Wonkette
Harried Money Emperor Ben Bernanke testified in Congress again today about upcoming financial regulation measures and apparently pleased the Socialists by saying that increased transparency won’t do the trick — you have to straight-up ban certain financial instruments, starting with, say, the ones where lenders throw trillions of dollars of credit at random hobos without so much as even asking their names. Rep. Michele Bachmann was awarded some valuable questioning time during this taxpayer-funded government meeting, and got right to the heart of the matter: what are you going to do about ACORN, and is there going to be a New Global Currency that we’ll have to use by like tomorrow? Barney Frank and Ben Bernanke take these questions very seriously. [HuffPo, YouTube]
Heartbreaking how seriously she takes herself.
Why doesn’t she just ask about the scary black people flying black helicopters over her house and get it over with?
she’s squirrelly or she’s nuts, but either one explains the fixation with acorns. (and pigs like acorns. also.)
Wow and it took her only 3 seconds. Imagine what an end time conspiracy/ACORN scandal she could have put together with a whole minute. Michelle Bachmann, the J.K. Rowling of the Congressional Record.
Chainlink fence earrings. I know what the women in my world are getting for Christmas!
That pronounced of a whiney nasal tone comes from years of having a large cock crammed against one’s soft palate a good portion of one’s life.
In a perfect world, Bernanke would have given Bachmann a glacial stare and followed it, “I have no idea what you’re babbling out. I lost consciousness as soon as your mike went live.” And then Barney Frank would have instructed a page to go over to Bachmann and dopeslap her with a brick.
I likes her in her bukake goggles.
Click: Hey! My mom sounds just like that…whoops!
Where’s the picture of the New World Currency that ACORN’s printing up? Is this what the Black People are going to use to buy houses? Or to buy black helicopters? I’m so confused.
RoscoePColtraine: No, silly, those are DNA strands. Which in many ways is weirder.
DIdn’t she play Hot Teacher 1 in Minnesota She-Vixens?
Click: That didn’t come out right at all.
slappypaddy: An oak tree fell on her head a few years back, which explains (1) her apparent head injury and (2) her hatred of acorns. Also, she looks like an insane squirrel.
I thought ACORN only provided counseling in regards to obtaining tree housing loans.
Also, can we just start calling her “Acorn”, for short? Because she is totally nuts!
Ahhhahaha! Ha ha. Ha. Uh…heh?
The new global currency is Acorns. Effective immediately, the Federal Reserve will only settle debts using nuts and twigs. Also effective immediately, walnuts, acorns and pine cones are legal tender and all squirrels are federal agents.
Like the three runners at the bottom of the screen, Michele’s words wash over our minds like white-noise waves, containing everything and yet nothing, and leaving no mark.
Noun, Verb ACORN!!
She is a hard worker though. Just imagine how much time it took to copy all that baloney from the ACORN website onto the back of old 3 x 5 recipe index cards. Someone told her that the ACORN prostitutes are playing a drinking game ” She said ACORN again, another shot of Olde English 800! Booyah!”
“It wasn’t quite clear what her question was, but, regardless, Bernanke had nothing for her.”
“I just don’t know,” he said quickly, moving on.
All dinning room tables should be offended.
ACORN=KNIGHTS TEMPLAR
Thought you all should know.
Extemporanus: How about we call her ACORN, because she’s just as perplexing as that stray kernel of corn you occasionally find in your stool when you don’t remember eating any.
sezme: She has the whole “remove glasses and look stern” thing required for the “after-school discipline” scenes.
Johnny Zhivago: So my seeds and stems are still worthless?
queeraselvis v 2.0: Ugh. Spell and grammar check BEFORE posting, idiot.
Click: Michele Bachmann was born with a cock palate.
It’s similar to the cunt palate that Trent Franks was born sporting.
She’s got the Emily Litella shtick down pat. I’m looking forward to her Roseann Roseanna Danna.
No mention of Michael Moore being fat. -3
Click: That is your lucky day, you passed a gallstone without the pain, maybe?
Click: Wouldn’t that be ’stray-corn’? Sorry.
Michele also heard that every year, in late December, someone breaks into people’s houses via their chimneys and deposits presents in exchange for milk and cookies, and would like Mr. Bernanke’s comments on this important housing-related issue.
SmutBoffin: Don’t forget her prop pencil.
Bernanke didn’t answer the dining room table’s questions at all, did he?
Bachmann: Making a Little Less Sense Every Day
Does she ever inhale?
Click: The Immaculate Cornception is truly a glorious miracle.
jodyleek: Okay, let’s all think about something else now [ughh...].
queeraselvis v 2.0: Elvis, you’ve got “clever-boy” in spades. If you misspell or use poor grammar, I automatically assume it was intentional.
The abnormally high self-esteem dumb voters who care about this wingnut stuff have is what stops them from thinking “I’m stupid; if simple issues are presented to me and complex issues aren’t discussed, I should probably assume the ones I don’t understand are more important and ignore this silly stuff.” Instead, they think dumb stuff (no more dollar?! prostitutes ok with acorn!?) is important because they understand it and ignore health care, financial regulation, et al. Bachmann is Stupidity’s President.
I just want to smash a fucking grapefruit into her face.
Seriously though, I have to give this screedture credit for knowing that 70% of all communication is non-verbal.
Monsieur Grumpe: No, she does not inhale. It’s the one thing she has in common with Bill Clinton.
queeraselvis v 2.0: Ha. Tell that to <a href=http://cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/09/11/hawking-history-and-cutting-corners/these guys.
Accordion-o-rama: What good is knowledge if it just floats in the air?
It goes from computer to computer. It changes and grows every second of every day. But nobody actually knows anything.
We’re a silver gleaming death panel!
Imagine that you’ve gotten your degree in poli sci from whatever prestigious school, and apply for all the available staff jobs in Congress, and then wind up working for Michele (”That’s one el, sucka”) Bachmann, and have to prepare idiot questions like this. You’d want to kill yourself. Or if not, you are the most cynical human imaginable.
Edywin, sorry to break it to you but Acrorn = Free Masons.
I like the point (about 1:12) where she pretends the mic is Bill Kristol’s cock.
Next she’ll be asking Patrick Leahy about the social repercussions of Ben & Jerry’s ‘Hubby Hubby’ flavor.
At least she proves she can read. Well, except for saying that she’s quoting, then reading, and then saying “and quoting” again. What she perhaps meant is “I’m quoting from what some stupid staffer wrote for me to say, but I’m pretty damn clueless one way or the other.”
bitchincamaro: Uh,
<a ref=http://cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/09/11/hawking-history-and-cutting-corners/these guys
And, while I realize this will get big hoots, because an excellent part of Wonkette commenting is the sexually tinged attacks, surely there’s enough out there to attack Acorn about other than stupid jokes about her having a dick in her mouth.
bitchincamaro: I give up.
PortlandSmartAss: What does a cock shoved against the roof of one’s mouth have to do with sex??
PortlandSmartAss: Wait till you get to the part about the corn-tinged stool….
bitchincamaro: Maybe you can decribe it for us?
bitchincamaro: they were the 9/11 version of a knockoff handbag.
I LOVE this! And wow, those booklets make my inner editor want to lunge for the liquor cabinet.
Doesn’t Wall street have its own lawyers and hookers? What do they need ACORN’s for?
Seriously Michelle, if ACORN was providing hookers and lawyers to Wall Street, your Wall Street Masters would have told you to shut the fuck up about them.
bitchincamaro: I applaud your choice to have that deformed clicky.
bitchincamaro says: queeraselvis v 2.0: Ha. Tell that to these guys.
I’d hit that.
No really,I mean really hit that.
Maybe we can start a vicious rumor that Xe sometimes helps poor urbanites with their taxes. Then congress will cut their funding.
PortlandSmartAss: Do you write copy for APF?
How much does Barney Frank hate her?
In MB’s defense, it is difficult to know how much time you have remaining when your face stops every clock you look at.
hockeymom: Hopefully, just enough to hate-fuck her soft palate, repeatedly.
I bet Bernanke’s thinking, “gosh, at MIT, we had janitors smarter than this dumb, bug-eyed, Minnesotan tart.”
Why won’t Commie Ben simply admit that giving poor black people mortgages was what caused this whole mess to begin with? ACORN > AIG wake up sheeple!!!
Jim89048: My new favorite saying.
“If I could have my time reclaimed….” her eyebrows requested archly.
the dumber and crazier she gets, the hotter she is
Roomate: you are my hero.
If you mute the video, pretend you don’t know who she is, she has a very different effect.
She is so stupid.Should have a warning label taped to her head and another stuck up her ass.
Way Cool Larry: You can look forward to some stiff competition from the Congressional members.
bitchincamaro: Try carets instead of greater than/less than signs & then your html should work.
I like Michelle better on the t.v. commercial she does in which she scolds her teen son for throwing away his rollover minutes.
hobospacejunkie: Thanks, hobo.
Well, looks like Miss Michelle went off her meds (again).
Re: Johnny Zhivago’s comment: “The new global currency is Acorns. Effective immediately, the Federal Reserve will only settle debts using nuts and twigs. Also effective immediately, walnuts, acorns and pine cones are legal tender and all squirrels are federal agents.”
Well, Johnny, at least we would then have a HARD currency, not the imaginary paper crap the Fed prints up.
PortlandSmartAss: Agreed.
Smoke Filled Roommate: It’s not B & J’S “Hubby Hubby”. It’s “Chubby Hubby”.
Or is it Hubby’s Chubby? I forget. Oh, never mind.
335 or so members of the House and this 2-term baby farmer gets to ask questions? At least give Joe Barton equal time.
Boooooring. She’s so much more entertaining when she’s wearing her batshirt crazy hair.
It wasn’t quite clear what her question was, but, regardless, Bernanke had nothing for her.
“I just don’t know,” he said quickly, moving on.
He was clearly at his threshold for stifling his laughter.
Extemporanus: This is an idea I will be happy to adopt. Not only is Acorn an appropriate name for Batshit Bachmann since she IS a nut, but it will also allow me to speak sentences such as, “Acorn represents an entire district in Minnesota” and “Acorn is against the census,” thereby creating confusion that could be amusing.
hockeymom: Barney Frank doesn’t hate Bachmann. He likes her for the same reason we do. He probably wishes she’d write speeches for Michael Steele in her spare time.
ACORN is the domestic al Quaeda to these people, at least so far as fearmongering. And fearmongering is all they have.
What’s with the anti-Irish Catholic slurs from Bernacke? He said we have to get our “mackerel house in order” clearly a references to mackerel snappers who live in disorderly houses (whorehouses).
And from the Values Voters hoedown (via WashingtonIndependent):
Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minn.) said that exposes of “criminal tomfoolery” inside of ACORN could kick off a campaign to “defund the left.”
Taking the stage, Bachmann … said she considered the conference “a farewell party for ACORN!” The community organization group, she said, was the first, not the last, weak link in the liberal establishment.
Jukesgrrl: Walnuts!/Acorn! 2012!!1!
Good lord. This woman makes ME look like a jeenus.
-SP
Little Old Lady: No, really– I was referring to the temporary gay flavor.
Sarah Palin (vp@whitehouse.gov):
SP= CUNTZILLA
donner_froh: Oh great - so that’s what he said. And here I just finished getting my macaroni house in order.
hobospacejunkie: Hobo, you must have the patience of a saint. If I had a nickel for each time I heard (read?) you say “try carets instead of brackets”, I could buy me a small prison in Montana.
american mutt: You can mute video?
She can choose: Propofol or Obama’s Death Panels.
jasper f. krone: I never actually seen anyone mention this before now. I just try to copy the same rules the reply links follow, but it never works for me.
glamourdammerung: I wasn’t being malicious. I went through the same process, and I viewed page source a bunch of times and I eventually got it. I was actually more impressed with Hobo’s ability to deliver his (dare I say it?) calm, christian-like dissemination of html gospel than I was trying to be condescending towards people who, like myself, were not born with html capabilities.
I’m an old, too, and I don’t always get everything on the first pass. For example, I just recently learned what “goatse” is. And I can’t say that my life was necessarily empty without it.
Please forgive me.
a New Global Currency
Here’s MB’s game plan:
1. Go on and on and on about New World Order Black Helicopter Global Currency.
2. When New World Order Black Helicopter Global Currency fails to materialize, take credit for the lack of NWOBHGC.
3. Steal underpants.
SmutBoffin: I got an Andrew Jackson sez those glasses have plain old plastic non-prescription lenses. And, strangely enough, she’s still a goddamned idiot.
Well she does have a lot in common with ACORN. They’re both nuts for example.
Hagar77: Oh, you mean like Ashley Banfield”s glasses?
jasper f. krone: Visit Dave’s Site!
The Great Question that I have always had about D.C. is this: To get hired into any kind of serious Federal Department job, say in State, Treasury, D.O.E. or the ever-groovy CIA, you have to have graduated college with a very good GPA (often less than a 4.0 doesn’t cut it), the college is a real, genuinely selective one (Ivy, Heavenly Seven or their runner ups) , not Matanuska-Susitna Community College, and you have to score very well, if not perfectly, on exhaustive tests that can take several days to take (And, I’m not even talking about the FBI background check and so forth for your more sensitive posts). If you plan to go on up the GS ladder, often there have to be additional professional and/or post-graduate degrees on your CV. But to be a member of Congress, President or Vice-President, where you direct these educated people in implementing policy or laws, you can be a total, provincial ignoramus a la Bachmann or Delay or Palin.
jasper f. krone: After re-reading my html comment & having a moment of panic, I now resolve to say “try sideways carets instead of brackets” in the future. Technically they aren’t carets when they’re laying sideways, but I hope the meaning is clear. WordPress seems intent on doing things slightly differently than the rest of Internetland, leading people to make what look like mistakes but aren’t, really.
Extemporanus: Wow. That was cool.
Zorg: Believe it or not in these trying times, but that may be the true beauty of the American system.
What’s a caret? I’m sure I’d prefer it to the styk.
gurukalehuru: It was, in about 1820. But not in a country with the hugest military force in the history of the human race.
gurukalehuru: That was (mostly) White Noise, the whole of which is cool x ∞.
Zorg: Actually, it was in 1985.
Smoke Filled Roommate: Yeah, thanks. I got it.
Extemporanus: Second that Don Delillo Awesomeness.
I think she really missed a really golden opportunity to attack Bernanke about forced government-funded abortions in elementary schools. I guess she can only hold so much crazy in her head at one time.
Is Bachmann single? She’s sort of milfy.
Michelle is a cougar from Minn
Wears biz suits and plenty ‘o bling
Prefers neatly trimmed cooters
And prominent hooters
Being a dufus is also her thing
Extemporanus: Zorg: Uh…”Reply FAIL”. Nevermind.
queeraselvis v 2.0: In an only slightly less perfect world, Bernanke would have given her a “What the shit is wrong with you?” stare for a full 45 seconds before replying, “Congresswoman Bachmann, do you have any fucking clue what my job is? Or yours, for that matter?”
Michele Bachmann is a disgrace to the USA, MN, and the 6th. If you’re interested in getting rid of Bachmann, support democratic candidate Dr. Maureen Reed! You can learn more about Maureen, and donate, at:
http://maureenreedforcongress.com/
and
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maureen_Reed