WEIRD OLD PERVERTS  11:15 am October 1, 2009

Moonie Times Reviews Rev. Moon’s Biography. They Love It!

by Jim Newell

Paraguay!Carol Herman, books editor for the Washington Times, recently commissioned herself to review the hottest new book since Going Rogue: the autobiography of great noble universal leader hero Rev. Sun Myung Moon, founder and owner of the Washington Times! Coincidentally it is the best book Carol Herman has read, basically ever. And you can read it, too! Let us share a key excerpt or two from Carol Herman’s glowing review, with its very nuanced “Korean Central News Agency”-ish tone.

Faith, family, freedom and service are the pillars of the Rev. Moon’s worldview and work. Through this canvas of often dramatic incidents and his personal observations, this reader came away with a better understanding of the Rev. Moon and his ongoing efforts on behalf of world peace, including the creation of enterprises such as New Hope Farms in Brazil, established to help eradicate hunger.

The Rev. Moon’s commitment to nature conservancy and the world’s water supply are given ample and interesting attention. His discussion of the possibilities for an International Peace Highway linking Korea and Japan through an underground tunnel and a restructuring of the United Nations undoubtedly will lead to fruitful debate and work in the years to come.


There is much interesting information throughout the book, and it is difficult to select which anecdotes and observations to include.

Hero hero hero hero hero hero


BOOK REVIEW: A lifetime in pursuit of peace [Moonie Times]

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bureaucrap October 1, 2009 at 11:26 am

Wasn’t he also famous for being the inventor of strychnine-flavored Kool-Aid? Wait, no, that was someone else.

FMA October 1, 2009 at 11:26 am

OK. I’ll start the “debate” over the tunnel between Japan and Korea.
What the fuck?

GuyClinch October 1, 2009 at 11:26 am

Carol Herman will no doubt be working for American Police Force by next week, in Montana.

Spiro Agnew October 1, 2009 at 11:26 am

Rev. Moon is an hero

Joshua Norton October 1, 2009 at 11:26 am

It will be a “twofer” with Palin’s book, just in time for Christmas. Buy both for $1.50 from the mark-down bin at Barnes and Noble.

Come here a minute October 1, 2009 at 11:28 am

I hope she did not leave out the Guinness Book of World Records record setting mass marrying, because that has to be one of the greatest achievements of all the great achievements of the great, great men like the Rev. Moon, who is great.

user-of-owls October 1, 2009 at 11:32 am

[re=424458]Joshua Norton[/re]: I mean, honestly, how in the WORLD will the Nobel Prize for Literature Committee be able to choose?! It’s just not fair.

Crank Tango October 1, 2009 at 11:34 am

This makes me want to donate freedumb of religion to T-Paw’s whatever campaign, to be spent on fancy underwear for the palin family. Especially bristol.

Chain Tattoo October 1, 2009 at 11:34 am

[re=424455]FMA[/re]: Because nothing say “peace” quite like a tunnel under the floor of the sea. If only the political leaders of Japan and the US had built the much-debated “Peace Tunnel” linking Japan and Hawaii back in 1935, there would never have been that unfortunate incident at Pearl Harbor in 1941.

Why do you hate the “Tunnel of Love”?

honkyman October 1, 2009 at 11:36 am


Words by Ri Chan, Music by Kim Won Gyun

Bright traces of blood on the crags of Changbaek still gleam,
Still the Amnok caries along signs of blood,
Still do those hallowed traces shine resplendently,
Over Korea ever flourishing free.
Oh- what a sweet name, General Kim Il-sung!
Oh- what a glorious name, General Kim Il-sung!
Tell, blizzards that rage in the wild Manchurian plains,
Tell, you nights in forests deep where the silence reigns,
Who is the partisan whose deeds are unsurpassed?
Who is the patriot whose fame shall ever last?
Oh- what a sweet name, General Kim Il-sung!
Oh- what a glorious name, General Kim Il-sung!
He severed the chains of the masses, brought them liberty,
The sun of Korea today, democratic and free,
For the twenty points untied we stand fast,
Over our fair homeland spring has come at last.
Oh- what a sweet name, General Kim Il-sung!
Oh- what a glorious name, General Kim Il-sung!

magic titty October 1, 2009 at 11:37 am

Meh. Still better than Junot Diaz.

freakishlystrong October 1, 2009 at 11:46 am

Hostage tape or book review? And people read this rag as a source of news?

Dave J. October 1, 2009 at 11:46 am

There is much interesting information throughout the book, and it is difficult to select which anecdotes and observations to include.

“My book report deals with Wuthering Heights, which was a very interesting book of 398 pages. It was written by Emily Brontë, who was a very good writer, and the book was filled with many interesting characters and incidents. Without doubt this is one of the best books ever written in the English language, and everyone should read it.”

So basically this book review is like an 8th grade book report of a book that the student didn’t read.

Airborne Toxic Event October 1, 2009 at 11:47 am

Okay, now swallow.

vladster October 1, 2009 at 11:49 am

Did The Great One (no, not Jackie Gleason, the other great one) have someone write this book because he sensed a disturbance in his aura of universal appeal? Did Monica Crowley write it? Does she make his greatness feel like a man? Burning questions of our time.

ChernobylSoup v2 October 1, 2009 at 11:50 am

Note to self: Do not ride in that fucking tunnel. Thank you.

GuyClinch October 1, 2009 at 11:50 am

[re=424486]Dave J.[/re]: Spot on.

SayItWithWookies October 1, 2009 at 11:51 am

Dear Ms. Herman,

Thank you for your inquiry. As of yet, the Pulitzer Committee does not award a prize for fawning. We will be sure to take your suggestion under consideration, however.


William Emerson, Chairman

elburrito October 1, 2009 at 11:52 am

Best book since the Bible! Which his friend, God, wrote.

OzoneTom October 1, 2009 at 11:52 am

I’m sure that I’ll be able to get this book along with “Going Rogue” as a premium for subscribing to Newsmax very soon. As a special benefit I will also get 20-30 daily spam e-mails sponsored by Newsmax and providing hot stock tips, miracle cures and free abortion field trips. Well maybe not the last one, that I’ll have to get from the liberal MSM.

elburrito October 1, 2009 at 11:54 am

This ‘conservationist’ is one of the top reasons why bluefin tuna will be extinct when my daughter grows up.

vladster October 1, 2009 at 11:57 am

Michael Steele should give some thought to a moonie/wingnut coalition.

FMA October 1, 2009 at 11:59 am

[re=424497]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Is there a Pulitzer Prize for blow jobs? Perhaps we could nominate Ms. Herman for an AVN Award.

[re=424470]Chain Tattoo[/re]: Well, that was a pretty decent record. But then again, I haven’t listened to it in years.

Come here a minute October 1, 2009 at 11:59 am

You don’t see Ken Layne putting down his fellow authors; he is hoping for the same level of respect when his THE LEFT COAST comes out and shoots up the Amazon charts.

Are we going to get any news of this so-called idiotic hike, or would that be too bloggy for a project that is supposed to be booky?

Uncle Glenny October 1, 2009 at 12:04 pm

Conserving the world’s water supply; Paraguay, indeed. Was the Bushie’s purchase really just a front for Moon?

V572625694 October 1, 2009 at 12:05 pm

[re=424486]Dave J.[/re]: You nailed it. Do people actually pay money to read the Moonie paper? However much it is, it’s too much.

WhatTheHeck October 1, 2009 at 12:07 pm

[re=424461]Come here a minute[/re]: I think all of Wonkette should come together to be married as one, in a ceremony presided over by Newell, who would then become the new editor of the Washington Times.

proudgrampa October 1, 2009 at 12:08 pm

My goodness. My 4 year old granddaughter could write a more insightful book review than that.

Beanball October 1, 2009 at 12:09 pm

Let’s see now. Do we take the Palin Memorial Land Bridge from Alaska to Hong Kong or the Moonfather Tunnel from Korea to…where, precisely?

Choices, choices.

Cape Clod October 1, 2009 at 12:15 pm

I’m sure the Japanese are wildly enthusiastic about the idea of having Koreans burrowing into their country.

norbizness October 1, 2009 at 12:21 pm

On behalf of the International Unification Church and Government-Buying Concern, LLC, we wish to inform you that reading, quoting from, or quoting from reviews of the book legally obligates you to spend three months proselytizing in an airport and being pansexually and polygamously married off to a church cluster in Uganda.

Uncle Joe October 1, 2009 at 12:23 pm

So he’s still alive then?

ManchuCandidate October 1, 2009 at 12:27 pm

[re=424534]Cape Clod[/re]:
Who doesn’t love the Japanese? Besides almost everyone in Asia and not Japanese that is.

Moonie make me almost ashamed of my Korean-ness. Not as much as Jon Gosselin, but close.

Kingbee October 1, 2009 at 12:29 pm

[re=424510]Come here a minute[/re]: Ken said that he was taking his hike for “Art”. However, all we know is that this fellow Art must live on the West Coast, probably S.F.

teebob2000 October 1, 2009 at 12:34 pm

Wonder how many words per minute she can do with a cocked, loaded gun to her head?

teebob2000 October 1, 2009 at 12:40 pm

As the Rev Moon dictated the review to her, do you suppose she had to back afterward and change all the ‘L’s to ‘R’s and vice versa? Or can she do that on the fly?

Rotundo October 1, 2009 at 1:01 pm

[re=424593]teebob2000[/re]: Why bother with a gun, just use a pen for the check or not. Keeping your journamalist job as a book reviewer (or in this case reverer) doesn’t require lead-based persuasion.

TeddyS October 1, 2009 at 1:05 pm

Carol Herman, book editor of the Washington Times. PPPffffffftttt!!!!

zenferret October 1, 2009 at 1:06 pm

[re=424482]freakishlystrong[/re]: The purpose of the paper is to make the Washington Post look good in comparison.

Though the Examiner is even worse. Most of us pick it up on the metro only for the puzzles.

Hedley Lamar October 1, 2009 at 1:08 pm

[re=424499]elburrito[/re]: You mean his Father. He is, of course, the second coming of you-know-who.

hobospacejunkie October 1, 2009 at 1:20 pm

I hate Barbara Bush. As if I needed another reason.

Way Cool Larry October 1, 2009 at 1:35 pm

at least she didn’t have to give a BJ to a furry

Zadig October 1, 2009 at 1:50 pm

[re=424534]Cape Clod[/re]: Believe me, as enthused as the Japanese are about this proposal, they’re nowhere close to being as stoked as the Koreans. For the last thousand years or so, the Japanese have invaded the shit out of the Korean peninsula about once every other decade. Why WOULDN’T Korea want to just install a highway for them?

And what does a newly pacifist country have to lose by giving easy access to their most historically aggrieved neighbor?

Decker October 1, 2009 at 1:52 pm

“There is much interesting information throughout the book, and it is difficult to select which anecdotes and observations to include.” = “The dog ate my homework.”

desertwind October 1, 2009 at 2:04 pm

I love how this newspaper is taken seriously as a real newspaper with influence and everything.

What a world. What a world.

the problem child October 1, 2009 at 2:12 pm

[re=424534]Cape Clod[/re]: And vice versa.

Mahousu October 1, 2009 at 2:14 pm

[re=424486]Dave J.[/re]: The followup sentence to that is: However, many of the most vivid images that remain with the reader come from the Rev. Moon’s descriptions of his childhood in the opening chapters of the book … In other words, she didn’t get past Chapter 1.

Actually, looking through the whole review, I don’t think this is a joke. Her only quotes are from the book’s foreword and its first chapter.

bitchincamaro October 1, 2009 at 2:15 pm

So can Liz Glover get it for us wholesale, and in bulk?

econdave October 1, 2009 at 2:50 pm

Reverend Moon is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I’ve ever known in my life.

thefrontpage October 1, 2009 at 3:02 pm

It’s only a newspaper moon.

thefrontpage October 1, 2009 at 3:02 pm

Econdave: You lie!

thefrontpage October 1, 2009 at 3:03 pm

Dan Riehl says that Moon’s book was probably, maybe, possibly, ghost-written by Sarah Palin.

thefrontpage October 1, 2009 at 3:05 pm

What are the reviews of this book like in Rolling Stone, Mother Jones, High Times, Spin, Vibe, Playboy, Penthouse, Maxim, Jugs and Hustler? And, Editor and Publisher, The Columbia Journalism Review, The Washington Post, The New York Times, The Washington City Paper and The New York Times Book Review.

When someone finds the reviews of this book in all of these publications, please promptly post those links here!

Thank you!

CthuNHu October 1, 2009 at 3:26 pm

The first letters of the sentences of this review spell out SHIT DREW SHORT STRAW UNDEAD CULTY NUTSO.

P.S. No they don’t. But they might’ve if she was clever enough to think of it. But then she does work for the Washington Times.

kinginyellow October 1, 2009 at 3:57 pm

You can learn more about why God is ordering us to dig the tunnel by reading page four of the Moonie cult’s official white paper on the subject:

S.Luggo October 1, 2009 at 4:09 pm

Carol Herman is being held captive in the basement of the Washington Times.

Please, your Korean devineness, release Carol so that she may review, “Going Rogue”.

S.Luggo October 1, 2009 at 4:11 pm

[re=424938]thefrontpage[/re]: “Horse and Hound”, also.

slowuncle October 1, 2009 at 4:50 pm

No admiral uniform in the photo?—–oh wait, i keep getting this one confused with L Ron Hubbard

Extemporanus October 1, 2009 at 6:48 pm

[re=424825]bitchincamaro[/re]: I’ve already put in a request that Liz do the narration for the book-on-tape version. There’s an extra C-note in it for her if she uses a Korean accent.

WABishop October 1, 2009 at 6:53 pm

It’s the most objective, incisive review I’ve read since Penthouse reviewed Caligula.

Barrelhse October 1, 2009 at 7:06 pm

No, Carol, THIS remains! Suck on it.

AutomaticPilot October 1, 2009 at 8:20 pm

hey, what’s the Quaker Oats man doing in that picture??

DC Hates Me October 1, 2009 at 11:20 pm

Every copy of this book is scented with virgin rose water from Rev. Moon’s bathtub .. same as the Washington Times.

1ofUS October 2, 2009 at 1:42 am

Bush Bimbaugh: Wonkette’s a witch’s covent garden
Pawn Vanity: The Mystic Divine Moon will sic his Tony Blankley on their angstas

zhubajie October 2, 2009 at 3:29 am

[re=424470]Chain Tattoo[/re]: Come now, everyone hates Japan, and especially in Korea!

zhubajie October 5, 2009 at 7:08 am

[re=424519]V572625694[/re]: Well, I bought a copy, when it first came out. It had two horoscope columns, as I recall.

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