BEST RACIST OF THE YEAR  3:33 pm September 28, 2009

Joe The Plumber Wins Magical Award At Latest Wingnut Conference

by Jim Newell

Where the dickens is that knavish wingnut reporter Dave Weigel these days? In St. Louis, at the “How to Take Back America Conference,” along with every famous racist worth his or her salt. The hottest panels this weekend focused on: how to kill black people, why black people are worse than white people always, and how do we stop the black people from being alive? Also, this photo (of Dave took many more): “The golden wrench that Rep. Steve King (R-Iowa) and Rep. Tom Price (R-Iowa) presented to Joe the Plumber.” Uhh. [Washington Independent]

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Jim89048 September 28, 2009 at 3:37 pm

I had one of those gold pipe wrenches, which lost its usefulness upon the advent of plastic pipe about a hundred years ago. I wondered where it went.

norbizness September 28, 2009 at 3:38 pm

That poor Weigel kid and his utterly wasted life.

Cape Clod September 28, 2009 at 3:41 pm

Why do these morans still see Joe the Plumber as some sort of political asset?

Nerdball September 28, 2009 at 3:42 pm

So much stoopid all in one place. A blogger’s dream! A county’s nightmare?

Monsieur Grumpe September 28, 2009 at 3:42 pm

Which tool is Joe?

CrunchyKnee September 28, 2009 at 3:44 pm

That’ll learn all you Godless lib’rals…Joe didn’t need no fancy skoolin’ to win an award.

Vulpes82 September 28, 2009 at 3:45 pm

Did they at least hit him over the head with it?

Jim Demintia September 28, 2009 at 3:45 pm

The power possessed by that wrench is the only thing standing between us and mass gay married socialism.

StripesAndPlaids September 28, 2009 at 3:45 pm

[re=421009]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Big tool for a big tool.

Fox n Fiends September 28, 2009 at 3:45 pm

I was recently reading about the life of Sen. Charles Sumner, and its unnerving how little has changed since then.

tootsieroll September 28, 2009 at 3:46 pm

“This is the heavily-decorated car of Lynda Farley, a Kentucky activist who proudly showed off the designs to other attendees. The poisonous effects of smoking, she said, are “a hoax, just like global warming.”

I think we found a woman for skoalrebel!

queeraselvis v 2.0 September 28, 2009 at 3:46 pm

Pity that Dave Weigel didn’t grab the pipe wrench and go all HULK SMASH on these fuckers.

the problem child September 28, 2009 at 3:47 pm

I just love the word “wrench”. And I love wrenches. So easy to use, both on pipes (and on plumbers). And no one ever questions why you have one in your basement.

freakishlystrong September 28, 2009 at 3:48 pm

When will these fools realize we “took the country back” last November?

Oh, and wingnutz? His name is Sam and he is not a plumber.

GDuvall September 28, 2009 at 3:50 pm

[re=421005]norbizness[/re]: Nah. One need look no farther than one Phineas Taylor Barnum to realize that a comfortable and successful career can be made displaying the world’s freaks for the benefit of gawking yokels.

chaste everywhere September 28, 2009 at 3:50 pm

Oh, I thought they gave him “a golden WENCH”!

Kell doe-mahj . . .

queeraselvis v 2.0 September 28, 2009 at 3:50 pm

“Cynthia Davis, a conservative Republican state representative in Missouri, consults her Constitution to make a point about Barack Obama’s ineligibility for the presidency.”

She must’ve been reading from the pre-14th Amendment version.

sati demise September 28, 2009 at 3:50 pm

I realize this was a dark part of our history, but it is too much.
Joe the Psycho and Liz the Impaler in one day, and on a Monday too?

sick sick sick

Hedley Lamar September 28, 2009 at 3:51 pm

Thank Allah that he wasn’t reading the Monkey Wrench Gang. I might have had to
change favorite authors. Hayduke Lives!

Extemporanus September 28, 2009 at 3:52 pm

From Weigel’s bloggel:

“It’s dark, but the books at Joe’s place setting are What American Needs to Know About the Quran by William Federer and The 5000 Year Leap by W. Cleon Skousen.”

Not mentioned is the teacup, which Joe the Plumber held with his pinky finger sticking out, all dainty-like and shit. He also swallowed the teabag.

Monsieur Grumpe September 28, 2009 at 3:52 pm

Nothing says you made it like a gold spray painted monkey wrench.

Schadenfried' September 28, 2009 at 3:52 pm

Some right-winger forgot his specially ordered dildo.

Come here a minute September 28, 2009 at 3:55 pm

Sadly, Joe’s website has been wrenched out of cyberspace [Secure Our Dream].

RoscoePColtraine September 28, 2009 at 3:56 pm

Well JTP sure does wear that shirt well. Has he been hitting the weights?

Crank Tango September 28, 2009 at 3:59 pm

[re=421031]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: “wait, wait a minute, was that chair dipped in gold?” –Charlie Kelly

V572625694 September 28, 2009 at 4:00 pm

WTF was going on at that table? A pipe wrench, a (probably fake) damask tablecloth, wineglasses w/water in them, and some plates with chicken bones, a fake Oriental on the floor…looks like a failed still life titled “Why Conservatism is a Pile of Dirty Dishes.”

AxmxZ September 28, 2009 at 4:03 pm

Good times all around, even the wrench gets a golden shower!

KilgoreTrout_XL September 28, 2009 at 4:03 pm

The schedule:

1:00pm “Keeping it in the closet, for freedom”
2:00pm “Naming your dog ‘Mein Kampf’”
3:00pm light refreshments (oxycodone & gin)
4:00pm “So you’ve decided to kill a black man”
5:00pm “Cliff notes: Atlas Shrugged.”
6:00pm Reception: dinner & dancing (with “DJ WTF-Blak-People”)
2:00am Deloused prostitutes

Johnny Zhivago September 28, 2009 at 4:04 pm

[re=421007]Cape Clod[/re]: Joe the Plumber is the new Irving Kristol. I hear he likes dogs.

bureaucrap September 28, 2009 at 4:05 pm

[re=421031]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Pity it’s not real gold; JtP could use it to buy some hobo beans (being as he hasn’t any REAL job).

hobospacejunkie September 28, 2009 at 4:06 pm

@Extemporaneous: The 5000 Year Bleep is all the rage among wingnuts, who formerly derided reading as elitist, liberal activity suitable only for commies. Not that I believe for a second that these reverse-evolved primates can read.

GuyClinch September 28, 2009 at 4:15 pm

Joe, in his haste to find a dentist after trying to eat the wrench, accidentally left it on the table.

WhatTheHeck September 28, 2009 at 4:15 pm

Hey, with this golden thingy, he can finally fix a ballcock or two. The GOP has a bunch of leaky ballcocks needin fixin.

Spam-N-Can September 28, 2009 at 4:16 pm

This isn’t a still from a murder-mystery, dinner-theater, live-action version of Clue®? This would assume they they had a Clue in the first place. Or, had a Clue to go from. And, we all know this is not the case, at all.

The Station Manager September 28, 2009 at 4:19 pm

And Lo! Did Sir Joseph Thee Plumber exit Ye Olde Wingnutte Ralley, his vast, noble brow adorned with the Golden Plungerre of Caucasia.

Average Citizen September 28, 2009 at 4:24 pm

Joe offered to clean King’s pipes with his long, pink plumber’s friend.

Extemporanus September 28, 2009 at 4:26 pm

[re=421046]hobospacejunkie[/re]: Legend has it that if you put the Beckenberg Bible in a hat, it will read itself to you.

Zombie Coleman Young September 28, 2009 at 4:26 pm

How long until someone finds this at a Toledo pawn shop?

Jim89048 September 28, 2009 at 4:28 pm

[re=421065]GuyClinch[/re]: I thought he’d have already been up Oily Taint’s ass, or vice-versa.

Suds McKenzie September 28, 2009 at 4:35 pm

Don’t be fooled, they put out a new “Global Prayer Map” every year just so we have to buy a new one.

eclecticbrotha September 28, 2009 at 4:35 pm

[re=421031]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: How appropriate they gave Joe the Bumbler a Golden Monkey Wrench, since that’s exactly what he threw into McCain’s political works later fall. The only appropriate award for Sarah Palin would be a broken microphone carved from the pelvic bone of a full-grown moose mounted on a stack of canceled credit cards.

Flanders September 28, 2009 at 4:41 pm

I wonder who won the “disgusting plate of leftover food award” right next to Joe….

Rotundo September 28, 2009 at 4:43 pm

Adjustable Pipe Wrench: $27.95
House Brand Gold Spraypaint:$5.99
Photo of Half-Wit Congressman with Gold Paint Fu Manchu Beard in gold paint from huffing: Priceless

Capricatony September 28, 2009 at 4:44 pm

Wait a minute, holding up undereducated workers as heroes and adopting tools of manual labor as symbols… what are they a bunch of commies?

SkoalRebel September 28, 2009 at 4:46 pm

Don’t wrenches screw wingnuts? This prize seems illogical.

Wait, screwing…

Rotundo September 28, 2009 at 4:48 pm

[re=421112]Rotundo[/re]: Congressman with Gold Paing Fu Manchu beard from huffing. Sorry for the redundant gold paint. As for an award for Caribou Barbie, why not squirt some caribou scat in gold while you’re at it? Alternatively dog poop of a proper size for sled dogs might work too. It’s all gold, just like the snow…

nader paul kucinich gravel September 28, 2009 at 4:48 pm


MSM ordered to censor G20.
8 more years just like the last 8?
Gates speaks as if he is a Cheney Clone.
Judeofascists loved promoting their “Islamofascism” propaganda.
Carrots(bribery) Sticks(murder) Coercive Diplomacy(extortion & blackmail).

Did you see all the same bloodthirsty AIPAC-paid recycled neocon shills on TV selling more war for profit?

Watch as they pretend to know nothing of the mounting 9/11 evidence, whistleblowers, & leaks that point to them

donner_froh September 28, 2009 at 4:51 pm

Phyllis fucking Schlafly? How old is she–200 at least.

AxmxZ September 28, 2009 at 4:54 pm

[re=421124]nader paul kucinich gravel[/re]: Is this a contest? I can shout random words too. “Eel ate enourmous apple Tzara Key dairy chef’s hat ill an oomparah Ill rest alas whispers kill ate a nut east Noon avuncular ill day Clara!”

SayItWithWookies September 28, 2009 at 4:54 pm

I like the pic with Joe the P, Huckabee, and the cute blonde girl. I’ll bet the two of them hooked up. After they ditched the girl.

Balls! September 28, 2009 at 4:56 pm

I think he needs to commission a portrait of himself Boris Vallejo style with that wrench fighting off the hordes of darkness. Throw in some big boobie cheesecake girl from Wasilla, AK in a chain mail bikini. The result would be pure AWESOME.

Mahousu September 28, 2009 at 4:57 pm

[re=421026]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: The sexual tension in that picture of Cynthia is palpable. I think she must have hidden some trashy romance novel inside of her “Constitution”: The darkly handsome Raphael had seduction in his blood. But Cynthia presented his biggest challenge. Plain and dowdy in outward appearance, her conservative clothing could not conceal her luscious feminine figure – nor her wildcat temperament!

(Cribbed from

BeWoot September 28, 2009 at 5:05 pm

Sadly, I had not previously heard of the 5000 Year Leap. (I blame my public school education.) But now I have discovered this about the author: “In June 1935, immediately after graduating from San Bernardino Valley Jr. College, where he served as Student Body President, Skousen began working for the Agricultural Adjustment Administration. This led into a career with the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) the following year, which lasted until 1951.”

Since I try to read everything written by former junior college student body presidents, gotta read the Leap. With my pants off.

donner_froh September 28, 2009 at 5:16 pm

[re=421131]AxmxZ[/re]: Your random words make much more sense. Particularly the beginning [b]Eel ate enourmous apple[/b].

The Station Manager September 28, 2009 at 5:17 pm

[re=421124]nader paul kucinich gravel[/re]: I believe that you might have Aphasia.

AxmxZ September 28, 2009 at 5:21 pm

[re=421171]donner_froh[/re]: You have no idea, man.

skoal rebel September 28, 2009 at 5:25 pm

shitrrr joe theplummer is my skoaldaddy. kep it real bitches!!!!

queeraselvis v 2.0 September 28, 2009 at 5:43 pm

[re=421138]Mahousu[/re]: Rowr! Fap fap fap (or whatever those with girlie bits do), also.

Bruno September 28, 2009 at 6:39 pm

[re=421034]Come here a minute[/re]: I’ve been so sad since JTP’s site has been down (for months now). It was a place I could really vent my alter-ego’s crazy racist fashist ideas.

house of the blue lights September 28, 2009 at 6:40 pm

Perhaps you didn’t know that wrenches are a common gift of affection among the pundirati. Apparently, Bill Safire gave one to Daniel Schorr for “throwing a wrench in the works” of the Nixon Administration. Or maybe so Dan Schorr could be the shit out of Joe the Plumber? It’s on Dan Schorr’s desk to this very day.

Potater September 28, 2009 at 6:43 pm

[re=421218]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Schlick schlick schlick

Bruno September 28, 2009 at 6:45 pm

Are those passports next the golden wrench? They don’t look American. Please let them be Texas succession passports. Those guys are going to need some serious background screening before they are issued visas to most countries.

Visa Question 1: Do you own a gun? Options: Yes / No, I own more than 1.
Visa Question 2: Are you a member of a rebel or successionist movement?
Visa Question 3: Do you support genocide of a particular race or other group of people?

I’m sure there are more, but those 3 should confine most of the unwelcome to within their borders.

Darkness September 28, 2009 at 7:17 pm

Mr. Peawingcocknut did it in the lieeeeebrary, with the lead pipe . . . er . . . wrench.

zhubajie September 28, 2009 at 7:58 pm

[re=421153]BeWoot[/re]: I think it’s a safe bet that it’s more boring than the Book of Mormon.

Marlowe September 28, 2009 at 10:50 pm

Joe took a look
at the wrench
and asked:

gabbyhayes September 29, 2009 at 12:01 am

this will probably blow my membership instantly, but when I was in the military, I knew some guys who initiated the new guy in the plumbing shop by greasing up a big pipe wrench like that and shoving it up said new guy’s brown betty. So we can easily imagine what happened later between Joe and his congressmen friends.

Am I still a part of Wonketteville?

gabbyhayes September 29, 2009 at 12:05 am

Oh, I was going to mention, all those guys in the plumbing shop are republicans now. All on the dole. All drunks and on drugs.

RoscoePColtraine September 29, 2009 at 1:10 am

[re=421677]gabbyhayes[/re]: You are now! We take pride in our many ways of describing buttsecks. Your story has so many of our favorite targets — military guys, republicans, common household tools. And for me, personally, the phrase “shoving it up…” is practically an invitation to start fapping. I look forward to reading your smart sexy funny SEXY comments in the future.

heroinmule September 29, 2009 at 7:41 am

The poor servers at this function! I would have farted on all the spoons.

gatorboy September 29, 2009 at 12:35 pm

To which Joe replied,

“Thanks for the big… metal…thingy (What is this used for?).”

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