Wonkette
Do you want to know the most important and controversial news story ever in world history? Courtesy of the Washington press corps: Barack Obama does a lot of teevee interviews to talk about his policies, and he might be “overexposing” himself this way. (Can anyone explain what the dickens this “overexposure” argument could possibly fucking mean? People do realize that you aren’t *required* to watch television shows you don’t want to watch, or television in general, right?) Right. But where there’s epic tragedy there’s room for High Satire, and who better to write that than the World’s Worst Writer, Washington Post sociopath Richard Cohen. Remember: he is “a funny guy” and knows most things about humor. (No but seriously, [re-]read that linked 2006 column if you haven’t done so in a while.)
Richard Cohen’s print columns are very serious about politics, so this lighthearted jaunt was targeted for a Post blog. How naughty! The concept: everywhere Richard Cohen goes in real human life, he sees– oh we don’t want to spoil it! But we kind of do? Don’t! Do. OMG THIS IS SO HARD JUST READ IT!!!
“Stick out your tongue.”
I did so, and the dentist wrapped some gauze around it and said, “I need to explain myself about the public option.”
Stunned, I raised myself up in the chair and looked. It was Barack Obama.
[...]
The cab stopped for a light and I opened the door and ran. I did the couple of blocks to my office in record time, and when I got there I switched on my favorite public affairs show, “The View.” I couldn’t believe my eyes. There was Barbara Obama and Whoopi Obama and Joy Obama and Sherri Obama, and their guest was Madonna Obama, and they were all discussing health care reform — single-payer and Cadillac plans and cooperatives and how not all clinics worked so well. Joy Obama said, “Hold the Mayo,” and everyone laughed. But me. I grabbed for the remote control and desperately searched for something else.
I flipped past Barack Obama standing hip high in water doing a stand-up for the Weather Channel, and then someone named Cesar Obama who was whispering to a Mexican Chihuahua about single-payer programs, and then I saw — I swear I did — Barack Obama in the arms of Tom DeLay on “Dancing With the Stars,” and he was singing a soft song about the uninsured. They were doing the tango and DeLay looked ridiculous.
I know, right!? DIDN’T HE JUST WRITE EXACTLY WHAT YOU’VE BEEN THINKING BUT COULD NEVER REALLY PUT TOGETHER? It’s like… Obama… he was on the teevee so many times this week!
Barack Obama Everywhere [WP/PostPartisan]
That Cohen. So boorish.
Now if our crafty President would only pose as a phalangular surgeon and chop off the hands with which he pens/types those useless columns.
In Cohen’s enfeebled mind, we are all Obama now.
Let it out, Jim. Show us on the doll….where did Cohen touch you?
Obama is obviously “overexposing” himself so he will turn several shades lighter, Mr. Cohen, and not be as subject to “racist attacks”.
I honestly prefer his columns about how torture is ugly but so is the crater that used to be the World Trade Center. That kind of thinking can’t be found just anywhere…except in Fred Hiatt’s neighborhood. All war all the time! It sells newspapers! And protects Israel!
Anyone know offhand just how many fatal diseases first manifest themselves with hallucinations? That way we could be more specific when making our wishes.
Where there’s epic tragedy there’s room for High Satire, certainly words to live by but this dingus couldn’t cut it on the nursing home circuit
I guess that explains the dreamy look in the Dancin’ Hammer’s eyes.
The “View” is his favorite public affairs show!! That says a lot.
Obama is everywhere
Obama is everything
Obama is everybody
Obama is still the king.
Shorter Dick: WHAT IS THIS NIGGER DOING ON MY TV?
Can we make this a discussion about Colbert’s White House Correspondent’s Dinner speech instead of this awful article? Cohen’s article was like rearranging furniture on the Hindenburg.
Of course, this sort of fixative mental illness is not unheard of in the cartoon world.
Richard Cohen sticks his head up his own ass — guess who he sees!
HUMOR. IT’S WHAT’S FOR DINNER.
You guys, he’s not making this up! I found a photo of Cohen with Obama!
I hate the overexposure to the smarmy olds.
This Post blog is ponderous and harsh. Like Mussolini.
ManchuCandidate: NOW PLAYING: Being Barack Malkovich
Also….can he sound any more scared of the black?
Were it true that POTUS is overexposed, wouldn’t you expect him to run into the Magilla from Wasilla at least once?
Oh my god.
I thought that It was Michelle. at the end was brilliant. I’ll bet Richard Cohen did too.
Now The View part I totally get. And the messican dog and the dentist bit– makes
perfect sense. But why on earth would Tom Delay look ridiculous doing the tango?
Richard Cohen was David Denby before David Denby was David Denby.
Know what would have been funnier? If he attacked and killed one of these Obamas (who of course wasn’t really Obama, because Cohen just went crazy). And then he was arrested by Officer Obama, sentenced to life in prison by Judge Obama, and surrounded by hundreds of inmates (who were black). Then cellmate Lil’ Obama broke him in prison-style, all while going over the subtleties of public-backed insurance versus co-operatives.
See? I’m also a funny guy.
guess he better sell all his teevees, then….like that elderly wingnut lady did. ‘cept for the biggest one.
Judas Peckerwood: No shit. It’s “Being Barack Obama” in the world of Richard Cohen.
Does this mean Hopey is just an empty vessel waiting to hold our souls inside forever?
Not content to be simply The World’s Largest Rectum, Richard Cohen has decided that his new past time is watching Being John Malkovich while under the influence of “magic” mushrooms and valium, and then comparing everything on the entire fucking planet to it.
When he gets to the part where I turn and embrace the man lying next to me, Mr. PsycGirl Barack Obama, then I will pay attention.
Jim, you’re overlooking the subtle truths in Cohen’s satire:
-my favorite public affairs show, “The View”
-DeLay looked ridiculous
-and everyone laughed. But me.
Cohen may not remember this, but we once had presidents who went places and did stuff. We’re just returning to the status quo antedubya, and it’s a little unnerving, I’m sure. If he wants to calm down though, he can just read the Palin speech and pretend stupidity has been restored.
Extemporanus: damn, you beat me to it. well played.
Dementia is a terrible thing.
Why not “Tom Obama” instead of “Tom DeLay”? If the President is going to be morphed/ opposite Mormon married to The View panel*, why not have him same married to the swishy ex-speaker of the House?
* No Elizabeth Obama tho. Apparently, Cohen’s trying to protect the young, blonde white women from our shape-shifting overlord.
Extemporanus: followed by <i<Barack to the Future
Cocaine is a hell of a drug. I honestly don’t know what Cohen’s excuse is, though.
Madonna Obama? I’m going to need to drink a LOT of fucking whiskey to get that out of my memory.
To Richard Cohen, all black people look alike.
Next week: Seeing Whoopi Goldberg Everywhere.
And of course, while the president offends Richard Cohen’s delicate sense of exposure (and its over-ness), he just never gets tired of Smilin Bob’s giant wang.
4tehlulz: Please…Cohen is a cultured man. The preferred nomenclature is ‘BLACKAMOOR’.
Didn’t Charlie Kaufman write this article already, like 10 years ago, starring Cameron Diaz and cumstains?
I couldn’t help but think of this video when reading this bizarre nightmare dreamscape rant:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=slKNd22GGaQ#
he’s too old to be doing those sorts of drugs. seriously. those are for when you’re young and strong. when you get to be dickie’s age, you should have left that long behind you. here’s hoping his loved ones (assuming existence thereof) can do an intervention.
As a general rule this rabid criticism of Obama = racism meme strikes me as too knee-jerk. That said I don’t recall anyone suggesting that Clinton, Bush, or Reagan were overexposing themselves? And since when did putting a very public face on government become such a bad thing?
the black, hes everywheres now
No mention of his stage name (Clownfarts McOld)? Oh come on.
Media One Week- Obama needs to do a better job of explaining health care as he’s losing control of the messaging. If he doesn’t, his Presidency will end in a ball of flames.
Obama goes out and explains health care everywhere and gains control of the messaging
Media Next Week- Obama is on TV too much explaining health care and it’s interfering with his messaging as all we want to talk about now is that he’s explaining health care too much. If he doesn’t stop going around explaining things so much, his Presidency will end in a ball of flames.
He’s black, y’all, and he’s black, y’all, and he’s blacker than black and he’s black, y’all. He’s bliggity-bliggity-black y’all…
Anyone else view Cohens “work” in the same context as “paintings” by zoo animals: (usually chimps, elephants etc.) dazzled that someone actually pays real money for this?
DeLay looked ridiculous
Well, *that’s* a safe assumption.
Rotundo: Hey, that’s really unfair, and rude. A painting made by an elephant has redeeming value in it.
A president on news channels, Letterman and addressing congress….OMG RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Richard Cohen is pathetic- also he haz a sad because no one wants to see him like they do Obama.
Cohen needs to put a quarter in his ass ’cause he played himself.
Cohen’s article didn’t fail. It became exactly as common sense would expect it to.
Whoopi Obama? How does he come up with this stuff? I love this guy.
AnnieGetYourFun: I apologize for this: Elephants and chimpanzees are considerably higher functioning and rational than Mr. Cohen. Mr. Cohen doesn’t bring the same zeal and spirit when hurling his feces at us that the chimps do either.
Wasn’t Richard Cohen bitching a few weeks ago because Obama had not deigned to subject himself to an interview with him? Methinks someone has a man crush and is working out some very confusing feelings.
Rotundo: Most animal “paintings” are used to raise money for nonprofits; so was Cohen’s column, but the Post didn’t mean to be a nonprofit, it just happened… one of its bigger mistakes was giving him a column. Btw, some of the animals actually had art teachers; I know an artist who worked with famous gorilla artist Koko. Imagine what Cohen would have read like if he had had a writing teacher! (He might have been half as good as Koko.)
Supposedly Cohen has been very influenced by Thomas Friedman’s 1999 book “Laughter and the Tortoise Shell.”
I re-read that 2006 thing. Holy fucking god.
Koko is an artist, ambassador, and teacher. Cohen is a hack columnist for a formerly good newspaper in rapid decline. If I implied any comparisons between Koko and Cohen, particularly in their impact on the world, I repeat, I apologize.
I think it’s time to up his dosage of Seroquel.
norbizness: did you just quote Big Daddy Kane, here at the Wonkette?
Funny-lookin’, maybe.
Hey, did Mackenzie or John Phillips ever sleep with Richard Cohen?
Occasionally, there might be too much of a good thing. Take Bill Shatner, for instance. Obama though, maybe not so much.
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-4487108880480995121&q=se7en#
.CaiteeCruelle: If you have to tell people you’re funny, it’s a sure bet you are not. Except that look at all the hours of pleasure we get from Writer Dick. I guess I’ll amend that to If you have to tell people you’re funny it’s a sure bet you can’t be funny on purpose. Just as his grade school teacher noted. That was sad
Notice that it’s just the Republics who don’t want to see him. Litle do they know that he’s going to be in their faces for years– every day. He is redefining how the President works — out in the open, and daily. The Republics also know that Obama scores when he speaks to the people directly. They must sense something positive or they wouldn’t hate it so much. I hope the White House knows that too.
P.S. Contrary to Cohen, some people can’t get enough of the Prez.
What - I’m funny like a clown? I amuse you?
CaiteeCruelle: Agreed. Sounds like someone who really really REALLY needs to have a therapist on long-term retainer.
norbizness: Funny! And to the point!
Out of the corner of my eye, Cohen looks like Orville Redenbacher. It happens almost every time I see his photo.
P.S.: I think what I like best about Cohen’s hair would be the manly beehive with bangs.
Move over Denby.
Jim89048: Obama nor Bill Shatner have caused my saturation-alert indicator to start flashing. Meatloaf has me at defcon 4, however. I mean the celebrity, not the dish.
teebob2000: thank you. Pesci, “Good Fellas”
Why was the dentist wrapping gauze around his tongue? Has anyone ever had this done before? Cohen was like, “hmm I’ve never been to the dentist, but I know it involves gauze and mouths… something like that, anyway I’m sure they’ll get the point, then they’ll be so surprised about the Obama thing that they’ll forget what was going on in that dentist chair in the first place”.
magic titty: norbizness: Perhaps—since the article by Cohen (white, Jewish) dealt with his fear of Obama (black, Muslin) popping-up in places he wouldn’t ordinarily expect—Norbizness was referencing the Beastie Boys sampling of Big Daddy Kane’s classic line on their track “Hey Fuck You”.
Seriously, doesn’t “‘Cause I’ve got more rhymes than Carl Sagan’s got turtlenecks” sound exactly like something Cohen would say, with the added benefit of it happening to be literally true?
norbizness: I love you Norbizness. I would have loved you more if this had been a Fear Of A Black Hat reference instead of CB4 but I still love you.
Richard Cohen is just shamelessly pandering his way to the top of the Death Panel list. Just be a man and eat a bullet like a good geriatric buffoon.
Homoeroticism!
Holy shit! It’s like an 80’s music video, where like the camera travels through different rooms and scenarios but Barack Obama is in every one. Did he think his tongue was Obama at the beginning? That’s kind of hot.
Here’s my favorite line from that linked article:
“When you spoke truth to power you took the distinct chance that power would smite you, toss you into a dungeon or — if you’re at work — take away your office.”
Take my office, please! What the fuck are you talking about?!
Egad. I wasn’t aware of his critique of Colbert’s Bush roast. He’s nothing but a feckless nebbish.
See, Cohen’s funny because he uses absurdity or contrast or hyperbole to elucidate — to make people see things a little bit differently, like for example as if you were a paranoid schizophrenic starting to come down from a meth high.
When you google “Richard Cohen” and “Cunt” you come up with http://www.gaytostraight.org/Home.asp
sezme: you mean like Doug of the Piranha brothers? (at 3:30)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-FDW1shmqA
“And then I saw — I swear I did — Barack Obama in the arms of Tom DeLay…” - Word of advice, Cohen: next time, put an RPS warning on that shit, so that we know not to click it.
Rearranging the deck chairs on the Hindenberg, eh? Well played, Cobert. Hadn’t heard that one.
BTW, meth is a helluva drug. Also.
The best comment i found from the Washington Post so far. (Many good points made)
WIN!
So,why did WAPO not even mention that Obama
Crooked DOJ Fake US Attorney General Loser
Eric Holder was finally forced to agree to
Investigate ACORN? Can we all say “Cover UP
And White Wash?” Come on WAPO become a real
Newspaper Again,not just an Obama Post And
Obama Fluff Rag! I will not miss WAPO Or
Obama Post when it goes under,since all it
is nowdays just another Obama Press Release Rag. I wonder if WAPO will delete
my comments as soon as Fred Hiatt sees it?
So,much for Freedom Of Press & Speech under
the Marxist Barack Obama Dictatorship.
its like a poem
written by a crazy person
with terrible grammar
Say what you will, he still makes the best popcorn.
Like satire? Check out Pointless Planet, a hilarious satirical look at bad TV commercials:
http://www.pointlessplanet.com