Wonkette
Rich Lowry vs. Matt Latimer, this is so on! The ONE TIME Rich Lowry goes to work and puts on his bowler hat and three piece suit and pretends to be a newspaper-man, Matt Latimer, former Bush speechwriter/social chair of Mars’ douchiest fraternity, refuses to answer any of Lowry’s broadsheet journalism media questions! “Matt Latimer, isn’t the fact that you’re in a pederastic relationship with Donald Rumsfeld—and the fact that you’re currently helping him write his own memoir—call into question your favorable characterization of said human?” Lowry asked within the pages of his forgotten reactionary quarto, “Corner.” Now watch Matt Latimer defer to a mid-range Roomba named “Kevin Kellems.”
Kevin Kellems is LITERALLY a random household device who Ben Smith explains has “been serving as a kind of spokesman” for Latimer. But Kevin Kellems’ batteries were low, so it just started spitting out random HOT BUTTON phrases from its “Conservatism” language cartridge:
“National Review’s editor has self-defined NR now as part of the mainstream media. Rich Lowry and National Review are defending that mainstream narrative that Bush-ism equals conservatism. By doing this, they are betraying the conservative movement. Cocktail party conservatism is not the same as true conservatism.”
Devastating. Wait until Donald Rumsfeld’s memoir hears about this.
What does Michael Steele have to say about all this?
A “pederastic” relationship? You mean this guy is also Donald Rumsfeld’s foot doctor?
This guy sounded like a real idiot on Colbert the other night. I am *shocked* that he still works for Rumsfeld.
You go to war with the Latimer you have, not the Latimer you’d like to have.
I didn’t quite follow all the wording here, but I did notice that the RILEY virus seems to be spreading. Juli, you should have gotten your shot when you had a chance.
For a while there, conservatism meant just about anything as long as it was popular and Dubya’s friends wanted it. Now it means nothing, and all the lost conservative sheep are accusing each other of selling out to the masses. It’s a good thing these people have such a solid grasp of their core values.
“Cocktail party conservatism is not the same as true conservatism.”
It’s like they’re arguing which one has the better vomit.
Everyone agrees that we need more Rumsfeld-style conservatism. Because that worked out great!
There are so many members of the Conservatism Cartridge Family, one cannot keep count.
AbstinenceOnly Ed: Win.
Lattimer figured he could get away with using the same ratio of brain cells that Rummy sent to Iraq
SayItWithWookies: When I want someone to get a really solid grasp on my core values I turn to Michele Bachmann.
“Rich” is obviously Craig Crawford’s DC love child;
http://graphics8.nytimes.com/images/2005/11/10/books/crawf184.jpg
It’s very unfortunate that some drunken secretary told Latimer he looked like Pierce Brosnan, and now every day is Halloween. Cocktail party resemblances are not true resemblances — Shrubbie’s resemblance to a homo sapien, for example, is pure cocktail party.
Journalistic(ish) fact check: The fedora is the type of hat old-timey reporters are supposed to wear. Bowlers are more favored by old-timey drunk Irish pugilists, the kind of old-timey Italian shop keepers that wear a garter on their sleeve, and dorks.
x111e7thst: I wouldn’t let anyone with eyes that crazy anywhere near my core values.
Johnny Zhivago: If by “foot” you mean “penis.”
I thought Bush was a teetotaler who spent his spare time at his ranch doing outdoorsy stuff, but I guess Latimer must have discovered that Bush was secretly going to cocktail parties and other such effete/liberal activities
Matt Latimer wouldn’t have dared done that had Patrick Swayze still been alive.
“Cocktail party conservatism is not the same as true conservatism.”
In the same sense that cocktail weiners are not the same as true weiners. But they are both made of offal, so the distinction is insignificant to most of us.
sanantonerose: you say Πόδι
I say παιδί ?
Lascauxcaveman: Dorks wear fedoras too. I’d venture to say that for at least 70 years now, hats have only been worn by dorks, assholes, dweebs, shitheads, and fucksticks.
Suds McKenzie: Damn, beat me to it.
Though I was going to throw in a little John Hughes and Kyle Secor for good measure.
Prommie: Don’t forget Jews!
Lascauxcaveman: Speaking of Tom DeLay, JACK ABRAMOFF. CorkPopper: AMIRITE?!?
Lascauxcaveman: I believe that Juli was referring to something along these lines.
Lascauxcaveman: The modern field reporters of my acquaintance seem to prefer what amounts to fly fishing gear, rather than snap-brimmed fedoras. Personally, I would wear whatever it takes to turn Lara Logan’s crank.
Girl fight!
http://static.stuff.co.nz/1254782904/097/2936097.jpg
Lascauxcaveman: You only say that because you’re hot for the sneaky Irish fellow from BSG.
Kevin Kellems is LITERALLY a random household device
Latimer was published by Random House, but Kevin Kellems is just a random neocon asshole.
x111e7thst: Let’s jerk the whole thing off!
And after the scrap they boned each other for 12 hours.
Speaking as a gay man, Matt Latimer has gayface written ALL OVER my screen. I feel like I’ve seen those beady little eyes attached to that paunchy pasty face on manhunt, right before he asks me to do something filthy and hot to him, which I wouldn’t cause he’s gross and old anyways. Am I the only one seeing this? I’m not saying this to be snarky… I believe this man is literally gay. Being gay or not being gay isn’t something where you can just look at someone’s face and say this dude is gay or straight, but with this particular dude… yeah, dude sucks cock.
bago: Actually, I’ve never even seen BSG, which is odd because I’m big Trekkie and all that.
But come to think of (almost, anyway), I remember some pretty sexy pictorials in 1960s-1970s Playboy that had the lovely models sporting bowlers in interesting ways.
problemwithcaring: Rummie is an idiot, too. You hadn’t noticed?
Zhu Bajie
CorkPopper: Only the Hasidem. So she already covered it, so to speak.
Cocktail Party Conservative, eh? Looks like we finally have ourselves our reverse “Limousine Liberal”.
And, Matt Latimer, welcome to Cocktober. Also.
You do NOT fuck with the Lowry, lest you want a face full of sparkle dust.
…