Wonkette
Where the dickens is that knavish wingnut reporter Dave Weigel these days? In St. Louis, at the “How to Take Back America Conference,” along with every famous racist worth his or her salt. The hottest panels this weekend focused on: how to kill black people, why black people are worse than white people always, and how do we stop the black people from being alive? Also, this photo (of Dave took many more): “The golden wrench that Rep. Steve King (R-Iowa) and Rep. Tom Price (R-Iowa) presented to Joe the Plumber.” Uhh. [Washington Independent]
I had one of those gold pipe wrenches, which lost its usefulness upon the advent of plastic pipe about a hundred years ago. I wondered where it went.
That poor Weigel kid and his utterly wasted life.
Why do these morans still see Joe the Plumber as some sort of political asset?
So much stoopid all in one place. A blogger’s dream! A county’s nightmare?
Which tool is Joe?
That’ll learn all you Godless lib’rals…Joe didn’t need no fancy skoolin’ to win an award.
Did they at least hit him over the head with it?
The power possessed by that wrench is the only thing standing between us and mass gay married socialism.
Monsieur Grumpe: Big tool for a big tool.
I was recently reading about the life of Sen. Charles Sumner, and its unnerving how little has changed since then.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_Sumner
“This is the heavily-decorated car of Lynda Farley, a Kentucky activist who proudly showed off the designs to other attendees. The poisonous effects of smoking, she said, are “a hoax, just like global warming.”
I think we found a woman for skoalrebel!
Pity that Dave Weigel didn’t grab the pipe wrench and go all HULK SMASH on these fuckers.
I just love the word “wrench”. And I love wrenches. So easy to use, both on pipes (and on plumbers). And no one ever questions why you have one in your basement.
When will these fools realize we “took the country back” last November?
Oh, and wingnutz? His name is Sam and he is not a plumber.
norbizness: Nah. One need look no farther than one Phineas Taylor Barnum to realize that a comfortable and successful career can be made displaying the world’s freaks for the benefit of gawking yokels.
Oh, I thought they gave him “a golden WENCH”!
Kell doe-mahj . . .
“Cynthia Davis, a conservative Republican state representative in Missouri, consults her Constitution to make a point about Barack Obama’s ineligibility for the presidency.”
She must’ve been reading from the pre-14th Amendment version.
I realize this was a dark part of our history, but it is too much.
Joe the Psycho and Liz the Impaler in one day, and on a Monday too?
sick sick sick
Thank Allah that he wasn’t reading the Monkey Wrench Gang. I might have had to
change favorite authors. Hayduke Lives!
From Weigel’s bloggel:
“It’s dark, but the books at Joe’s place setting are What American Needs to Know About the Quran by William Federer and The 5000 Year Leap by W. Cleon Skousen.”
Not mentioned is the teacup, which Joe the Plumber held with his pinky finger sticking out, all dainty-like and shit. He also swallowed the teabag.
Nothing says you made it like a gold spray painted monkey wrench.
Some right-winger forgot his specially ordered dildo.
Sadly, Joe’s website has been wrenched out of cyberspace [Secure Our Dream].
Well JTP sure does wear that shirt well. Has he been hitting the weights?
Monsieur Grumpe: “wait, wait a minute, was that chair dipped in gold?” –Charlie Kelly
WTF was going on at that table? A pipe wrench, a (probably fake) damask tablecloth, wineglasses w/water in them, and some plates with chicken bones, a fake Oriental on the floor…looks like a failed still life titled “Why Conservatism is a Pile of Dirty Dishes.”
Good times all around, even the wrench gets a golden shower!
The schedule:
1:00pm “Keeping it in the closet, for freedom”
2:00pm “Naming your dog ‘Mein Kampf’”
3:00pm light refreshments (oxycodone & gin)
4:00pm “So you’ve decided to kill a black man”
5:00pm “Cliff notes: Atlas Shrugged.”
6:00pm Reception: dinner & dancing (with “DJ WTF-Blak-People”)
2:00am Deloused prostitutes
Cape Clod: Joe the Plumber is the new Irving Kristol. I hear he likes dogs.
Monsieur Grumpe: Pity it’s not real gold; JtP could use it to buy some hobo beans (being as he hasn’t any REAL job).
@Extemporaneous: The 5000 Year Bleep is all the rage among wingnuts, who formerly derided reading as elitist, liberal activity suitable only for commies. Not that I believe for a second that these reverse-evolved primates can read.
Joe, in his haste to find a dentist after trying to eat the wrench, accidentally left it on the table.
Hey, with this golden thingy, he can finally fix a ballcock or two. The GOP has a bunch of leaky ballcocks needin fixin.
This isn’t a still from a murder-mystery, dinner-theater, live-action version of Clue®? This would assume they they had a Clue in the first place. Or, had a Clue to go from. And, we all know this is not the case, at all.
And Lo! Did Sir Joseph Thee Plumber exit Ye Olde Wingnutte Ralley, his vast, noble brow adorned with the Golden Plungerre of Caucasia.
Joe offered to clean King’s pipes with his long, pink plumber’s friend.
hobospacejunkie: Legend has it that if you put the Beckenberg Bible in a hat, it will read itself to you.
How long until someone finds this at a Toledo pawn shop?
GuyClinch: I thought he’d have already been up Oily Taint’s ass, or vice-versa.
Don’t be fooled, they put out a new “Global Prayer Map” every year just so we have to buy a new one.
Monsieur Grumpe: How appropriate they gave Joe the Bumbler a Golden Monkey Wrench, since that’s exactly what he threw into McCain’s political works later fall. The only appropriate award for Sarah Palin would be a broken microphone carved from the pelvic bone of a full-grown moose mounted on a stack of canceled credit cards.
I wonder who won the “disgusting plate of leftover food award” right next to Joe….
Adjustable Pipe Wrench: $27.95
House Brand Gold Spraypaint:$5.99
Photo of Half-Wit Congressman with Gold Paint Fu Manchu Beard in gold paint from huffing: Priceless
Wait a minute, holding up undereducated workers as heroes and adopting tools of manual labor as symbols… what are they a bunch of commies?
Don’t wrenches screw wingnuts? This prize seems illogical.
Wait, screwing…
Rotundo: Congressman with Gold Paing Fu Manchu beard from huffing. Sorry for the redundant gold paint. As for an award for Caribou Barbie, why not squirt some caribou scat in gold while you’re at it? Alternatively dog poop of a proper size for sled dogs might work too. It’s all gold, just like the snow…
JFK RFK MLK Malcolm
MSM ordered to censor G20.
8 more years just like the last 8?
Gates speaks as if he is a Cheney Clone.
Judeofascists loved promoting their “Islamofascism” propaganda.
Carrots(bribery) Sticks(murder) Coercive Diplomacy(extortion & blackmail).
Did you see all the same bloodthirsty AIPAC-paid recycled neocon shills on TV selling more war for profit?
Watch as they pretend to know nothing of the mounting 9/11 evidence, whistleblowers, & leaks that point to them
Phyllis fucking Schlafly? How old is she–200 at least.
nader paul kucinich gravel: Is this a contest? I can shout random words too. “Eel ate enourmous apple Tzara Key dairy chef’s hat ill an oomparah Ill rest alas whispers kill ate a nut east Noon avuncular ill day Clara!”
I like the pic with Joe the P, Huckabee, and the cute blonde girl. I’ll bet the two of them hooked up. After they ditched the girl.
I think he needs to commission a portrait of himself Boris Vallejo style with that wrench fighting off the hordes of darkness. Throw in some big boobie cheesecake girl from Wasilla, AK in a chain mail bikini. The result would be pure AWESOME.
queeraselvis v 2.0: The sexual tension in that picture of Cynthia is palpable. I think she must have hidden some trashy romance novel inside of her “Constitution”: The darkly handsome Raphael had seduction in his blood. But Cynthia presented his biggest challenge. Plain and dowdy in outward appearance, her conservative clothing could not conceal her luscious feminine figure - nor her wildcat temperament!
(Cribbed from http://www.millsandboon.co.uk.)
Sadly, I had not previously heard of the 5000 Year Leap. (I blame my public school education.) But now I have discovered this about the author: “In June 1935, immediately after graduating from San Bernardino Valley Jr. College, where he served as Student Body President, Skousen began working for the Agricultural Adjustment Administration. This led into a career with the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) the following year, which lasted until 1951.”
Since I try to read everything written by former junior college student body presidents, gotta read the Leap. With my pants off.
AxmxZ: Your random words make much more sense. Particularly the beginning [b]Eel ate enourmous apple[/b].
Poetry
nader paul kucinich gravel: I believe that you might have Aphasia.
donner_froh: You have no idea, man.
shitrrr joe theplummer is my skoaldaddy. kep it real bitches!!!!
Mahousu: Rowr! Fap fap fap (or whatever those with girlie bits do), also.
Come here a minute: I’ve been so sad since JTP’s site has been down (for months now). It was a place I could really vent my alter-ego’s crazy racist fashist ideas.
Perhaps you didn’t know that wrenches are a common gift of affection among the pundirati. Apparently, Bill Safire gave one to Daniel Schorr for “throwing a wrench in the works” of the Nixon Administration. Or maybe so Dan Schorr could be the shit out of Joe the Plumber? It’s on Dan Schorr’s desk to this very day.
queeraselvis v 2.0: Schlick schlick schlick
Are those passports next the golden wrench? They don’t look American. Please let them be Texas succession passports. Those guys are going to need some serious background screening before they are issued visas to most countries.
Visa Question 1: Do you own a gun? Options: Yes / No, I own more than 1.
Visa Question 2: Are you a member of a rebel or successionist movement?
Visa Question 3: Do you support genocide of a particular race or other group of people?
I’m sure there are more, but those 3 should confine most of the unwelcome to within their borders.
Mr. Peawingcocknut did it in the lieeeeebrary, with the lead pipe . . . er . . . wrench.
BeWoot: I think it’s a safe bet that it’s more boring than the Book of Mormon.
Joe took a look
at the wrench
and asked:
What
The
Hell
Is
That?
this will probably blow my membership instantly, but when I was in the military, I knew some guys who initiated the new guy in the plumbing shop by greasing up a big pipe wrench like that and shoving it up said new guy’s brown betty. So we can easily imagine what happened later between Joe and his congressmen friends.
Am I still a part of Wonketteville?
Oh, I was going to mention, all those guys in the plumbing shop are republicans now. All on the dole. All drunks and on drugs.
gabbyhayes: You are now! We take pride in our many ways of describing buttsecks. Your story has so many of our favorite targets — military guys, republicans, common household tools. And for me, personally, the phrase “shoving it up…” is practically an invitation to start fapping. I look forward to reading your smart sexy funny SEXY comments in the future.
The poor servers at this function! I would have farted on all the spoons.
To which Joe replied,
“Thanks for the big… metal…thingy (What is this used for?).”