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ACHIEVEMENTS IN CHOREOGRAPHY

Tom DeLay Wins All Of Dance For The Second Week In A Row!


Yes yes yes yes. Tom DeLay’s second appearance on the the dancey weight-loss pyramid scheme show was last night! How big of a success was it, using DANCE as a metric? Let’s just say “mazurka”! It is crucial that you watch this video immediately, as towards the end, Tom DeLay nearly drops the Cheryl lady on her skull, and every time the video is played, it looks like he gets closer and closer to actually doing it. Anyway, watch Cheryl and Tom flail around to a harsh-sounding tango—a performance that earned them 18 sequins out of 30 feathers. [POLITICO]


9:43 AM on Tue September 29 2009
By Juli Weiner
1287 Views

  1. Darthhippy says at 9:48 am, September 29th, 2009

    Why, would you do that to us. Your loyal fans don’t deserve that travesty. I approve, keep up the good work.

  2. Colin Firth-Certificate says at 9:48 am, September 29th, 2009

    how they gonna keep them down on the farm in Sugarland after that?

  3. KilgoreTrout_XL says at 9:48 am, September 29th, 2009

    Oh jesus. I think I’m going to sympathy-vomit for that poor girl.

  4. DoctorCulturae says at 9:49 am, September 29th, 2009

    I don’t know about any of you, but I’ve put in my call to Dr. Kevorkian’s office. What’s next? Toileting with the Rich and Famous?

  5. I have stepped on a woman’s toe or two, but never attempted to step on her face.

  6. Monsieur Grumpe says at 9:58 am, September 29th, 2009

    Frankenstein does the Tango. If he was any stiffer he could start a new career as a surf board.

  7. Mr. Obvious sez:

    Looks like he can’t go to his left.

    Still, this will go in his highlight reel for the benefit of all the 300-pound father rapers waiting for him in lockup.

  8. skoal rebel says at 10:03 am, September 29th, 2009

    gayest thing i ever seen seems the liebrals want to turn everyone gay hell i aint ever ended up at no truck stop in the middle of the night with a peter in my mouth don’t listen to the h8ers

  9. queeraselvis v 2.0 says at 10:06 am, September 29th, 2009

    Delay will be using all this fine dance training for when he becomes a power bottom in federal prison.

  10. finallyhappy says at 10:11 am, September 29th, 2009

    An ad that means something to me- that isn’t the really hot guy from FIT. I love M.C. Beaton- I didn’t know there was a new book.

  11. hobospacejunkie says at 10:12 am, September 29th, 2009

    skoal rebel: Tom Delay has for sure found hisself at a truckstop with a dick in his mouth on more than one occasion. And Kathy Griffin wasn’t there to knock it out, either.

  12. It’s tough to control while dancing with a hard-on…

  13. As a former ballroom dance instructor, I feel qualified to make this judgment: Tom Delay is an unfeeling monster who is lousy in bed.

  14. As a gigolo, let me state that monkeys can be trained in dance choreography given enough time, providing you can get them to stop flinging their poo. The Hammer’s routine was all about Cheryl until the end, when it was about him and he flubbed it. This is why pro-am competition is so popular in the States: the professional can make up for the failings of the amateur. To a point.

  15. you cannot be serious says at 10:19 am, September 29th, 2009

    I would want a Silkwood shower after the bug man put his hands on my bare skin.

  16. hobospacejunkie says at 10:20 am, September 29th, 2009

    Wait a minute. This is called Dancing with the Stars. Who’s the star in this duo? All I see is an anonymous woman & a corrupt politician (redundant?) who’s been indicted.

  17. AnnieGetYourFun says at 10:23 am, September 29th, 2009

    Monsieur Grumpe: My dad is so inflexible that he can’t even do a normal shoulder-check while driving. He has to turn the entire upper half of his body to see that no one is in his blind spot. Compared to Tom Delay, my dad is a floating, dancing yogi.

  18. PalinsAfterbirth says at 10:25 am, September 29th, 2009

    That is soooo pre-op!

  19. queeraselvis v 2.0: This is a prelude to The Hammer’s next Federally Sponsored gig, Mincing Behind The Bars.

  20. Aflac Shrugged says at 10:33 am, September 29th, 2009

    greywindz: And God knows there’s no bigger hard-on than Tom DeLay.

  21. yargisbargis says at 10:33 am, September 29th, 2009

    hobospacejunkie: DWTS is chock-full of stars!! You obviously are not up on your 80s sitcoms and VH1 reality shows!!

  22. hobospacejunkie says at 10:42 am, September 29th, 2009

    @yargisbargis: You are correct, yes. Also, my sole exposure to DWTS is via the Wonkett & TRMS on MSNBC. And so all I’ve seen is The exTerminator with his partner, the obviously cursed Cheryl. She must’ve been some kind of evil in a previous life to have earned this horrible fate.

  23. Canmon (the Inadequate) says at 10:44 am, September 29th, 2009

    Delay/Cheryl 2012

  24. denver_80203 says at 10:49 am, September 29th, 2009

    He was trying to catch a glimpse of her nipple.

  25. freakishlystrong says at 10:49 am, September 29th, 2009

    Delay will be the wife in Federal Pound Me in the Ass prison. Hell, he’s the wife on DWTS..

  26. CaptainMorgan says at 11:22 am, September 29th, 2009

    He clearly tripped over the line to his colostomy bag.

  27. DemmeFatale says at 11:46 am, September 29th, 2009

    The horrifying “dancing” was a perfect match for the awful accordion (circa, Poland 1943) “music!”

  28. nightshift says at 12:40 pm, September 29th, 2009

    Reading comments about DeLouse as a power bottom, hard-ons, etc. I’m bulemic now from barfing so much!

  29. Way Cool Larry says at 12:48 pm, September 29th, 2009

    DemmeFatale: indeed — that music couldn’t have been cheesier

  30. Johnny Zhivago says at 1:23 pm, September 29th, 2009

    I’d actually watch Delay dancing to “Flim Flam Man”.

  31. yellowdogdem says at 1:28 pm, September 29th, 2009

    When I think of Tom Delay, I think of roaches. I picture them coming out of his pockets.

  32. Accordion-o-rama says at 1:36 pm, September 29th, 2009

    From the scowl on his face, Delay has just realized his partner a brown person.

  33. Joshua Norton says at 1:55 pm, September 29th, 2009

    Tommy would be well advised to start learning how to dance backwards. I’m sure that Big Louie won’t be too happy if he gets his feet stomped on by the bug man at the Penitentiary Homecoming Dance.

  34. I keep hearing the sound of 6:31 into this video when I see this a-hole prancing around:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1tjWYEMQ70w

  35. I’ve seen Japanese humanoid robots move with more fluidity and grace. Did Tom get all his joints removed and replaced by pneumatic pistons, ala Dick Cheney?

  36. That looks strangely familiar… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OE6P-lwS0lQ

  37. FreshCliches says at 5:16 pm, September 29th, 2009

    What’s the exchange rate among sequins, feathers, and whore diamonds?

  38. lampadadog says at 12:44 am, September 30th, 2009

    12 sequins = 1 feather
    500 feathers = 1 whore diamond

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