Wonkette
Current pope “Adolf Hitler” was raped by a spider today. Look at that lil’ guy, walkin’ and spider-poopin’ all over Il Popo. Kathryn Jean Lopez is not going to like this one iota. (For some reason we assumed this was a political video, what with the subject of this website and all, “politics.”) [Rumproast]
One of these days a photo of Joey Ratz is gonna surface of him & his fuehrer from near the end of the war. I will pray to jesus that this day comes soon. Though he appears to have put that day far in the future by un-excommunicating those Holocaust deniers.
Ungoliant? Is that you?
I hope it’s not radioactive. The world is not ready for a Spider-Pope. Or a black President, apparently.
The itsy-bitsy spider crawed on the nazi pope
He didn’t even notice, the senile old dope
Up came an aide to brush the spider off
And the itsy-bitsy spider quietly wandered off.
OzoneTom: Shelob mothafucka!
Must have been looking for a good nazi website.
Oh my God. Just last night, I was having a conversation about this: which is scarier, a spider with a clown face or a clown with a spider face?
Now I have to figure out a way to work something popey into that matrix. It gets scarier!
(I kept sympathy cringing while I was watching this. And checking to see if it had a tiny clown face.)
But where’s the pope?
AbstinenceOnly Ed: I’d rather him have those spider powers now than when he was a teenager, otherwise the Nazis would have seen Allied attacks coming.
Wow — that looks like the most excitement those people had all day. Imagine having to sit in a room for hours in a black dress while that ridiculous fool — who only believes in science as long as it’s guided by religion — drones on in his soporific monotone about how the world seems to be ignoring them more and more.
The spider, meanwhile, is thinking “It’ll take about fifty feet of good 10 gauge silk to wrap this critter up — but once I bag ‘im I’ll be set for life!”
Saw the ‘mean old spider’ & thought you were talking about Chuck Grassley again….
Where’s the aide that uses a rolled up newspaper to smack it?
The Lizard People will not like this one bit.
Charlotte’s Web: Charlotte’s Revenge
It’s the story of a runt former Nazee Yout who is befriended by a spider, Charlotte, during those lonely years in the seminary till the spider starts talking smack about the Opus Dei and it’s desire liberalize the church. Ratzee cuts off all contact with Charlotte, but in it’s dying breath it vows that one of her descendants will humiliate him on the intertubes.
Didn’t this come out like, three days ago? See this Gawker post:
http://gawker.com/5368586/gods-eight+legged-operative-fails-to-complete-reconnaissance-mission
Common, it can’t be that slow of a news day!
That’s not a spider, that’s just his soul trying to get a little fresh air.
God sent a spider to me recently. But it didn’t crawl on my clothes, it bit me. Must be because I am a grrl and will never have infallibility, as I am a gender-FAIL.
It’s like Willard, but with spiders and a much creepier Willard.
Dontread: Great catch. Last time I checked, Wonkette is free.
So I guess you get what you paid for. A lousy website that is 3 days behind news-breaking stories.
If you crank the audio way up you can hear the spider shouting, “The sow is mine! The sow is mine!”
The Vatican’s whimsical performance art remake of the favorite African children’s story “Anansi the Spider” - titled “Anazi and the Spider.”
yet ANOTHER sign of the apocalypse… or that the Pope is a zombie… or both
It makes him look impure, tainted and somewhat rotten. Amen.
Dontread: Fuck off. I liked watching the spider.
badmuthagoose: Clowns and popes are more or less interchangable.
Which of these is scarier: A rat with a Ratz face, or a Ratz with a rats face?
IT!
Extemporanus: I’m gonna go with a rat with a Ratz face because the second thing already exists. The first thing would be freaky.
That is clearly the earthly form of Magog. Stay off the roads, the Rapture should begin any moment now.
That’s what’s called ‘a tell’.
St. Felix, patron saint of spiders, please intercede on our behalf, and allow your earthly representative, the brown recluse spider, access to Il Papa’s cassock.
Pax vobis, y’all!
Awesome. That little arachnid went in one ear and came out the other.
Semi-related, but my new favorite picture: http://godhatesprotesters.wordpress.com/2009/09/28/jesus-3-teabagging/
She’s so happy about it too!
badmuthagoose: It would indeed be freaky, as this documentary film footage illustrates.
That’s one badass pope. If that spider got on my daughter like that, she’d be screaming like a little girl.
On the other hand, she is a little girl. So, anyway. The pope is tougher than a little girl. Makes me proud to be (ex)Catholic.
They was just a-scared the damn spinner was going to create a revealing web with the words “some pig” or “bible lies” or “pope nazi” etc.
badmuthagoose: Is that a ‘4′ or did someone cut her Jesus fish in half?
It would appear that the spider came from the open sore in his face, similar to the poor woman in the Martin Sheen POS, “The Believers”. But that would mean something diabolical. hmmmm.
The institution this inconsequential old man in a dress represents once wielded immmense power . This lends me some solace,in the same way that reminding myself how much I like dogs comforts me when I am over come with loathing for humanity .
badmuthagoose: well, jesus did teach us to love one another!
the schism continues
badmuthagoose: Ewww, I wonder what her balls look like.
AbstinenceOnly Ed:
Spider Pope,
Spider Pope,
Better remember your soap on a rope.
What am I implying?
Oh nothing forget it.
Spider Pope.
That lil’ spider’s name is Satan, and he lives in a little cavity inside the “Pope head”, that is actually the “Pope command center”.
Spider Pope
Spider Pope
Does whatever a Spider Pope does
Can he swing
From a web
No he can’t
He’s a Pope
Look Out!!
He is a Spider Pope
Click: A 4.
Smoke Filled Roommate: OR…she’s on the receiving end of Jesus’ old balls. I’m guessing that because she looks so happy about it.
Way Cool Larry: RADICAL love, no less. Finally someone who pays attention to Jesus’ teachings. Do the sparrows worry about tomorrow? No. They lie back and receive the holy teabagging from the Son of God, yea amen.
Snarkalicious: Beat me to it!! Great minds..
Click: You just discovered the secret behind platters of mercury-laden rotten tuna twats.
“Rumproast” sounds like a blog that covers the Catholic clergy full-time.
Rotundo: I like how you rhymed “off” with “off”.
The devil works in mysterious ways.
Clearly, you people have never seen/read Stephen King’s “IT.”
“We all float down here . . . under the Vatican!”
Will given his youth it would have to be a Death’s Head Spider.
Spider Pope
Spider Pope
Tryin’ to give the masses hope
Claims to have the line on truth
Used to hang with the Hitler Youth
Watch out! Don’t mess with the Pontiff
The man sure ain’t no goniff
Being the Spider Pope!
THAT SPIDER IS THE POPE! He was out sucking the pureed juices from a paralyzed cockroach and suddenly the camera lights went on. So then he had to race back up into that piece of dead, animated meat sack he uses for transportation and controlled the shit out of him and had everybody oohing and ahhing about the holiness emanating from his fuckedness.
And that’s all you have to know about the Pope.
Dashboard_Buddha: I found your post to be rather disrespectful, bordering on vulgarity even. I’m not sure I really like that sort of thing.
Dolmance: Ah shit…and I was hoping you would like it.
At least His Holiness and confidently claim there are no flies on him.
The thing about the Holocaust-denying bishop Williamson is that he wasn’t excommunicated for being Nazi-loving scum. He was excommunicated for being part of the hyper-reactionary SSPX organisation and ordaining hyper-reactionary SSPX priests, disobeying a direct command from the Vatican. He and the other bishops were un-excommunicated because Pope Ratzy wants to make nice with the SSPX. There’s no way he could have been left out of the un-excommunication order just because he’s Nazi loving scum, because the punishment had nothing to do with being Nazi loving scum, but only for disobeying a direct Vatican order. If you follow me.
I thought that spot on his cheek was the spider until the real thing showed up. The papal valet is gonna catch hell for this. You have to remember to look into the slippers and shake out the robes.
I finally figured it out– that spider is the Miraculous Infant Jesus of Prague. The pope wanted Miraculous Infant Jesus (’Midge’ for short) on the Popestage with him, but didn’t want to cause a big stir so he bippity boppity booed him into a spider!
Smoke Filled Roommate: Mmmm….Carmelites….
http://praguemonitor.com/2009/09/29/pope-denounces-consumerism-czech-place-pilgrimage
Godless socialist.
— Glennda of Beck
Why can’t His Papishness learn from Barry? Six legs (e.g., Chuckley “Hexapoda” Grassley) bad, eight legs good.
http://images.mirror.co.uk/upl/m4/jun2009/9/3/obama-fly-swat-784063383.jpg
Squash.
I love how everyone just “observed” the whole thing, watching in what sounds like morbid curiosity. There were even some follow-up observations describing the offending spider “dangling from a web” on pontiff’s robe as he made his exit. Papal equivalent of letting your friend work the nightclub scene with toilet paper on shoe or fly open. Love it.
The spider, who had always dreamed of weaving the world’s largest web of deception, decided to seek advice from the current record holder.
BITE HIS FACE!
[re=422664]Extemporanus: badmuthagoose[/re]: Do you mean these clowns? Because an Army of Clowns with rat faces is much scarier than either of the foregoing scenarios.
That video is so yesterday. And on the East Coast it’s the day before yesterday.
doloras: Thanks for clearing that up. It’s so much more comforting to know the pope unexcommunicated those nazi-lovers for reasons other than they repented of their nazi-loving.
Arachnophobia sequel…
Never let a German shepherd watch the flock. Or something. Maybe he’s Austrian. There’s a joke in there somewhere. It’s yours.
That’s what he gets for going to Transylvania, which we rescued through the grace of St. Reagan, and should celebrate annually with a holiday and mountain-carving. Or border-carving, or whatever.
Then, maybe Havel had something to do with it, if the moral suasion stuff ever actually mattered. It certainly wasn’t some German guy in slippers.
A Nazi spider, probably a pet.
Smoke Filled Roommate: The infant of Prague customized my van.