Over the weekend, Mike Huckabee spoke at a “How to Take Back America” conference, an event notable for the fact that it apparently exists. Anyway, obviously in taking back America, Huckabee must start by identifying who took it in the first place, when there must have been something good on TV and no one was looking. No surprises there: it was the crafty Foreigns, who must have planned the taking of America in one of their many languages! Ha! Well, let’s see them try to steal America again after America takes Huckabee up on his suggestion to somehow literally saw off the east side of Midtown Manhattan and let the U.N. float away across the Atlantic, to somewhere that wants it, like to Saudi Arabia, who want it so bad they MADE WAR WITH IT, on 9/11!
Huckabee goes: “It’s time to get a jackhammer and to simply chip off that part of New York City and let it float into the East River, never to be seen again!” And while we’re at it, saw all Earth’s diplomats into the Atlantic Ocean too. Let ‘em go eat sand, in one of the Muslim sand-farming countries!
“It’s time to say enough of the American taxpayer’s dollar being spent on something that may have been a noble idea, but has become a disgrace!” said Huckabee. “It has become the international equivalent of ACORN and it’s time to say enough!”
Huckabee continued, suggesting that the U.N. be handed over to one of the nations that attacked America. “Let’s end the diplomatic excesses that these people enjoy,” he said. “Let any country that is willing to spend the money that the United States is hosting–let them have it. Give it to the Saudis and let these diplomats suck the sand out of the Saudi desert for a few summers and see if that’s where they’d like to go, and make their ridiculous speeches.”
It will be cumbersome to deliver ridiculous speeches with a mouth full of sand, is his point.
{ 83 comments }
He must be back on a diet, judging from his references to eating/sucking sand.
Huck’s junk is long, but pencil-thin. Unlike the rest of him.
Sure, that’s his position until someone suggests they evict everyone and build the world’s biggest Olive Garden.
[re=420601]PsycGirl[/re]: You ate sand?
Was it just a coincidence that the “Take Back America” conference was held in the same city, on the same weekend as the annual national Klan Jamboroo and the NAMBLA Annual Hoedown??? But from what I hear, ol Huck was just in town for BBQ and after eating his weight in pig jowls, he thought why not head over to the conference…no word on if he went to the NAMBLA deal…
[re=420601]PsycGirl[/re]: Eating sand is equivalent to eating a stack of Quaker rice cakes. Yes, he is on the wagon again so he can slim down for 2012.
“Take back US Ameriduh”
Sponsored by the “I have a right to cheap gas no matter what the cost to youth or my nation’s finances so I can drive my over fed giant ass and my famibli in my 3.5 MPG SUV to the nearest Jimmy Dean’s all you can eat after I go a church that doesn’t pay no taxes while they shill for the GOP cause of Guns, no book larning and fetuses.”
Hey Huck, I have a suggestion. Next time you’re stuffing your face at an All You Can Feed place, see if they have some cognitive dissonance. I think it’s near that place with all those non deep fried stuff is, you know, the Salad bar.
Wait. Is New York part of America now?
“It’s time to say enough of the American taxpayer’s dollar being spent on something that may have been a noble idea, but has become a disgrace!” said Huckabee.
The same could be said of the state of Arkansas, Mikey. Except for that whole “noble idea” thing.
Ridiculous speeches? Huck’s the go-to guy on that one!
[re=420608]ManchuCandidate[/re]: He visits the salad bar…so he can douse those french fries in ranch dressing…
Anyone notice how the Republicans are starting to mimic Rudy 9ul11ani lately?
Noun, verb, ACORN.
Huckabee has a boner for other people who make fools of themselves, in speeches.
That’s his schtick and furriners don’t need to be horning in on him.
[re=420610]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: The state of Arkansas with the exception of Fayetteville. It really is a nice, liberal college town. The wingnuts can have the rest of the state.
OK, so the “ridiculous speeches” he’s referring to are probably Gaddafi’s and/or Ahmadinejad’s. His solution is to make these leaders go to a repressive desert state to make their speeches instead of liberal Western NYC. I think I see a slight problem with this punishment.
And when there was no crawdad to be found, we ate sand.
[re=420608]ManchuCandidate[/re]: The Forces of Fat Food have even taken over the salad bar in those few restaurants that still have them. Let’s see: I’ll have some of that grated cheddar, and some pepperoni, and some olives, a nice ladle of “French” dressing, couple tablespoons of bacon bits, oh there’s the cottage cheese, and a part of a leaf of that fine, fine, iceberg lettuce. Yummy!
Look, the folks this fool speaks to at the “Take Back America” (from the gays, Ricans, Jews, black Kenyans, liberals and ladies who work) conference would also like the gays, Ricans, Jews, Wall Streeters, lawyers, women with careers, liberals, blacks, Asians, etc. to be expelled from New York. That would leave just Staten Island, which is even less exciting than any mini-mall in Wingnutistan.
I think some investment bankers in Hong Kong are also thinking about exporting silly speechs to Saudi Arabia too,
[re=420620]V572625694[/re]: They are fattening us all up so that they can eventually repackage Americans as Soylent Green, to sell to the starving masses abroad.
[re=420610]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: I would say the whole of people much every red state. Though I would think that it might be in our interest to lease a highway through the Midwest. However, I think having them pay their own way would pretty much put most of them on about the same level as North Korea, so such a lease could probably be had pretty cheaply even after the barricades and the “do not feed the hicks” signs.
Giving crazy people a nice place to speechify is like handing out rope to people with long necks. The sane adults need to more than anything to realize the depths of the crazy. Does he want to ship the RNC convention to Saudi Arabia too since they were sponsoring the Bush family all these years?
Ahmed: “What do want to do today?”
Luigi: “I know! Let’s go to NYC and enjoy some diplomatic excesses.”
Karl-Heinz: “At US taxpayer expense! Ha!”
All: “Hahahahaah, stupid Americans… Hahaha.”
Actually, he’s got a point. If the U.N. were not in the U.S., it might have a chance at preventing a war the next time the U.S. wants to start one.
Since wars started by other countries invariably involve less firepower and less chance to actually turn into international conflagrations, this would be a good start.
Let’s ask the Russians if they want it in Moscow. That’ll gast their flabber.
That’s not a photo but a still from the next-generation computer graphics Xbox 360 game “Corporate Hillbilly Golf Club Rampage”
I love the idiot family hee-yuking it up in the backround.
[re=420631]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Then they get sushi and don’t pay for it.
[re=420627]glamourdammerung[/re]: Hell, the highway would have to be an Autobahn-type deal (memo to Kansas: have y’all considered this? Pay one toll and allow the drivers to drive 120 mph unhindered throughout the entire godforsaken state?). And all exits would be clearly marked with “Enter at Your Own Risk” signs.
Yeah, republicans will say pretty much anything these days for the opportunity to throw ACORN in there somewhere. Not exactly a party known for producing independent thinkers. Never mind Blackwater sucking on the taxpayers’ teats while getting away with murder. ACORN and the tiny, miniscule sliver of public $$ it uses must be stopped at all costs.
[re=420604]trondant[/re]: you can’t sneak a Raising Arizona reference past me, bud.
Maybe if someone wrote “FED” on his stomach, he’s stop eating.
[re=420638]DemmeFatale[/re]: Yes, except the tall boy standing behind mom is gay gay gay gay GAY.
Someone should make a graph showing the Huckster’s level of retardation, presidential ambitions and fatness. I bet there’s a positive correlation between two of them. And (just cold hypothesizing here) a negative correlation with the third.
Maybe Huck would change his mind if the UN opened an all you can eat buffet featuring the bottomless Humus Bucket™.
If he’s back on the diet train, does that mean he doesn’t get to sample the new gourmet du jour – Deep Fried Butter? That’s so sad for him.
[re=420628]Darkness[/re]: That’s a fantastic point, actually. No Republican should want to set a precedent of punishing people for being associated with batshit crazies. Even if Huckabee were somehow right, and the UN should be abolished or whatever, it actually being kicked out of the US because of what Ghadaffi said is really bad in the end for Republicans.
Huckabee goes: “It’s time to get a jackhammer and to simply chip off that part of New York City and let it float into the East River, never to be seen again!”
Can Wonkette do a DAILY “Republican comments show latent/blatant tendency towards mass murder & terrorism.” Come on, this stuff comes up every damn day!
Remember when Huckabee was the least douchey option on the GOP side 18 months ago?
Clearly he regained all that weight by ingesting massive amounts of Massengill.
[re=420657]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Hummus??? That sounds like one of those communist ni@@er slash jew foods to me…I don’t think Huck would eat Hummus if it were drizzled on top with cheez whiz and country gravy…
Fat retarded families in the background…it makes a great backdrop for a republican presidential hopeful.
Ayman al-Zawahri thinks President Obama’s a fraud!! Hey, another common thread between al kayda and the republicans!! al-Zawahri is this week’s Joe Wilson.
One Hucakbee, one Palin, two cups. Discuss.
[re=420664]nbawriter[/re]: I also remember when Glenn Beck was “crazy” to many conservatives. Now he’s the shizzle, the true patriot’s voice.
Huckabee/Skoalrebel 2012 !!
[re=420618]pampl[/re]: “repressive desert state”
Why, Arizona will be more than happy to have ‘em!
It’s ironic, people in New York hate Arkansas Walmart, and people in Arkansas hate New York’s UN. Best watch out American UN haterz, you will not hate it less when it is in Shanghai.
[re=420632]gurukalehuru[/re]: I agree. I personally think the UN is a waste of New York real estate.
But Huckabee is still a dick. Also.
I was going to make a joke about his tenuous, Bugs Bunny-esque grasp of geology (he seems to think islands are actually floating), but then I remembered he’s one of those fundie Young-Earth tards and he’s actually forbidden from forming complex thoughts. By Jesus. Or something.
I wish Huckabee would go make jam or something.
Young girls blush and quiver when they see this manly man grasp his steel hard putter.
If you are going to hold a golf club as a prop at least hold it the right way. He’s got it cross handed.
And that about says it all on Mike Huckabee…
This is my Rod of Lordly Might! There are many like it, but this one is mine! Huzzah!
You know what else? I got a picture of the whole fambly dressed like a barbershop quartet, only they’re all fat. Mmm-hmm. Got it through the e-mail, I did. It only goes to show.
We had an outbreak of Take Back in Vermont a while back, when John Dean was governor and Civil Unions were introduced. Take Back Vermont from the flatlanders who had moved in because they had gotten jobs here, paid taxes, and bought houses the locals were trying to sell. The locals, of course, were from families who had lived here “forever” and by buying their houses, we were forcing them off their land, which god had given them way back when. It was unpleasant for a little while but eventually they got bored and started painting over the “Take Back Vermont” slogans they had plastered over the sides of their houses.
The U.N.???? That’s so 1990s John Bolton. Maybe fluoride in the water will rile up the base.
Didn’t Bolton want to chop off the top third of the UN Building? Why do wingnuts have such violent fantasies about this building?
Saw a TV program last night about Neo-Nazis. Do you know what their favorite phrase is? “Take Back Amerikkka”. Huck just leaves off, “For The Whites”.
[re=420672]Paul Tardy[/re]: I would say that we are disgusted by Arkansas Wal-Mart. In an effete and supercilious fashion. Actual hatred would require energy better dedicated to being thin and dressing in black.
Looks like somebody’s got a crush on Glenn Beck.
Somebody needs to remind Huckleberry that we sold Manhattan to the Saudi Arabian in 2006 so if anybody is going to jack off any parts of it, we’re going to need the permission of our Benevolent Saudi Overlords ( who I, for one, welcome.).
Hey, Hucklefuck, is that more of a pitching, or catching-wedge?
[re=420685]Cape Clod[/re]: From above, it resembles a boxie vag. It’s also filled with foreigners.Thus the hatred for it among the right.
Ta-DA!
http://blingee.com/blingee/view/99702682-H-uck-TF-
Huckabee/Santorum 2012. God I’ll start beliving in You again if you make this happen. It will be like getting sucked off by a tornado and waking up in the Wonderful Land of Wingnuttery.
How come conservatives say such freakin’ xenophobic unilateralist nonsense and then get incensed when jackasses like Ahmedinejad spout their own brand of the same xenophobic unilateralist nonsense? All this really demonstrates is that Huckabee, Bolton, Giuliani and all their ilk are as unfit to govern as Qaddafi, Ahmedinejad and all the other fanatics they rail against. Really we should invite them all to form their own country — Fuckyallistan, they could call it — and all be stupid xenophobic unilateralist shits together. With sharia, even.
[re=420682]GreenHalo[/re]: You mean, like this one?
http://blingee.com/blingee/view/97966133-Merry-Xmas-from-the-Huckabees?offset=13&owner=czn939&content=Myspace-Glitter-Graphics
And if there’s anyone that knows anything about giving ridiculous speeches, it’s Mike Huckabee.
What does this have to do with that picture of Phil Mickelson?
[re=420732]GreatOldOnesParty[/re]: you blingee terrist!
hahaha, the pokemon cheese gobbler is the lulz.
Well, I’m glad that someone has the guts to fill Pat Buchanan’s role now that Pat’s shifted over to the Adolph Hitler PR rapid-response team. Culture war now, culture war forever, right Huck?
[re=420730]SayItWithWookies[/re]: I thought we referred to that now as “Abe Lincoln’s big mistake”.
[re=420711]Snarkalicious[/re]: I’m surprised he uses anything other than a Big Bertha.
[re=420775]Darkness[/re]: No, don’t give ‘em the south — it’s pretty, we could do something with it. Send them all to Yemen — that’s pretty much the Arkansas of the Arabian Peninsula. Huckabee and the rest of the idiots would feel right at home there.
“Fat, retarded and fundamental is no way to go through life, son.”
“…may have been a noble idea, but has become a disgrace!”–sounds like Christian fundamentalism.
photo caption, “I got your resolution right here!”
So you mean if my pimp and I take a trip to the UN building, Ahmadinejad himself will teach me how to write off on those pesky whore taxes? Thanks Huckabee!
[re=420702]Bypartizoa[/re]: to be fair, alcoholic Catholic “dirtbag” Glenn Beck was apparently a hell of a looker. I, at least, would totally hit that.
[re=420728]GreatOldOnesParty[/re]: OMG.
[re=420882]ithasatilde[/re]: Who? The strapping triple chinned fellow in the background? I bet Sullivan would hit it.
Huckabee’s Hatred
MSM ordered to censor G20.
8 more years just like the last 8?
Gates speaks as if he is a Cheney Clone.
Judeofascists loved promoting their “Islamofascism” propaganda.
Carrots(bribery) Sticks(murder) Coercive Diplomacy(extortion & blackmail).
Did you see all the same bloodthirsty AIPAC-paid recycled neocon shills on TV selling more war for profit?
Watch as they pretend to know nothing of the mounting 9/11 evidence, whistleblowers, & leaks that point to them
There’s a serious proposal to move the UN to Hong Kong. The food would probably be better.
In reality, Saudi Arabia is the sort of fundamentalist utopia that the Huckabee types want. No booze, no women drivers, no nothing. When Saudis go abroad, like to Cairo, they go wild the way US Fundies do when the Army sends them to Korea or some place foreign.
[re=420627]glamourdammerung[/re]: The problem is that every state is divided up the same way into red and blue counties. There’d have to be some kind of mass migration, like at the Partition of India, and probably with as much killing.
Why does the GOP continually attack the staple food of chipmunks and squirrels? I thought they were into the furriez?
I just love that because the UN doesn’t follow everything this country leads the world into that they are somehow a worthless organization. They’ve done almost every sensible thing we ever asked them to do for us.
We’re like a big, mildly-autistic man-child unable to pick up even the most obvious social/emotional cues.
They are not a worthless organization, but they can be a very troublesome and corrupt organization.
Comments on this entry are closed.