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Shouty Town Halls Died The Day Starbucks Made An Ad About Shouty Town Halls

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Variations of this new Starbucks ad have been on the television recently, for some new coffee dongle. Essentially, “now you can pay a shitload for our instant coffee too!” But town halls are dead, is the point. They’ve been dead for a month or so, and now they are dead-dead. [YouTube]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • JadedDIssonance

    Chicago was a test market for that shouty instanty coffeey stuff. Sure, it was fun.

  • american mutt


  • Crank Tango

    so the message here is “you can’t tell our coffee from instant”?

  • Evil Dr. Puma

    Does this mean we get to bring assault rifles to Starbucks?

  • RoscoePColtraine

    Needed to be done in hillbilly. “I cain’t taste the difference! I cain’t either!”


    Satire FAIL.

  • SayItWithWookies

    [re=422076]Crank Tango[/re]: No, they can’t tell the difference between Kenyan and Hawaiian.

  • problemwithcaring

    Do wingnuts hate Starbucks for being liberal fascist, or do they love Starbucks for being corporate megla-gods?

    How will this be Obama’s fault, is what I am askin’?

  • Click

    I like my shouty town halls extra foamy.

  • dementor

    [re=422081]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: The metal chairs aren’t groaning at the joints. Realism FAIL.

  • ChernobylSoup v2

    Needs more racism.

  • jasper f. krone

    This ad played, without irony, during Morning Joe. All that whoring for starbucks that Mika does, and she couldn’t even acknowledge it, despite her equivocating on the appropriateness of shouting. So much better when she was “afraid to voice her opinions on television”.

  • Crank Tango

    [re=422082]SayItWithWookies[/re]: zing!

    Then again when you think of it, maybe kenyan IS hawaiian? I mean has anyone ever seen kenya and hawaii in the same place at the same time?

  • proudgrampa

    [re=422074]american mutt[/re]: AND A LITTLE BIT SOFTER NOW. AND A LITTLE BIT SOFTER NOW.

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    At last. coffee I can snort.

  • drrty martini

    And no hand written signs…and no kinky street theater of Obama spanking an Old.

  • a_pink_poodle

    Of course they can’t! Why do you think they believe what’s coming out of Beck’s and Limbaugh’s mouths?

  • ChernobylSoup v2

    [re=422085]Click[/re]: But please use pure cream. Half & half is unamerican.

  • dum librul

    [re=422084]problemwithcaring[/re]: Regardless, this is great news for McCain.

  • Accordion-o-rama

    Starbucks: espresso so lame, you can’t tell it from instant!

  • slappypaddy

    town halls are the heart of democracy. god help us. the enlarged, clogged, straining, oxygen-starved heart of democracy.

    now, if it only had a brain.

  • specialed

    That was funny.

  • bureaucrap

    [re=422092]Crank Tango[/re]: Kenya and Hawaii both are coffee-producing regions. Therefore, Starbucks is Obama is Hitler is Mwai Kibaki is King Kamehameha.

  • HipHopOpotamus

    Starbucks has had this thing for a year. [Warning: one of the thousands of ex-employees. It’s like the new-er, chic-er place to have had a first (or third..) job. Suck it, McD’s]. AND I CAN TASTE THE DIFFERENCE.

    I should be in that town hall meeting, is what I’m saying. So I could bite off a finger.

  • Yellow Cake

    You mean Starbucks is going to start having Death Panels too?

  • shortsshortsshorts


  • Lascauxcaveman

    [re=422081]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Tsk, Roscoe. Yew call yerself a hillbilly? If yer gonna fix it, fix it all the way. That last bit should read I cain’t neither!

    [re=422090]jasper f. krone[/re]: Not too old, not too ugly, and quite deferential to men, actually. Mika’s perfect for Morning Joe.

  • CorkPopper

    Is that Roz from Frasier doing the voice-over? Because of Seattle, or something?

  • Smoke Filled Roommate

    “I can’t tell the difference! Birth certificate, Hitler, ACORN!”

  • Scarab

    Brilliant ad campaign, it targets Starbucks core demographic, overweight white people who will kill you if they think you’re trying to get in line ahead of them.

  • norbizness

    What’s the open casting call look like for an accurate town hall commercial: “Dyspeptic octogenarians with Tourette’s syndrome or irritable bowels sought to yell non sequiturs for the purpose of selling overpriced, overheated, shit-coffee”? In other words, too many youngs in this test run.

  • ForTheTurnstiles

    Not the same as the insane, untested missle-krusher dongle in Poland?

    Need a bigger data set. More dongle pls.

  • randomsausage

    Ein Volk, Ein Reich, Ein Triple Venti Mocha

  • Sharkey

    I would not trust those people to boil their own water.

  • Crank Tango


  • Click

    Because pouring hot water into a coffee machine is too time-consuming.

  • Crank Tango

    [re=422108]bureaucrap[/re]: and Adolphe Stalin drank coffee!

    Besides, isn’t coffee the opposite of tea anyway?

  • Come here a minute

    This will finally cure the internets of “you owe me a keyboard” and “you owe me a monitor”. Use the vacuum cleaner!

  • twowheeljunkie

    Srarbucks is evil. Didn’t you see the Spy who Shaged me.

  • Way Cool Larry

    [re=422092]Crank Tango[/re]: of course… the long sought after key to Obama’s citizenship mystery: THE COFFEE BEAN CONNECTION!!!!! DUH DUNH DUH DUNH!!!

    OK, I’ll stop now.

  • HedonismBot

    “Shouty Town Halls Died the Day Starbucks Made An Ad About Shouty Town Halls”
    -Ergo, we owe Starbucks a hearty round of gratitude for killing said shouty town halls. I demand they now make ads about Michelle Bachmann, Sarah Palin, Teabag Parties and Chad from the Alltel commercials, for starters.

  • Extemporanus

    [re=422119]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: In a recent survey of town hall coffeebaggers*, 73% said that they thought the birth certificate was Folger-y.

    1. One who coffeebags.

    2. To place one’s anus on the mouth, or on or around the face, of another person.

  • hobospacejunkie

    The Horst Wessel Venti. If this new coffee will make Mika instantly take off her clothes I’ll not only buy the coffee, I’ll watch Morning Joe.

  • schvitzatura

    VIA? SBUX is starting their taste test of their VIA vs. Pike Place Roast in the next couple of days.

    SBUX baristatron gave me a packet/sachet of the stuff this morning.

    I tried it.

    VIA? More like VIA DOLOROSA!

  • Click

    [re=422133]Click[/re]: Shit. What was I thinking? You never pour HOT water into a coffee machine. I guess that means instant coffee requires one extra step. Who needs that?

  • Cheney Guevara

    [re=422076]Crank Tango[/re]:

    totally. it’s like the frozen white castle burgers; they taste like the real thing b/c both suck.

  • saggyboobedhag

    Why are there no women shouting in this ad? Women made for some of the best shouters (especially waving ziplock bagged birth certificates). You have to at least have one crying Puma, for god’s sake.

  • Atheist Nun

    So… the screaming tards on the fake commercial Town Halls and the screaming tards at actual Town Halls were both sponsored by corporations?

    Well, dip me in batter twice and call me “Extra Crispy!”

  • Smoke Filled Roommate

    [re=422167]Extemporanus[/re]: You so punny!

  • WickedWitch

    Meh. If I’m gonna drink instant, I’ll stick with Folgers.

  • Jukesgrrl

    [re=422095]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Thanks, I wasn’t planning to buy this product, but now I’ll reconsider.

  • Jukesgrrl

    [re=422164]HedonismBot[/re]: I, too, hate Chad from the Alltel commercials, while I am neutral on the can-you-hear-me-now-guy. But it doesn’t matter since I am too old for their target demographic. Starbucks doesn’t care if I drink their instant, either, because I will be dead before they can extract their desired million $ out of me.

  • spraklepeapooh

    Next the Farmers of Argula and Snotty Cruciferous Intelligentsia-loved Salad Treats Suppliers [FASCISTS] will also produce an ad playing on the shouty town hall meetings and the right-wingers will have more evidence for their conspiracy theories.

  • grevillea

    “Sir, no, sir… No, no sir, please listen, sir, the taste test wasn’t meant to be between VIA and the contents of your colostomy bag, sir… You preferred which one, now?

  • LowerdPeninsula

    [re=422167]Extemporanus[/re]: Coffeebagger. Priceless Win.

    [re=422081]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: “Needed to be done in hillbilly. “I cain’t taste the difference! I cain’t either!”

    Sorry; that had me rolling.

  • glamourdammerung

    At least they got the color of the screamers right, but sadly, the ad needs more racism.