INSTITUTIONALIZE IT  1:26 pm September 29, 2009

Shouty Town Halls Died The Day Starbucks Made An Ad About Shouty Town Halls

by Jim Newell

Variations of this new Starbucks ad have been on the television recently, for some new coffee dongle. Essentially, “now you can pay a shitload for our instant coffee too!” But town halls are dead, is the point. They’ve been dead for a month or so, and now they are dead-dead. [YouTube]

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JadedDIssonance September 29, 2009 at 1:28 pm

Chicago was a test market for that shouty instanty coffeey stuff. Sure, it was fun.

american mutt September 29, 2009 at 1:29 pm


Crank Tango September 29, 2009 at 1:30 pm

so the message here is “you can’t tell our coffee from instant”?

Evil Dr. Puma September 29, 2009 at 1:32 pm

Does this mean we get to bring assault rifles to Starbucks?

RoscoePColtraine September 29, 2009 at 1:33 pm

Needed to be done in hillbilly. “I cain’t taste the difference! I cain’t either!”


Satire FAIL.

SayItWithWookies September 29, 2009 at 1:34 pm

[re=422076]Crank Tango[/re]: No, they can’t tell the difference between Kenyan and Hawaiian.

problemwithcaring September 29, 2009 at 1:34 pm

Do wingnuts hate Starbucks for being liberal fascist, or do they love Starbucks for being corporate megla-gods?

How will this be Obama’s fault, is what I am askin’?

Click September 29, 2009 at 1:34 pm

I like my shouty town halls extra foamy.

dementor September 29, 2009 at 1:37 pm

[re=422081]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: The metal chairs aren’t groaning at the joints. Realism FAIL.

ChernobylSoup v2 September 29, 2009 at 1:37 pm

Needs more racism.

jasper f. krone September 29, 2009 at 1:38 pm

This ad played, without irony, during Morning Joe. All that whoring for starbucks that Mika does, and she couldn’t even acknowledge it, despite her equivocating on the appropriateness of shouting. So much better when she was “afraid to voice her opinions on television”.

Crank Tango September 29, 2009 at 1:38 pm

[re=422082]SayItWithWookies[/re]: zing!

Then again when you think of it, maybe kenyan IS hawaiian? I mean has anyone ever seen kenya and hawaii in the same place at the same time?

proudgrampa September 29, 2009 at 1:39 pm

[re=422074]american mutt[/re]: AND A LITTLE BIT SOFTER NOW. AND A LITTLE BIT SOFTER NOW.

Monsieur Grumpe September 29, 2009 at 1:41 pm

At last. coffee I can snort.

drrty martini September 29, 2009 at 1:44 pm

And no hand written signs…and no kinky street theater of Obama spanking an Old.

a_pink_poodle September 29, 2009 at 1:44 pm

Of course they can’t! Why do you think they believe what’s coming out of Beck’s and Limbaugh’s mouths?

ChernobylSoup v2 September 29, 2009 at 1:44 pm

[re=422085]Click[/re]: But please use pure cream. Half & half is unamerican.

dum librul September 29, 2009 at 1:44 pm

[re=422084]problemwithcaring[/re]: Regardless, this is great news for McCain.

Accordion-o-rama September 29, 2009 at 1:47 pm

Starbucks: espresso so lame, you can’t tell it from instant!

slappypaddy September 29, 2009 at 1:48 pm

town halls are the heart of democracy. god help us. the enlarged, clogged, straining, oxygen-starved heart of democracy.

now, if it only had a brain.

specialed September 29, 2009 at 1:49 pm

That was funny.

bureaucrap September 29, 2009 at 1:49 pm

[re=422092]Crank Tango[/re]: Kenya and Hawaii both are coffee-producing regions. Therefore, Starbucks is Obama is Hitler is Mwai Kibaki is King Kamehameha.

HipHopOpotamus September 29, 2009 at 1:50 pm

Starbucks has had this thing for a year. [Warning: one of the thousands of ex-employees. It's like the new-er, chic-er place to have had a first (or third..) job. Suck it, McD's]. AND I CAN TASTE THE DIFFERENCE.

I should be in that town hall meeting, is what I’m saying. So I could bite off a finger.

Yellow Cake September 29, 2009 at 1:50 pm

You mean Starbucks is going to start having Death Panels too?

shortsshortsshorts September 29, 2009 at 1:53 pm


Lascauxcaveman September 29, 2009 at 1:53 pm

[re=422081]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Tsk, Roscoe. Yew call yerself a hillbilly? If yer gonna fix it, fix it all the way. That last bit should read I cain’t neither!

[re=422090]jasper f. krone[/re]: Not too old, not too ugly, and quite deferential to men, actually. Mika’s perfect for Morning Joe.

CorkPopper September 29, 2009 at 1:54 pm

Is that Roz from Frasier doing the voice-over? Because of Seattle, or something?

Smoke Filled Roommate September 29, 2009 at 1:54 pm

“I can’t tell the difference! Birth certificate, Hitler, ACORN!”

Scarab September 29, 2009 at 1:55 pm

Brilliant ad campaign, it targets Starbucks core demographic, overweight white people who will kill you if they think you’re trying to get in line ahead of them.

norbizness September 29, 2009 at 1:57 pm

What’s the open casting call look like for an accurate town hall commercial: “Dyspeptic octogenarians with Tourette’s syndrome or irritable bowels sought to yell non sequiturs for the purpose of selling overpriced, overheated, shit-coffee”? In other words, too many youngs in this test run.

ForTheTurnstiles September 29, 2009 at 1:57 pm

Not the same as the insane, untested missle-krusher dongle in Poland?

Need a bigger data set. More dongle pls.

randomsausage September 29, 2009 at 1:58 pm

Ein Volk, Ein Reich, Ein Triple Venti Mocha

Sharkey September 29, 2009 at 1:59 pm

I would not trust those people to boil their own water.

Crank Tango September 29, 2009 at 2:02 pm


Click September 29, 2009 at 2:02 pm

Because pouring hot water into a coffee machine is too time-consuming.

Crank Tango September 29, 2009 at 2:04 pm

[re=422108]bureaucrap[/re]: and Adolphe Stalin drank coffee!

Besides, isn’t coffee the opposite of tea anyway?

Come here a minute September 29, 2009 at 2:05 pm

This will finally cure the internets of “you owe me a keyboard” and “you owe me a monitor”. Use the vacuum cleaner!

twowheeljunkie September 29, 2009 at 2:07 pm

Srarbucks is evil. Didn’t you see the Spy who Shaged me.

Way Cool Larry September 29, 2009 at 2:13 pm

[re=422092]Crank Tango[/re]: of course… the long sought after key to Obama’s citizenship mystery: THE COFFEE BEAN CONNECTION!!!!! DUH DUNH DUH DUNH!!!

OK, I’ll stop now.

HedonismBot September 29, 2009 at 2:19 pm

“Shouty Town Halls Died the Day Starbucks Made An Ad About Shouty Town Halls”
-Ergo, we owe Starbucks a hearty round of gratitude for killing said shouty town halls. I demand they now make ads about Michelle Bachmann, Sarah Palin, Teabag Parties and Chad from the Alltel commercials, for starters.

Extemporanus September 29, 2009 at 2:21 pm

[re=422119]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: In a recent survey of town hall coffeebaggers*, 73% said that they thought the birth certificate was Folger-y.

1. One who coffeebags.

2. To place one’s anus on the mouth, or on or around the face, of another person.

hobospacejunkie September 29, 2009 at 2:25 pm

The Horst Wessel Venti. If this new coffee will make Mika instantly take off her clothes I’ll not only buy the coffee, I’ll watch Morning Joe.

schvitzatura September 29, 2009 at 2:28 pm

VIA? SBUX is starting their taste test of their VIA vs. Pike Place Roast in the next couple of days.

SBUX baristatron gave me a packet/sachet of the stuff this morning.

I tried it.


Click September 29, 2009 at 2:39 pm

[re=422133]Click[/re]: Shit. What was I thinking? You never pour HOT water into a coffee machine. I guess that means instant coffee requires one extra step. Who needs that?

Cheney Guevara September 29, 2009 at 2:42 pm

[re=422076]Crank Tango[/re]:

totally. it’s like the frozen white castle burgers; they taste like the real thing b/c both suck.

saggyboobedhag September 29, 2009 at 2:59 pm

Why are there no women shouting in this ad? Women made for some of the best shouters (especially waving ziplock bagged birth certificates). You have to at least have one crying Puma, for god’s sake.

Atheist Nun September 29, 2009 at 3:15 pm

So… the screaming tards on the fake commercial Town Halls and the screaming tards at actual Town Halls were both sponsored by corporations?

Well, dip me in batter twice and call me “Extra Crispy!”

Smoke Filled Roommate September 29, 2009 at 4:03 pm

[re=422167]Extemporanus[/re]: You so punny!

WickedWitch September 29, 2009 at 5:11 pm

Meh. If I’m gonna drink instant, I’ll stick with Folgers.

Jukesgrrl September 29, 2009 at 5:22 pm

[re=422095]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Thanks, I wasn’t planning to buy this product, but now I’ll reconsider.

Jukesgrrl September 29, 2009 at 5:29 pm

[re=422164]HedonismBot[/re]: I, too, hate Chad from the Alltel commercials, while I am neutral on the can-you-hear-me-now-guy. But it doesn’t matter since I am too old for their target demographic. Starbucks doesn’t care if I drink their instant, either, because I will be dead before they can extract their desired million $ out of me.

spraklepeapooh September 29, 2009 at 6:14 pm

Next the Farmers of Argula and Snotty Cruciferous Intelligentsia-loved Salad Treats Suppliers [FASCISTS] will also produce an ad playing on the shouty town hall meetings and the right-wingers will have more evidence for their conspiracy theories.

grevillea September 29, 2009 at 7:27 pm

“Sir, no, sir… No, no sir, please listen, sir, the taste test wasn’t meant to be between VIA and the contents of your colostomy bag, sir… You preferred which one, now?

LowerdPeninsula September 30, 2009 at 12:15 am

[re=422167]Extemporanus[/re]: Coffeebagger. Priceless Win.

[re=422081]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: “Needed to be done in hillbilly. “I cain’t taste the difference! I cain’t either!”

Sorry; that had me rolling.

glamourdammerung September 30, 2009 at 4:19 am

At least they got the color of the screamers right, but sadly, the ad needs more racism.

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