Colin, we need you to sell this at the UNIt’s not Iran, but the Washington Post editorial board should be pleased to know that we’re bombing the dickens out of something: “NASA’s going for full impact Friday, firing a bomb-laden missile at the moon in a dramatic search for water. The National Aeronautics and Space Administration is sending its Lunar CRater Observing and Sensing Satellite (LCROSS) on a mission to fire a missile into the south pole of the moon as twice the speed of a bullet.”

You know what the point of bombing the Moon is when it’s not even going to kill any humans? There is no point, except to be really really gay. “Ooh, look at me, I’m gay, the only reason I bomb things is because I want pwecious water, for drinking, through my butt, because I’m gay, wah wah wah.”

But who knows, maybe there are a few Muzzies camping at the bottom of a crater? And they’d get hit by the moon bomb? Shit like that?

NASA to Bomb the Moon Friday [NBC Washington]

Donate with CCDonate with CC


  1. Join NASA and you’ll investigate cosmological phenomena, visit interesting places, explore new planets…and bomb them.

    Also, only the US government would test for water by bombing the shit out of it. Osama bin Wa-Wa?

  2. [re=427676]HoboNutz[/re]: the mobile infantry?
    Have Krauthammer or the Kagan clan weighed in on this, ‘cuz this sounds like something they’d be for, whether it serves any purpose or not. Heck, they’d back it even if it were a disastrous idea — especially then!

  3. Don’t do it, NASA. The Moon’s crazy. He’ll be all showin up at your house when you’ve got friends over, (maybe even another one of your “tricks,”) and your life will just be hell. And don’t even try telling him that your interested in that Mars guy, Moon will just go over there and fuck him up. LEAVE THE MOON ALONE.

  4. Per chance, did William Safire leave behind a speach just in case things go horribly horribly wrong and the explosion is a wee bit larger than anticipated, thereby sending a rather large chunk of old Luna spiraling down to earth, killing us all? Because Obama is going to need a hell of a speach if that happens.

  5. When the bomb “finds” water, NASA will embark on a program to send empty rockets to the moon, fill them up with water, and fly them back to earth, or maybe to the immensely useful International Space Station.

    Why would NASA want to this? To save their jobs, of course.

  6. Ron the Paultard and the Blimp of Fail. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
    Andy Kaufman in the wrestling match. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
    Space Invaders, Defenders, Scramble, and Gorf. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
    Mister Ann Coulter has a adam’s apple. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
    Let’s play Armageddon, let’s play Doom. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
    See you on Moonbase Alpha if you make the list. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

    Hey Andy, did you hear about this one? Tell me, are you locked in the punch?
    Hey Andy, are you goofing on Elvis? Hey baby, are we losing touch?
    If you believed that they’re gonna blow up the moon, blow up the moon
    If you believe in building the biggest bome, then nothing is cool

  7. That pic comes from the 1902 film A Trip To The Moon by George Melies. I only mention that because last week for reasons too boring to recount here I spent hours trying to remember this very factoid in one of those horrible George Costanza situations where you think you have something very clever to say and then only remember the crucial element hours or days later and you want so badly to find the right moment to bring it up again. Thank you Wonkette.

  8. Ha, ha, ha! Noobama reveals his true colors. The nuclear charge will blast away most of the moon mass, leaving it permanent crescent. Get it? Permanent muslim crescent moon. In the muslim sky. From our muslim president. It’s all so clear.

  9. [re=427717]magic titty[/re]: Well sure, we have earth water, which is comprised of two hydrogen atoms and one oxygen atom. Moon water, on the other hand, is comprised of one oxygen atom and two hydrogen atoms, and that is an entirely different proposition. Hard to believe this isn’t obvious to everyone. Thank goodness we have NASA to teach us these lessons.

  10. I get it. We have to bomb the moon because there are WMDs on Uranus.

    Thank you very much. I’m here all week. Try the veal and remember to tip your bartenders.

  11. Finally something neocons can be proud of – the doctrine of preemption is alive and well in a democratic administration. Who’d of thunk it would be expanded beyond invading countries? Which agency will be next to apply it?

  12. The precious moon waters will be returned to earth and painstakingly decanted and vacuum-sealed into Ben-Wa balls fashioned of artisanal Venetian glass, which will be given out as party favors at the next $100,000-per-plate RNC fetus barbecue.

  13. I’m no scientician, but I was a kid in the ’80s, so this is disturbingly reminiscent of the beginning of Thundarr the Barbarian. I’ve got to get me a Sun Sword.

  14. Remember when NASA used to be really good at naming stuff? LCROSS is pretty weak. Surely there’s some story in mythology about some god or other hammering the moon. Lit majors?

  15. [re=427733]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: I hear it’s even yummier than Fiji water. Flown in from fucking Fiji, also. Makes about as much sense.

  16. [re=427747]ChernobylSoup v2[/re]: Use a Greek god’s name for a government project? We have a fucking war on Xmas!!!1!!1! Happy Holidays is an affront to JEEBUS. How this country ever stood for all that Apollo and Gemini business is AN OUTRAGE.

  17. Are we going to sink all of the moon’s dreadnoughts that are floating in this so-called “water”? I hope we don’t awaken a sleeping giant and fill it with a terrible resolve.
    Climb Mt Niitaka 1208

  18. [re=427763]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Now that you mention it, it wouldn’t surprise me to find W ordered NASA to quit with the paganism already.

  19. The most hilarious part of the linked article is the Instapoll next to it, that reports local San Diegans as 40% furious at this NASA plan to bomb the innocent moon.

  20. First of all, NASA needs permission from LA’s metro water district, because it already owns the rights to moon water (see the movie “Chinatown in Space,” to be released as soon as Polanski makes bail). Second of all, this is really all about angry Green Bay Packer fans wanting to harm the cheese that the moon is made of, to show their displeasure with the play calling during the Vikings game. No whey? Whey!

  21. [re=427780]ChernobylSoup v2[/re]: Oh, if the space program was going today, we’d name all of our missions after the arch-angels and lame shit like that. Not so much the saints (too catholic), but heroes like Abraham and Joshua for sure. It would be so, so lame. And the world would wonder how in the hell we developed such technology. This is not an opinion, folks. We are really that lame.

  22. [re=427696]rmontcal[/re]: No atmosphere to get between the bullet and its lovely destination.

    Actually, given that most bullets are traveling anywhere from 500 to 1k mph and the fact that escape velocity (what it takes to reach orbit) is over 18,000 mph, only hitting at about 2k mph is really letting the moon off easy.

  23. [re=427699]ChernobylSoup v2[/re]: Per chance, did William Safire leave behind a speach just in case things go horribly horribly wrong …

    At first glance I thought it read “William Shatner.” Ok, everybody, elbows in, hands out with palms up, and in your best Capt. Kirk “Khan!” voice, “Moooonnnn!!”

  24. [re=427821]S.Luggo[/re]: SOCIALISM!

    What are they thinking? They way they want to teach science down there, in a few years all the NASA employees will have to be imported.

  25. Declaring war against the moon would be a win-win. Conservatives would be thrilled to get a war despite having that peace-loving SOB Obama in the White House; lefties would dig the low cost.

  26. Look out moon,
    America’s gonna git ya,
    Gonna go kaboom,
    Say nice to have met ya,
    Cuz you don’t mess around….with God’s Amurricaaaaa….

  27. [re=427808]bago[/re]: Orbital velocity is around 18,000 mph. Escape velocity is around 25,000 miles per hour. And the speed of “bullets” ranges from around 400 feet per second (pistol) to 3,000 feet per second. Any faster and the air friction would be a problem.

    Gesh. I hate when liberals try to be “scientific” and stuff.

  28. Why stop at the moon. I say we fly a giant-assed match right into Jupiter and light that fucker up, Sun style, so when the sun runs out, we’ll have a reserve sun. And, when that one flames out, we’ll light up Saturn and use its icy rings for water. And, while we’re at it, let’s use Mercury as target practice for our deep-space hellfire nuclear missles.

  29. No no, see, they’re going to ‘shoot the moon’. Big fans of Tom Waits, they are, over there at NASA. Or Norah Jones, also.

  30. Little known historical fact: in 1957, Edward Teller, inventor of the hydrogen bomb, chaired a committee that proposed, among other things, that an appropriate response to Sputnik would be to launch a nuclear bomb at the moon. Quoth the report: “Within 2 or 3 years with a crash program, it would be possible to develop a light weight atomic bomb which could be exploded on the moon and would give useful data about the composition of the moon’s surface.” So, it could be worse!

Comments are closed.

Previous articleKeith Olbermann To Yell Without Interruption For Full Hour Tomorrow
Next articleDouchey No Name Bush Speechwriter “Matt Latimer” Puts The Corner In A Corner!