• May 26, 2012

Suck It, Liberals Whose Only Pets Are Gay Cats

by Jim Newell  

Jonah Goldberg highlights one of the more controversial stances Irving Kristol took in his lifetime. But now school’s out, and Jonah’s fixin’ to get his chicken-finger-platter on and rent some classic Bruce Willis awesomeness! [Twitter via Instaputz, Blue Gal]

{ 170 comments }

user-of-owls September 25, 2009 at 5:56 pm

Bill, it’s really not very nice to talk about your Dad’s crush on J-Lo that way.

DP September 25, 2009 at 5:57 pm

And Hitler loved his dog…does that triviality grant him Jonah Goldberg “awesomeness?”

Click September 25, 2009 at 5:58 pm

Wait till the dog’s book comes out next month to hear just how MUCH he loved dogs.

Lionel Hutz Esq. September 25, 2009 at 6:02 pm

If there is indeed a God, how is it that Jonah Goldberg has not choked on his own tongue?

Snarkalicious September 25, 2009 at 6:04 pm

Is it possible to twat a shit into another man’s mouth. Cuz I gots a used burrito for Jonah.

Pat Pending September 25, 2009 at 6:05 pm

[re=420034]DP[/re]: Awwww, sweet Blondi! He did love her, but of course when it came time to test out the cyanide in the bunker, guess who got to be the guinea pig!

Guinea Pig = Jonah Goldberg?

rafflesinc September 25, 2009 at 6:05 pm

Speaking of crazy twatting, check out Mac Daddy’s twats from 2-3 hrs ago

http://twitter.com/SENJohnMcCain

Pilate September 25, 2009 at 6:09 pm

What is all this about Irving Kristol being dead? I read in Bill Kristol’s latest column that he will make a full recovery within the next six months.

chascates September 25, 2009 at 6:10 pm

Well, I heard that Irving K. loved apple pie and if that doesn’t define what an American truly is nothing does.

Extemporanus September 25, 2009 at 6:11 pm

Great. Another typical “man fucks dog” story from that twit, Doughy Pantload.

facehead September 25, 2009 at 6:12 pm

[re=420042]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: is that how teabaggers masturbate?

chascates September 25, 2009 at 6:13 pm

[re=420048]rafflesinc[/re]: @McCainBlogette it was great to see you Meghan, come back soon!

Ah, the bond between father and daughter.

Holy Cow!! September 25, 2009 at 6:13 pm

Oy vey!

DP September 25, 2009 at 6:15 pm

[re=420047]Pat Pending[/re]: Grammar check:

Guinea Pig = Jonah Goldberg?

should read

Guinea Pig = Jonah Goldberg!!!

Oceania has always been at war with EastAsia

SayItWithWookies September 25, 2009 at 6:15 pm

Did he also like apple pie and fireworks and the smell of freshly-mown lawns and watching thunderstorms on summer afternoons and giving head to Barry Goldwater and county fairs and fishing in the old mill pond too? ‘Cause that would be just…awesome.

slappypaddy September 25, 2009 at 6:17 pm

my gay cats carry switchblades. i ain’t never seen no dog with a switchblade.

rafflesinc September 25, 2009 at 6:18 pm

[re=420060]chascates[/re]: I guess it ticked forward.

# opps – I meant two undisclosed nuclear sites NOT three…about 2 hours ago from web
# We just learned of a third “undisclosed” nuclear facility in Iran…how many more are there?about 3 hours ago from web

Skwerl Nutz September 25, 2009 at 6:19 pm

Your making my fucking head hurt, Jonah fucking FUCK FUCK! Need more wine………..

Downtheroadapiece September 25, 2009 at 6:23 pm

Michael Vick loved dogs too.

user-of-owls September 25, 2009 at 6:26 pm

[re=420065]SayItWithWookies[/re]: You can fist in the old mill pond now? Fucking cats.

dr.giraud September 25, 2009 at 6:27 pm

My liberal cat is neither gay nor straight.

The vet took care of that.

samsuncle September 25, 2009 at 6:29 pm

I love dogs too. Want to trade recipes?

AnnieGetYourFun September 25, 2009 at 6:34 pm

Who the hell doesn’t like dogs? You have to admit that conservatives have to set the bar for awesomeness pretty low.

“Just found out that Ronald Reagan did not, in fact, skull-fuck fetal pigs every morning before breakfast. Just one more aspect of his awesomeness!”

slappypaddy September 25, 2009 at 6:37 pm

[re=420067]rafflesinc[/re]: yeah i saw that too. d’ya think maybe he accidentally told a truth he’s not cleared to tell? or is it just the years catching up with him? or both?

FlownOver September 25, 2009 at 6:37 pm

Was Kristol’s dog named “Mackenzie,” by any chance?

user-of-owls September 25, 2009 at 6:38 pm

[re=420076]samsuncle[/re]: Epicurious has some fantastic suggestions for Bo Shin Tang fusion.

Naked Bunny with a Whip September 25, 2009 at 6:39 pm

Keeping Muslims as pets is extra-awesome. Just ask John Yoo!

magic titty September 25, 2009 at 6:40 pm

‘Irving Kristol liked stuff, and plenty of it. How cool!’

[re=420067]rafflesinc[/re]: Dunno. Sounds like The Mac is back, to me.

AbstinenceOnly Ed September 25, 2009 at 6:47 pm

Did ol’ Irving have a Winter-Autumn romance with leggy Diane Lane?

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0417001/

El Pinche September 25, 2009 at 6:51 pm

Jonah meeting KFC bowl , KFC bowl meet Jonah.

Then afterwards, he’ll top it off with some major spankage with some Barb Wire and Pamela boooooobage. Who knows, Jonah may even slam an O’Douls !!! America, fuck yeah!

american mutt September 25, 2009 at 6:54 pm

I love my gay cat.

Suds McKenzie September 25, 2009 at 6:57 pm

where does this leave me and my gay fish?

V572625694 September 25, 2009 at 7:01 pm

Maybe Norman Podhoretz could write a whole book called “Why Do Jews Have Cats”?

problemwithcaring September 25, 2009 at 7:02 pm
kewlguy42069 September 25, 2009 at 7:03 pm

wow jonah thats fucking amazing, it takes truly a rare & great soul to have the fortitude to enjoy the company of dogs.

shadowMark September 25, 2009 at 7:08 pm

[re=420105]Suds McKenzie[/re]: It leaves you more mainstream than me and my bisexual Sea Monkeys.

Joshua Norton September 25, 2009 at 7:14 pm

Loved dogs. What a pioneer! What a trailblazer! What a crock!

american mutt September 25, 2009 at 7:20 pm

[re=420112]problemwithcaring[/re]: ahhhh, my god i love that.

BeWoot September 25, 2009 at 7:23 pm

You guys can laugh, but this Jonah guy has me looking at my dogs and wondering, what’s wrong with me?

chascates September 25, 2009 at 7:26 pm

Jonah loves K. Lo. And how many people can say that? Huh?

shadowMark September 25, 2009 at 7:27 pm

[re=420127]BeWoot[/re]: When you look at your dogs and wonder what’s wrong with you the dogs are thinking, “Oh, cool, he’s thinking about feeding us. I love when he feeds us. This guy must really love us to feed us every day.”

problemwithcaring September 25, 2009 at 7:31 pm

[re=420124]american mutt[/re]: Thanks. That means a lot coming from a handle like yours.

GreatOldOnesParty September 25, 2009 at 7:41 pm

[re=420131]shadowMark[/re]: And when I look at my cat that way, she’s thinking: “What? WHAT?! Huh?! WHAT?! That’s what I thought, bitch.”

Crank Tango September 25, 2009 at 7:45 pm

today we are all jewish dogfuckers. And more than a little fat, moreover.

Joshua Norton September 25, 2009 at 7:52 pm

Sounds more like a generic profile for “Playmate of the Month”.

WhatTheHeck September 25, 2009 at 7:56 pm

It’s cold in hell. It’s a three-dog-night for Jonah.

El Pinche September 25, 2009 at 8:27 pm

You know Jim leaves this as weekend thread to piss off Jonah’s oompa loompa brother. We’re hoping for another stern email.

Johnny Zhivago September 25, 2009 at 8:30 pm

Did Irving like his dogs stewed or stir fried?

shadowMark September 25, 2009 at 8:30 pm

[re=420146]WhatTheHeck[/re]: Fridays are always Blood, Sweat & Tears night for me and the Sea Monkeys.

Joey Ratz September 25, 2009 at 8:30 pm

[re=420129]chascates[/re]: That’s a bona fide skin flick title: “Vivid Video presents Jonah loves K-Lo – so nasty we had to film it in Paraguay”.

Lazy Media September 25, 2009 at 8:39 pm

[re=420034]DP[/re]: Godwined in 2. Nice.

President Beeblebrox September 25, 2009 at 8:40 pm

[re=420166]Joey Ratz[/re]: I thought all the real dirty films were made in Brazil. 2 NRO Corner Writers, 1 Cup and all that.

SayItWithWookies September 25, 2009 at 8:51 pm

O/T, but this is the weirdest thing I’ve read all day. Sibel Edmonds (hot ex-FBI agent) interviewed by American Conservative, says we conspired with the Brits to invade Iraq in early 2001, and also that Rep. Jan Schakowski had a lesbian fling with a Turkish secret agent:
http://amconmag.com/article/2009/nov/01/00006/

chascates September 25, 2009 at 9:03 pm

[re=420175]SayItWithWookies[/re]: I’d read elsewhere the Perle, Feith, and Wolfowitz were giving info to Israel but that the investigations were quashed.

sredni September 25, 2009 at 9:10 pm

I fail to see how loving an animal that requires you to pick up it’s steaming pile of shit off the sidewalk in full view of passers by daily is a positive quality.

Paul Tardy September 25, 2009 at 9:11 pm

I come to bury Caesar not to praise him,
But he did love dogs that only adds to his resplendence.

The Bard blew the part about loving dogs out his ass for the final cut.

glamourdammerung September 25, 2009 at 9:18 pm

Too bad dogs, tending to be good judges of character, did not like Irving.

lawrenceofthedesert September 25, 2009 at 9:22 pm

The keys to being a conservative pack leader are exercise, discipline and affectation, according to Cesar Kristol, the Wingnut Whisperer; looks like Jonah went one for three. ( Irv loved dogs, but he bet horses heavier.)

DustBowlBlues September 25, 2009 at 9:37 pm

[re=420175]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Thanks for sharing the high points of the American Conservative article. It was way too long for me–how did you find the time? You read it at work, or something?

rocktonsammy September 25, 2009 at 9:41 pm

Lesbians are found of the pussy, who isn’t?

Besides J-lo?

DustBowlBlues September 25, 2009 at 9:45 pm

But what kind of special breed was Mr. K’s dog? Because you can bet your ass it wasn’t a mutt rescued from a shelter or dumped in the bar ditch (that’s what we call the ditch alongside roads. Do not ask me why) as a puppy, like my 90 pound Molly. One of 8 rescued animals, dogs and cats evenly balanced by number, if not by attitude.

Conservatives love dogs for their slavish devotion. Liberals love cats because of their “fuck off–but give me tuna first” ‘tude. Only a conservative could find something as mundane as loving a dog to be awesome. Liberals consider it basic decency.

My hay fever is worse than ever and I fucking hate these people. Meanwhile, Billy K is paling around with Bible Spice. The starbursts must be busting out of his boxers.

Vulpes82 September 25, 2009 at 10:07 pm

[re=420034]DP[/re]: OMG, Irving Kristol was a liberal fascist! (Seriously, wasn’t one of the pieces of “evidence” in that book that the Nazis liked animals, liberals liked animals, so…?)

ladymacbeth September 25, 2009 at 10:11 pm

this is true. all my cats are gay.

or actually possibly all cats are gay. or more likely do whatever the fuck pleases the cat.

Crankenstank September 25, 2009 at 10:32 pm

But Grover Norquist HATES dogs! It’s all over this week’s New Yorker.

tranch coat September 25, 2009 at 10:43 pm

[re=420131]shadowMark[/re]: “Or maybe he wants to rub our bellies! That’d be cool too! Nothing like a good belly-rub. Or a butt-skritch! Riiiiiiight there on the spine, just north of the tail. Good and hard, just like we like it! One or the other, totally fine with that, whatever he’s up for! … ZOMG! He’s brushing his teeth! If he puts on some pants, maybe we’ll GO TO THE DOG PARK!!!!! … Oh. He’s sitting back down. He sits a lot, it seems like … Okay, back to gnawing our Kongs until we fall asleep.”

Dogs seem to have a near-infinite capacity for affection and forgiveness and especially optimism:

http://ihasahotdog.com/2009/07/16/funny-dog-pictures-happy-birfday/

So of course affection for the species is not only remarkable but “awesome.”

Then again, this is the Pantload, who’s argued (in unprecedented detail and unmatched care) that the progressive movement was Mussolini’s bastard child. Perhaps in his doughy lexicon, “awesome” means “kinda sweet, for such a nasty bastard.”

jetjaguar September 25, 2009 at 11:07 pm

Jesus Christ, that guys twitter page (I NEVER visited twitter before wonkette…) is a fucking national tragedy. We should have a day of morning for his twitter page

MGBYG September 25, 2009 at 11:23 pm

Get with the programme: You bring food. You pick up their shit.

A. Dog thinks you are a god to be served.

B. Cat thinks it is the god being served.

(I have children. No fucking time for a stupid fur-bag needing food and its shit picked up.)

El Pinche September 25, 2009 at 11:41 pm

[re=420206]rocktonsammy[/re]: Wait J-lo? or K-lo? I broke my boner. Thanks!

Jukesgrrl September 25, 2009 at 11:57 pm

RE: All that twittering Sen. McShame did about his healthcare townhall in Tucson: it wasn’t IN Tucson. It was in Oro Valley, a suburb about 10 miles north of Tucson where the only residents who aren’t collecting the Public-Option-Known-As-Medicare are likely to have that oh-so-taxable “Cadillac” health insurance. The senator doesn’t seem to know the way to Tucson, the oldest inhabited city in North America. I guess he doesn’t like to be reminded how white he is, and how BLUE Tucson is.

Extemporanus September 26, 2009 at 12:25 am

Shorter [re=420207]DustBowlBlues[/re]:

An awesome facet of Irving Kristol was his love of dogs.

A guano facet of Irving Kristol was his love of William.

chascates September 26, 2009 at 12:43 am

[re=420207]DustBowlBlues[/re]: A dog for a ‘one-time’ Trotskyist Jew who now believes in American exceptionalism, Jewish exceptionalism, and hates anyone who disagrees with him.

I say golden retriever. They have the slavish devotion any dog has (I’m a cat man) but no sign of intelligence or discernment.

Yeah, that would work for Papa Neocon.

hobospacejunkie September 26, 2009 at 12:46 am

Dogs may be known as man’s best friend, but in my experience cats are far & away more like real friends than dogs. They let you know when they’re unhappy. They don’t let you get away with shit unless you’ve gained their trust. And they don’t put up with frauds. They know if you don’t like them. Dogs of course are conservatives’ favorites. They do what they’re told. They remain loyal almost regardless of how you abuse them. And like Blondi, they’ll take the kool-aid without question.

Marlowe September 26, 2009 at 1:18 am

“Coming to America”:

“It’s a shame what they did to that dog.” said the building sup.

ithasatilde September 26, 2009 at 1:46 am

You know who else hates cats? Glenn Beck.

Extemporanus September 26, 2009 at 1:46 am

[re=420101]american mutt[/re]: I love my dead gay son!

AxmxZ September 26, 2009 at 2:00 am

It’s not really news that American conservatives are not into pussy.

Extemporanus September 26, 2009 at 2:04 am

[re=420245]hobospacejunkie[/re]: For me, the question boils down to this:

If you were to voluntarily assume the responsibility of handling—on a daily basis, potentially for years—the freshly eliminated excrement of another living being, would you rather do so with a plastic apparatus in the privacy of your own home, or with a plastic-clad hand in the company of others?*

Answer: I have two cats.

*(Equally valid vis-à-vis cats vs. babies.)

chascates September 26, 2009 at 2:16 am

[re=420258]Extemporanus[/re]: And my cats don’t need any help in being feed either.

SayItWithWookies September 26, 2009 at 2:24 am

[re=420205]DustBowlBlues[/re]: No, a bunch of weird things happened today and so I took the day off, then ended up reading about this in my downtime. But I also have a lot of free time otherwise, so I can at least point out or summarize to the folks who’ve gotten married or had kids or whatever some interesting stuff. It’s not your genuine heroic calling or anything, but every little bit helps.

SayItWithWookies September 26, 2009 at 2:29 am

[re=420253]ithasatilde[/re]: Damn — anti-cat I’m familiar with, much as I find it ridiculous. Anti-ocelot? Well that’s just an entirely different kettle of fish, as it were.

Capitol Hillbilly September 26, 2009 at 2:56 am

Santorum warned us about these doglovers.

gurukalehuru September 26, 2009 at 3:06 am

Irving Kristol loved dogs.
Glenn Beck kills frogs.
Their cabin has logs.

hobospacejunkie September 26, 2009 at 3:18 am

[re=420262]chascates[/re]: Give me kitty cats or give me death Or cake.

zhubajie September 26, 2009 at 5:35 am

[re=420055]Extemporanus[/re]: Did he fuck the dog, or did the dog fuck him?

zhubajie September 26, 2009 at 5:38 am

[re=420164]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: Dogmeat soup!

zhubajie September 26, 2009 at 5:40 am

[re=420175]SayItWithWookies[/re]: What’s hard to believe about that?

gurukalehuru September 26, 2009 at 10:30 am

Republicans are the stupidest people on Earth. That is all.

President Beeblebrox September 26, 2009 at 10:32 am

[re=420175]SayItWithWookies[/re]: TL;DR

nader paul kucinich gravel September 26, 2009 at 12:15 pm

The Five Dancing Israelis arrested on 9/11 in NYC
now demand
The United States start & fight more wars for Israel.

Ventura Sheehan Perot Paul Nader McKinney Kucinich Kaptur Gravel Gonzalez Clemente Choate Carter Baldwin Anderson

*Bibi pretends not to know that the fallout would destroy Gaza & The West Bank

Crank Tango September 26, 2009 at 12:30 pm

[re=420329]nader paul kucinich gravel[/re]: Zing!

DemmeFatale September 26, 2009 at 12:38 pm

After spending his life hating dogs, my neocon uncle has one (I don’t know why!) that is exceptionally devoted, loving and smart. He actually tears up about her. Here’s hoping that this dog can teach him something about compassion and human decency.

(It kinda reminds me of how Repubs are stunned into supporting Stem Cell research after someone they are actually close to needs it.)

Better late than never, I guess. *sigh*

Spiro Agnew September 26, 2009 at 1:24 pm

If Santorum has his way Jonah won’t be able to have sex with the ghost of I.K. or his dogs. And that would be a shame.

Spiro Agnew September 26, 2009 at 1:25 pm

[re=420329]nader paul kucinich gravel[/re]: WAT?

shadowMark September 26, 2009 at 1:48 pm

[re=420344]Spiro Agnew[/re]: I think he means it as a mystery list. Didn’t Spy magazine used to do those?

Carly, Angela, Bristol, Jenny, Meghan, Sheila, Maureen, Elizabeth, Sarah, Carla, Sonia, Willow, Peggy

Darkness September 26, 2009 at 1:52 pm

As I recall, every nazi SS agent was required to love dogs. Okay, so German Shepards. But still. Oh, and Godwin, bitchz!

[re=420080]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: This is just more of the “we own this issue” spoiled four-year-old fest. They have to wholesale own all that is good and worthwhile so they can get their hate for the Other cranked up another notch, failing to notice that the needle is already pinned and bent, of course.

Way Cool Larry September 26, 2009 at 2:08 pm

[re=420112]problemwithcaring[/re]: nice work!

SayItWithWookies September 26, 2009 at 2:11 pm

[re=420305]President Beeblebrox[/re]: Jesus. Never fucking mind then.

Starrigavan September 26, 2009 at 3:10 pm

The best thing about twitter is the idiot twatter is actually WRITING DOWN the vapid/moronic/illiterate crap for us. No one has to try to remember the crap. No one has to strain to reconstruct the idiocy. It’s already written down. All we have to do is copy and paste. Every stupid thing these buffoons say is now preserved for our entertainment!

Thanks twatters!

Mr Blifil September 26, 2009 at 3:30 pm

Wasn’t Irving Kristol the really threatening asshole giving Tom Cruise shit at the Eyes Wide Shut orgy?

BeWoot September 26, 2009 at 3:33 pm

Waiting for the Wonk: Census takers=revenuers?

BeWoot September 26, 2009 at 3:37 pm
NYNYNY September 26, 2009 at 3:58 pm

[re=420080]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: I just found out Glenn Beck did not rape the girl he strangled in 1990. Just one more aspect to GBs awesomeness. Check you guys out on the flipflop!

Maus September 26, 2009 at 4:39 pm

[re=420191]sredni[/re]: “I fail to see how loving an animal that requires you to pick up it’s steaming pile of shit off the sidewalk in full view of passers by daily is a positive quality.”

Are you against Conservative Marriage?

Maus September 26, 2009 at 4:40 pm

[re=420240]Extemporanus[/re]: “A guano facet of Irving Kristol was his love of William.”

Funfact: William Kristol’s childhood nickname was “guano faucet”.

PAbitter September 26, 2009 at 5:41 pm

[re=420244]chascates[/re]: Retrievers are actually pretty smart. They’ve got absolutely no sense, but they’re smart. Think Reese Witherspoon’s character in Legally Blond (F#$%ing hate that movie, so it’s not a compliment).

x111e7thst September 26, 2009 at 6:01 pm

[re=420338]DemmeFatale[/re]: Dogs are useful. One can set ones dogs on members of the local Chamber of Commerce when they come to annoy one. I guess one could do the same with cats though the result would most likely be different.

President Beeblebrox September 26, 2009 at 8:22 pm

[re=420352]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Sorry, man – didn’t mean to slam you, it’s just that I can only take so many conspiracy theories. Orly has spoiled me for life…

Mr Blifil September 26, 2009 at 8:38 pm

“Likes Dogs” would apply to Mr. K-Lo as well, nes pas?

MzNicky September 26, 2009 at 8:42 pm

Loving dogs is something one would expect from any rational human who has not attained room temperature. That Bill Kristol’s daddy DID love them, therefore, is noteworthy in wingnuttiastan.

Lutipold September 26, 2009 at 9:02 pm

I am saddened by some of the anti-dog propaganda being espoused here.

shadowMark September 26, 2009 at 9:16 pm

[re=420410]Lutipold[/re]: Fox news reports that a coyote ate Jessica Simpson’s dog.

Jessica Simpson’s pup dognapped by coyote

These are trying times for our canine friends. At least here people are sticking up for dogs. Daisy had nobody to fight off the wily coyote except Jessica and, well, there you go.

Hunger Tallest Palin September 26, 2009 at 9:32 pm

Whether or not Irving Kristol’s awesomeness quotient is affected by his love of dogs, there can be no doubt that Johan LoededHosen sucks ass.

DemmeFatale September 26, 2009 at 10:25 pm

Dogs rule! Steaming poop and all! At least they don’t stink up the house with their “litter boxes!” I just walked mine, and proudly picked up their dookies.
Cats are OK, as long as they are friendly, and act like DOGS!!

(BTW: hobo, you’re breaking my heart!)

ithasatilde September 26, 2009 at 10:57 pm

[re=420266]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Yeah, I know. That’s Klaus Kinski-level crazy. Now, don’t get me wrong, I would have loved Klaus Kinski to have a Fox News opinion program, but I don’t know if that would be Good for America, or whatever.

By the way, hi everyone! I am a longtime lurker, first-time poster (second time, I guess, now), which means Irving Kristol popped my commenting cherry. On a Saturday night. I’m so cool.

Click September 26, 2009 at 11:16 pm

when a dog runs at you
whistle for him
- Thoreau

SlouchingTowardsWasilla September 26, 2009 at 11:38 pm

That Jonah is so, so, so very sensitive. He’s special because he loves dogs. Both Jonah and Irving are special because they love dogs. They hate people, especially the brown skinned variety, but man, those dudes love them some dogs.

shadowMark September 26, 2009 at 11:41 pm

[re=420421]Click[/re]:

On Saturday morning, it’s adventure time!

Don’t miss ‘Frontier!’ The story of thirty people
who brave bitter weather, loneliness, disease,
starvation and hostile Indians to reach Utah,
only to find they don’t like it there.

Then it’s ‘Ranger Dan and his Big Dog, Dick!’

Or ‘Ranger Dan and his Big Dog Dick!’

George Carlin

Click September 26, 2009 at 11:57 pm

[re=420424]shadowMark[/re]: I went over to this girls house the other night. She cooked a great dinner.
I had a really good time and everything….
She made the best dessert… And she had the BEST PUSSY!

Oh come on now.. I’m talking about her cat!
You people make me sick. You disgust me!

That cat was the best fuck I ever had.

— Steve Martin.

glamourdammerung September 27, 2009 at 2:12 am

[re=420363]BeWoot[/re]: I think the powers that be are waiting for confirmation that this is pretty much exactly as it appears to be. That and there is really not a lot of humor to be milked out of our new crop of Tim McVeighs.

zhubajie September 27, 2009 at 6:15 am

[re=420175]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Sounds like true Wonkette material, denials and all. I hope Monday’s Wonkette is full of this.

gurukalehuru September 27, 2009 at 6:29 am

[re=420402]President Beeblebrox[/re]:
Sibel Edmonds is no Orly Taitz.
1. She is intelligent and coherent.
2. She was actually in a position to know of what she speaks.
3. She is smoking hot.

glamourdammerung September 27, 2009 at 9:35 am

[re=420443]gurukalehuru[/re]:

4. No crazy eyes.
5. Does not remind people of some kind of Sacha Baron Cohen character.

deecaffeinated September 27, 2009 at 11:44 am

[re=420227]MGBYG[/re]: “a stupid fur-bag needing food and its shit picked up” sounds an awful lot like a child to me.

El Pinche September 27, 2009 at 11:48 am

[re=420443]gurukalehuru[/re]: I want to impeach her bush.

SayItWithWookies September 27, 2009 at 11:49 am

[re=420402]President Beeblebrox[/re]: [re=420420]ithasatilde[/re]: Yeah, it is pretty damn loopy — although she did swear to all that in a deposition before the interview. And it’s the type of salacious gossip that seems to harm or benefit nobody in particular, which gives it a bit of credibility. And even if she’s crazy, she’s not Michele or Sarah, so there’s that.

Jim89048 September 27, 2009 at 12:13 pm

[re=420456]El Pinche[/re]: Inpeached.
/fixed

El Pinche September 27, 2009 at 12:19 pm

[re=420459]Jim89048[/re]: Everyone has a little Skoalrebel in em.

El Pinche September 27, 2009 at 12:24 pm

NOBAMAS SOCAILIST AGENDER AND INDOCTRINASHUNS IS WERKIN:

http://graphics8.nytimes.com/images/2009/09/26/opinion/26blowlarge.jpg

BUT THE POLLS IS SKEWED CUZ PROBLABY THEY TOOK IN NYC WITCH IS FILLED WITH LIBRUAL JEWS WITH THERE HOMO ASS CATS.

MGBYG September 27, 2009 at 3:47 pm

[re=420455]deecaffeinated[/re]: Yer kids are furry? What have you been fucking?

Kids, though, grow up and pay rent. That’s what the pamphlet said anyways.

ifthethunderdontgetya" September 27, 2009 at 4:35 pm

[re=420475]MGBYG[/re]: Duck and Cover. Also.
~

Neilist September 27, 2009 at 4:43 pm

If It Please The Court:

It is now approximately 1:35 Pacific Standard Time. As I address this Honorable Court, it is clear that the so-called “editors” of Wonkette.com — and I refer specifically to the individual known as Jim (a/k/a “James” a/k/a “Jimmy” a/k/a “Jimmy Me Boy” a/k/a “Ginger Snap”) Newell — again have abandoned the Wonkette.com community to a weekend of depreviation, abuse, and — dare we say it — torture.

Your Honors: Under any reasonable standard of civilized behavior, leaving the helpless, sensitive and caring members of the Wonkette.com in the custody of — or more accurately, clutches of — such sociopathic personalities as “Jonathan Goldberg” and “Her Most Honorable And Puissant Majesty, Lady Peggington of Noonanshire” — is an offense against mankind. The well-established norms of human behavior, as represented by, inter alia, the United Nations’ Universal Declaration of Human Rights (1948), and the United Nations’ Convention against Torture and Other Cruel, Inhuman or Degrading Treatment or Punishment (1984), have been violated by said editors.

As the Court knows, these violations of basic decency are not the individual, unauthorized actions of one person, whether this “Newell” or otherwise. Instead, these flagrant violations of the basic tenets of civilized behavior were sanctioned by Wonkette.com as an organization. The responsibility is both individual and collective, as per the Nuremberg Principles (1950).

The evidence presents a clear, and disturbing, pattern of escalating abuse by said editors. Last weekend said editors subjected the Wonkette.com community to an unrevealed and unmitigated Friday night, Saturday and Sunday of “David Brooks.” I need not describe to this Court the effects of such continued and unallayed exposure to such a malevolent force. But bespite the anguished cries and plaintive wails of pain — sounds that would have moved even the hardest heart to pity — there was no succor. No aid. No relief.

Ignoring the wave of international protests and media coverage, this weekend the editors of Wonkette.com have left us in the clutches of two — TWO, Your Honors — “personalities” before whom Mr. Brooks looks like a Methodist Boy Scout from the cover of a 1939 edition of the Saturday Evening Post. Clearly, it is time for intervention. Time for this Court to send Wonkette.com’s “editors” a “tip” that they will never forget.

It has been said that, “With great power comes great responsibility.” The editors of Wonkette.com have misused their great power, and ignored their great responsibility to the World of Snark. That world has kept this country safe, Your Honors. It is entitled to the protections of this Court — for the benefit of our lives, our liberties, and our sacred honors.

Respectfully submitted,

Neilist, Esq.
Neilist, Neilist, Neilist & Neilist, LLP
Counsel for Plaintiffs in Humanity vs. Newell, Editors of Wonkette.com, and Wonkette.com, et al., World Court Of The Hague, Criminal Division, Crimes Against Mankind Dept., Case No. 2009-01.

shadowMark September 27, 2009 at 4:47 pm

[re=420481]Neilist[/re]: You won’t get anywhere until you get Orly Taitz to take your case.

finallyhappy September 27, 2009 at 4:53 pm

[re=420462]El Pinche[/re]: I am a super liberal Jew and I am allergic to cats- but I am not from New york.

Neilist September 27, 2009 at 4:58 pm

[re=420482]shadowMark[/re]: I’m associating Ms. Taitz in as “Special Counsel Re Dental & Flossing Issues.”

We’re dealing with Jim “Ginger” Newell, remember? There likely are gingvitis forensic dental issues that only Orly Taitz, D.D.S. & Esquire, is qualified to address.

You can RUN, Newell. But you can’t HIDE from JUSTICE — or a good deep cleaning!

shadowMark September 27, 2009 at 5:08 pm

[re=420484]finallyhappy[/re]: I am a super liberal Jew and I am allergic to cats- but I am not from New york

print english-to-yiddish(“You lie”) && “!”

ifthethunderdontgetya" September 27, 2009 at 5:14 pm

[re=420485]Neilist[/re]: What happened to Ken Layne?
~

ifthethunderdontgetya" September 27, 2009 at 5:29 pm

(reply to ifthethunderdontgetya”³²®©, a function that does not seem to be supported™):

A picture for the Milk Carton.
~

Click September 27, 2009 at 5:41 pm

[re=420482]shadowMark[/re]: Orly’s currently indisposed. Having spent the last several weeks examining and tending to Skoalrebel’s long-neglected and festering cavities, he is apparently returning the favor.

Car Ramrod September 27, 2009 at 5:41 pm

[re=420329]nader paul kucinich gravel[/re]: Burma Shave

Click September 27, 2009 at 5:46 pm

[re=420495]Car Ramrod[/re]: Perfect.

sprankles September 27, 2009 at 6:23 pm

ya like degs?

wot?

degs, you know? degs

oh, you mean dogs

yeah, degs

Hunger Tallest Palin September 27, 2009 at 6:24 pm

[re=420494]Click[/re]: Thanks. Really. I’ll just sit here and waste away because the mental image that goes with your comment has my stomach dancing around the back of my throat YOU SICK HEARTLESS BASTARD.

chascates September 27, 2009 at 6:44 pm

ifthethunderdontgetya”: Mr. Layne has embarked up The Great Walk which will take from the Mexican border to the Oregon border. He’s writing a book of the experience and what all he finds along the way. Which could be pretty interesting, all California-things considered.

NYNYNY September 27, 2009 at 6:45 pm

Kristol was such a dog lover, they buried his 12 favorite Pomeranians with him.

chascates September 27, 2009 at 6:58 pm

William Safire, speechwriter to Dick Nixon, has died. Now if only his fellow speechwriter Pat Buchanan WILL TAKE THE HINT! I’ve heard that Buchanan actually likes cats and drinks chardonnay but that doesn’t lessen his evil any at all.

ifthethunderdontgetya" September 27, 2009 at 7:18 pm

[re=420509]chascates[/re]: And he went to my high school.

But still…that doesn’t lessen his evil any at all.
~

shadowMark September 27, 2009 at 7:24 pm

[re=420509]chascates[/re]: Pat Blechanan I mean Pukanan I mean Michele Bachmann I mean Buchanan doesn’t want to die until he gets to lead a Writer’s Perspective Study Group at Harvard that will meet in the Faculty Dining Room (“FDR”). Or in the McDonald’s just off campus. (“Micky D’s”)

hobospacejunkie September 27, 2009 at 7:57 pm

@DemmeFatale & ShadowMark: We had a kitten eaten by a coyote a year ago. Not a tiny tiny kitten, she was probably 9 months old, with a severe wanderlust, and she wandered into coyote territory one evening. I found her left arm. I’m OK with dogs, every one should have a good home, just not my home. My life revolves around our four cats.

glamourdammerung September 27, 2009 at 8:19 pm

[re=420513]hobospacejunkie[/re]: Uhm, coyotes and dogs are not the same thing. And coyotes would be just as likely to munch on non-huge dogs as they would cats.

chascates September 27, 2009 at 8:26 pm

[re=420513]hobospacejunkie[/re]: Friends of mine who probably live near you (Oak Dr. north of 71) can’t let their cat out either. Their little area has nightly coyote visits and most everyone keeps even their dogs inside. Another friend was jogging near Mount Bonnell and saw a young coyote eying her. If only they would fed on politicians.

NYNYNY September 27, 2009 at 8:30 pm

[re=420509]chascates[/re]: RIP William Safire. It truly is an end of an era. A single tear rolls down an indian’s cheek. An eagle soaring on high gives a mighty screech as a single white turd exits its ass and falls on Nixon’s grave in Buttfuck, California. A seal claps its fins together. Interns who have to write copy for Maria Bartiromo and Don Lemon refer to Safire’s wikipedia page, and the world slowly revolves.

hobospacejunkie September 27, 2009 at 8:44 pm

[re=420516]glamourdammerung[/re]: I wasn’t comparing dogs & coyotes, merely adding to ShadowMark’s news that Jessica Simpson’s dog had been napped by a coyote.

[re=420517]chascates[/re]: We’re 3 miles west of the Y off 290, right in coyote country. There’s some open acreage about 50+ yards from the back of our property (that’s right, we own acres of land, suck it skoalrebel) full of sun-bleached bones, the remains of coyote meals, mainly deer & smaller beasts.

A couple weeks ago I saw a coyote taking a stroll at 7:30am very near the intersection of Hwy 290 & our neighborhood. Not a very large beast, about the size of an underfed german shepherd.

AbstinenceOnly Ed September 27, 2009 at 8:46 pm

Safire, Kristol— it’s bad week for conservative pundits with gem-related surnames.

Jukesgrrl September 27, 2009 at 8:48 pm

[re=420517]chascates[/re]: [re=420513]hobospacejunkie[/re]: I saw a coyote strolling in the parking lot of our local community college last week. Do you think he was there to take English as a Foreign Language, or was he seeking a small freshman to snack on? And although he wasn’t a werewolf, his hair was perfect.

chascates September 27, 2009 at 8:50 pm

[re=420522]Jukesgrrl[/re]: Yikes, was that ACC? And was it the Pinnacle campus (I can see that)?

Jukesgrrl September 27, 2009 at 9:14 pm

[re=420523]chascates[/re]: I’m in Tucson. It’s Pima County CC, Northwest Campus. Right along a busy suburban four-lane road. The Trickster leapt out of the wash bordering the Tucson National golf course, hoofed it across the street dodging medium traffic, and walked into the parking lot’s entrance on HIS green light. And while I waited on red at next intersection up the street, I watch him in my rearview mirror, strolling among the cars, as if he was looking for something/one. I would suspect a date with a cheerleader, but I think they only have those at U of A.

chascates September 27, 2009 at 9:52 pm

[re=420524]Jukesgrrl[/re]: Ah, thought you were an Austinite. That sound dog could probably get into Arizona State. From what I’ve read coyotes are entering large urban areas where they haven’t been for ages. A friend said her mother, who lives on Cape Cod, said they’ve made it there. I suppose we’ve taken away enough of their habitat or despoiled it that a lot of critters have looked for easier pickings. Along with the deer eating shrubbery and brown bears pilfering garbage some places have the occasional mountain lion snacking on pets, farm animals, or small children.

I’ll pause to reflect on an enraged and hungry mountain lion (or 3) having their way with the staff at National Review or the Weekly Standard. I wouldn’t wish any poor animal to have to feed on the bloated carcass of Bill O’Reilly or Glenn Beck.

kudzu September 27, 2009 at 10:16 pm

Wow! A conservative who actually liked–and most likely way deep inside his chest felt something that mildly resembled compassion for–animals. Who would have thought? I guess the whole “compassionate conservatism” must be true after all. I’m gonna send old Bill some Truck Nutz cos his dad ruled.

hoosiermama September 27, 2009 at 10:28 pm

[re=420522]Jukesgrrl[/re]: And although he wasn’t a werewolf, his hair was perfect.

I know, right? Vampires and werewolves have the best hair omg. I did not see Twilight, but I understand all of the vampires had amazing hair.

Oh, wait, wrong thread.

zhubajie September 28, 2009 at 12:11 am

[re=420420]ithasatilde[/re]: Maybe Klaus Kinski could spice up Air America!

sati demise September 28, 2009 at 1:25 am

[re=420535]hoosiermama[/re]: I hope the thread can get back on topic. We were talking about dogs, not vampires or werewolves.

My dog Moche won a race today!

Dog thread!!1!!!!!1!!

bago September 28, 2009 at 3:25 am

Yo, Banks. Gimme a funky-ass bassline.

ForTheTurnstiles September 28, 2009 at 7:45 am

[re=420528]chascates[/re]: Yeah. There have been coyotes found sleeping on light rail trains in Portland in recent years (one got off at the airport for some reason…).

Mr Blifil September 28, 2009 at 8:24 am

I’m an atheist, but I’m kind of enjoying the idea of William Safire standing before his Creator right now attempting to justify his shit.

Johnny Zhivago September 28, 2009 at 8:24 am

[re=420513]hobospacejunkie[/re]: I remember when she got lost… Sorry about the loss. Here’s something to brighten your day, our latest rescue:

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_h28pIHNiQ6k/Sr0p-za5sUI/AAAAAAAAAfQ/-9FykvvOnt0/s1600-h/IMG_0882.jpg

Johnny Zhivago September 28, 2009 at 8:26 am

[re=420554]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: Oh, btw, that’s Bruno. He was originally he was called Layla. Getting concerned he is going to have gender confusion issues.

Blue Jefferson Clinton the Cat September 28, 2009 at 9:14 am

I had no idea my cat was gay, I thought he just really liked sequins..

TGY September 28, 2009 at 9:28 am

He loved them long time.

JSDC007 September 28, 2009 at 11:04 am

And William Safire loved salamanders. Yay!

PETA loves you, Bill Safire and Irving Kristol.

I bet Buckley loved some critters too.

But not Novak. He ate puppies.

snideinplainsight September 28, 2009 at 11:29 am

“There’s nothing more embarrassing than to have earned the disfavor of a perceptive animal.” – Michael Chabon.

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