Okay, for the future: you should know that your editor has an English degree, and the only way he will ever use this in life is by quoting semi-famous lines from novels to see if anyone “gets” them, like a douche. “Look at this tangle of thorns.” We received zero Lolita-themed Blingees which is too bad, because that person would have automatically won. But back to the horror show: Congratulations to winner , for this awesome mutant thing with its dancing penis banana trimming. You win an “iPhone,” Jennifer! It’s a telephone, but it can do other stuff too! Runners-up after the jump.
From top to bottom, the half-winners: Michael R., vinniesaltine, Seth R., mayhemily, Courtney F., and rayuvlite. Half-congratulations, guys — You each win a bucket of herpes from Intern Riley!
(Oh and thank you especially to Editor Juli Weiner, who actually went through the hundreds of submissions and chose the winners — you know, “did all the work.” Blame her!)
{ 146 comments }
The winner won by exhibiting the most winning “good taste.” Very nice! Palinesque, almost!
Something about the last one’s dripping love gun and unstoppable stream of Walnuts’s heads makes it my fave.
Oh man oh man, my English degree having ass totally missed the Lolita reference! I will now die of shame. But hey, I did win that bucket of herpes from Intern Riley, which is about a million times better than, say, a high five from Sarah Palin (which would contain an actual two full buckets of lipstick wearing herpes). Yay!
Who says Americans can’t work hard any more? Great work, everyone.
[re=426048]Judas Peckerwood[/re]: I agree. Also.
hahahaha…Wonkette keeping me sane.
Yeah, the happy banana penis protesters makes it the winner for me.
Shit, a bucket of herpes is even better than an iPhone!
Hmmmm. I guess the blingee game is going to have to be stepped up now that people are photoshopping the original before using blingee. Well played, Jennifer. You must have WAY less to do at work than i do.
I love them all so much. The wolves going at Palin’s head and neck and ALSO, Walnuts, are fantastic. iPhones for everyone!
[re=426048]Judas Peckerwood[/re]: Yeah, has a subtle je ne sais quoi – oh -that’s why it didn’t win.
[re=426054]Cape Clod[/re]: Agreed. who could beat that?
[re=426056]Gopherit[/re]: It does seem unfair – perhaps there should be two catagories??
Congrats, folks. Today has just been too Palin-saturated. Fortunately I’m playing Scrabble tonight, an activity unheard of in Governor Facebook’s household.
SHE’S A LIZARD PERSON?
Congrats people. I will link to mine anyhoo:
http://blingee.com/blingee/view/99907332-I-m-so-special-?offset=0&owner=Iranamarathon
I AM NOT WORTHY OF YOU PEOPLE.
i like the last one most. mmmm herp buckets…..
[re=426048]Judas Peckerwood[/re]: I concur, gaudy yet tasteful.
Sarah’s crotch doubles as a machine gun?! Is that her foreign policy?
Yes, that’s definitely the winner for the ‘Rogue’ reference. And who could say no to penis? Well done!
Congrats folks! Soooo HOTTTT!
I’m posting mine just because I’m feeling very proud of the fact that I figured out how to make a blingee …
http://blingee.com/blingee/get_codes/99920283-Sarah-Going-Rogue
All of this talent used on Palin Blingess. (Sighs.) Pity it couldn’t have been used for evil instead of good.
[re=426064]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Ah, I too made use of the tasteful turquoise thrust arrow. And yes, it does look as dirty as it sounds.
[re=426056]Gopherit[/re]: Here’s my blingee. I think I incorporated the same contrasting themes as you did, but yours was much more impressive.
Here’s [a href="http://blingee.com/blingee/view/99909794"]mine[/a].
Yeah, I’m just a piece of shit, but here:
http://blingee.com/blingee/view/99912063-palin-reagan
It has a aphextwin vibe to it with the reagan face and all.
WOW! I am so blown away by the blingee thingees. I wish I could do such fancy dancy stuff.
We received zero Lolita-themed Blingees which is too bad…
Hey, I did two “Lolita-based posts” recently and nobody even said Ha ha funny one shadowMark. I thought the Polanski business put off people about Nabokov. This morning hobospacejunkie was talking about Polanski the way Palin talked about Letterman. That kind of talk apparently scared away the Lolita Blingees. As nubile-icious as they would have been.
[re=426075]CaiteeCruelle[/re]: Hyperlink fail. Whatever.
yeah, that’s a rogue all right, six ways from sunday. i’d know one anywhere.
i’m looking forward to when the glow-in-the-dark caribou barbies hit the market. in time for christmas, i hope. i want one for my dashboard, to match the truknutz hanging from my rear bumper (tho i drives me a metro, it looks butch with them danglin nutz).
Is it wrong to masturbate to the winning blingee? Will Jesus hate me?
[re=426079]CaiteeCruelle[/re]: It’s deep.
It says ,” I want to be princess (POTUS) but the cock keeps trying to get in my mouth (PORN). ”
The winner blingee is so Michael Bay. Yours is Jim Jarmusch.
The penis bananas belong in the MOMA, that’s it.
[re=426079]CaiteeCruelle[/re]: You did everything right except you used erect brackets instead of broken brackets. Broken brackets are the less-than symbol and the greater-than symbol. Just replace the erect brackets you used with broken-brackets and your html works:
Here’s CaiteeCruelle’s
[re=426079]CaiteeCruelle[/re]: I still like the ramming arrow. When will she open her goddamned mouth?!
jennifer f. = Jesus
I haven’t seen her long form birth certificate, but the dancing girls in first runner up may indeed qualify it as a Lolita themed Blingee. Also, don’t you remember the part where Humbert is pursued by a mob boss with the head of a giant cat? Am I thinking of the right book?
Penis.
I don’t even like the winner– the last is much better in my book. The never ending Walnuts head is just too awesome for words.
Damn, so I didn’t get my blingee of Palin as a noble-winged seraph submitted in time?
Wow, I am so out of my league! Oddly enough, however, I do feel like I had a more productive Friday afternoon than I have had in months. Now, off to drink beer.
http://blingee.com/blingee/view/99906121-American-Girl
Sarah ain’t Lolita. More of a Charlotte.
Mine is the last one out of the half winners. I was going for a more subtle approach than many of my blingee colleagues. I really wanted to capture her essence, and when I think Sarah Palin, I think subtle dripping love gun and flaming Alsos.
[re=426081]El Pinche[/re]: He already does!
[re=426086]El Pinche[/re]: And the hat thingie is saying, “I want to be a candy-striper!” She yearns, people!!
PS. Reagan Palin is AWESOME.
[re=426064]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Double irony.
Click the clicky and scroll down to the right.
http://blingee.com/blingee/view/99909649-I-d-still-hit-that-?offset=1&owner=czn939
[re=426109]GreatOldOnesParty[/re]: dammit, the ad switched!
It was a SarahPAC ad.
The winning Blingee is actually amazing. Jesus Christ, Jennifer.
Excellent, Jennifer! And congrats to the runners-up, all of whose efforts were masterpieces compared to my amateurish contribution. Sigh.
Hey, no fair, this was a Blingee contest, not a Photoshop-and-Blingee contest. Sour grapes, etc.
Still, had I known Photoshoppery would not get me disqualified, I might have given our girl a beautiful, glistening cock. Or maybe a pullet. I don’t know, maybe both.
Good stuff, all!
Now that I think about it… I don’t even want to know what an “iPhone” does.
The publisher should use all of the different covers on separate runs of Palin’s book. That way all true Conservatives (and fundamentalist, anti-choice retarded baby fans) would just have to buy them all. It would very likely mean five or six times the total sales!
An “iPhone” is nice, Jim, but why not go all the way and give a “new Pontiac” to our deserving winner, Jennifer F.? In fact, just go full Oprah, and give every.one.a.new.car!!!11!
That’s the closest Michael Jackson’s ever been to a vagina.
Nicely done jennifer f. and all the other blingers.
[re=426124]Potater[/re]: Has Icke’s identified MJ, like Obama, as reptile-spawned? Otherwise he’s been a bit closer to at least one vag. But I split hairs.
[re=426109]GreatOldOnesParty[/re]: My mind is officially blown by that. Thank you for making Friday so special.
Wow. I am in AWE, you people. Blingees are really HARD! And I’m with GreatOldOnesParty: I don’t wanna know what an “iPhone” does.
Bless y’all — have a great weekend.
[re=426075]CaiteeCruelle[/re]: very nice indeed. I wanted to incorporate lightning, too, but couldn’t find a way to do it. It worked well with yours. And the hearts coming from hellfire? Well done.
[re=426118]Godless Liberal[/re]: no sour grapes here. Next time, though….well, I’ll still lose. My ‘shopping skills need polishing.
[re=426131]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Blingee is a relatively untapped medium for snark. So many wonderful creations.
Very happy with the “Also” in flames! Also!
Your forgot to mention that everybody should send money to the Alaska Fund Trust so that we can keep our favorite Alaskan out of jail. She won’t be funny if she goes to jail, jail does things to you. http://www.thealaskafundtrust.com/
Fuck me!
http://blingee.com/blingee/view/99907694-St-Sarah-protect-us-
You’re laughing now but if she ever gets to the Oval Office we’ll all be forced to have ‘tard babies, adopt a member of the armed forces who keep us safe, and praise Jesus publicly.
But the chances of her being anything other than a guest on Fox negates those horrors.
I am laughing so heartily, my eyes are bleeding. You will pay for this.
All very artistic, especially given the creative aridity of the subject — but something about a davening Crucifixion hints so splendidly at the dark side.
Chin up, Mr. Newell! I have an English degree, and from an engineering school, no less, and I’ve been gainfully unemployed for going on 10 years. Illiteracy is overrated. Be proud!
[re=426057]ericblair[/re]: A Blingee that has a rabid looking wolf chomping on Sarah’s head (or at least on the red, white and blue bow in her hair) deserves a full bucket.
[re=426078]shadowMark[/re]: Oh, so now it’s my fault no one did a Lolita-themed blingee! Yeah, that’s totally fair.
Just the word PENIS dancing is enough for me…
Now, that ‘PENIS’ is a word, so innocent, that will ruin an intimate moment…
And, has PENIS ever even shown up anywhere in Penthouse Forums? Hmmm?
And not even a Clinton jok…, damn!
Oh, so photoshop is allowed. Duly noted for next contest. Biotches!
I thought it was supposed to be straight Blingee. Not reverse cowgirl Photoshop Blingee.
[re=426186]Darkness[/re]: Agreed.
[re=426172]hobospacejunkie[/re]: I thought you were a political science major. Or are you a lifelong student?
[re=426193]chascates[/re]: Nope, double engrish/communication major, grajiated 21 years ago. And dropped outta grad school (history) advanced degree-less 15 years ago. I’m only a perpetual student in the sense that I continue to read history books with footnotes rather than romance novels.
[re=426103]Jim89048[/re]: fapfapfapfap!.I just hated him back REAL HARD.
[re=426108]blinky_twinkie[/re]: Just getting ready for the full on Reaganifico Reaganorama that will go down in 2012 between Palin and what’s his Mormon face.
[re=426048]Judas Peckerwood[/re]: Revolution are won with the barrel of tampon, also.
CUNTZILLA
http://image.blingee.com/images17/content/output/000/000/000/5f4/504405784_120977.gif?4
Wish I could’ve blingee’d at work…
I made my first blingee too! That Sarah, always so INSPIRATIONAL!
Glitter Graphics
I think it’s funny how we all used a lot of the same blings.
OK, so a woman who never reads and can’t create a complete sentence “wrote” a book.
She’s sounding more presidential all the time.
Because the red staters are veeery suspicious of people who can spell and stuff.
Now all she has to do is buy a hat and move to Texas, and the White doublewide will be hers for the asking.
[re=426225]jesusbutter[/re]: link FAIL.
try try again
http://blingee.com/blingee/view/99924093-Jesus-Barbie-Loves-America?offset=0&owner=mary_rachel
Also, is that a “Cruella DeVille” white streak in her hair on the winning blingee?
NSFW: http://img188.imageshack.us/img188/5025/sarahtittie.gif
[re=426231]jojojo[/re]: that is a DD cup full of WIN.
[re=426227]jesusbutter[/re]: I salute your little red bumper sticker. I think that will be my theme for the next week.
[re=426231]jojojo[/re]: you win FOREVER
[re=426236]jesusbutter[/re]: Do Bristol next!
I just spent a good 10 minutes weeping with laughter at the winner. That is fucking inspired. Bravo!
[re=426228]jesusbutter[/re]: It’s cum.
Moose cum.
Doesn’t everything Rogue touch die? Yeah, that sounds about right for Sarah Palin.
Burning “ALSO” is the greatest.
In the late entry category, [re=426231]jojojo[/re] wins, end of discussion.
Thank you thank you thank you Wonkette and all you Wankers for existing!
[re=426231]jojojo[/re]: Do Bristol next!
Don’t know why I replied to jesusbutter other than haven’t started drinking yet.
Okay… this… this is funnier than the guy who tuned up Teddy Williams’ frozen head with a monkey wrench. This is Triggerific!
http://blingee.com/blingee/view/99934219-Putin-rears-his-head
If Lanny Davis sees this there is gonna be terrrr-rubble! And Denby? I don’t even wanna THINK about it.
Relax, Jim, your English-major cred is secure. Any schmuck can say, “Hmm, light of my life, love of my loins… overdone. Ooh, here’s a really obscure six-word phrase! That’s some Final Jeopardy right there!”
But only an English major would casually drop the phrase in an unrelated paragraph and EXPECT someone to go, “Ooh ooh ooh! Page 149 in that tedious Russian pedophile book! My plan: 1) Use Blingee to turn an adult woman into a pubescent jailbait tease; 2) Publically display my art under my own name; 3) Win a pocket tracking device that stores all my personal data and has a camera and microphone built in! Me FTW!”
Valedictorian, were you? Don’t be bashful, you earned it.
[re=426231]jojojo[/re]: Bloob ribbon!
[re=426231]jojojo[/re]: Nice work! Udderly disgusting, but nice work
Oh no, you all broke the Blingee website! Am I the only person who couldn’t get the site to work? I figured Wonkette drove up the traffic. I’m sad. I love making blingees. Maybe I’ll try now.
http://image.blingee.com/images17/content/output/000/000/000/5f3/503598556_307259.gif?4
kinda off topic, but that’s okay…
[re=426080]slappypaddy[/re]: Must see blingee of metro with trucknutz!
Mine is very late, I am sorry.
http://image.blingee.com/images17/content/output/000/000/000/5f4/504422920_212544.gif
Here is “Sarah’s Reward Blingee” – I really like that one:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/32527116@N06/3977030080/sizes/o/
“Blingee” is the sound my sputum makes when it ricochets off Sarah Palin’s forehead as she wears her tight fitting Rogue costume. So Hawt. Le Fap.
[re=426281]laziestgal[/re]: I too blame the Wonketteers. It went sloooooow in the last half hour of the contest. Lucky for you you weren’t trying to make ur blingee then.
Rogue? Maverick? What’s the diff? When Sarah walks into a room, spraying that P*ssy juice all over, the Pugs go NUTS! It’s the mating ritual of Neanderthal wart hogs.
Do any of you people realize that you can’t format animated GIFs to fit on the cover of a book?
Wonkett is full of teh stoopid.
Robot juice. Out.
[re=426228]jesusbutter[/re]: No! It’s not a Cruella DeVille streak! Am I the only loser here who’s read enough X-Men comics to know that Rogue’s body and hair was used in the winning blingee?!?!?!? It’s Rogue, bet it!?!?!? From the x-men… oh, well…
[re=426323]Sharkey[/re]: It’s like the new Twister fad: internet hippo clip art caption making.
Here’s internet hippo clip art.
Row 2, Column 3: “Because the Wonkette couldn’t afford to pay health insurance for everyone on its huge staff they fired their data processing manager, built a little paper basket, tied it to a helium balloon and put their former data processing expert in the basket and watched him float away taking along with him their hopes of ever understanding animated GIFs and aspect ratios and technical digital things like a hippopotamus floating away.”
Here is the “Diva Going Rogue” blingee:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/32527116@N06/3977632960/sizes/o/
And the “Million Dollar Smile” commemoration blingee:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/32527116@N06/3976781697/sizes/o/
[re=426326]BitterDwarf[/re]: thanks, the winning entry makes so much more sense now. Sorry, but I’m completely ignorant about comics, unless it’s Bloom County.
Belated blingee, not made under pressure of deadline, so everything that sucks about it is totally intentional.
http://image.blingee.com/images17/content/output/000/000/000/5f5/504826081_746667.gif?4
SHIT! Is it too late to enter?
I’ve been furiously masturbating to the Cumming Rogue: An American Bukkake book cover non-stop ever since Jim first announcced the contest, and I still haven’t been able to finiaaahhnnungghhhawwwenhhhgghuugaaa!…
[re=426348]Extemporanus[/re]: Well, uh, sorry about that.
As you might’ve guessed, I finally finished my Blingee. Check it out!</b
So messy!
[re=426243]chascates[/re]: Bristol’s been done
That’s the caption under her name in the Wasilla High School year book.
The dripping love gun is a nice touch, but why not throw subtlety to the wolves and do her up in Gene Simmons tongue and greasepaint? Oh, and shouldn’t Grampy be staring at her butt?
[re=426332]patrick12344[/re]: You win.
[re=426349]Extemporanus[/re]: It’s a bit monochromatic, but still very, uh – tasteful.
[re=426329]shadowMark[/re]:
And thus began the story of Moses. (Exodus 2:3-6:10)
So the question remains: How can one write a publishable autobigraphy in just four months?
Answer: Easy, if you fill the pages with crayon drawings.
In what respect, Blingee?
[re=426368]Click[/re]: The voluminous whitewashing can be chalked-up to an all-oyster diet, and a pragmatic desire to retain some level of commercial viability.
Speaking of which, when her book actually hits the shelves, I’m seriously considering surreptitiously replacing the real dust jacket with the subtly subversive Cumming Rogue: An American Bukkake pic.
Think “Project Mayhem”, but with fewer repressed homosexuality-fueled explosions.
[re=426379]Extemporanus[/re]: I totally agree with the cum “white culture” money motif. Minimalistic, yet punctuated with a metaphysical touch. It might have been late, but, hell, it’s the weekend, and I think it’s the winner. The other blingee-thingee entrants like to celebrate our 2nd amendment rights, and we need to do that while we can, But man, I’m all over that prison #. How the fuck is this bitch not in jail? mmmm, mmmmm, mmmm
I said it a year ago, this fraud could make Cheney look like the opposite of Skoalrebel.
Trig in ’44
FWIW, here’s my two: one and two.
[re=426323]Sharkey[/re]: I prefer ‘Blorp out.’ But that’s just me. Bleep blorp.
[re=426378]TheJerkStoreCalled[/re]: godamn poets.
[re=426379]Extemporanus[/re]: Sounds like a splendid idea.
Thought her vodka ad needed a skosh more detail.
http://img210.imageshack.us/img210/8047/33706380.jpg
Here is another one – Sarah, the blackberry bunny:
http://tinyurl.com/ybp8teo
Blingeeing is quite addictive…
Please have a look at our very own blingee-competition at palingates:
http://palingates.blogspot.com/2009/10/blingee-part-3.html
http://palingates.blogspot.com/2009/10/blingee-competition-part-2.html
http://palingates.blogspot.com/2009/10/blingee-competition.html
…and while you are there, don’t forget to look at the “babygate” posts!
http://palingates.blogspot.com/search/label/babygate
Look at all the other Sarah Palin blingees here:
http://palingates.blogspot.com/
[re=426414]patrick12344[/re]: Way OT – but in that blog’s photo comparison of sarah’s pregnancy status, the dog at the woman’s feet in the top photo explains that goofy look on her face – but what’s Sarah’s excuse???
[re=426416]Click[/re]: Those photos were taken many years before Sarah perfected her “Going Rogue” look. I believe she experimented with many other images before settling for that “Going Rogue” smile. In those early photos I think we’re seeing some of her early personas, perhaps one of these early Sarah Palin looks:
“Going Salami” look
“Going Roller Skating” look
“Going Grasshopper Watching” look
“Going To Make Hot Dogs” look
“Going To Look For Bristol” look
“Going Puddle Splashing” look
“Going Flatulent Under My Skirt” look
“Going Going Gone” look
“Going To Sleep With The Photographer” look
“Going To Fall Apart Soon,” look
Good choice for #1, gotta be seven figures for the film rights. Scarlett Johansson will get the lead role with a cameo by Aunt Peg as Cindy McCain.
Hence the title does describe her — Freudian slip or what? Spalin has used the word in the usual connotation to go after people in the past. So what’s the difference if she called it….
Going Simpleton
Going Fraudulent
Going Psychopathic
Going Quitter
Going to a Witch Exorcism
Going Blingee
Going to help Todd build a house
with a couple of buddies
Going to call my bro-in-law rogue
Going to threaten Left Wing Bloggers
Going to name “our” next kids Stonewall and
Lash (Out)
Going Rebel with love skoal on my face
Going Glanton
I didn’t enter and don’t know how to do blingee anyway, but I might have hired some kid to do it for me if I knew the iphone prize was real. I don’t want an iphone that much, but would have it engraved as being to me for being a wonkette SP blingee winner.
Wonkette iphone–now that would be special.
Sarah didn’t even know what “going rogue” meant until Todd came home from a night out with Levi and said they had “gone rogue.”
[re=426434]CaliforniaMike[/re]: More likely, Todd came home to find Sarah with Levi.
Trig really is hers, too. But Levi is the baby-father. Andrew Sullivan is half-right.
[re=426424]Georgia Burning: Aunt Peg as Cindy McCain[/re]
Wow, that’s an olde-skool throwback reference!! Spent many happy fappable moments with Aunt Peg in my youth. *sign*
She’s almost too hot to be lizard-lady; she’s gotta work on the robo-eyed, unblinking burning stare.
NSFW: http://www.auntpeg.com/images/TheBestOfAuntPeg.gif
Did anyone else include a RETARDED BABY??? I rest my case.
http://blingee.com/blingee/view/99908182-Rogue?offset=0&owner=zeptokitty&content=Glitter-Graphics
Perhaps you don’t remember this beautiful Charlton Heston Blingee… Penis.
http://blingee.com/blingee/view/88745728-fag?offset=3&owner=zeptokitty&content=Glitter-Graphics
I love Blingee way too much.
That eternal recurrence Walnuts one is Trip-E!
Impressive. Most impressive. Obama-wan has taught you well.
Like others here, I have to admit to limited ability with Blingee – but I would like to make a modest suggestion. Could Conservapedia use
blingee.com to illustrate this project?
http://swampland.blogs.time.com/2009/10/05/coming-soon-the-new-international-free-market-bible/?xid=rss-topstories
Once again, Wonketteers capture the tenor of the times.
Solid gold cased iPhones for all, I say!
[re=430382]Captain Swing[/re]: wonketteers are a group of low life ignoramuses who aren’t worthy to shine the shoes of Sarah Palin. I cannot understand why anyone would stoop so low as to demean a person they don’t even know. You idiots know nothing about her and what you think you know, you are incapable of understanding. Your language is filthy, your statements about her are absolutely asinine if you have nothing better than to sit around and condemn a person a thousand times mure successfulthanyorselves, how about looking into one of those Obama “stimulus “jobs….lots of luck in finding one of those
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