Colin, we need you to sell this at the UNIt’s not Iran, but the Washington Post editorial board should be pleased to know that we’re bombing the dickens out of something: “NASA’s going for full impact Friday, firing a bomb-laden missile at the moon in a dramatic search for water. The National Aeronautics and Space Administration is sending its Lunar CRater Observing and Sensing Satellite (LCROSS) on a mission to fire a missile into the south pole of the moon as twice the speed of a bullet.”

You know what the point of bombing the Moon is when it’s not even going to kill any humans? There is no point, except to be really really gay. “Ooh, look at me, I’m gay, the only reason I bomb things is because I want pwecious water, for drinking, through my butt, because I’m gay, wah wah wah.”

But who knows, maybe there are a few Muzzies camping at the bottom of a crater? And they’d get hit by the moon bomb? Shit like that?

NASA to Bomb the Moon Friday [NBC Washington]

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  • SomeNYGuy

    If they’re really looking for a moon river, maybe they should send Andy Williams.

  • pondscum

    NASA is firing a Buick at the moon?

  • bitchincamaro

    I got arrested in college for shooting the moon. I suggest they consult legal.

  • BigBrainOnBrad

    Looks like Jackie Gleason has something in his eye there.

  • Suds McKenzie

    This will solve everything.

  • Sharkey

    So that’s where Bin Laden has really been hiding out!

  • HoboNutz

    yeah, ok fine… but what do we do AFTER we bomb the moon? think it through

  • TGY

    Join NASA and you’ll investigate cosmological phenomena, visit interesting places, explore new planets…and bomb them.

    Also, only the US government would test for water by bombing the shit out of it. Osama bin Wa-Wa?

  • AnSnarkist

    Okay… so now NASA is just taking ideas from Dismemberment Plan lyrics.

  • norbizness

    We’re earthlings, let’s blow up earth things. P.S. That’s Spongebob as the narrator and old astronaut.

  • SomeNYGuy

    [re=427676]HoboNutz[/re]: As usual, there is no exit strategy.

  • Suds McKenzie

    After the bomb hits, will it dream?

  • Sharkey

    This could end nicely if the moon’s still made of cheese.

  • Rev. Peter Lemonjello

    Bombing the Moon: vigilant action in the War on Werewolves

  • CapnFatback

    We have the technology. The time is now. Science can wait no longer. Children are our future. America can, should, must, and will blow up the moon!

  • MLHencken

    Can the put Betsy McCaughey inside the missile? Because I would definitely support that.

  • CapnFatback

    [re=427680]norbizness[/re]: Damn my slow trigger finger.

  • qwerty42

    [re=427676]HoboNutz[/re]: the mobile infantry?
    Have Krauthammer or the Kagan clan weighed in on this, ‘cuz this sounds like something they’d be for, whether it serves any purpose or not. Heck, they’d back it even if it were a disastrous idea — especially then!

  • RoscoePColtraine

    Don’t do it, NASA. The Moon’s crazy. He’ll be all showin up at your house when you’ve got friends over, (maybe even another one of your “tricks,”) and your life will just be hell. And don’t even try telling him that your interested in that Mars guy, Moon will just go over there and fuck him up. LEAVE THE MOON ALONE.

  • rmontcal

    How can the speed of a bullet be twice the speed of a bullet?

  • Serolf Divad

    Haven’t I seen this how already?

  • ChernobylSoup v2

    Per chance, did William Safire leave behind a speach just in case things go horribly horribly wrong and the explosion is a wee bit larger than anticipated, thereby sending a rather large chunk of old Luna spiraling down to earth, killing us all? Because Obama is going to need a hell of a speach if that happens.

  • V572625694

    When the bomb “finds” water, NASA will embark on a program to send empty rockets to the moon, fill them up with water, and fly them back to earth, or maybe to the immensely useful International Space Station.

    Why would NASA want to this? To save their jobs, of course.

  • ManchuCandidate

    Ron the Paultard and the Blimp of Fail. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
    Andy Kaufman in the wrestling match. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
    Space Invaders, Defenders, Scramble, and Gorf. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
    Mister Ann Coulter has a adam’s apple. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
    Let’s play Armageddon, let’s play Doom. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
    See you on Moonbase Alpha if you make the list. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

    Hey Andy, did you hear about this one? Tell me, are you locked in the punch?
    Hey Andy, are you goofing on Elvis? Hey baby, are we losing touch?
    If you believed that they’re gonna blow up the moon, blow up the moon
    If you believe in building the biggest bome, then nothing is cool

  • SmutBoffin

    The missile is meant to leave a crater shaped like the Obama logo, so that wingnuts may gaze upon it and despair.

  • ManchuCandidate

    [re=427698]Serolf Divad[/re]:
    Yes, but it was British. This is the US American Version.

  • slappypaddy

    yeah, there’s no water on earth. time to move on.

  • Gorillionaire

    That pic comes from the 1902 film A Trip To The Moon by George Melies. I only mention that because last week for reasons too boring to recount here I spent hours trying to remember this very factoid in one of those horrible George Costanza situations where you think you have something very clever to say and then only remember the crucial element hours or days later and you want so badly to find the right moment to bring it up again. Thank you Wonkette.

  • el donaldo

    Ha, ha, ha! Noobama reveals his true colors. The nuclear charge will blast away most of the moon mass, leaving it permanent crescent. Get it? Permanent muslim crescent moon. In the muslim sky. From our muslim president. It’s all so clear.

  • An Outhouse

    I know where some water is. It hasn’t stopped raining for the last week.

  • NixonNow

    shoot skoalrebel to the moon. he’s fuckin gay, pisses me off and should be inpeached

  • TGY

    Bill Kristol will complain that bombing the moon doesn’t go far enough and will demand Mars be bombed soon after.

  • Lets Go Vertigo

    When I was a boy, blowing up the moon was just a beautiful dream…but now, it’s science fact!

  • facehead

    Can we watch this on pay-per-view? Is there a public option?

  • ChernobylSoup v2

    [re=427699]ChernobylSoup v2[/re]: speech speech

  • magic titty

    We already have water.

  • Servo

    Obviously, the brains at NASA never saw the 2003 remake of The Time Machine.

  • V572625694

    [re=427717]magic titty[/re]: Well sure, we have earth water, which is comprised of two hydrogen atoms and one oxygen atom. Moon water, on the other hand, is comprised of one oxygen atom and two hydrogen atoms, and that is an entirely different proposition. Hard to believe this isn’t obvious to everyone. Thank goodness we have NASA to teach us these lessons.

  • mardam422

    What did the Moon Maidens do to deserve this?

    I await the Blackwater run detention center on Mercury.

  • FMA

    I get it. We have to bomb the moon because there are WMDs on Uranus.

    Thank you very much. I’m here all week. Try the veal and remember to tip your bartenders.

  • Hed007

    Watch it Mars, we regularly fuck up Meters and Feet, so this one may hit you.

  • iantenna

    nasa is now taking it’s cues from chairface chippendale i see.

  • Anonymous Office Zombie

    I just rewatched that episode. So, weird. Bob and David are prophets.

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    Bottled Moon Water ™
    Only $19,999,999.99 per liter.
    It’s da bomb!

  • TGY

    This is a small bang for man, a large BOOM for Mankind.

    Please pass the Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator.

  • coolcatdaddy

    Heavens! Didn’t they see “Space: 1999”?!? My God, what are they doing?!?

  • loquaciousmusic

    NASA is sending a Buick LaCrosse into space? What, is that part of Nobama’s socialist stimulus package?

  • steve

    Finally something neocons can be proud of – the doctrine of preemption is alive and well in a democratic administration. Who’d of thunk it would be expanded beyond invading countries? Which agency will be next to apply it?

  • TimeCubist

    The precious moon waters will be returned to earth and painstakingly decanted and vacuum-sealed into Ben-Wa balls fashioned of artisanal Venetian glass, which will be given out as party favors at the next $100,000-per-plate RNC fetus barbecue.

  • SnarkNotFark

    I’m no scientician, but I was a kid in the ’80s, so this is disturbingly reminiscent of the beginning of Thundarr the Barbarian. I’ve got to get me a Sun Sword.

  • Extemporanus

    Mark my words: The Moon will be Obama’s Vietnam.

  • Godot

    Oh my god. Billion dollar idea here.


    Holy shit holy shit let’s do this.

  • ChernobylSoup v2

    Remember when NASA used to be really good at naming stuff? LCROSS is pretty weak. Surely there’s some story in mythology about some god or other hammering the moon. Lit majors?

  • Johnny Zhivago

    Only one question: if they don’t find any water, will Rush Limbaugh jump for joy?

  • bloatedwhitetruck

    And this is going to happen on which sound stage?

  • DangerousLiberal

    [re=427733]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: I hear it’s even yummier than Fiji water. Flown in from fucking Fiji, also. Makes about as much sense.

  • Godot

    What to call it though?


    Spring of Tranquility?

  • GreatOldOnesParty

    [re=427747]ChernobylSoup v2[/re]: LCROSS?
    Wow. NASA is totally run by otaku.

  • Johnny Zhivago

    Here is what they are hoping DOESN’T happen:

  • Extemporanus

    [re=427667]pondscum[/re]: [re=427739]loquaciousmusic[/re]: Yes. And we’re firing a Mercury at Saturn next.

  • bloatedwhitetruck

    Will Major T. J. “King” Kong be straddling the bomb as it speeds towards the icy lunar surface?

  • LittlePig

    Take that, Crater Face!

  • Extemporanus

    [re=427710]el donaldo[/re]: That would undoubtedly result in waning support for Obama.

  • RoscoePColtraine

    [re=427747]ChernobylSoup v2[/re]: Use a Greek god’s name for a government project? We have a fucking war on Xmas!!!1!!1! Happy Holidays is an affront to JEEBUS. How this country ever stood for all that Apollo and Gemini business is AN OUTRAGE.

  • Norbert

    The president has taken his eye off the ball here — the real enemy is the Sun. Destroy the sun!

  • qwerty42

    Are we going to sink all of the moon’s dreadnoughts that are floating in this so-called “water”? I hope we don’t awaken a sleeping giant and fill it with a terrible resolve.
    Climb Mt Niitaka 1208

  • Jumping Jim

    [re=427676]HoboNutz[/re]: I am glad someone is thinking ahead…

  • Thechansen

    They did strike first. Why does the moon hate our freedom?

  • Polisurgist

    This isn’t about the moon, it’s about sending a message to the Sun.

  • ChernobylSoup v2

    [re=427763]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Now that you mention it, it wouldn’t surprise me to find W ordered NASA to quit with the paganism already.

  • Dashboard_Buddha

    [re=427664]SomeNYGuy[/re]: Perfect

  • brianyc
  • Godless Liberal

    Cape Canaveral is going to feel really dumb when they blow up the moon and the rising tides drown them all to death.

  • AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=427704]SmutBoffin[/re]: That would be SO fucking cool.

  • problemwithcaring

    The most hilarious part of the linked article is the Instapoll next to it, that reports local San Diegans as 40% furious at this NASA plan to bomb the innocent moon.

  • nbawriter

    Andy Sullivan once bombed a moon for 12 hours … or so

  • nbawriter

    Andy Sullivan once bombed a moon for 12 hours … or so I heard.

  • Advocatus_Diaboli

    We have to fight the water up there so we don’t have to fight it down here.

  • lawrenceofthedesert

    First of all, NASA needs permission from LA’s metro water district, because it already owns the rights to moon water (see the movie “Chinatown in Space,” to be released as soon as Polanski makes bail). Second of all, this is really all about angry Green Bay Packer fans wanting to harm the cheese that the moon is made of, to show their displeasure with the play calling during the Vikings game. No whey? Whey!

  • RoscoePColtraine

    [re=427780]ChernobylSoup v2[/re]: Oh, if the space program was going today, we’d name all of our missions after the arch-angels and lame shit like that. Not so much the saints (too catholic), but heroes like Abraham and Joshua for sure. It would be so, so lame. And the world would wonder how in the hell we developed such technology. This is not an opinion, folks. We are really that lame.

  • S.Luggo

    [re=427747]ChernobylSoup v2[/re]: Chuck Grassley wants to name it, “Health Care Reform”.

  • nbawriter

    (Ignore my misfire.)

  • sanantonerose

    [re=427752]Godot[/re]: Don’t care what they call it, as long as they bottle it in Moon Units.

  • bago

    [re=427696]rmontcal[/re]: No atmosphere to get between the bullet and its lovely destination.

    Actually, given that most bullets are traveling anywhere from 500 to 1k mph and the fact that escape velocity (what it takes to reach orbit) is over 18,000 mph, only hitting at about 2k mph is really letting the moon off easy.

  • McDuff

    [re=427699]ChernobylSoup v2[/re]: Per chance, did William Safire leave behind a speach just in case things go horribly horribly wrong …

    At first glance I thought it read “William Shatner.” Ok, everybody, elbows in, hands out with palms up, and in your best Capt. Kirk “Khan!” voice, “Moooonnnn!!”

  • S.Luggo

    Meanwhile John Cornyn and Kay Bailey Munchison have told Barry that NASA is underfunded to the tune of 3 billion, all of which Texas should get to protect Houston NASA from Mexicans and wild coyotes.

  • AnSnarkist

    [re=427748]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: Rush Limbaugh couldn’t jump for a Klondike Bar, let alone joy.

  • Jukesgrrl

    [re=427676]HoboNutz[/re]: “… AFTER we bomb the moon …” we get this REALLY long straw …

  • Come here a minute

    I’d like to visit the moon, but I don’t think I’d like to live there.

  • Accordion-o-rama

    [re=427696]rmontcal[/re]: In the bullet’s own inertial frame of reference!

  • drrty martini

    So this is how the Chinese Moon Wars started.

  • Moritzburg

    nbawriter This, for me, constitutes TOTAL WIN for this thread. Bless you.

  • Uncle Glenny

    [re=427821]S.Luggo[/re]: SOCIALISM!

    What are they thinking? They way they want to teach science down there, in a few years all the NASA employees will have to be imported.

  • loupgarou

    Declaring war against the moon would be a win-win. Conservatives would be thrilled to get a war despite having that peace-loving SOB Obama in the White House; lefties would dig the low cost.

  • rag

    We’re earthlings,
    let’s blow up earth things!

  • DrThunderer

    I’m flipping you off as hard as I can.

  • Jim89048

    If it rids the world of the Washington Times, I’m all for it.

  • jagorev

    To quote Michelle Obama – for the first time in my adult life, I am proud of my country today

  • johnnypantalones

    Look out moon,
    America’s gonna git ya,
    Gonna go kaboom,
    Say nice to have met ya,
    Cuz you don’t mess around….with God’s Amurricaaaaa….

  • Oldskool

    This is long overdue. It’s been following us around for eons. Bastard.

  • Neilist

    [re=427709]Gorillionaire[/re]: But what caliber was the gun? That’s what I want to know.

  • Neilist

    [re=427808]bago[/re]: Orbital velocity is around 18,000 mph. Escape velocity is around 25,000 miles per hour. And the speed of “bullets” ranges from around 400 feet per second (pistol) to 3,000 feet per second. Any faster and the air friction would be a problem.

    Gesh. I hate when liberals try to be “scientific” and stuff.

  • shadryn

    Cheney owns a water company now?

  • LowerdPeninsula

    Why stop at the moon. I say we fly a giant-assed match right into Jupiter and light that fucker up, Sun style, so when the sun runs out, we’ll have a reserve sun. And, when that one flames out, we’ll light up Saturn and use its icy rings for water. And, while we’re at it, let’s use Mercury as target practice for our deep-space hellfire nuclear missles.

  • LowerdPeninsula

    [re=428329]Neilist[/re]: If you’re not a liberal, what in the hell are you?

  • Scooter

    So they’re gonna blow up the studio out by El Paso where the NASA moon walks were filmed? That is like so last millenium.

  • whiskey tango foxtrot

    No no, see, they’re going to ‘shoot the moon’. Big fans of Tom Waits, they are, over there at NASA. Or Norah Jones, also.

  • Atomland

    Little known historical fact: in 1957, Edward Teller, inventor of the hydrogen bomb, chaired a committee that proposed, among other things, that an appropriate response to Sputnik would be to launch a nuclear bomb at the moon. Quoth the report: “Within 2 or 3 years with a crash program, it would be possible to develop a light weight atomic bomb which could be exploded on the moon and would give useful data about the composition of the moon’s surface.” So, it could be worse!

  • Ditzle

    what the hell, what if they knock something loose and it counter attacks?

  • skyounkin

    ::secretly hopes that a huge chunk of moon breaks off and plummets to the earth, crushing all the republicans and blue dogs in congress::

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