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Here is overrated piece of performance art Michele Bachmann suggesting on the House floor last night that, you know actually, if you look at the first letter of the first word on each even-numbered page of the latest iteration of the Democrats’ health care bill, it spells out the following: “CHILDREN, TEENAGE CHILDREN, COULD BE HAVING SEX WITH DRUG PEOPLE AND GETTING ABORTIONS FIVE MINUTES LATER, AND REPEATING THESE UNCOUTH SEX TRICKS AD VITAM AETERNAM, AND YOU WOULD BE NONE THE WISER.” It’s true!

So apparently Obama wants to set up health clinics in schools, which is of course deeply problematic because if there are health clinics in school—like health clinics that know about sex things!!—what’s stopping America’s children from getting hall-passes to the abortion clinic every day practically? Well, fine, yes, this:

Clinics getting federal dollars must act in accordance with federal, state and local law, according to the bills. For example, clinics in Louisiana are not even allowed to counsel students on abortion, according to the Louisiana Department of Health and Hospitals.

Um but still! Your child: getting casual abortions during theology class??

[Glenn Thrush]

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78 COMMENTS

  1. Free abortions in school? Why, back in my day, we just shoved a wire hanger up our hoo-has, and we LIKED it. Sure, most of us died from infection, but we liked that, too! Onion on belt, etc.

  2. Abortion Field trips? That’s how out of touch these wackjobs are. Kids today would want to download their abortions and twitter about them while they are having them. Get with it Bachmann.

  3. [re=424449]randomsausage[/re]: Michele is from Minnesota, 6th District, Woodbury, Waite Park.

    If you rearrange those last words they tell an ominous story:

    Park. Wood. Waite. Bury.

    That’s how they did it in the old days.

  4. If you search “batshit crazy” in google images Michelle Bachmann comes up on the first page, along with Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck and a dwarf getting a BJ. Probably just a coincidence.

  5. Of course the kids today need access to abortions in school. How can they join an ACORN-sponsored prostitution ring if they don’t? Let’s be reasonable here, people.

  6. Everytime I think about what I can do to get this woman defeated and replaced by a rational human being, I find myself considering what great loss to comedy it would be if there were no Michele Bachman. And that makes me hesitate.

  7. Since when did being referred to a specialist automatically mean you get immediately dragged to the nearest abortion clinic to have an abortion performed on you?

    Michele, I don’t think that means what you think it means. Stupid cunt.

  8. Hey Michelle,
    I am so interested in your abortion clinics in school theory…I’d love to hear more.
    But first, can you tell me about how census workers should be feared?
    And also your theory about how Americans should take up arms against the government and revolt?
    I’m living in my mother’s basement and I’m trying to figure out how to connect all the dots in your splendid, inspiring, speeches.

    Sincerely,

    SKOALREBELETTE

  9. [re=424498]Airborne Toxic Event[/re]: “All specialty care is abortion.”

    That is going to make my next trip to the ear, nose, and throat doctor really, really awkward.

  10. I think sex clinics in schools is a good idea. Wish we’d had them when I was a kid. Might have saved my first marriage. I didn’t know what the clits was for until I was, you know, like thirty-five. The intertubes is a great place to learn how to do sex, but right there in school? Excellent. So I think the crazy lady has a good idea.

  11. C’mon, Michele: if the Democrats’ health care bill features uncouth sex tricks with children, teenage children, why are so many Senators against it?

  12. [re=424531]twoeightnine[/re]: yeah, I saw that too. That’s a pretty good tell, there. But I wish she’d given more information on finding these sex clinics.

  13. [re=424526]UnattendedConsequence[/re]: I can admit it now, oh these many decades later. In the 8th grade I learned, on the playground, that babies do not come out of the anus and I learned that the weird looking area between a girl’s legs was a hole/canal. Thankyou Paul J.’s mother for passing along that information so that I would did not have to kill myself from embarrasment weeks later when Kerry B. let me experiment with her parts underneath the bleachers after school.

  14. [re=424509]randomsausage[/re]: Hey, let’s play stick things in Michele. Come on, Michele. Relax. Spread those e’s.

    MicheŸe

    Miche§e

    Miche√e

    Miche†e

  15. A poem for Michelle, methinks:

    Michelle, from Woodbury, no less
    My fantasy exactly
    To bury wood
    Betwixt your loamy thighs
    Oh, sweet loon maiden of the right
    Your panting would betray the delight
    That my rhythmic pumping brings

  16. Maybe if said parents took an active interest in their child’s social life…. forget it. It’s not worth reasoning with these people. I like the Grayson Technique better.

  17. Perhaps she meant “Repeat these uncouth sex tricks Annuit Cœptis” instead? Ipso facto, her argument can only be seen as pater familias dona nobis pacem in this context.

  18. I am crying “Uncle” right fucking now. Between this dingbat and Tim Pawlenty and the road construction, I cannot handle Minnesota anymore. I need to move.

  19. Notice how often she’s blinking…..dry eye syndrome? Or actual realization/knowledge that the crap coming out of her mouth is unadulterated fear-mongering bullshit?

  20. Hey Mid-westerner,

    I felt your pain and moved to CO and have not once looked back.

    BTW, Tim Pawlenty wants to go by TPaw. I think he thinks it is sexy to the youngsters.

  21. [re=424460]S.Luggo[/re]: And another thing: under ObamaCare, Roman Polanski will be the director of all school sex clinics, if he can get by Customs. Michele B. sez so.

  22. [re=424595]TheUptightMidwesterner[/re]: You’ll miss tossing around the pigskin in the park with Fran Tarkenton and going to parties at Mary Richards’ apartment.

  23. Hey, ACORN was supposed to follow federal laws against assisting Vanilla Ice and his ho in setting up child prostitution rings and look how well that worked out. Wake up, libtards!

  24. If they’da had abortion clinics when I was going to school, I can tell you I’d have gotten laid a lot more in Junior High. Plus I might not have had to abandon all those newborns in dumpsters. Think about that, MIchele. Just think about it.

  25. Why do they let Republicans read these bills before they are passed and Hopey signs them?!? This bitch is racist, I mean crazy, though kinda hot in a cougar/milfy sorta way…

  26. Buttsecks Only > AbstinenceOnly Ed. With Michelle, every orifice is an anus, so yr safe. Double safe because her uterus is full of rabid demon spawn what will gnaw off yr pecker.

  27. [re=424465]PalinsAfterbirth[/re]: Didn’t you read Wonkette yesterday? That’s not dwarf getting a BJ, it’s the Washington Post mascot.

  28. [re=424520]rachelv[/re]: There is. There was also a part where she lamented the use of boob enhancing vending machines but that wacky communist gay person Barney Frank cut her time.

  29. [re=424582]randomsausage[/re]:

    There is a cougar from Woodberry,
    Whose political views are quite scary,
    She makes up shit on the spot,
    and says “commie” a lot,
    Like they did back when she lost her cherry.

  30. [re=425215]Tommmcatt[/re]: well done….always game for a limerick

    There once was a MILF from Minn’sota
    Sense, she had not one iota
    Her knowledge was slim
    But with a quivering quim
    She enticed the dumb mid-western voter

  31. Does she speak from experience? Did she do this herself when she was a teen? I’d heard that the Wisconsin Synod Lutherans were weird, but not this weird.

  32. “UNCOUTH SEX TRICKS AD VITAM AETERNAM”

    So uncouth sex leads to eternal life? Is that the “abundant life” Jebus promised? Xty was never that interesting in my unhappy experience.

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