  • S.Luggo

    [re=428190]Shortpacked[/re]: I’m not sure that I should thank you.

    McNaughton omitted the words of this founding father:
    “God is on our side.” – Benedict Arnold.

    Is that a Jew with a counting box in wedged into the right hand corner? If so, where are his horns?

  • Guppy06

    [re=427865]SayItWithWookies[/re]: I thought you were joking about McAuliffe! The real kicker is she’s in the orange gumby suit that shuttle astronauts started to wear during launch after and because of the Challenger disaster.

  • Sharkey

    [re=428190]Shortpacked[/re]: I daresay you’ve violated copyright law, but you now have a special place in my heart… sniff…

  • Guppy06

    Seriously, if you’re going to put McAuliffe in a pressurized survival suit, he should have given Lincoln and Kennedy some fucking helmets.

  • randomsausage

    [re=428190]Shortpacked[/re]: Wonketteer of the year, my fellow. You had me at, “Davie Crocket, Fuck Yeah”

  • slappypaddy

    what in god’s name happened here? you kids better get this mess cleaned up before your father gets home!

  • AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=428190]Shortpacked[/re]: You, sir/madam, have won my heart for at least the next twenty minutes.

  • Extemporanus

    [re=428190]Shortpacked[/re]: Your rolled-over descecration is an inspiration to all of us who yearn to someday follow your lead and go Alt.

  • Flanders

    Wonkett, I love you for this!

  • chascates

    Mr. Hollywood looks like Todd Palin.

  • Johnny Zhivago

    Definitely want one of these for my living room.

  • Darkness

    [re=427916]widget09[/re]: Why did they add “under dog”, you ask? To prove they weren’t commies, damn it. Proving they were totally unAmerican and constitutionally illiterate was, apparently, not an issue.

    Personally, I recite a variation on the original, which goes like: “one nation, under my flag, indivisible . . .” I mean, really, it’s a pledge . . . to a piece of cloth. Why confuse things?

  • Flanders

    [re=427930]digibal235[/re]: We need Shorts to take on that assignment.

  • Shortpacked

    [re=428212]El Pinche[/re]: My first post to Wonkette was upstaged so very quickly! You have my respect and my secret hatred.

  • Extemporanus

    [re=428215]Guppy06[/re]: All astronauts wear orange suits in heaven.

    If they wore white, they’d totally disappear against the clouds and would have a super unfair advantage over the other angels when playing hide-and-seek and stuff.


  • Prof. Junk

    The phrase “One nation under God…” is so important to our national heritage that it wasn’t added until 55 years ago.

  • Extemporanus

    [re=428212]El Pinche[/re]: Soooouuuulllll Trainwreck!

  • chascates

    Some stars in the flag shine brighter than others because of foreshortening and perspective.
    The Capitol building and Supreme Court are shown but not the White House where the Anti-Christ resides. Brad Pitt Jesus is not amused and will soon be doing some smitin’ there if He can make his way through the half million money-changers who reside on K street.

  • bago

    [re=428098]Aardvark Gumbo[/re]: Well, that’s just common sense.

  • Extemporanus

    [re=428234]Shortpacked[/re]: [re=428212]El Pinche[/re]: Apples & oranges. You’re both winners (if you catch my drift.)


  • Johnny Zhivago

    Bad news:

    That’s not the Constitution… It’s an EVICTION NOTICE!

    “I’ve brought the founders of your nation with me today – and, well, let me get to the point. You’re all a bunch of fucking assholes so get the hell out of here now!!!!”

  • zhubajie

    Does this come out of Mormonland? Mormons sorta believe the constitution (or some version of it) was divinely inspired.

    Zhu Bajie

  • zhubajie

    Probably this will replace the Praying Hands in born-again homes.

  • zhubajie

    In real life, the Founding Fathers were mostly Unitarians, not Xtn at all! Jefferson, in particular, was damned up and down by the Born-again preachers of his day.

  • Rotundo

    This guy should get back to doing card playing dogs, velvet Elvises and stuff. I’ve never seen such a jumbled fucking mess of misfiring symbolism in my life. He also missed Hank Williams Jr. Ted Nugent and Dubya, the latter clearing brush or reading “My Pet Goat”. Oh, and he missed Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny too. Bet it sells big in Branson…

  • Darkness

    Wait, blacks in a painting by a Mormon? Bad Mormon. Bad Mormon. No mountain dew for you!

    “Shall I tell you the law of God in regard to the African race? If the white man who belongs to the chosen seed mixes his blood with the seed of Cain, the penalty, under the law of God, is death on the spot. This will always be so.” — Brigham Young

  • zhubajie

    [re=427861]nappyduggs[/re]: He laughs them to scorn! See. Psalm 2:4.

    Zhu Bajie

  • teebob2000

    [re=427851]Nim, ham hock of liberty[/re]: And the 11:59 on his watch, signifying time is running out — is that because the abortion clinic closes at noon or what?

  • assistant/atlas

    I will give the painter this: he can name a heckuva lot more Supreme Court cases than Sarah Palin can.

  • Snarkalicious

    I’m surprised Ben Franklin made it on there, what with all the French whores and science he stuck his wang in.

  • zhubajie

    [re=427847]torera[/re]: He’s much forgotten, but what these nuts really want is Cromwell’s Rule of the Saints. :-(

    Zhu Bajie

  • chascates

    [re=428252]Darkness[/re]: Wasn’t this revised via a Divine transmission, based upon the prayers of the BYU athletic council?

  • zhubajie

    [re=428258]Snarkalicious[/re]: If you read his autobiography, he tells how George Whitfield, one of the Ur-born-again preachers, stayed in his house in Philadelphia. The Enlightenment vs. The Great Awakening!

  • zhubajie

    [re=427852]Cape Clod[/re]: Lincoln: another vocal skeptic!

  • zhubajie

    [re=427859]shadowMark[/re]: Magna Carta was written by a bunch of French-speaking Catholics. You can be pretty sure this guy doesn’t count Catholics as “real” Xtns.

  • zhubajie

    [re=427854]AnSnarkist[/re]: Galt = Aaron Burr. He’s off trying to create an empire in Mexico.

  • zhubajie

    [re=427866]frailamerica[/re]: Jesus probably looked like Arafat.

  • proudgrampa

    Yup. It sure looks like a Mormon piece of crap to me… The only thing missing is the Golden Tablets.

  • Dean Booth
  • teebob2000

    [re=427939]Godless Liberal[/re]: And the whore doesn’t have a wedding ring on. She deserves a retard for doing it out of wedlock, Jeebus says.

  • Nurtz

    I *hope* this is a joke … if not it’s just quite inadvertently hilarious that the surname of the artist happens to be the same as that of the lunatic for which the insanity defense was created.

  • El Pinche

    [re=428273]Dean Booth[/re]: Haha He’s handing Barry the long form.

  • DoktorZoom

    [re=428190]Shortpacked[/re]: best alt-alt.text EVAR!!!! You have performed a True Act of Good for Our Nation.

  • chascates

    [re=428271]proudgrampa[/re]: Of course you’ll see visions and stuff if you take the tablets.

  • Cookie_Monster_Cupcake

    I can’t see anything. I’ll print this .gif off and put it in the bottom of a hat, then I should be able to see it.

  • jillnottumblin

    On the plus side, this painting seems to be acknowledging the theory of evolution because the main character looks a lot like some of the cavemen we have become so familiar with on the teeveea ads.

  • chascates
  • DoktorZoom

    [re=428246]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: It’s not the Constitution! IT’S A COOKBOOK!!!!!!!!!

  • grevillea

    [re=428271]proudgrampa[/re]: Where’s the Angel Moran?

  • Accordion-o-rama

    [re=428255]teebob2000[/re]: Yes – the clinic is closed 12-1PM, and he was hoping to get his girl-friend an abortion this morning and then take her out to lunch. Abortions are best on an empty stomach anyway.

  • Mac W Cheese

    How would we know that the small child is retarded if the artist didn’t tell us?

  • Bad_Squishy

    This painting is TOTALLY BOGUS. John Adams and Alexander Hamilton would NEVER have hung out like that; they hated each other’s guts! Didn’t this guy watch the HBO John Adams miniseries?

  • SparkleKitty

    I don’t know about all this: I think Jesus was a liberal, and that he advocated for the poor, and the sick, and now the Republitards are trying to change the Jesus of the Bible to reflect a capitalism view. Jesus is going to be PISSED.

  • loquaciousmusic

    Don’t blame it on the sunshine. Don’t blame it on the moonlight. Don’t blame it on the good times. Just blame it on the JEEBUS.

  • Bad_Squishy

    This painting is complete and utter bullshit. John Adams and Alexander Hamilton would NEVER have hung out like that. They HATED each other. Watch some fucking HBO, asshat. AND it needs more Jew-tastic representation. Liberal media, elitist educators, money-grubbing lawyers, Hollywood? Zionist conspiracy, hello?

    Other than that, I mean it’s great.

  • chascates

    [re=428302]SparkleKitty[/re]: He was a working-class Joe, he didn’t drive an SUV, he got pissed at the money-changers but he didn’t advocate killing them. He did advocate feeding the hungry, healing the sick, clothing the naked.

    Whatever happened to that guy?

  • JooJoo Bee

    [re=427828]canadasteve[/re]: That was my first thought. My second thought was “I need a drink.” And I was not thinking of orange juice. At least, not orange juice all by itself.

  • Bad_Squishy

    [re=428289]DoktorZoom[/re]: Jebuz say: down with the established gov’t, don’t follow the norm, rebel against the oppressors. Could it have been the Anarchist Cookbook?!?!!1!

  • ShiningMathPath

    [re=428134]leftcoaster[/re]: or she is thinking

    “Some day I want to learn how to use participles as adjectives”

  • DustBowlBlues

    305 commenters got here before me? Fuck this. Couldn’t Young Riley be assigned the task of doing a highlight reel of the best comments? What’s the kid for, anyway?

    Unfunnily enough, we’re currently in a battle at our little church because our preacher was photographed at–gulp–a PFLAG meeting. From the old douches’ hysteria, you’d think she’d gone to Iowa to gay marry a Unitarian. Her detractors would love this painting. If I could print a good copy of off the interwebs, I’d give it to the old fucks for Xmas as a total ironic gesture that none of the old fucks would get.

    There’s a whole sub culture of this fascist shit. One night I walked through the family room and the old man and our daughter were staring at the teevee, their mouths hanging open. Some douche from Branson was singing about how he saw Jesus in his dream last night and he was waving Old Glory. These people are so going to hell.

  • DustBowlBlues

    [re=427847]torera[/re]: whoa! Very cool reference. I’m a history buff and didn’t know it. I hope this is on wikipedia.

  • hunter.blatherer

    Wow. I never knew that “god of all creation” is a “position.” When do you suppose it’ll open up again? Also, why is it that Satan and the Businesswoman have no alt text? Could they be one and the same!?

  • DustBowlBlues

    [re=427852]Cape Clod[/re]: Lincoln’s singing Mammy–of course. I wondered why the fuck Adams (or is it Madison) was doing the on bended, big-arm act. He’s harmonizing.

  • MMS

    McNaughten is the name of the test for insanity when someone pleads insanity as a defense to criminal charges.

    Yeah. Probably just a coincidence.

  • Darkness

    [re=428316]DustBowlBlues[/re]: My thinking is, whatever place these guys all go to, call it whatever you will, I absofuckinglutely don’t want to spend eternity there. Thank you.

  • thehelveticascenario <-slightly different alt-text here.

  • chascates

    [re=428316]DustBowlBlues[/re]: Is yours United Methodist? My family attended one and it was fairly progressive. Until the charismatics took control. My John Bircher aunt was pissed because the Methodists were part of the World Council of Churches or whatever it was. Because that group was all about stamping out poverty, sickness, despair, all the liberal stuff.

  • the problem child

    Truly a masterpiece of schizophrenic Mormonism. Is the Mall on fire?

  • chascates

    And Mary Cheney is pregnant again:

    Not as many as sister Liz but probably less likely to grow up and be like grandpa. I hope.

  • DustBowlBlues

    [re=428159]TJBeck[/re]: Does this guy talk about himself in third person because he thinks people are so stupid that they’ll believe someone else is actually commenting on his genius, art and patriotism? Oh, that’s right–his “art” is aimed at the stupids and they’ll totally believe it.

  • El Pinche

    [re=428234]Shortpacked[/re]: Uuuuuuh, no, you win Wonktard of the Week. That was fekking hilarious.

  • DustBowlBlues

    [re=428328]chascates[/re]: Yeah, UM. I wrote the District Superintendent and worked in a few Wesley quotes, without identifying him per se to prove my bona fides. Seems like when Jesus was asked what is the greatest commandment and he said, “You will love your God etc.” then tacked on the one that he said was equally important–“Love your neighbor as yourself,” my version of the Bible left out the “except if your neighbor is [fill in the blank on which group you like to hate]. The wingers are trying to take over our churches all the time. Vicious fuckers.

    According to “Plain, Honest, Men” when the Framers were in a total pissing match with each other and no one was getting anything done, someone suggested they ask various local clergyman to take turns opening each morning with a prayer. After an uncomfortable silence, someone said, we don’t have the money to pay them. When the prayer guy said he thought they would do it for free there was another awkward silence, then they all got back to business. They were Deists. Nobody cool in the 18th. century was Christian, only the semi-literate, right wing . . . Shit. I guess some things never change.

  • ladymacbeth

    i choose the satan side with the scared pregnant woman and the lawyer with the cash wad and slimy mr. hollywood and the politician with the cell phone (WTF?).

    also, you know, satan.


  • DustBowlBlues

    I got the original to load and noticed the description of Dolly Madison. Boy, is she going to be pissed. Dolly was one hot babe and true party girl. Nobody could believe a little guy like Madison could marry the most glamorous woman of the day.

  • President Beeblebrox

    Words cannot describe how craptastic this painting is. It makes the Civil War porn paintings of Don Troianni, et al. look like total shit. Where else would you find Satan, Jesus, Christa McAuliffe, the Gipper, Frederick Douglass, a grinning lawyer fondling a stack of Benjaminz, a couple of token Niggers, and one token Indian in a single representational canvas?

    Question: Since Mr. McNaughton thinks that Marbury v. Madison was one of those bad decisions that make Supreme Court justices weep, that means that he also believes that Brown v. Board of Education and every other decision that forced us to integrate with teh Nigras make Jeebus cry as well, amirite?

    Which, of course, means that teh Nigras would be relegated to amusing sidekick roles in History, kind of… well, kind of like the blacks in this painting. He might as well have included George Washington Carver holding up a gigantic jar of peanut butter.


    LDS: Three letters that say soooo much.

    So Jebus walks from Missouri to the Pennsylvania, arrives generations later, and blesses the Constitution? The powers of magic underwear??

  • a_pink_poodle

    While the politics are a little wee-woo-hahoeeee, it’s painted very nicely. The artist put a lot of love into this painting.


    I was going to say something clever about Jesus and the Constitution, but all the best lines were already taken. Guess that’s what I get for logging on so late.

  • the problem child

    [re=428190]Shortpacked[/re]: Fekkin’ brilliant!
    [re=428343]a_pink_poodle[/re]: I’ll give you a lot of paint. It’s painted very thoroughly. Wish I could get that kind of coverage on my fence. Obviously, I need to find urchins who are willing to paint it in exchange for glory.

  • grevillea

    [re=428343]a_pink_poodle[/re]: “That’s a lovely drawing, honey. The flames are so colorful! Is that Daddy lying on the ground? Why does Daddy have a knife in his head, pumpkin?”

  • Way Cool Larry

    that is some awesomely great and tasty cheezilicious American cheese!

  • President Beeblebrox

    Dude has other art too. I dig all the military types bowing before Jeebus and his big-tree gown.

    Man, is Christian art maudlin or what?

  • El Pinche

    [re=428353]President Beeblebrox[/re]: Jesus doesn’t believe in gay-ass diplomacy.

  • grevillea

    [re=428353]President Beeblebrox[/re]: It’s been a while since I read mah Bible, but holy bizarro-fuck… Jesus as leering bankster?!
    “Pleased ta meetcha, pally. That briefcase for me? Help yaself to a Scotch.”

  • chascates

    [re=428353]President Beeblebrox[/re]: There’s no painting for ‘what the heck did I just die for?’ though.

  • ph7

    [re=428358]grevillea[/re]: Don Draper tells Jesus he’s not going to sign that contract.

  • grevillea

    The Nativity of Trag Romney:
    “Fuck it, I’ll just close my eyes, point at a random line and prescribe whatever it says”:

  • the problem child
  • doxastic

    Laurie Apple version, plz?

  • chascates

    The Real Jesus Forgives Your Jesus
    for being a greedy republican warmonger

  • Flanders

    [re=428274]teebob2000[/re]: Neither the mother *nor* the pregnant woman has a wedding ring. Why does he hate marriage so much??

  • idiot son of an asshole
  • Snerdley

    Shortpacked How long did that take you???? You’re awesome.. even if you don’t have a life!

  • JesusButter

    [re=428365]chascates[/re]: I have that on my car. I get the dirtiest looks…

  • jasper f. krone

    [re=427909]bago[/re]: Daddy, what does “regret” mean?

  • imissopus

    [re=428190]Shortpacked[/re]: Awesome.

  • jasper f. krone

    [re=428023]McDuff[/re]: Right, and it doesn’t say who can or cannot do the “requiring”. CNN’s prank last fall with what’s-his-fuck-Warren and Obama and Walnuts sounded a whole lot like a “religious test” that they “required”. Shouldn’t the liberal media have exposed CNN for that?

  • Frumious Canbrasnatch

    [re=427889]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: This shows the deep subtle exegesis employed by the artist, because in a lot of the old testament, when they say feet, they mean sexyparts. It’s true.

  • JesusButter
  • LowerdPeninsula

    The only thing that this is missing is a bunch of dogs playing poker.

  • chascates

    [re=428385]JesusButter[/re]: I think you need to see your Blingee account to ‘all view’ or whatever it is. I just get the login trying that link.

  • GreatOldOnesParty


  • Bassweasel

    Why, look way back there! It’s Thomas Payne! It says he wrote “Common Sense” during the Revolution.

    It doesn’t say that he also wrote “The Age Of Reason”, where he basically calls religion a bunch of crap, say one mythology is just as good as another, and Ben Franklin’s proverbs are better than those in the bible.

  • Bassweasel


    BIG time mormon – 8 kids, and half his paintings are of Mormon temples around the country.

  • GreatOldOnesParty

    This is gonna be my best Blingage EVAR!
    Why does Blingee hate the Real U.S.American Jesus?

  • Gallowglass

    I love that Reagan is front and center in the aftelife. They must have to guard his tomb to keep these loons from dry humping his corpse.

    The heathen immigrant cowering in terror from Jesus and the Constitution is pretty awesome though.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    [re=428190]Shortpacked[/re]: You are today’s genius/hero. Well done!

  • DoktorZoom

    When you shoot up, you’re crucifying Jebus:

  • Atheist Nun

    [re=428190]Shortpacked[/re]: Brilliant!

  • Redhead

    [re=428190]Shortpacked[/re]: You, sir, win 1,000,000 whorediamonds, 1,000,000,000 trucknutz, 10 minutes in the closet with Intern Riley and the “iPod” that the editors just stole back from the other day’s Palin blingee winner.

    I was going to throw in a bag of cheetos, but Ken’s currently in the desert somewhere, wrestling a bunch of Paultards for them, and even the almighty Ken Layne doesn’t have a chance when coming between a Paultard and his cheetos.

  • coochiemama

    OMG. This asshole Mormon dentist I went to for awhile had these all over his office! WTF??!! Twenty or so sappy/weird/overwrought historical Jeebus paintngs. They were everywhere.

    This sooo explains A LOT.

  • GreatOldOnesParty
  • GreatOldOnesParty

    [re=428190]Shortpacked[/re]: epic win is epic.

  • notwavingbutdrowning

    [re=427874]tunamelt[/re]: win. I’m sure the Franklin Mint is on it.

    [re=428190]Shortpacked[/re]: Brilliant. I’m laughing so hard I can’t breathe. Golden marijuana leaf: hilarious. But it was the barbershop quartet narrative that started the siezures.

    Also this is all very Mormon. Mormons are constantly rewriting their revised “Bible.” So all of this shit could very well be part of the Book of Mormon. Also Mormon Jesus was an American citizen — ad not some illegal alien. Most Christians don’t realize that Mormons don’t actually worship the same Jesus or God. The Mormon God lives on a planet named kabob or something. Then there’s the stuff with the salamander. Anyway, the Mormons have more in common with Scientology than they do with Christianity.

  • chascates

    [re=428421]GreatOldOnesParty[/re]: That is the Sergeant Pepper’s album cover of Fundie Blingness!

  • LowerdPeninsula

    I love the end of the caption for the “Pregnant Woman”:

    “Abortion is a heavy subject, but this artist believes strongly in the rights of the unborn child.”

    Yes, it’s this you offer any kind of disclaimer or apology for. Because, the whole idea of this painting isn’t ridiculous and offensive on its face, right? Because, the whole thing doesn’t reek terribly of politics on its very face, right? It’s the pregnant woman that’ll instantly stick out as particularly offensive. lol

    The title of this painting should be “The Death and/or Murder of Irony”. This man is as serious as a heart attack, and as oblivious and non-ironic as a skeezy, 20-something hotel heiress.

  • LowerdPeninsula

    BTW, anyone pick up where the layer, politician, Mr. Hollywood, etc…all are? At the Left Hand of God. **psst…psst…that’s the bad hand, guys**

    I find it ironic, though, that he has included proudly or at least ambivalently folks like Benjamin Franklin, Susan B. Anthony, and Abigail Adams.

    Lastly, the not-so-subtle inclusion of the “money-counting Jew” lawyer is just hilarious, and the caption (i.e. “No, not all lawyers are like this…”) is just precious. It would read just as accurately if it said “I’m not anti-semetic; I have Jew friends”.

  • notwavingbutdrowning
  • LowerdPeninsula

    [re=428190]Shortpacked[/re]: Fuck! Jesus Christ! Egad, I say! Somebody monetarily compensate this muthafucka’ and make him an editor-for-life, already. God, that was hilarious.

    My favorite captions:

    – Every single one of the Framers with the quotes I’d heard about but never known.
    – Black Union soldier commenting about Rosa Parks standing in front of the painting. lol
    – John “Wiseass” Hancock
    – Patrick “Cake of Death!” Henry
    – Samuel “Shitty Beer” Adams (should have been called “Joe the Adams”)
    – Ben “Whore-boner” Franklin (and, yes, he totally did)
    – Mr. “Condemned to Hell for Beverly Hills Chihuahua” Hollywood.

    The barbershop quartet; man; I just don’t know what to pick. It was all good in this hood, my friend. All good, indeed.

  • notwavingbutdrowning

    [re=428190]Shortpacked[/re]: [re=428430]LowerdPeninsula[/re]: I also like this one : “Fifty Stars: Represents the fifty states of the Union. Some stars shine brighter than others. For example, you can barely see Vermont’s.”

  • tootsieroll

    [re=428421]GreatOldOnesParty[/re]: needs more penis.

  • Darkness

    [re=428432]notwavingbutdrowning[/re]: Wait, only 50 stars? But what about D.C., Peurto Rico, Virgin Islands, Guam, et al. This guy is a wingtard, for crying out loud, doesn’t he realize the u.s. is an empire??

  • JesusButter

    [re=428401]chascates[/re]: Noooooooo! I’m at work and of course, Blingee is blocked. Fascist fuckers.

  • Unlearned Hand

    Anyone notice how FDR somehow got left off? Gee, because he didn’t DEFEND US FROM FUCKING NAZIS OR ANYTHING, RIGHT? And Dolly Madison gets a look-in, but not Eleanor Roosevelt, who helped draft the Universal Declaration of Human Rights? Oh, wait, no, because she was involved in the UN.

    Or Harry Truman? Did they run out of room? Was it because he didn’t nuke China? Was Hiroshima not enough for this asshole?

    Also, he misspelled Thomas Paine – who was very strongly in favor of the separation of church and state.

  • Mr Blifil

    The guy with his head in his hands? That would be me. Except my widow peaks are receding attractively, I don’t have that male pattern baldness thing.

  • Rascalcat

    Using Ann Coulter as Satan seems appropo, but Nancy Grace as a liberal reporter is a bit of a stretch.

  • El Pinche

    [re=428508]Unlearned Hand[/re]: And where’s the smart-ass liberal blogger? Where’s Citizen Christian Patriot with the “God Hates Fags” sign? This McNaughton guy is starting to make me wonder.

  • bored with gravity

    [re=428234]Shortpacked[/re]: That was your first post to Wonkette? You so rock. TruckNutz to you!

  • Redhead

    [re=428508]Unlearned Hand[/re]: Come on, everyone knows that FDR’s government HANDOUT bailouts were really just socialized health care, in disguise, and Eleanor was his commie mistress, along with her Nazi pals at the UN. We can’t put evil commie-nazi-socialists in the glorious Jeebus painting!
    Then again, he did put JFK and Teddy Roosevelt in there… so who really knows what this wingnut’s thinking. And can someone please tell me what, exactly, Reagan did that was so glorious, other than NOT ordering any wiretaps and subsequently embarrassing the country as bad as Nixon?

  • Saunt Orolo

    It’s good that McNaughton Fine Art Company reminds us about copyright. Let’s remind them about fair use.

    Paste this in your location bar to restore your ability to save their images:


  • Saunt Orolo

    Ummm, so wordpress made a little fix to my code? Ok, try this:


  • GreatOldOnesParty

    [re=428435]tootsieroll[/re]: didn’t want to seem like I was copying the great Blingee sage Jennifer F.

  • Saunt Orolo

    Third time is the charm… Anyone know if there is a way to convince wordpress to leave your quote marks alone?


  • maven

    Very Mormon:

    Book of Mormon Conference
    Jon McNaughton
    Friday, October 2, 2009
    1:00pm – 4:00pm
    Zermott Resort, Midway, UT
    I will be making a presentation about the new painting, “One Nation Under God.”

  • mollymcguire

    [re=428336]DustBowlBlues[/re]: Win for the Plain Honest Men reference, Good luck with the church,

  • ThisIsSparta!!1!

    did anyone else notice that if you scroll down a little bit and mouse over satan, the zoomed area on the right highlights Teddy Rosoevelt’s face? accident???

  • Athar

    Satan is Ozzy Osbourne?

  • President Beeblebrox

    [re=428656]Saunt Orolo[/re]: Javascript fail… it just makes a box come up that reads “TRUE”.

  • Un_Toyotero

    Big surprise… the domain name is registered to:

    Todays Graphics, Inc.
    231 East 2100 South Suite E
    Salt Lake City, UT 84054


  • ivenson

    [re=428190]Shortpacked[/re]: SHORTPACKED FOR KING OF WONKETTE…SO SAYS I!

  • Darkness

    [re=428656]Saunt Orolo[/re]: Nice of you to help people hack their browser, but for future reference, it’s easier to just screen grab. Generally.

  • Flanders

    [re=428233]Flanders[/re]: when i said “shorts”, I didn’t realize there were two of you!

  • DangerousLiberal

    [re=428212]El Pinche[/re]: Another epic blingee WIN.

  • Unlearned Hand

    Redhead: Reagan, with the able assistance of Jesus, Maverick and Goose, single-handedly defeated the Soviet Union through the power of prayer. And a massively bloated defense budget. And, uh, invading Grenada. (Even Margaret Thatcher managed to be more bad-ass than that.)

    Why didn’t he include Dubya? You’d think he’d be giving Jesus a high-five, because he killed so many Arabs.

  • An Outhouse

    [re=427862]finallyhappy[/re]: I thought the Jew was the guy in the extreme bottom right counting the wad of cash.

  • President Beeblebrox


    [re=429706]An Outhouse[/re]: Well, yeah, didn’t you know most lawyers are teh Jewz? Doctors too, as well as Mr. Hollywood. Also.

  • The Sea Farmer

    This is still my most favorite thing ever.

  • Catholics4Condoms

    That’s one goyische-looking Yeshua! This is visual Glurge.

  • Catholics4Condoms

    Wasn’t this a panel from Mallard Fillmore?

    That robe, it’s the tree of Gondor; that’s not Jesus it’s Aragorn from Lord of the Rings. That’s not a kid it’s a Hobbit.

  • Jiminy Glick
  • disgustedcitizen

    Seriously, there should be a law against wasting good paint with crap like this! I’ll bet this asshole was jerking off the entire time he was smearing paint on this canvas.

  • Ardus

    Whoa, he changed the description for Teacher since he first started working on this!
    Luckily I got a screenshot of it before he changed it, this is what it used to look like.

  • victorysongs

    I just wanted to chime in and say that the (in)famous Mormon painter this guy is ripping off is Arnold Friberg, well known for the wacky paintings in those hotel BoMs and this mess:

  • Barry_D

    I noticed that he has a Union soldier crying over a war which pitted ‘brother against brother’, but no Confederate soldier, even though both his narrative and art would have demanded that.

    Another Confederate.

  • tihond

    Is Satan whispering in Scott Walker’s ear there? It would explain so much.

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