Ted Kennedy’s been dead for what, a decade or so, in Kennedy-zeitgeist years? It is high time America’s other Senators begin tactlessly speculating about who will get his ritzy deluxe Capitol Building office! Here are the specs: third floor, the Capitol Building, Mall views, “a rustic coffee table that appeared to be hewn out of the old deck of a sailboat,” etc. etc. “It sounds pretty,” said Alabama Senator Richard Selby. First, that coffee table thing actually sounds a bit kitschy. And second, hey, fuck you Richard Selby, show some RESPECT. That office belongs to Ted Kennedy’s ghost until Senate Rules Committee chairman Chuck Schumer gives it to someone else… But WHOM?

Here are all possible recipients, excluding the boring ones like Daniel Inouye (D-HI):

Patrick Leahy (D-VT): as the third ranking member of the Senate—after Ted Kennedy’s ghost and Robert Byrd—he has a pretty good (legitimate) shot at the office. And lo! The nonchalant confidence of a winner: “I don’t feel comfortable talking about Ted,” said Leahy.

Chuck Grassley (R-IA): had not even heard of this Kennedy guy, let alone his haunted sailboat museum, but loves cool shit. ““I don’t think I’m going to move,” said Grassley, the 10th-ranking member of the Senate, but after a moment he asked, “Is it interesting?””

WILDCARD: Caroline Kennedy: She is the obvious replacement to do anything that any other, better Kennedy used to do.

[The Hill]

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  1. Robert Byrd, FTW!
    Prime real estate like should go to a senile drooler with tons of seniority.
    The place can be renamed the Dead Kennedy Home for Superannuated Senators.
    Maybe Jello Biafra can provide some entertainment for the olds during structured play time.

  2. Caroline Kennedy would be perfect, since they’re looking for someone just to fill in and vote like Teddy for few weeks until they can elect a real senator, at which time she’ll be ready to move on again.

    Oh, wait. You’re talking bout filling his office, not his office.

  3. There should be a contest. Whichever Democrat can get Max Baucus, Kent Conrad, Ben Nelson and the rest of the Senate Democratic Wingnut Caucus to shut up and do what they’re told gets the snazzmatazz office. As a bonus, the winner would also be named Senate majority leader.

  4. Byrd probably has _the_ most kick-ass office already due to that seniority thing. Anyway, it wouldn’t do to change things around for him so much.

    Leahy or Inouye would be excellent choices for that real estate. Although if it would make Grassley not be an idiot, or help Lugar or Hatch swing some R votes for healthcare reform, I’m for it.

  5. Now you’ve gone and pissed me off Juli. Isn’t it bad enough that I have to suffer with Bennett and Hatch? Now you’ve gone and given me Grassley too?

  6. [re=419314]Larry Fine[/re]: WIN!

    PS: The “rustic coffee table” is probably made from a hatch cover – not the deck – of a freighter (not a sailboat). Just guessing here…

  7. [re=419326]Norbert[/re]: Let ’em starve. It’s the least they deserve. And then give the office to Inouye. He’s a WW2 vet. He actually deserves it.

  8. Mark Begich should be in the running, if nothing else but because its recompense for the PTSD he got from having to deal with her highness, the khedive of Wasilla.

  9. On a related topic, I wonder who will get Mike Duvalls office in Sacramento?

    I mean the furniture must be impregnated with splooge and air-filtration clogged with airborne dessicated little-swimmers.

    Seriously, they need to get CSI in there with their fluorescent lights.

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