THE NEW SARAH PALIN  5:16 pm October 5, 2009

Michael Steele Says A Thing Again! This One’s About Loving An ACORN

by Juli Weiner

Michael Steele! It has been a full forty-five minutes since he has last tempted John Boehner to actually murder him. Things are quiet… too quiet. Back on The Streets when things were too quiet, this meant that one of the Street People had to make a move. You can bet your Boston Terrier that Michael Steele has internalized the Street Lessons. John Boehner would be a FOOL if for one second he really believed that Michael Steele considered the GOP’s threats to be hip OR hop, ho ho ho! Manifestly, that sort of arrogance would get him GUN-KILLED back on the Streets! Michael Steele’s hatred of John Boehner is literally the only possible explanation for Steele’s latest thing: publicly announcing how much he loves ACORN’s leader, despite, of course, despising the work that she does and everything she stands for.

Michael Steele, ladies and gentleman:

“Now, I’m not a big fan of ACORN for a whole lot of reasons because of my own dealings with some of their folks over the years,” he continued. “But I do respect that it has a history of working the community and helping the poor. That unfortunately has been tainted in such a way that it now casts doubt on the entire organization.” [...]

But three days later, in his statement calling on Democrats to investigate the group, Steele seemed to have made up his mind about the group’s future. ACORN, he said, “should never be allowed near another voter registration effort again.”

RNC spokeswoman Gail Gitcho denied any disconnect between Steele’s statements and his remarks in Arkansas.

“Chairman Steele has been consistent in his profound disappointment with ACORN and believes that until ACORN eliminates their deep and undeniable corruption, the organization shouldn’t be allowed near a ballot box or voter registration effort,” she said in an e-mail to CNN.

Sort of like how the GOP respects Michael Steele, but doesn’t think he should be allowed near… anything…

[CNN Political Ticker]

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AbstinenceOnly Ed October 5, 2009 at 5:20 pm

That’s not an ACORN it’s POOP!

Crank Tango October 5, 2009 at 5:20 pm

Is it just me, or is Michael Steele not “street” enough for fucking Sesame Street?

AbstinenceOnly Ed October 5, 2009 at 5:22 pm


MLHencken October 5, 2009 at 5:22 pm

More posts about Michael Steele, please.

Way Cool Larry October 5, 2009 at 5:25 pm

at least this is better than reading about Sullivan coming for 12 hours

HopeyDope October 5, 2009 at 5:25 pm

Michael Steele is the Bizzaro version of Obama.

Enturbulate October 5, 2009 at 5:26 pm

More Poop-Sex AcrOn/Fisting, please.

stew October 5, 2009 at 5:28 pm

How about this new, republican meme: The Bible is too damned, uh, I mean darned liberal!

Canada is looking better every day.

grevillea October 5, 2009 at 5:28 pm

No more electoral taint!

SayItWithWookies October 5, 2009 at 5:30 pm

For a black Republican hip-hopper who’s 51 years old, Michael Steele isn’t any more confused than I’d expect him to be. I mean, sometimes you have to take both sides of an issue to articulate the GOP position: one side for their professed principles and the other side for their actions.

chascates October 5, 2009 at 5:31 pm

The RNC needs a more credible black spokesman, maybe Mr. T.

[re=427210]stew[/re]: The word Pharisees has been replaced with intellectuals. And the project is removing government from the text. Not sure how they’ll work in Jesus owning guns but I have faith.

memzilla October 5, 2009 at 5:31 pm

I never realized what a fountain of fun the Anagrams of “Michael Steele” are:

Else The Malice
Elite Scam Heel
Ethical Melees

As for who else shouldn’t be allowed near a ballot box or voter registration effort, that would be Waffentwerpenführer Steele’s own Failenpartei.

V572625694 October 5, 2009 at 5:31 pm

[re=427207]Way Cool Larry[/re]: Pretty sure Sully’s paying a bounty on hits from Wonkette. Can’t explain the Steele fascination, though.

MLHencken October 5, 2009 at 5:32 pm


V572625694 October 5, 2009 at 5:33 pm

[re=427210]stew[/re]: That’s a joke, right?

The earliest, most authentic manuscripts lack this verse set forth at Luke 23:34:[7]

Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”

Is this a liberal corruption of the original? This does not appear in any other Gospel, and the simple fact is that some of the persecutors of Jesus did know what they were doing. This quotation is a favorite of liberals but should not appear in a conservative Bible.

clientnumber8 October 5, 2009 at 5:34 pm

[re=427202]AbstinenceOnly Ed[/re]: I’m highly disappointed that I haven’t seen any coverage of Obama’s pedophilia & fisting czar, Kevin Jennings. (google “Fistgate” or check out RegularFolksUnited dot com).

stew October 5, 2009 at 5:34 pm

[re=427215]chascates[/re]: Not surprised if “Satan” is replaced with…oh, take a wild guess! Hint: begins with “O” and ends with “bama”.

President Beeblebrox October 5, 2009 at 5:40 pm


Extemporanus October 5, 2009 at 5:40 pm

AbstinenceOnly Ed[/re]: He stuck ACORN kernel in his POOP, and called it macaroni!

crookedE October 5, 2009 at 5:41 pm
Sweet Baby Cheeses October 5, 2009 at 5:45 pm

Wonkett is all politics, from poop to nuts!

Seems all kindsa nuts are funny to you Wonkett–ACORNs, pistachios, trucknutz, teabag nuts, etc.

President Beeblebrox October 5, 2009 at 5:45 pm

[re=427219]V572625694[/re]: Putting aside the fact that the Bible is full of mistranslations, Luke 23:34 appears in the King James Version, which many fundies like to claim is TEH ORIGINAL AND ONLIEST TRANSLATION EVAR!!!!!1 So unless King James I was a liberal pantywaist, they’re full of shit, as always.

Crank Tango October 5, 2009 at 5:46 pm

[re=427229]crookedE[/re]: LOL so that’s where I got that from!

Sweet Baby Cheeses October 5, 2009 at 5:47 pm

[re=427225]Extemporanus[/re]: you said it better than me–I was trying to work the CornNuts angle…

qwerty42 October 5, 2009 at 5:48 pm

[re=427224]President Beeblebrox[/re]: re: teh ALLCAPS: geeze, she got kinda shouty in a few places didn’t she?

doxastic October 5, 2009 at 5:49 pm
Sharkey October 5, 2009 at 5:49 pm

[re=427220]clientnumber8[/re]: How ’bout you go fist yourself instead?

AbstinenceOnly Ed October 5, 2009 at 5:51 pm

[re=427220]clientnumber8[/re]: That is not a real thing, is why. See, wingtards build these nifty opponents, called straw men, and then they attack them, and the straw men don’t fight back, because they’re made of straw, right? And then usually the wingtards, in a fit of repressed-homoerotic rage, generally end up impaling themselves, so we all win. Except for the “regular folks,” whom I advise to go fist themselves, vigorously.

AbstinenceOnly Ed October 5, 2009 at 5:52 pm

[re=427225]Extemporanus[/re]: These jokes fist themselves.

AbstinenceOnly Ed October 5, 2009 at 5:52 pm

[re=427248]Sharkey[/re]: Ahem ahem, amen. ‘Ey, men?

President Beeblebrox October 5, 2009 at 5:57 pm

[re=427220]clientnumber8[/re]: Obvious linkwhoring is obvious. Besides, we already knew the Obamas were into fisting.

Sharkey October 5, 2009 at 5:59 pm

[re=427255]AbstinenceOnly Ed[/re]: Indeed.

Sharkey October 5, 2009 at 6:01 pm

[re=427255]AbstinenceOnly Ed[/re]: Hey wait a minute, you started this whole fisting thing! Uhhh, so confused…

AbstinenceOnly Ed October 5, 2009 at 6:01 pm

[re=427261]President Beeblebrox[/re]: IT’S TERRORIST FIST JAB YOU COMMY. And also, that’s clientnumber “backwards B,” not 8. Ahh, the trolls of cocktober. Banned from the YouTube comment sections, they worm their way to the Wonkett.

President Beeblebrox October 5, 2009 at 6:08 pm

[re=427242]qwerty42[/re]: She also attracts weirdos like shit attracts flies:

I looked up and immediately recognized an individual entering and approaching the serving counter, due to his well know [sic] TV displayed distinguishing features: his trim upper lip mustache, not large of stature and general olive complexion.

AbstinenceOnly Ed October 5, 2009 at 6:08 pm

[re=427265]Sharkey[/re]: Hey, all I did was appropriate someone’s observation that Sully was fisting a tree. Mr. Wingtard decided to appropriate my re-fist for himself, and the fist-cycle continued. So don’t tar me with that ACORN POOP! I’m a pacifister.

El Pinche October 5, 2009 at 6:15 pm

Well if it’s going to be a Michael Steele party, then im going to stick my dick in the mashed potatoes:

ttommyunger October 5, 2009 at 6:17 pm

Oh, Michael, you SO CRAZY!

El Pinche October 5, 2009 at 6:25 pm

[re=427273]AbstinenceOnly Ed[/re]: I say we all go fist [re=427220]clientnumber8[/re] with Kevlar oven mitts. He’ll anal leaking shitballs the size of acorns.

El Pinche October 5, 2009 at 6:27 pm

[re=427290]El Pinche[/re]: He’ll be leaking…, that is.

zhubajie October 5, 2009 at 6:33 pm

[re=427238]President Beeblebrox[/re]: Actually, King James VI of Scotland WAS a liberal pantywaist. Queer as a 3 dollar bill, too.

Crank Tango October 5, 2009 at 6:39 pm

[re=427290]El Pinche[/re]: today, we are all fisting [re=427220]clientnumber8[/re] but i am gonna wear my “michael steele”-wool mittens!

AbstinenceOnly Ed October 5, 2009 at 6:55 pm

[re=427297]Crank Tango[/re]: joke’s on you, clientnumber”backwardsB” is none other than the Oak-fister Andrew “Quagmire” Sullivan himself! And he can go all night long, and into breakfast.

Tommmcatt October 5, 2009 at 7:00 pm

Where are they gonna fire this guy? There must be another African-American Republican somewhere.

AbstinenceOnly Ed October 5, 2009 at 7:06 pm

[re=427310]Tommmcatt[/re]: JC Watts & Alan Keyes just got gayblackmarried, so I guess that means they’re out! And I must say, FINALLY, sistaz!!!!

Darkness October 5, 2009 at 7:25 pm

Chairman Steele has been consistent in his profound disappointment with Blackwater and believes that until Blackwater eliminates their deep and undeniable corruption, the organization shouldn’t be allowed near our armed forces or country rebuilding effort,”

Consistency would be really really welcome. Hypocritical fuckers.

hobospacejunkie October 5, 2009 at 7:36 pm

The more time republicans fritter away wagging their fingers at the misdeeds of ACORN the less energy they have to fuck up really important things. Not that ACORN doesn’t do important work, but these days there are bigger fish to fry, like the salmon of health care & the tilapia of global warming.

NYNYNY October 5, 2009 at 8:08 pm

You’re pranging out,
I see through you,
This voice is talking to me,
This aint even funny
I see through you,
I’m about to do something stupid.

Jukesgrrl October 5, 2009 at 8:39 pm

[re=427295]zhubajie[/re]: Did you party last week? Parades, fireworks??

dijetlo October 5, 2009 at 8:42 pm

The oddest part is they think the bible is the immutable word of God, every syllable to be taken literally.
‘Course, that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t edit it to suit their current political beliefs…

PoignancySelz October 5, 2009 at 9:37 pm

[re=427210]stew[/re]: before you leave the home of the brave, you know they have a failed health care system right? I ain’t far behind.

S.Luggo October 5, 2009 at 11:31 pm

No acorns will fit into the Big Tent,
Nor napppy-haired, field-hand Negroes.
— Michael “Taking It To The Street” Steele

I should apologize. The question is, to whom?

Johnny Zhivago October 5, 2009 at 11:56 pm

You know what the most awesome thing about Michael Steele is?

He loves dogs!

Smoke Filled Roommate October 6, 2009 at 12:51 am

“Pronunciation from the administration in the situation” Yeah! Hip Hop, Beeotch!
Although he didn’t say ‘perpetrator’.

Street cred gone.

LowerdPeninsula October 6, 2009 at 3:39 am

I laugh hysterically every time I see that picture of him an his dog. He looks like an SNL parody of a Bond villain.

I said it before, but Steele is either laughing all of the way to the bank (i.e. willing to be a clown for the money), or he’s crying himself shitless every night before he goes to bed in recognition of how shameless and silly he is. Actually, there is one other possibility: he’s really that oblivious as to how he’s viewed…

Sacré bleu! Michael Steele is Michael Scott!

I’m beginning to think that the Republican Party is just some GOP Fight Club, and that the whole ‘political’ wing of things is just a racket to fund their underground fights.

gurukalehuru October 6, 2009 at 3:51 am

[re=427241]Sweet Baby Cheeses[/re]: Chk Grssly is Captain CornNUTZ.

Darkness October 6, 2009 at 10:10 am

[re=427339]dijetlo[/re]: If I were dictator things would be different. I’m sorry, you are not allowed worship the literal word of this God unless you test at 90% proficient at Aramaic, Hebrew and Ancient Greek. As in, you can actually read it in order to obsessively follow it. No? Sorry then. Oh, the Church of Dale Earnhardt’s Ghost is accepting new members down the street . . . try there.

AbstinenceOnly Ed October 6, 2009 at 1:33 pm

[re=427327]hobospacejunkie[/re]: and the orca that is overfishing

Snarkalicious October 6, 2009 at 2:20 pm

[re=427306]AbstinenceOnly Ed[/re]: And I’ve got the poached eggs to prove it.

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