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EPIPHANIES

Todd Palin Realizes He Doesn’t Have To Do Blue Collar Work Anymore

As long as we’ve “known” Sarah Palin, she has been the family-having homeworker dinner-cooking hockey mom with a husband who performs manual labor outdoors, for money. But now neither of these descriptions bear any resemblance to reality, because Todd Palin has quit his job in the oil field. This is what we would call an “I’m rich biotch!” moment, because Todd Palin is now rich through his wife, as the advance and sales of her ghostwritten diarrhea pamphlet should sop up most/all of the remaining wealth in America. Meg, being funny: “Meghan Stapleton, Sarah Palin’s personal spokeswoman, says Todd Palin hopes to return to his union job and for now is spending time with his family.” False, and false. But good for Todd! This whole thing has been a real windfall for him, hmm? [AP]


4:29 PM on Fri October 2 2009
By Jim Newell
2112 Views

  1. V572625694 says at 4:34 pm, October 2nd, 2009

    He quit, but hopes to return to his “union” job? Sounds pretty fuckin scholiast to me. I thought all those rough and tough Alaska types didn’t need no stinkin organized labor.

  2. Anita Cocktail says at 4:34 pm, October 2nd, 2009

    Oh God, with him hanging around the house all day, she better not get pregnant again.

  3. shortsshortsshorts says at 4:34 pm, October 2nd, 2009

    I thought Trig was filing a preliminary injunction to seize their assets? WHAT IS UP WITH ALASKA RIGHT NOW?

  4. FlownOver says at 4:37 pm, October 2nd, 2009

    A fella can only listen to those John Phillips cassettes out in the oilfields for so long – then he’s gotta, y’know, TAKE ACTION!

  5. Johnny Zhivago says at 4:38 pm, October 2nd, 2009

    Wow they must be in the dough, or else they would say Todd was taking up Blogging…

  6. El Pinche says at 4:39 pm, October 2nd, 2009

    Todd ZzzzzzZzzzz. Does that guy actually talk or grunt?
    We need more Palin speeches. I’m hungry for retard.

  7. memzilla says at 4:39 pm, October 2nd, 2009

    What have we done to deserve these flat, flavorless, un-alt-texted images, Jim?

    Oh, and Todd? Please, feel free to eat a large bag of lightly salted poison cabybara dicks (yay Rio!).

  8. El Pinche says at 4:39 pm, October 2nd, 2009

    Anita Cocktail: We need more Trigs.

  9. rafflesinc says at 4:39 pm, October 2nd, 2009

    Anita Cocktail: “Oh God, with him hanging around the house all day, Bristol better not get pregnant again.”

    fixed

  10. magic titty says at 4:40 pm, October 2nd, 2009

    Everyone tries to fuck the star player on the HS basketball team hoping they’ll get rich one day. Todd’s no different.

  11. Monsieur Grumpe says at 4:40 pm, October 2nd, 2009

    Bad move Todd. When the publishers find out that Sarah hasn’t written friggin one word yet they’re going to want their money back.

  12. widestanceromancer says at 4:41 pm, October 2nd, 2009

    He didn’t quit, he just changed priorities.

  13. The Jackson Five says at 4:41 pm, October 2nd, 2009

    I wish I was Todd’s weed dealer now.

  14. Will work for shoes says at 4:45 pm, October 2nd, 2009

    The Jackson Five: I thought the almost mother-in-law is in jail.

  15. WestEdEd says at 4:45 pm, October 2nd, 2009

    Ya know, she probably made more money on this book deal than all of us will make all year, by tht i mean everyone who posts here. woot.

  16. Mahousu says at 4:49 pm, October 2nd, 2009

    Wait, if he’s quitting to “spend more time with his family,” then who’s the boy he was molesting?

  17. Will work for shoes says at 4:51 pm, October 2nd, 2009

    The Jackson Five: My first reply made more sense when your comment read, “I wonder who will be Todd’s weed dealer now.” I need new glasses.

  18. WadISay says at 4:52 pm, October 2nd, 2009

    Mahousu: Puh-leeze. He may be legitimately planning to watch Piper grow breasts.

  19. SayItWithWookies says at 4:53 pm, October 2nd, 2009

    He’s just quitting to manage her career, like he did when she was governor. He worries that she doesn’t spend enough time focused on petty vendettas and parochial interests without him around.

  20. germansteel says at 4:54 pm, October 2nd, 2009

    They’ll be broke in five years. The stupids always think the good days will last forever.

  21. Suds McKenzie says at 4:58 pm, October 2nd, 2009

    um, .. his union health care??

  22. Human-Animal Hybrid says at 5:00 pm, October 2nd, 2009

    Monsieur Grumpe:
    Yes, the publisher will be horrified to discover that her “book”, as she refers to it, consists of 400 single-spaced pages of “All work and no play makes Sarah a dull girl” repeatedly over and over à la “The Shining”.

  23. rafflesinc says at 5:01 pm, October 2nd, 2009

    “THAT Sarah Palin’s agents are seeking a beauty endorsement deal, pitching cosmetic companies to capitalize on her “lipstick on a pit bull” catchphrase.”

    As in “Going Rouge” get it? har har Andrew Cuomo.

    http://www.nypost.com/p/pagesix/we_hear_CsKBWQzGFrCNmJ7OtRARxJ

  24. Palin Squid says at 5:02 pm, October 2nd, 2009

    Sure, Sarah may bring home the bacon, but Todd pays his dues by putting on the moose antlers and giving her the business.

    “You betcha! You betcha!! YOU BETTTTTTTTTTCHA!!!!!”

  25. JadedDIssonance says at 5:03 pm, October 2nd, 2009
  26. George Oscar Bluth says at 5:05 pm, October 2nd, 2009

    I have to say, Todd Palin is my favorite Palin. I’ve always dreamed of becoming a kept man and it’s good to see at least someone have a dream like that come true.

  27. PlanetWingnuta says at 5:07 pm, October 2nd, 2009

    rafflesinc: Actually I was hoping for the Todd/Levi Sex tape to come out.

  28. V572625694 says at 5:09 pm, October 2nd, 2009

    Speaking of batshit crazy politicians from The Frozen North, what’s TPAW doing today?

  29. ChernobylSoup v2 says at 5:10 pm, October 2nd, 2009

    rafflesinc: Nice.

  30. Gopherit says at 5:11 pm, October 2nd, 2009

    Union???Fucking commie. No wonder Sarah wants to divorce him.

  31. Judas Peckerwood says at 5:12 pm, October 2nd, 2009

    Um, might I suggest the more traditional “beeyotch” in stead of “biotch”? I kept reading it as “biotech”.

    Thank you for your consideration.

  32. zhubajie says at 5:23 pm, October 2nd, 2009

    Todd is a union man? How does that go over with the Reptile Party?

  33. zhubajie says at 5:30 pm, October 2nd, 2009

    The Jackson Five: Maybe that’s his new job.

  34. lochnessmonster says at 5:45 pm, October 2nd, 2009

    Maybe he’s providing day care for the grand kid while the mamma continues her education? Or she don’t need no more learnin’ cuz her mamma done struck it rich speechifyin and writin those words ‘n stuff…

  35. Does our editor “know” Sarah Palin in the biblical sense?

  36. S.Luggo says at 6:03 pm, October 2nd, 2009

    Besides Todd being at home to taunt the wolves and take care of the youngin’ while someone is her book tour, Track is back from his year-long stay in rehab, I mean, his year-long stay in Iraquistan.
    http://www.motivationtruth.com/2009/09/god-is-good-track-palin-comes-home.html

    Can’t wait for the first screaming match between dad and number-one-son as they bicker over who gets the last hit off the crack pipe.

    Won’t the authoress be surprised when she comes home from her Rouge tour to discover that Track has blowed-up the family domecile in an attempt to restart his meth business.

  37. S.Luggo says at 6:05 pm, October 2nd, 2009

    Anita Cocktail: Could be Sit-Com gold. Think about it.

  38. BerkeleyFarm says at 6:21 pm, October 2nd, 2009

    Suds McKenzie: He’s a registered Native Alaskan, so he and the kids get free socialized health care.

  39. GreatOldOnesParty says at 6:25 pm, October 2nd, 2009

    Todd has a UNION job?
    Why do the Palin’s hate America?

  40. Uncle Joe says at 6:27 pm, October 2nd, 2009

    germansteel: And divorced.

  41. Oldskool says at 6:28 pm, October 2nd, 2009

    Can’t wait for “Sarah Plus Five”, or however many freedom-lovers make up her family. Especially whatever episode she beats him like a rented mule. Or vice versa.

  42. I hope the “First Dude” realizes how much he has Sarah over the old North Slope oil barrel: If he holds out in the area of publicity photography, they will lose a great deal of ground with the very paternalistic-oriented, Right Wing Fundamentalist, “Jesus-plus-zero” crowd that is her despicable base.

    Toddy can really ask his own price, if he has the wits. (Ha!)

  43. Oldskool: If he would even try to hit Sarah, half a dozen heavily-armed private contractors from “Xi” would suddenly appear and beat him within an inch of his life.

  44. Trigvhe from Texas says at 6:44 pm, October 2nd, 2009

    NOTE: This site functions independently of Sarah Palin, her family, and members of her staff, and they have not endorsed its contents.

  45. Advocatus_Diaboli says at 7:01 pm, October 2nd, 2009

    Todd stays home while Bible Spice goes out to hawk her turd sandwich.

    In unrelated news, Greta Van Susteren take’s an extended vacation in Alaska.

  46. Scandalabra says at 7:31 pm, October 2nd, 2009

    Here’s to our own dear “Sara”, and hopes that mommyhood is treating her well. My favorite three words ever strung together in the English language are still “dingbat snowbilly grifter”. This post just reminded me of that.

  47. lawrenceofthedesert says at 7:55 pm, October 2nd, 2009

    The family that quits together, fits together.

  48. chascates says at 8:52 pm, October 2nd, 2009

    Athar: This is what surprises me about her popularity with the Rapture-ready crowd. They don’t like dominant, independent women. The woman should walk 2 steps behind the man, who is her boss on earth just as Jesus is everyone’s boss up in the clouds.

    Not staying at home with the children (one of whom, rumor has it, is a ’special needs’ baby), being in the spotlight instead of pushing her husband into it, and not following through on commitments aren’t normal Fundie fodder.

  49. S.Luggo says at 9:41 pm, October 2nd, 2009

    BerkeleyFarm:
    Yeah, but The Todd really, really is annoyed about the free eye care part of his tax-payer subsidized health plan.
    A. No amber-tinted, bifocal contacts … within 15 days.
    B. No friggin’ replacement snowbilly googles.
    C. No eyelash extensions.

    That’s the oppressive hand of Big Government for yah. You go, Todd.

  50. LowerdPeninsula says at 2:36 am, October 3rd, 2009

    Why would Shmegs Stapleton even stick “union” in her release? Hell, Democrats up here in Michigan are sometimes wary of bragging about their union jobs, and this is in a state where the UAW is practically one of the two major parties (The other being the Republicans, with the Democrats being the UAW’s political wing. lol).

  51. anothercountryheardfrom says at 8:34 am, October 3rd, 2009

    One day it will be every child’s dream to grow up and marry someone who is a drag on a losing ticket, also.

  52. Darkness says at 11:28 am, October 3rd, 2009

    George Oscar Bluth: McCain and Friedman aren’t sufficient gigolo husband already in your face every day?

  53. Can O Whoopass says at 11:29 am, October 3rd, 2009

    Todd quit his union job as a Walmart greeter?

  54. Jim89048 says at 11:45 am, October 3rd, 2009

    Alaska has done nothing but cost US America money ever since we were duped into buying it from Russia so long ago. Now the Snowbilly has parlayed her utter incompetence into payments in excess of what we gave the Russkis for it originally. Maybe she should buy Alaska and give Todd some kind of job doing something and pay him in ruples or whore diamonds or something.

  55. Go Figure says at 7:58 pm, October 3rd, 2009

    Quitters x 2!

    I have questions!

    • Why does Sarah need a spokesperson, she’s not the Guvnah anymore & Piper is raising the baby Trig.

    • Does Todd realize this would mean more time spent with Sarah???

    • Maybe Todd is going into full time “snow machine racing”?
    Because nothing says love of nature more than burning gas, scaring away wildlife, & tearing up the arctic.

    • Who the hell is going to buy Palin’s book? Will it have one of those 3 D thingies that when you change the angle it looks like it is moving- with Winking action????

    • Someone else should publish a Plain booper book…. bet it would sell more than whatever they paid someone else to write for her– either that or it will be full of blank pages- with a chapter titled Sarah’s deep thoughts.

  56. Flanders says at 11:09 pm, October 3rd, 2009

    rafflesinc: Win of the week! Both of you!

  57. chascates: Yep Sarah need the Toddster at least as much as he needs her new mega-bucks. One can hardly blame him if he sells out cheap though, with dawn temperatures already hovering around minus ten or twenty up on the North Slope, demeaning yourself in front of T.V. cameras in a nice, warm studio must look damn good!

  58. DustBowlBlues says at 6:41 pm, October 4th, 2009

    V572625694: I found it confusing how schizo the Repubs are, when they brag about him being “a proud member of Steelworker’s Local ###” in one breath then call for the elimination of all labor unions in the next forty million breaths. I really wish the Steelworker’s would tell us all what they really think of this dickwad.

    Except–didn’t he go back to/start fishing after she lost? What’s next? We’re going to find out he was also a logger?

  59. DustBowlBlues says at 7:06 pm, October 4th, 2009

    chascates: “Not staying at home with the children (one of whom, rumor has it, is a ’special needs’ baby), being in the spotlight instead of pushing her husband into it, and not following through on commitments aren’t normal Fundie fodder.”

    Get with the winger game plan: Those are the rules for Democrats. Hags like Phylis Schafly and Libby Dole aren’t held to this standard. It’s like marital fidelity: only Ds are held to that standard.

  60. villageatrois says at 12:52 am, October 6th, 2009

    D’ye suppose the ongoing Palins Reality Show is being scripted by Joel and Ethan Coen? They have five children, their wedding ring is at the bottom of a lake. they’ve been involved with the Governorship of a State. Not saying a thing about the Soggy Bottom Boys they seem to attract.

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