RUMORS ON THE INTERNETS  4:57 pm September 24, 2009

The Democrats Now Have The Bomb, Thanks To Arlen Specter’s Treasonous Ways

by Riley Waggaman

  • Heavens to Betsy! Illegal immigrants are trying to steal Lou Dobbs’s job! [True/Slant: Marcelo Ballve]
  • HE DID IT. He did it. Matt finished Infinite Jest, the novel. He read all of it. And he did not care for it. [Matt Yglesias]
  • Barack Obama will create a special death panel for your beer. [TPM]
  • Web 2.0 is here! And Jesus Christ, it sounds hella boring. [The Caucus]
  • Arlen Specter is a rotten traitor! Where to begin? Okay, first of all: he switched sides with Benedict Arnold during the Revolutionary War. And then he helped the Russians build Sputnik. And then he attacked the USS Cole. And then he defected to the Democrats. Enough is enough. Boo Arlen! Yay Toomey! [RedState]
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Extemporanus September 24, 2009 at 5:05 pm

HAHAHA Matt! The jest’s on you!

Bruno September 24, 2009 at 5:07 pm

I thought we are on Web 4.0 by now? Anyway, reading legislation online is no doubt hellah boring

Johnny Zhivago September 24, 2009 at 5:08 pm

Lou Dobbs is going to try that frog trick – with Mexicans on tonight’s show.

hobospacejunkie September 24, 2009 at 5:08 pm

Joe Sestak for Senate! Kick Arlen to the curb. Apart from being obviously untrustworthy, we don’t want to get into a Robert Byrd-type situation. Arlen doesn’t look much like a spring chicken, but could linger, half alive, for years.

Brendan M. September 24, 2009 at 5:11 pm

[re=418905]hobospacejunkie[/re]: Well, he’s already dead inside.

AxmxZ September 24, 2009 at 5:14 pm

Oh great, now we have to hide both the white wymmens AND the beer from this terrifying Negro!

Johnny Zhivago September 24, 2009 at 5:19 pm

[re=418903]Bruno[/re]: Hey isn’t going to open a real can of worms if people start reading these bills BEFORE they’re voted on?

Johnny Zhivago September 24, 2009 at 5:20 pm

[re=418913]AxmxZ[/re]: Don’t forget to hide your guns too.

JSDC007 September 24, 2009 at 5:25 pm

Well, lets make sure the illegal Mexicanese don’t get dental care and free, shiny dentures! For without blindingly fake chompers, no Mexicaneses will ever look or talk like Lou.

SayItWithWookies September 24, 2009 at 5:26 pm

Health insurers have a 3.3% profit margin, less than the 4.6% average for all businesses in the country.

Karl Rove should’ve been a used-car salesman. I can’t look at a single statistic he uses without thinking that it must be some sort of slim thread of truth completely covered in lies, distortions and skewed angles. And now he’s fearmongering about beer? I don’t think even Robespierre went that far.

Extemporanus September 24, 2009 at 5:33 pm

[re=418905]hobospacejunkie[/re]: You’re right!

Arlen Specter is “Mike the Headless Chicken” reincarnate.

slappypaddy September 24, 2009 at 5:43 pm

oh, matt, matt, matt. if you don’t like it, don’t read it. unless you’re getting paid, and then all you have to do is skip around in it, string some footnoted distortions together about it, save to file and print. that’s how i got through college. summa cum laude, man. (state university.)

Pithaughn September 24, 2009 at 5:50 pm

[re=418928]Extemporanus[/re]: Well well well, Ext have you been to Fruita? It’s a one track heaven nowadays. Especially now that the drillers have thinned out some.Not quite as liberal as Telluride but still a big improvement over the Grand Junkkktion crowd.
For instance, a local GJ news boy says the other night, “The president is on Letterman, if anybody would want to watch that”

Pithaughn September 24, 2009 at 5:54 pm

[re=418924]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Only 3.3 % eh? That is a nice margin to make with OTHER peoples money! Rove is one sly devil. Brewers take raw materials and add value to them. Insurers take your money and invest it in breweries, until your spouse finally wins a decades long court battle with them at which time they finally reimburse your survivors for the denied test that would have saved your life.

Extemporanus September 24, 2009 at 5:57 pm

Nope, never been. I tend to stay clear of towns that encourage people to keep fucking that headless chicken.

So messy!

SayItWithWookies September 24, 2009 at 6:05 pm

[re=418940]Pithaughn[/re]: Oh, it’s not even 3.3%, I’m sure. Private insurers have huge overhead percentages — around 15% or even higher. The difference between the overhead and the profit is probably sucked out into executive bonuses, junkets, lobbying and a bunch of other things to make the actual profits look smaller. And it wouldn’t be surprising if Rove is figuring the huge chunk of the country’s medical expenses that go through Medicaid and other forms of care in which the overhead is much smaller.
Considering there are so many ways to skew that number — and that Karl Rove is using it — the quick answer is to write it off as a complete distortion.

Snarkalicious September 24, 2009 at 6:36 pm

I would pay good money to see a messican wearing Lou Dobbs’ suit, delivering a thinly unveiled message of racism/intolerance to messicans during Lou Dobbs’ time slot. At least fiddy pesos. 100 if it’s delivered with a deadpan face in an obviously fake Chinese accent.

Nigerian Business Executive September 24, 2009 at 6:44 pm

Heavens to Betsy? Heavens to Murgatroid!

I’m sorry but it just had to be said.

bhosp September 24, 2009 at 6:48 pm

And liberals all like Joe Sestak (or at least they should).

No one likes Arlen Specter. He deserves some kind of award for being so unlikeable but still winning 6 (6?) Senate elections.

miquonranger03 September 24, 2009 at 7:06 pm

I have the bomb! Great! Now I can kill those fetuses faster and eat their stem cells! M’m m’m good! Stem cell casserole with steamed broccoli and sauce is a cheap, easy, and fast meal on a Friday night when you’re tired! Except for Ann Coulter, of course, because all SHE eats are the bones of fetuses. That’s why she’s so bony. *rimshot*

lawrenceofthedesert September 24, 2009 at 7:06 pm

Maybe that high-profit beer has clouded Dobbs’ judgment. Maybe it uninhibited Arlen “Phil” Specter and made Foster Brooks Wallace run a thousand pages long with Infinite Juice. It has perhaps affected the visual learning skills of remedial readers in Congress. As the ancient Chinese wrote, “Cut off the ears and the sunglasses fall off.” Sounds like a job for Barry’s second term.

spraklepeapooh September 24, 2009 at 10:19 pm

ha ha! lou dobbs said he has fleas.

Lionel Hutz Esq. September 25, 2009 at 2:01 am

After working at it on-and-off all day long, I’m finally done with Matt Yglesias and I feel . . . well, I don’t quite know how I feel. I was determined not to let reading this difficult column become a “difficult” process and just resolved to read a sentence then read the next sentence then read the next sentence (modified, as necessary, for footnotes and such) and not spend too much time worrying about whether or not I was understanding everything that’s going on. Consequently, I enjoyed myself reading the column—it’s funny, clever, etc., has some great set pieces, blah blah. Also some weak points. But by the end this has added up to . . . what, exactly? I don’t really know.

heroinmule September 25, 2009 at 2:21 am

Matt Yglesias is the reason David Foster Wallace killed himself.

Simba B September 25, 2009 at 9:17 am

Matt Yglesias is the reason David Foster Wallace killed himself.

No shit. Nothing makes me want to throw things more than Yglesias’ blog, except for one thing: his commenters.

widget09 September 25, 2009 at 9:31 am

I think you left some of the evil deeds Arlen Spector was behind, such as: Pearl Harbor, The Mei lie massacre, the burmuda triangle, 911/01, and the holocaust.

LittlePig September 25, 2009 at 10:56 am

Rove’s “software profits” angle is pretty dopey, too. If all the software folks did was remarket products made in universities (like pharma does), he might have a point, but as back as Micro$oft is, at least they steal from for-profit entities.

And hell, Belgium owns Budweiser. Is Rove more worried about foreign nation’s profits over those of US America? HENNGH?

JadedDIssonance September 25, 2009 at 12:20 pm

Funny to see literary discussion on a blog…

Barrett808 September 25, 2009 at 1:33 pm

Re Specter: You forgot the “magic bullet” theory.

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