News chilling statistics Should Barack Obama Criminalize Books?? By Juli Weiner - September 30, 2009 - 10:54am 86 SHARE Facebook Twitter Add to Flipboard Magazine. Maybe. GIVE US MONEY! - $5.00 Add to cart RELATED ARTICLESMORE FROM AUTHOR Genius Texas Hunters Shoot Each Other, Blame Invisible Mexicans, As One Does. Your Open Thread! Thanks, Liberals, For Being INSANE AND MEAN About Melania Doing The Lord’s Prayer Trump Shitcans Aides For Blasphemies Against The Dear Leader dum librul #3 just might become the highest selling pop-up book of all time. V572625694 The fact that wingnuts buy so many books is unaccountably weird. But it’s pretty certain they never actualy “read” “books” “written” by Glenn Beck, Rush, etc. Because even they’re not that stupid. Terry Honest to God, Dad Brown is a piss poor writer. I don’t get his popularity. I’m not even going to mention #2 on that list. V572625694 [re=423084]V572625694[/re]: “actually,” actually. dum librul [re=423084]V572625694[/re]: Usually they are bought in bulk by huge right wing orgs and sympathetic big businesses and passed out to participants at whichever klan rally it is they’re attending that day. KilgoreTrout_XL Uh, “Some booksellers report receiving bulk orders”? That chubby cokehead fuck is buying and reselling his book all over the place, unless he isn’t, in which case poop. hunter.blatherer What are books? Prommie [re=423091]dum librul[/re]: Authors have been known to order 10,000 or so, which is enough to get a hardcover into the top 10, and then cancel the order. Gallowglass [re=423091]dum librul[/re]: That makes more sense. I doubted Amazon’s honesty, no country could have that big of an appetite for stupid. Dan Brown, Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin comprise the trifecta of retarded. And the Palin book isn’t even out yet. BeWoot I saw huge stacks of that Beck book yesterday at Costco. (I live in rightwing country and that kind of crap sells like hotcakes around here.) The cover art is a major WTF. Why is Beck dressed in the Nazi theme? Is there some meta-significance that eludes me completely? And his smug cum impish baby face pose … the whole thing is just mondo bizarre. trondant [re=423084]V572625694[/re]: A ‘non-fiction’ book is something you or I might buy in the hopes of learning something new. For these dipped-in-guano-and-deep-fried idiots, a book is more like a Coke bottle tossed out of the window by a bush pilot passing by overhead. They’re happy to have it, will venerate it, and would love to have more like it. They will also be at least as fucking retarded as they were before they got the book, if not more. Gallowglass Wow. Number four is some survivalist handbook. Other top sellers are the memoirs of Ted Kennedy, some Ron Paul turd and Patrick Swayze’s book. “Where the Wild Things Are” is up there so I’m not too worried. Jerri Nah. Outlawing Amazon and AOL ought to take care of that problem. SayItWithWookies That’s a compelling case for illiteracy. Or literacy, even. Semi-literacy just doesn’t do it. Chickensmack [re=423084]V572625694[/re]: Wingnuts, predominantly Christian, buy these books because they’re akin to the values on display in the Bible… probably the only book wingnuts don’t read at all. hobospacejunkie [re=423100]BeWoot[/re]: Glenn Beck’s cum face on the cover of his book. For shame, that pervert. bitchincamaro Amazon is shipping it inside of box of kindling, if that says anything. Crab1 I say a prayer of thanks to Raptor Jesus for making me in his illiterate killing machine image. Thechansen Why does America, hate America? This is the most depressing post of the month of September, but I am willing to wager that if you were to post this on October 1st, that it would still manage to be the most depressing post of the entire month of October. Yaybuls I think these books sell so well just so that wingnuts can stand around in public holding the Beck book up to their face as they read for the world to see; proclaiming, I AM SILENTLY SPEAKING OUT AGAINST OUR SOCIALIST PRESIDENT!! LOOK AT ME WITH ALL MY DISSENTING RAGE! I’M JUST LIKE PATRICK HENRY! HipHopOpotamus I can see why Glenn Beck’s on the cover of Arguing with Idiots, but I think the publisher really dropped the ball when it mislabeled the author as Glenn Beck… trondant [re=423100]BeWoot[/re]: Funny, “cum” and “face” are two words that come to mind when I think of Glenn Beck too. Zadig I disagree, Juli, there is no need to criminalize books. This problem could be easily solved by requiring the purchase of books to be contingent on passing a literacy test. eclecticbrotha Now we know why Amazon calls their electronic book thingy “The Kindle.” 8 of the top 10 books on that list need to be burned. Thechansen [re=423105]Jerri[/re]: if you outlaw AOL the result would be retards can post retarded racist comments on forums WITH SPEEDBOOST! ManchuCandidate [re=423084]V572625694[/re]: No. The Left Behind Seriez was a top seller for years. I don’t know anyone intelligent who actually enjoyed reading those “books.” Jerri [re=423123]Thechansen[/re]: Oh man. There’s always a catch. karen Jesus christ, the whole fucking list of books are douchebag books! The retards are arming themselves with retard books! jetjaguar THIS IS NOT DEPRESSING AT ALL magic titty [re=423088]Terry[/re]: He’s not good enough to be piss poor. OReillysVibrator Why is Glenn Beck dressed as a Nazi? Click I can only conclude that the price of doorstops and firestarter must have gone WAY up. Jerri And about that Glenn Beck cover. I assume it was titled with no irony, yes? And the picture. Dear lord. He looks like he’s made out of cigarette ashes and I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter. Nice dark/grayish yellow circles under the eyes too there Glenn. Bleh. LittlePig These folks just want government to get out of their lives, lest it dull the pleasure of being sodomized by corporations the way Ronald Reagan, Henry Ford, and God intended. trondant He’s following his Tao? DoctorCulturae To wingnuts books are home decorations. They aren’t for reading or thinking (whatever that is). They’re little idols you walk past that make you feel all self-righteousy. Reading is what Twittter is for. Thinking is what FauxNews does for you. Too harsh? eclecticbrotha [re=423141]Jerri[/re]: Beck’s book cover is the perfect homage to his childhood role model Sergeant Schultz from “Hogan’s Heroes”. Servo GLENN BECK: MEIN KAMPF Click [re=423141]Jerri[/re]: “He looks like he’s made out of cigarette ashes and I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter.” Jerri, you are my new best friend. George Oscar Bluth [re=423137]OReillysVibrator[/re]: Glen Beck IS a Nazi. sabellaK ManchuCandidate: Word on the Left Behind books. I listened to them on audiobook as “research”, and it was the only way I could get through them. The terrible grammar was easier to take in spoken word than in print. Also, by book two, I was actively rooting for the Antichrist, and I consider myself Christian. “Enjoyment” did not enter in. George Oscar Bluth [re=423151]Servo[/re]: Mein Kampf: Ich bin Fröhlich HipHopOpotamus I’m not so worried. Ordering books from Amazon is what rednecks like Skoalrebel do – it prevents them from having to put their crocs on & venture out into the world. They save that for Walmart Day, people. Us non- real US Americans can at least drive to the local Barnes & Noble. George Oscar Bluth [re=423154]sabellaK[/re]: I saw one of the movies starring Wingnut Evangelical Kirk Cameron, when I was forced to watch it at my conservative Baptist school. My favorite part is when all the “Good Christian Kids” disappear from their clothes during the rapture right there on the soccer field, leaving one kid behind to later ACTUALLY KILL HIMSELF. Exactly the message Jesus gave us during the sermon on the mount. Anonymous Office Zombie Beck can’t even take a book cover picture without crying? And is he wearing mascara? I hope this becomes some kind of new Chris Gaines alter ego, where sometimes Glen Beck just randomly appears on his show as his evil(er?) twin, The Goth Emo Dictator. JMP [re=423141]Jerri[/re]: Glenn Beck doesn’t do irony; he believes that’s a woman’s job. George Oscar Bluth [re=423158]George Oscar Bluth[/re]: [re=423151]Servo[/re]: Mein Kampf: Ich bin ein homosexuelle FMA [re=423088]Terry[/re]: Jesus, don’t get me started on that hack. Instead, here’s a link to a story listing Dan Brown’s 20 worst sentences, which are essentially 20 sentences plucked randomly from his various works. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/books/booknews/6194031/The-Lost-Symbol-and-The-Da-Vinci-Code-author-Dan-Browns-20-worst-sentences.html Prommie [re=423148]DoctorCulturae[/re]: Fucktards have developed a “cargo cult” which mimics intellectual activity. After WWII ended, the natives of New Guinea and other islands in melanesia, who had seen the ships and planes filled with cargo come to their islands during the war, tried to lure them back by building “control towers” out of palm fronds, and wearing coconut shell “headsets” and trying to radio the planes on carved wooden radios, and in one famous instance, they even built airplanes out of twigs and palm fronds, I suppose in the beleif this would attract other airplanes the way decoys attract ducks. The fucktards are doing the same thing. They have been exposed to western civilization, but they don’t understand it, and despise and fear it. But they want the things it brings, so they have developed a “cargo cult” culture, in which they make idiots their civil and intellectual leaders, they create “universities” dedicated to the rejection of knowledge and learning, they read “books” which are filled with nonsense. Being primitives, theyt really don’t understand why their “books” and “science” and “universities” and “conservative intellectuals” really aren’t the same as real books, real science, and real universtities and intellectuals. Wiki: “A cargo cult is a type of religious practice that may appear in traditional tribal societies in the wake of interaction with technologically advanced, non-native cultures. The cults are focused on obtaining the material wealth of the advanced culture through magical thinking, religious rituals and practices, believing that the wealth was intended for them by their deities and ancestors.” Note that the fucktards believe that the legacy of their ancestors (the values of the founding fathers) have indeed been stolen from them, by this alien thing, western civilization, not realizing that the founding fathers were in fact members of western civilization. The only difference is that the fucktards are not members of a primitive tribe that has never known civilization. No, they are descendants of civilized people who have gone through degeneracy, their local “culture” reverted to primitivism at some point. They are still aware of “civilization,” but to their perspective, it is civilization that has declined, that is an alien, evil thing, and that only they are the true heirs to the ideals of real “civilization.” chascates Those 3 books are why Obama wants kids to spend more time in school. Chickensmack [re=423124]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Not necessarily. There’s something heartwarming to Xtians about books that foretell a mangled future in which their choices in creator-cum-destroyer are vindicated. Too bad they’re merely fantasy books, with the exception of New Orleans (for John Hagee) and Swedish casualties in the Boxing Day Tsunami (some other nutball preacher). Cape Clod My theory. While the more progressive reader buys a wide variety of books, wingnuts are only interested in aquiring the screeds of Coulter, Beck, Hannity, and O’Reily. Not to read, but to proudly display in their bookshelves , next to copies of the Bible and the Turner Diaries. This is done to impress their friends when they come over to watch NASCAR and view child porn. Pop Socket Wingnutz pack the bestsellers lists because liberals use that socialist institution, the library. springfield_meltdown [re=423104]Gallowglass[/re]: “Where the Wild Things Are” was made into a movie that will be released soon so I don’t think it should restore your faith in Americans. [re=423162]HipHopOpotamus[/re]: If you hit the $25 mark for free shipping, buying books on Amazon is actually cheaper than B&N since there is usually a discount around 20% and you don’t have to pay sales tax. Of course what separates me from our beloved Skoalrebel is the type of books I buy and that I can do third grade math. bitchincamaro [re=423201]Cape Clod[/re]: Your theory is as viable as[re=423196]Prommie[/re]’s. jetjaguar Now wait a minute…. The book has 4.5 out of 5 stars, but there are 45 5-star reviews, and 34 1-star reviews (almost nothing in between). How does that translate to an average(?) of 4.5 stars? Thechansen [re=423205]Pop Socket[/re]: They need to start pulling their children from that other socialist institution, school. I don’t want my future unaborted fetus, to mix with their kind. Senile Agitation Glenn is wearing a doorman’s uniform to underscore his argument that we need to take our country back from immigrant delivery boys, dog walkers, plumbers and overly-masculine moving men. His eager service to the latter is detailed in the sequel, “Wrestling with Assholes”. AuBricker Is Glenn Beck wearing his Fűrhrer Halloween costume? Cape Clod [re=423212]bitchincamaro[/re]: My theory isn’t influenced as much by Jared Diamond. Prommie put a lot of thought into it. RoscoePColtraine I read “The Da Vinci Code,” to see what all the fuss was about. Apparently, Americans enjoy chapters of 3/4 – 1 1/2 pages in length, so they get to the next “stopping place” quicker. Click [re=423238]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Busted. lawrenceofthedesert Why would the Amazon best seller list be different from music’s Top 40? A work of artistic merit making either is a rare achievement. I don’t begrudge Brown his DaVinci diamonds any more than I resented KC for “Get Down Tonight.” Froth floats to the top (wow, did I clean THAT ONE up!) Pithaughn [re=423196]Prommie[/re]: Did you win the WaPo contest already? That is the most concise bit of wisdom I have read this month. scubaix Prommie: I love that analysis. It’s like they’re trying to engage the political process, but they’ve got it all wrong. The teabaggers and their tricorner hats trying to bring back some version of a 1776 utopia they got stuck in their heads from a 3rd grade filmstrip or something. It’d be quaint if they weren’t such dangerous obtuse shrill semi-literate armed maniacs. Also, urninal-vomit ugly and obese. PerhapsSo Dilemma: I actually want to read Sarah Palin’s book, so that I can mock it more effectively. However, I don’t want to give her money, nor do I want my public library to order more copies of it. What’s a girl to do? RoscoePColtraine [re=423243]Click[/re]: What, you don’t enjoy prose like this: “Langdon was feeling the same way. The hum of the engines and the gentle rocking of the plane were hypnotic, and his head still throbbed where he’d been hit by the monk.” One of the greatest authors America has ever produced. Click [re=423196]Prommie[/re]: Bravissimo. Pithaughn [re=423254]PerhapsSo[/re]: Steal? Or better yet, start a rumour that the homo publisher/editors have secretly changed the text to advance the homo agenda, then scavenge the dumpster at the nearest assisted living facility. drpangloss Amazon top three are books about made up conspiracies and “symbology” who knew. DoctorCulturae [re=423196]Prommie[/re]: Nicely done, cooked in fact. It would seem the journey from Mayberry RFD to Birferdom (or ‘degeneracy’) was hijacked, paved, and maintained by corn syrup. Tommmcatt Couldn’t Obama just go whole-hog and make it illegal to be Glen Beck? Much better for the country in the long run. Click [re=423258]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: I suppose I was seduced into such a feeling of smug satisfaction upon the completion of each spartan chapter, I honestly wasn’t conscious of (or particularly interested in) what I was reading. But you’re right, I’ve heard the literary artistry with which he created each compelling sentence was nothing short of masterful. He is to the written word what Bob Ross (with his splendid fro) was to the world of painting with acrylics. Gorillionaire [re=423254]PerhapsSo[/re]: Just wait a week or so and it will pop up on half.com and whatnot for pennies. comicbookguy [re=423170]George Oscar Bluth[/re]: They disappeared from their clothes? You mean they all showed up in heaven naked? Awesome. librarianerin And then there’s the irony of the Teabaggers who come to their public library and cry when we can only afford to buy a few copies of these book and holy crap what do you mean I’m number 300 on the waiting list for The Lost Symbol and WHY GOD WHY don’t you have the Glenn Beck book on the day it is published, what are you Communist librarians? CivicHoliday The man sitting next to me on my flight to San Francisco this weekend was reading the Beck book. I assumed he was not one of teh gayz, what with the lack of fashion sense and choice of vapid vomit-soaked literature. RoscoePColtraine [re=423278]Click[/re]: And I think we’ll just put a happy little tree right….over….here. RoscoePColtraine [re=423170]George Oscar Bluth[/re]: When I was a kid, the ORIGINAL rapture horror flick A Thief In The Night was released and shown at our church. Kirk Cameron wasn’t even close to becoming the product of a hot, illicit, backseat of a Chevy, out of wedlock Christard sexual encounter. How’s that for recovering fundie cred, Wonkett! If you click the clicky, two things: it really was scary to a kid who was fed that shit, and you have to sit through the first 30 seconds. problemwithcaring [re=423196]Prommie[/re]: Thank you. I can move on from all of this now. StoneAge [re=423196]Prommie[/re]: I usually don’t read super long comments but I am giving you a standing ovation right now. Well done! OnTheLoose It is banned books week after all. Prommie [re=423251]scubaix[/re]: They’re doing it wrong, essentially, and dont’ even understand why. Cause of teh stupid. FMA [re=423278]Click[/re]: You, sir, owe Bob Ross an apology. I mean, you would, if he weren’t dead. I too suffered through reading “The Da Vinci Code,” just to see what all the fuss was about. I believe I set a record for throwing a book across the room. Brown’s incompetence and seeming inability to write a single coherent English sentence drove me nuts. That, and the fact that his descriptions make absolutely no sense and that the dialogue makes soap operas sound like Shakespeare and that his characters’ thoughts read like the musings of retarded third-graders… Seriously, I could go on all day like this… Click [re=423416]FMA[/re]: While I have this to back my comparison…. “he developed his quick-painting technique in order to be able to create art for sale in brief daily work breaks.” ….I do humbly apologize after reading this on wiki: “When asked about his laid-back approach to painting and eternally calm and contented demeanor, he once commented: “I got a letter from somebody here a while back, and they said, ‘Bob, everything in your world seems to be happy.’ That’s for sure. That’s why I paint. It’s because I can create the kind of world that I want, and I can make this world as happy as I want it. Shoot, if you want bad stuff, watch the news.” After his death, Bob Ross Incorporated donated most of his paintings to charities and public television stations. RIP. choom gangster [re=423327]CivicHoliday[/re]: there’s actually quite a few conservative gay folks here in SF, they pay more taxes than breeders [high income, no kids] and get riled up about it some times. Previous articleEveryone Is Hesitant To Bank $100,00 On Sarah Palin’s Ability To Read AloudNext articleIf Only There Were A Public Option… For Killer Stand-Up!