“I’m up to 223 subscribers… I don’t know why y’all motherfuckers fuckin’ subscribe to me when all y’all gonna do is fuckin’ talk shit about me.” [YouTube]

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  1. I predict that next week we’ll find out that the Skoalrebel is actually a graduate student at Stanford producing these videos using a NEA Foundation Grant.

    It’s satrical performance art and we’ve all been Punk’d.. either that or the he’s real and the GOP will draft him to run for congress. One or the other.

  2. See, this is why I read Wonkette comments. I learn vaulable things here. Like there is a site called ‘Porntube’ and that ‘dippin’ means ‘chewin’ tabaccy.

    Please don’t hate me because I’m elitist. Or because I have enormous genitals, also, too.

  3. The hipsters in the dipping crowd call Grizzley Wintergreen the “welfare bear” because it is the cheapest dip and is what they buy at the end of the month when their unemployment runs out.

  4. I had to do this before I could finish watching:

    I’m from the south, still live there, and I need subtitles for this bitch.

    The faces one makes when getting that chaw just right in your mouth are so sexy I can’t stand it.

    His flat affect makes me think:

    actually mentally disabled
    on meth

    Unemployed? That is SHOCKING.

    And now, finally, one thing I wish every single retarded person out there would understand, from that stupid couple with eight kids to this guy: if you put yourself OUT THERE, you are OPEN TO CRITICISM.

    It’s a simple concept, really.

    Now I’m going back to watching this so I can pick up some home decor tips. I had never thought of using a lawn chair in my kitchen!

  5. [re=423432]Click[/re]: < Somewhere deep down inside I actually find myself pulling for this guy.

    You should have that part of yourself cut out as quickly as possible.

  6. I’m not sure if I’m more distracted by the scabby scabberson meth face, or the audible squirting sounds every time he leans over. Either way, it’s the full spectrum of yuck. Thank god he’s yet to contract the tongue cancer, or the world would be deprived.

  7. [re=423452]StoneAge[/re]: You’re not the only one. Although he probably recorded the video directly on to the computer and thus there was no transferring.

  8. maybe we can chip in and buy him some dip. and teach him how to speak english, perhaps by teaching him french first. he could be our own holly golightly.

  9. the bits where his head is out of frame and you can hear him spitting into what i can only assume is a three week old half full large cup of mcdonald’s sweet tea… that’s what made my soul cry.

  10. [re=423436]american mutt[/re]: In all honesty, I find his utter lack of pretense to be completely disarming. When I saw the photo of him holding his cat I knew I could never bring myself to hate him the way I do Glenn Beck.

  11. I played in a band with a guy who “chewed”. The idiot was constantly knocking over his spittoon or mudbucket as Cletus likes to say. Disgusting black spit everywhere. I can imagine what this guy’s orange shag carpet looks like.

  12. Man this just makes me want to go out try me some of the chewin tabacky, cause when he puts it in this mouth, you can just see the enjoyment on his face. The plastic bag tied to the drawer handle is a nice touch to the home decor. I double dare any wonkette female that is willing to tongue kiss slingblade a minute or so after that wad of dip has been in his mouth. Seriously.

  13. [re=423444]badmuthagoose[/re]: Oh you give him way too much credit. Ask yourself why the lawnchair in the kitchen ( I happen to be a world renouned expert on folding lawnchairs : this is not a plug, it is a citation : and no we are not gay, sorry to dissapoint ). I’m sorry what was the question? Oh, he did not decide to use that particular chair as the result of some chain of thought related to decor, he repurposed that chair from a neighbours porch. See, it’s the neighbour’s fault that it was so easy to steal, they should either chain it or get a gaurd dog.

  14. Oh and y’all muthafuckers better enjoy his fucking ass while y’all can because my prediction is this: in the next week or so, a couple of his buddies are gonna stop by his uninsulated cracker box trailer to see if he has anything they can steal to pawn for a meth hit, but he’ll be home, of course, because the truck was repoed last week muthafuckers.

    So the old middle school buddies of his will act like they just wanted to say HEY and hang out, and man, shit, I love that wintergreen shit muthafucker, gimme somma that. So they’ll chill in that drafty firetrap for a while, then crank up some Limp Bizkit from when they were in ninth grade and things’ll get a bit heated and Crackity Moonface Jones there will think about all the muthafuckers givin him shit on the youtubes and under the influence of too much wintergreen and the last wee bit of meth in a foil packet, he’ll kick the SHEYIT outta the 15″ Acer monitor he got on layaway at Wal-Mart and that’ll be the end of that.


  15. I suppose after Palin and JTP, this guy was the obvious next step.

    My favorite U-tube comment from his previous video (paraphrased): “Impeached” is spelled with an M. “Inbred” is spelled with an N.

  16. SkoalRebel, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. Skoal-reb-bal; the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps through the middle of the mouth to flirt with the lips. Skoal. Reb. Bal.

    He was Skoal, plain Skoal in the morning, standing four feet ten in one sock. He was Rebel in slacks. He was SR at school. He was skoalrebel on YouTube. But in my arms he was always SkoalRebel.

    [Yes those are the first two paragraphs of Sarah Palin’s book and it’s gonna rock.]

  17. Taken as a whole, the oeurve of skoalrebel is a seminal contribution to the metadiscourse of American film. Radically interrogating traditional notions of content, form, plot, character, and narrative, skoalrebel inverts the late bourgeois cinematic aesthetic. By remaining perpetually out of focus, he invites us to focus on ourselves. In his framing he constantly leaves part of his scabby head out of the shot –challenging the viewer to look beyond the borders of the screen and glimpse a fully-lived life outside the trailer. The snuff, lawn chair, and toaster oven are the only props. But what more evocative scenery has Hollywood ever produced? Dipping, sitting, and spitting in front of the toaster oven, skoalrebel invites us into the trailer park that is the real America. The influence of David Mamet’s screenwriting is clear in skoalrebel’s language. We are clearly in the presence of a master who says, with Mamet, “Fuck y’all if y’all don’t wanna play my game.”

    Oscarworthy? Of course. A lifetime achievement award is the least the Academy can do for this brilliant auteur.

  18. [re=423477]EdFlinstone[/re]: Like when a kid tries whiskey for the first time, they’re all goddamn that shits good! while their face says the agony isn’t quite worth the nasty taste. Anything to fit in, kids, anything to be part of the club.

  19. [re=423490]Click[/re]: that’s what the paper bag is for. Or should I say paper bags, cuz she is gonna need one for his head, and one for hers in case his falls off. and one for the huffing. so three.

  20. “You motherfuckers out there think you know it all…y’all don’t know shit… fuck you… you can go fuck off.”

    Finally, someone with the balls to tell you motherfuckers to fuck off. Especially all you know it alls. Fucking know it alls with your bullshit math and seatbelts. How dare you. I think it says something that he hasn’t wished AIDS on -anybody-. Now there’s a mensch.

  21. I like how the Wonkette ad immediately proceeding this video tells me how to whiten my yellow teeth. There is no more brilliant wit than Google Adsense.

  22. [re=423417]KilgoreTrout_XL[/re]: After an initial impression of nausea and “no freakin’ way”, I too am beginning to pull for this guy. At least he’s keeping it real-io and all that.

  23. [re=423490]Click[/re]: oh, I was naturally presuming you meant the cooking spray. He won’t use the soft margarine, because that’s what his pappy uses to lube skoalrebel’s taterhole… right after mawmaw starts a’snorin’.

  24. From what I can tell, he’s toasting that Skoal laying on the counter in that toaster oven, but he’s using that oven mitt to get it out, so he’s being safe.

    And I keep hearing squeaks whenever he leans over. He either needs to oil his chair, or his belt.

  25. Skoalrebel is so on FoxNews next week.

    Cavuto: “Why do you think liberals, cat lovers, and liberal jew media hate you and America?”

    skoalrebel: “argggrhhgg crfffgg rgghgg Cuz theyre gay *dip*.”

  26. I’ve been troubled with the feeling that there’s just something missing in this whole setup ever since his appearance last week. The lawn chair is perfect as is the plastic bag hung on the corner. I didn’t know the toaster oven was needed but now there we are! Still something is missing.

    Faygo. The boy needs more Faygo. Then the picture will be complete.

  27. [re=423417]KilgoreTrout_XL[/re]: Yeah, I’d lower skoalrebel into a woodchipper face first, but I’d lower Joe the Plumber feet first to hear him scream and prolong the suffering.

  28. [re=423563]snoidoid[/re]: I think the squeaks are his actual spitting. He has the mike turned up pretty high on his junk; you can hear every single pant, spit, and sucking sound.

    It needs smell, too. Smell-O-Vision. Then it would be perfection.

  29. You can all thank Best Buy for this. Because if it weren’t for the Geek Squad coming out to his trailer to set up his computer, Skoalrebel would have gone home with an Xbox 360 that fateful day. (which would have been pawned long ago for meth money)

  30. In response to NopantsMcGee: No, “dippin’ ‘ is NOT chewing tobacco. Dipping and chewing are different activities.

    In chewing, one uses chewing tobacco — which is tobacco that’s been cured then cut into tiny strips — imagine spaghetti cut into strips about 1 inch long. You take a wad of this stuff, sitck it your mouth, roll it around with your tongue so it’s in a tight ball, then — using your tongue — shove it into your cheek. Occassionally you gently chew that wad. The tobacco causes your salivary glands to generate saliva which you then spit out — the saliva is mixed with the juice that comes from the tobacco when it’s chewed. If you’re outside, spit on the ground. If you’re driving, spit out the car window — which can have disastrous results for people in the back seat if you’re moving faster than about 15 MPH and the rear windows are open. If you’re in your pickup, make certain your dogs are in the cab with you and not riding in the back of the truck — that way, you don’t spit on them.

    Dipping is done with snuff. Snuff is tobacco that has been cured and dried then ground into very fine powder. You take a big pinch of snuff and insert it behind your lower lip, in the front of your mouth, in the space between yuor front teeth and gum, and, lower lip. Let it sit there — no chewing. The snuff will cause saliva to flow which you must spit out now and then. Spitting while dipping follows the same rules as spitting while chewing.

    If you are dipping or chewing inside, or, while settin’ on the porch and you can’t spit onto the ground, you use a “spit cup.” Any container will do — an McDonald’s soda cup, empty beer can, anything — just spit into it. Be careful — if a bunch of good ol’ boys are settin’ around dippin’, chewin’, spittin’, and drinking beer, it’s not unheard of for someone to — mistakenly, of course — use someone else’s beer for a spit can . . . this has lead to shootings.

  31. [re=423553]teebob2000[/re]: I’ll have you know my labia, while enormous, can be used as a floatation device, and I’ve had FEMA officials inquire about borrowing it’s design for emergency shelter.


  32. [quote] You take a wad of this stuff, sitck it your mouth, roll it around with your tongue so it’s in a tight ball, then — using your tongue — shove it into your cheek. [/quote]

    See the cultural divide before us?

    In my community we call that activity ‘fellatio’. Different drums!

    (I ‘preciate the explano, tho.)

  33. [re=423602]Old Redneck[/re]: There’s a scene in “Dirty Harry” when Harry tapes an open switchblade knife to his ankle and his boss says something like “It’s a shame a policeman knows how to use a weapon like that” it’s a shame that everyone here now knows the difference between chew and dip.

  34. [re=423607]NopantsMcGee[/re]: You HEAR THAT teebob2000? NopantsMcGee’s labia can SAVE LIVES. What has YOUR labia done for mankind recently? Oh, you don’t have a labia? Well then, I guess we COULD talk about your (most likely selfish) penis, if, that is, people would rather hear about IT than a giant labia that can SAVE LIVES.

  35. [re=423591]jetjaguar[/re]: There useta be a surgery channel. They’d show stuff like resections of colons and nasal surgery. After watching that, this stuff is pure honey.

  36. [re=423625]Formerly Known as KevoTron[/re]: Hey! You’re right! And is there a connection between everything being “gay” and “queer” and the fact that “cuz” has no shirt on?

    Also, he has a toaster oven sitting next to a hot plate, which is on top of the stove. I’m thinking he has not mastered the skill of cooking on any one of those, hence the fire extinguisher on the counter.

    Too, is that a window buried halfway behind the stove?

  37. That his vote is equal to mine makes me hate Washington, Jefferson and Adams even more than for giving him the right to bear as many arms as he’d like.

  38. [re=423446]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: Yeah. And don’t you just wish they’d STFU?

    [re=423437]Scarab[/re]: Actually, I think Scarab is on to something. I agree that we have probably been punk’d…

  39. [re=423777]Aloysius[/re]: He says, “all a’you fuckin harass me about Obama.”

    He really has no idea why people would be giving him shit. Y’know, it’s kind of touching, in a Simple Jack kind of way.

  40. [re=423826]teebob2000[/re]: All he wanted to do was get himself some klan tang and all the nigger/jew/homos gotta get in the way of that. Which is probably better for society, because should this dude really be breeding?

  41. Are we participating in a scene from Infinite Jest where we sit around watching a doofus chew dip will he calls us fuckers? Will future anthropologists and historians be the slightest bit confused why this is entertainment in 2009? Even poor benighted Skoal Rebel doesn’t seem to have an answer for that.

  42. [re=423823]skoal rebel[/re]: Oh…no no no. Two things you must never mention in the same breath, my large-headed, malodorous friend: food and sex. We need our appetites for both intact to ensure the survival of our species.

  43. Damn. Someone should alert Megs McCain — this guy sounds seriously depressed. Maybe she can twat his suicide. Why a man who obviously can blow himself, and is willing to do so repeatedly on camera, is so sad is beyond me, though.

  44. [re=423569]Downtheroadapiece[/re]: I think last time he was wasted, like on whiskey.
    Am I misinterpreting this video or did he keep stopping to suck his own dick. Because it looked that way to me.

  45. Damn again, guess I should have watched more of his videos. He’s taking Seroquel, apparently, which he calls his antidepressant and the rest of the world calls an anti-psychotic. Boy’s got real issues beyond sheer stupidity.

  46. [re=423418]Sick Puppy[/re]: Nothing. I laughed till I practically shit my pants, but truthfully, the whole thing is depressing. Bored guy goes nowhere [for generations]. Isn’t that on KY’s license plate or something?

    Oh, Skoalrebel, the emotions you evoke.

  47. [re=423602]Old Redneck[/re]: Don’t forget: put wadded up napkins (Sonic or Dairy Queen) in the cup. This soaks up the spit, preventing messes, even if it falls off the dash into the floorboard.

  48. “I try to entertain people.” You have succeeded. Maybe, not in the way you wanted, but you should have phrased your question better when you used your first wish. Beware the Monkey Paw.

  49. [re=423913]Click[/re]: The more of SkoalRebel’s videos I watch, the more I want to dig up Ronald Reagan and piss on his corpse for cutting funding for mental health programs. Judging by his videos, SkoalRebel needs a bit more supervision.

  50. [re=423933]RabidHamster[/re]: I have two theories as to why Reagan cut funding to mental health programs. 1)He realized that he had Alzheimer’s and in a moment of lucidity decided that he would be in one in an institution if he didn’t act fast. 2) He knew that by closing down mental institutions he would bring in leagues of paranoid schizophrenic voters that could be scared into voting Republican by creating rumors of vast government conspiracies.

  51. [re=423607]NopantsMcGee[/re]: I have a question for the labialy blessed. First let me apologize for the impending grossness…but I have to know.

    Ahem…if Skoalreble had a girlfriend and he went “down there”, would that cause a serious yeast infection, the mother of all yeast infections, or a fatal yeast infection.

  52. [re=423444]badmuthagoose[/re]: “if you put yourself OUT THERE, you are OPEN TO CRITICISM.” Hear hear!!

    You know, I just had a scary thought. While we’re all sitting here being elitist, he is posting MOVIE TO THE INTERTUBES!!! That means that ANYONE in the world can see him in all his glory and say: “but for the grace of god I too could be an american”


  53. I submit that, in terms of description, only Hunter S. Thompson could do this guy justice. He has that unique blend of Stupid, Inbred, Cruelty-to-Animals Mean that Thompson had nailed.

  54. He’s skoalrebel and he’ll never ever be any good
    He’s skoalrebel and he’ll never ever be understood
    And just because he doesn’t do what everybody else does
    That’s no reason why I can’t give him all my love

  55. Every time I see this mouth-breathing, inbred, jackass I can’t help but think of Idiocracy. He definitely would be the Surgeon General in the movie.

  56. [re=423946]Dashboard_Buddha[/re]: Did you read The Stand? I think it would be like when Randall Flagg finally gives his tube snake boogie to Nadine and her hair goes white and she loses her mind.

  57. [re=423437]Scarab[/re]: i have thought from the very beginning this was a performance. actually less me, more my southern boy who chews (well, used to…).

    if it is in fact a performance:

    [re=423503]Chain Tattoo[/re]: yes

  58. I was hoping for more guitar. If y’all stop harassing him about Obama he might take a few requests. I wonder if he knows anything off the first Dexy’s Midnight Runners album? Y’know, the one with the green cover, Searching For The Young Skoalrebel.

  59. [re=424038]rocktonsammy[/re]: Whatever happened to the hillbilly Paultard girl from last year, the one with the bloody bandages on her arms? Creatures of the night, what sweet YouPorn music they would make…

  60. i think he’s watching himself on the monitor as he’s recording.
    has anyone tried to friend him on myspace, to mess with him ?
    after the first vid where he rips obama, i kinda considered it…(i re-posted his geetar videos here and there, for laffs)…but now, watching him waste his life away, addicted to dip and making 180+ homemade commercials for it…i haz a serious sad.

  61. Okay Skoal dahling, let’s do another one straight away. Yes, straight away, and this time dear could you pick up your cues a tad. Not too much, but just a bit. The Grizzley business is brilliant, but the cues dearie, the cues.

  62. [re=423904]RabidHamster[/re]: It is used for schizophrenia, bipolar disorder. Also to treat the effects of withdrawal from meth addiction.

    It is one of the most sedating of all antipsychotics. Common side effects include weight gain, constipation, headache and dry mouth. Six to seven percent of patients may experience tachycardia. Less common side effects (less than 1% of patients) include abnormal liver tests, dizziness, upset stomach, akathisia and increased paranoia.

    It is also becoming a recreational downer drug.

    It is not yet available as a generic so to pay for this drug skoalrebel must have health insurance or, more likely, his mental illness is severe enough to qualify him as disabled and he gets medicaid.

    This would support [re=423939]AnSnarkist[/re] theory. Cutting government programs that supported the mentally ill. And cutting funding of public education. Helped to create people like skoalrebel who could be manipulated through fear into voting against their own interests.

    This is not inconsistent with [re=423945]Click[/re]’s theory that Reagan was a gigantic prick.

    None of this excuses being a hateful ignorant bigot. Or as [re=423986]Neilist[/re]: put it: “Stupid, Inbred, Cruelty-to-Animals Mean.”

    All of this makes me think that his use of firearms to prove his point is more likely than not.

  63. [re=424121]misterzero42[/re]: god help us they are going to breed! His video proclamation of his love for her was better than “The Notebook”. When he crammed the skoal in his maw and muttered those three words my panties flew off! okay not really. It was just really f*cking frightening to think that he gets laid.

  64. [re=424055][/re]: Yeah, he’ll never be happier, healthier or more fulfilled than he is right now; too late for the gay FEMA indoctrination crèche to help. It’s his diseased pigfucker puppeteers who deserve the shattering helpless rage that becomes snark for trying to “take back” our country.

  65. Tomorrow, or the next day, skoalrebel will come out with another video complaining and telling us to fuck off all y’all and gay this and gay that and stuffing candy ass dip into his breathing hole and making the cow-chewing-it’s-cud face and bending over every 10 seconds to do god only knows what, not realizing for a second that he’s feeding the animals wonketeers again.

  66. ROFL, SkoalRebel just outsnarked the Home Of Snark.

    Did somebody get told?


    Tell Them!

    I’m up to 223 subscribers… I don’t know why y’all motherfuckers fuckin’ subscribe to me when all y’all gonna do is fuckin’ talk shit about me.

    Oh, SNAP!

  67. [re=424121]misterzero42[/re]: It’s his ex; her MySpace is abubble over a different guy who came with two babies under two all ready-made. His MySpace lists his occupation as “certified sex machine”, so lightning might strike again.

  68. Oh no, I’ve been blocked by skoal rebel on the yootoobes!!! And all I did was defend him against accusations that he is a gay. (I said we would never stoop so low by accepting him, in my capacity of representative of all gays – except Andrew Sullivan).

    Maybe there is something to the skoalrebel/Sully national park rumors.

  69. [re=424121]misterzero42[/re]: I’ve seen it. She’s waaay too good for him, honestly.

    [re=424125]Click[/re]: He’ll have to hollow out the Grizz can and put it on the end of a Fleshlight.

  70. Has anyone yet noticed that this fine Confederate-American’s FB page list him as a 21 years old who has been in high school for just the past 2 years but not yet graduated?…

  71. Y’all just go ahead and laugh. Go ahead, laugh.

    But I’m pretty sure this is how Tom Arnold and Bruce Willis both got their start.

  72. [re=423503]Chain Tattoo[/re]:

    James Lipton puts Skoalrebel to the test:

    1. What is your favorite word? Grizzdip, fucker!
    2. What is your least favorite word? Obama
    3. What turns you on? Fuck off!
    4. What turns you off? Fuck off!
    5. What sound or noise you love? Thumpin’ my Cope can…
    6. What sound or noise you hate? Obama on ma TV…
    7. What is your favorite curse word? FUCK!
    8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? Pro-what? Fuck you, asshole!
    9. What profession would you not like to do? (bends over for 10 seconds, making spitty noises)
    10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

    Free dip with grampa forever!


  74. [re=424299]REBEL RANDLE[/re]: All in caps?

    Thank you for confirming our Elitist French Gay jokes about Skoalretard and his buttboy cousin.

  75. When one misspells the first word of a post and it is only 3 letters, 2 of which are the same, well….
    maybe it really is the rebel in all his glory.

  76. [re=424122]notwavingbutdrowning[/re]: In fact, it is so sedating that it is considered a “chemical restraint”, similar to the way a straight jacket is classified as a physical restraint.

  77. [re=424411]Flanders[/re]: Word weenieism: That’s “strait jacket”, like “straits of Gibraltar”.

    Not “straight”. But then, who really is, 100%?

  78. [re=424506]iolanthe[/re]: damn! I should have gone with “leather straps”, I knew I was heading into risky terrority there. sorry. *hangs head*

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