Oh… god. Apparently someone taught Glenn Beck a metaphor, and already, there has been one known death. You see, Obama, he’s like throwing frogs in a pot of boiling water. This part of the metaphor stands in for Health Care. You dig? But John McCain, a completely random human who actually has had very little to do with the public health care debate, would never do something so gay, ever, as to force America to eat some pondwater consommé. John McCain HATES the French delicacy of Gay Soup. No, he would put the frog in regular water and slowly bring it to a boil. This part of the metaphor also represents Health Care. Ha, it is confusing! Let’s actually boil something alive, for clarity.

Obviously this minor rhetorical point would be impossible to understand unless Beck were to throw an actual living creature in boiling water, on television. Never has anyone been more surprised than Glenn Beck upon realizing the Metaphor Frogs are far, far more reliable than whatever piece of shit sold to him by the pet store that can’t even die on cue.

[Top of the Ticket]

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  1. Look at it slowly and see that he doesn’t actually drop anything in the pot. He’s not that stupid. I mean, Sugar Smacks is the only sponsor he has left. Hey-Oh!

  2. Saw this on Sullivan’s blog. Can’t be real. Just can’t be. I think he’s trying to be funny, because, hahaha, wouldn’t be funny if I boiled a live vetebrate on live TV, my mouthbreathing audience?

  3. Glennda didn’t really boil that poor amphibian. If he had we would’ve seen a stream of fake tears as Glennda fake-empathized with the poor boiling bastard.

  4. [re=418278]Click[/re]: Oh no THANK YEW. I’ll stay right here in the occasionally less-Deliverance-y state of Tennessee. I can see South Carolina from my house!

  5. He gots camel-toe. Oh, and he’s flagrantly insane; he’s a raving loon, he’s starkers, mad as a hatter, crazy as a bedbug, he’s fucking nuts, he is the most blatantly and obviously deranged human being I have ever seen, if I encountered someone with his demeanor and affect, whether in my home, a place of business, or out in public, I would flee, he is fucking nuts. Naked crackheads screaming in the street right before they get tazed on Cops look less looney than this fucker.

  6. I thought the frog was supposed to jump out of the boiling water (which would perhaps be even crueler — can you imagine living with 3rd degree burns as an amphibian?)… Wait, what does that frog REALLY represent, hmmmmm? And which way is the wind blowing this morning, metaphorically speaking?

  7. [re=418325]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Oh Lord honey, that Wamp boy’s dumber than a tree stump and uglier than sin, bless his heart. In other words, typical ignerrant Reptilian fool representin’ the glorious border state, bless all a they hearts.

  8. Something tells me he knows he’s picking a PETA fight. Probably thinks its great for media attention (which, i’m guessing, he is fond of).

    I do not think he realizes this is the same as picking fights with the NRA. Well funded, irrational, emotional and persistent. How long before an almost-nekkid lady protest against Beck? Soon please!

  9. [re=418287]Click[/re]: Luxury, we lived in a shoe box, at the bottom of a pot hole, filled with leakage from a port a let truck that had run out of fuel. Nothing but atonyms, antonyms for breakfast lunch and supper. On our birthdays we were allowed to sprinkle a tiny amount of hyperbole on the antonyms.

  10. [re=418341]MzNicky[/re]: I can’t say a word. We’re full up with wingtards over here on the west side of the Tennessee River (yes, Marsha Blackburn, I’m talking about you). Mind you, at least we have our Congressional 47-year-old Black woman as our saving grace. So there is that.

  11. That’s entertainment! It’s sort of scary how his target audience are those who have reverted so far back into using only the reptilian parts of there brains that he can’t just verbalize his cliched metaphor’. He has to actually enact grotesque spectacle to his salivating fans, because they don’t even get the concept of metaphor, but they DO enjoy to fear and torture.

    I read somewhere recently that it’s not true that a frog will just sit in hot water and wait to boil. It will jump out when it gets too hot. Also a hurricane can’t blow the feathers off a chicken. But there ARE hundreds of alligators living in the New York sewers and sometimes they eat sewer workers.

  12. [re=418356]weejee[/re]: I am saddened by this, as I have fond memories of the brief time I lived in Mt. Vernon. One of the great acid trips of my life, walking along the swift moving Skagit River and then out of town along the fields described by Tom Robbins in “Another Roadside Attraction” in the faint light of a pre-dawn morning as the dew hung heavy on the lawns. We used to do a lot of shrooms there, too.

  13. I’ve heard this metaphor used for global warming. THe point was that the average global temperature is rising so slowly that we won’t perceive it until it’s too late.

    Beckbeck is stretching using this metaphor to back up his assertion that a President John McCain would be worse. Barack Obama is throwing us into a pot of boiling socialism while John McCain would just raise the socialism little by little. Did he not forget that if Barack “Lenin” Obama would somehow not be with us then we wil be left with Joe “Stalin” Biden. If a President John McCain would die in office (or get impeached) we would have the champion of the average Joes, Sarah Palin. Would Sarah Palin be worse for America? Huh Beckbeck?

  14. [re=418361]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Yah! You commie west Tennesseans got all the Dems.

    On the other hand, Marsha Blackburn’s dumbassery > John-Boy Duncan’s and Zak Wamp’s put together, so.

  15. When I went to sleepaway camp, a frog was in our bunk, and we all tried to catch it. I was triumphantly the one to catch it, and because of the time I spent celebrating, my hands warmed the frog’s body, causing the frog to pee on me. I hope the same thing happened to Beck… ohh, and that he gets paralyzed in a car crash the day before a relative gets married.

  16. Did you catch his rant? “Barack Obama is FORCING US TO THINK & GET INVOLVED”

    Therein lies the problem. People like Beck should NOT be forced to think.

    One question remains: Does it taste like chicken??

    Closing comment: If Beck is doing magic tricks, please make him disappear!

  17. (P.S. The point of this action isn’t to actually kill a frog, but to conjure up the images of death and murder, as sociopaths’ enablers are wont to do.)

  18. [re=418253]Lazy Media[/re]: Live turkeys! Live! Meanwhile, Glenn has taken over WKRP’s two major advertisers – Rolling Thunder Regularity Tonic and Red Wriggler Worms – The Worms You Love to Buy (aka, “The Cadillac of Worms”).

  19. [re=418380]gurukalehuru[/re]: Now it’s heavily populated by the tweakers, 13 year-old moms, and drive-thru espresso girls who will gladly give you a hand-job for a $5 tip. I read that Glenda is speaking at the old Lincoln theatre there. Think of the irony if someone in the audience named John Booth stood up and shot him in the head.

  20. well, it is nice that they are finally disproving their own bullshit on live tv. If only ms. beck could set about proving how all porn makes you gay, now that would be some compelling TV, and something tells me that time it would work.

  21. Oh, what the heck. A Unitarian here, a doctor there, next a frog, and then a Census worker. All that matters is that Sean O’Rushbeck keeps his ratings up.

  22. No vids at work, so… and I KNOW that the title of this post says “literally”, like, ten times, but… did Beck actually, truly, really boil a frog? Like, kill it? On the teevee? I want to know, and yet I don’t.

  23. [re=418270]MzNicky[/re]: Why has this taken so long to be in the news? The Census Worker, I mean. It was mentioned in passing on The Takeaway this morning.

  24. I bet one little Beck had a hard time explaining to her friends at school why her dad is evil and boiling frog princes.
    I love the expression on his face; it’s as if he truly believes that reality should 100 percent bend to how the scene played out in his head, ie frog hits water, jumps out of said water. What’s surprising is how he avoids having similar doses of reality completely destroy his sad yet earnestly fucked up belief system.

  25. Some Beck AD is going to take the frogs back to his hovel to feed his prized ball pythons.

    Neat trick: substitute phyllobates terribilis the next time he tries this demonstration…hilarity ensues!

  26. [re=418446]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Odds are, no. As he is reaching in to the get a frog, the frog that you think he is going to grab jumps free before he closes his hand. There is no indication while “holding” it that there is anything in his hands (believe me, a frog in the hands will try to not be, and there were no tells, like readjusting his hands). Do you see a frog when he supposedly dunks it in? I don’t.

    He also claimed that it was a plastic frog in the water. Now, normally, he is lying, so I will just assume he was lying again here. There was no frog in the water at all.

  27. He’s forced us to think and get involved! Can you imagine what would happen if everyone had to think and get involved!? There would be no place for the Glenn Becks of the world! IS that the kind of America you want to live in? I didn’t think so…

  28. Next on Glenn Beck: Glenn’s radio show call screener is subjected to the classic “Schrödinger’s cat” scenario (VX or Marburg virus, audience choice), to make obvious Beck’s disdain for something, anything, Obama policy-related.


  29. Glenn: That was wonderful, you crazy hoot. Now let’s to the one about “If I jump from the roof of a seven-story building, I can magically turn in mid-air and land softly on my feet, proving God will protect me from Obama.” Please do this one before you lose the rest of your advertisers.

  30. [re=418405]Click[/re]: That sounds kind of difficult and potentially messy. The $5 handjobs, I mean. Do they just lean through your car window? And if you actually take the little cup of espresso, isn’t it going to get spilled about a minute later?

    Just asking…

  31. [re=418416]Norbert[/re]: Thank you! I’d forgotten all about Greenpeace! When I spent a few years making a living as a receptionist, I always remembered who was the smartest employee at WKRP. Although I certainly wasn’t also the highest paid…

  32. [re=418467]DustBowlBlues[/re]: My understanding is that it was only reported locally when it was discovered (9/12, uh-huh, Teabagger Day!), and AP’s report just popped up last night. I don’t know why it’s taken this long.

    And you’re right about the ACORN scapegoating. The wingtards on my local “news” “Web site” are actually saying it’s “the White House” ‘s fault, because Pretendizent Barry X should have known them ACORN liars and cheats would piss some ol’ boy off real good sooner and later, so that’s what he gets. Or some such fucking cuckoo bizarro-shit. Either that or the dang-burn revenooer stumbled upon a meth lab, moonshine still or pot field.

  33. [re=418521]coochiemama[/re]: Remember, every fat conservative slob in a America watches foxnews and nothing else. FoxNews is benefiting from this man’s mental illness. I think FoxNews is hoping Beck pulls a Bud Dwyer to pull in even more ratings.

  34. I hope Beck hasn’t heard the one about there being more than one way to skin a cat (Sylvester: “What am I saying? I hate that expression!”).

  35. [re=418467]DustBowlBlues[/re]: [re=418545]MzNicky[/re]: [re=418545]MzNicky[/re]: There are lots of questions that need answering, and very little coverage. (I’m confused, I thought the media was supposed to be left-wing.)

  36. Glenn Beck was just exacting retribution on behalf of Joaquin Phoenix, as this was the very same frog that ate Joaquin’s brain and convinced him to give up acting in favor of bearded rap.

    MORAL: Glenn Beck is a commode who hates the French?

  37. [re=418278]Click[/re]: I was almost surprised it was Kentucky. My husband and I assumed it was probably Pawnee County, OK. Then again, I haven’t seen any census takers around here, so it’s only a matter of time before Spooky Doktor Tom Coburn repeats his call not to cooperate with these people. This year, he’ll probably encourage armed force against them.

    Maybe they think it’s the Revenuers, as they were called in God’s Little Acre.

  38. [re=418567]DemmeFatale[/re]: They are, silly! The lyin’ librul media’s all keeping mum to protect their Messiah and his Socialist ACORN-bots over their culpability in this murder because everyone knows ACORN, who took over the entire Census 2010 project and are thievin’ criminal liars running around the country askin’ nosey-assed questions, were just begging to be hanged by backwoods cretins.

  39. [re=418367]Click[/re]: Instead of the Glock, maybe a Sig Sauer 0.40 in your sock?

    [re=418380]gurukalehuru[/re]: ‘shrooms? Mmmmm, it is fall in the Northwest so ’tis the season. Something along the lines when Grace Slick and Abbie Hoffman were going to put acid in the White House punch for Tricia’s Finch College alumnae party. Some Liberty Caps in the stew the mayor is fixin’ for Glenn. Gotta be careful you avoid the confusing the psilocybe with galerina, or maybe not.

  40. Glenn is speaking at the Lincoln Theater? I would figure that’s the last place in town they’d let him speak, at the little indie theater. The Wal-Mart and Taco bell up by college way seems far more appropriate.

  41. he is nuts . he also married himself after they fell in love . then he murdered n raped that poor girl , but it wasn’t a real girl , just a jumbo turd that popped out while he was making love 2 himself on his honeymoon w. himself ….. still , to murder and rape ur own turd …. it just ain’t right ………..

  42. Look, can’t we all just get together and buy the poor insane little jagoff a sandwich or some such? Because frying up a frog for lunch just ain’t right.

  43. Here’s what he’s trying to do……..The American people (the frog) have been duped into accepting Obamacare (the hot water) because Obama put the the frog/Americans into the Obamacare/hot water and slowly heated the water, making it gradually acceptable for the frog/Americans. But if he were to suddenly put the Americans/frog into his healthcare/hot water, they would reject it (which would commonsensically, be bad strategy on his part). Note that Beck is against Obama making a successful strategy, rather than Obamacare. And did he just compare white America to a slimy black amphibian? And by the way, the frog proved him wrong by being as satisfied in boiling water as he would be in slowly heated water. Guess Beck wont be doing live experiments for quite some time.

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