race to the apocalypse

Carly Fiorina Comes Through With The Very Witty Senate Campaign Slogan!

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Wealthy corporate human Carly Fiorina, the disgraced dingbat liar from John McCain’s 2008 presidential campaign, is planning a run against Barbara Boxer in next year’s California Senate race. Cute! And yesterday she launched a hilarious FLASH website that everybody has been making fun of because it is so cheesy. You should watch the opening FLASH segment! Carly Fiorina, you guys! [Carly for California]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    Next up: Carlyfornication?

  • Vartan84

    Carlyfornia Dreamin’, and this on the day the Los Angeles Times headlines read “MacKenzie Phillips had sex for years with her father, John Phillips”. (Not joking here either).

  • norbizness

    Where’s the “eat shit and die” button?

  • norbizness

    “Hewlett Packard?” “Packard? I hardly know herd!”

  • mephistopheles jefferson

    For some reason, it reminds me of a Midol ad.

  • chascates

    The Coming Soon? ending isn’t very reassuring. Is the site just asking people to beg her to run against Boxer? Or, if the momentum isn’t big, she could fall back on the dog vs. cat meme.

  • JMP

    Aggh, my eyes! Are you sure this isn’t for an America’s Next Top Idol or whatever contestant?

    Also, are you sure this website is for Carly Fiorina, specifically? Because from what I can tell, it’s just “Carly”, no last name. Which also adds to the impression that it was created by a 17-year-old girl.

  • mookworthjwilson

    [re=417228]Vartan84[/re]: damn…you beat me to that…

  • V572625694

    Jeez we already got a goobernor who says “Kali-fornja.”

    By the way, Carly’s chances would improve if she were hotter-looking. Not fair, but that’s the way it is here.d

    From the site:

    Please keep me up to date on Carly’s activities:

     No thank you!
     Die with festering boils!
     I’d rather have a Barney-Frank colonoscopy!

  • The Church of Realism

    She’ll get my vote only if she can prove she slept with Mackenzie Phillips too.

  • Hart88

    There’s a few thousand ex-HP employees in CA who would love nothing more than to watch her fail.

  • bureaucrap

    Suggestion to Carly: The “Contribute” button should have the subhead, “So I don’t have to spend any of my own d*&n money”.

  • earnestcivilservant

    Dogs vs cats, Carly vs Boxer…so is Carly saying she’s a dog? Or just a bitch?

  • Country Club Jihadi

    Got Estrogen?

    GnarlyPornia is more like it.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Gah — nice colors. I wish her all the best in her bid to unseat the incumbent, Mayor McCheese.

  • 4tehlulz


  • shadowMark

    She’s young, hip, happening. Vote for Carly Fiorina: She’s a grrrl!

  • Buzz Feedback

    Jesus Christ. Give CA back to the fukking Mexicans.

  • mercure

    This would be an amusing flameout to observe, if I were an American. One more utterly mediocre business failure whose biggest claim to fame is a highly public firing at the company she headed and nearly drove into the ground, now going into politics.

    Actually, that sounds she’ll be the next Republican president…

  • thefrontpage

    What would John, Mackenzie and Chyna Phillips have to say about this?

    Or Mick Jagger, for that matter?

  • Bowdoin

    It has those hysterical little girl Palinesque multiple exclamation points!!!!!

    But I really liked her Anticipation.

    And tomorrow we might not be together
    I’m no prophet, I don’t know natures way
    So I’ll try to see into your eyes right now
    And stay right here, ’cause these are the good old days.

    Anticipation, Anticipation
    Is making me late
    Is keeping me waiting

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    OT but why aren’t you liveblogging Libya’s Khadafy (SP) speech at the UN? He’s a walking SNL skit; I can just hear his interpreter saying ‘oh shit…do I have to say this crap out loud?’

  • Gopherit

    [re=417227]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: You should squat on that domain name. That will be a lucrative porn site name some day.

  • Servo

    Don’t flatter yourself, Carly. Your legacy has touched more households than you’re willing to comprehend.

  • Four Doors

    TEEN GIRL SQUAD..! The ugly one!

  • ManchuCandidate

    That’s fiorinacated up website.

  • S.Luggo

    This is the first political website to show a suppository that asks for money.

  • Kingbee

    Those buttons look like Quaaludes, which, California, yeah.

  • magic titty

    [re=417240]mookworthjwilson[/re]: Is that what her husband said to her dad?

    Too soon?

  • Crank Tango

    is this the place where I get to rant about my experiences with shitty HP computers? And how I traded one in for a vaio, and then after the next bad experience switched to mac?

  • the problem child

    Peering deep into the abyss, and seeing blonde on blonde action!

  • Jim89048

    [re=417228]Vartan84[/re]: Today, we are all Mackenzie Phillips’ father.

  • DemmeFatale

    But will she ever be big enough for “Dancing With The Stars?”

  • Capricatony

    That is how Schwarzenegger pronounces it.

  • rev_matt_y

    [re=417227]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: That was my first thought as well. Either her campaign staff hates her and is actively trying to derail her or they are too stupid to be working on a campaign.

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    Rejected campaign slogan ideas:

    This time for sure!

    HP? What’s that?

    I’m not Arnold!

    I screwed up HP and I’m still rich! Think what I can do for California!

  • BigDupa

    Senator Boxer better guard her phone records.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=417282]rev_matt_y[/re]: Judging from her website, I’d say all of the above.

  • Uncertainty Vice-Principal

    [re=417274]Crank Tango[/re]:

    is this the place where I get to rant about my experiences with shitty HP computers? And how I traded one in for a vaio, and then after the next bad experience switched to mac?

    No that’s Jerry Springer for Nerds, but you get to throw chairs at the old computers.

  • imissopus

    Looks like the website for an anti-depressant. Which it’s not at all. Not even close.

  • Perrys Mollycoddler

    Wait…but her last name isn’t Fornia…it’s Fiorina…do we really need a dyslexic governor?!

  • teebob2000

    Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. She single-handedly nearly destroyed a huge multinational corporation.

    So again I say, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

  • Downtheroadapiece


    So it begins, the campaign for our next governor. Dear god. Anyone got a spare room to rent in say Colorado or Maine or any place not California for about a year or so? I don’t think I can handle another election cycle in this circus. I’m a great roomie. I won’t eat your food and my toddler is mostly housebroken. Mostly.

  • Perrys Mollycoddler

    At least you don’t live in Texas where the governor here says things like, “I know the overwhelming evidence points to that man’s innocence, but clearly he’s guilty so let’s kill him.”

  • pika

    I would like to write on a wall to support Carly–why is there no text-entry thingy where I can do this? We did so much for Glenn Beck.

  • BeWoot

    Ich bin eine involved already.

  • JSDC007

    Gavin’s way prettier than Carly. Even in a dress.

    But put Gavin in a speedo against a big banner that says “Carly Fiorina f**cked up HP” and its all over.

  • theo

    Is a Carly a breed of cat? Because a Boxer is a breed of dog.

  • JMP

    [re=417263]Bowdoin[/re]: (Obvious, but couldn’t resist)
    Fiorina’s so vain,
    She prob’ly thinks this post is about her

  • hiphophitler

    Well, at least we know her stand on abortions; turn them all into websites.

  • Neoyorquino

    “Stopped into a church I passed along the way. Well, I got down on my knees (Got down on my knees), and I pretend to pray . . .” Well, she’s got the Republican family values down pat.

  • BerkeleyFarm

    OMG vanity campaign much?

    If she wins the nomination (by some weird stretch), Boxer is going to eat her for lunch. (Boxer has been fortunate in her opponents.)

  • NixonNow

    so we should contribute to elect a dog, which is good, which is day, which is carly, rather than a cat, which is bad, which is night, which is babs. i don’t think i get it. am i a dumb?

  • RoscoePColtraine

    At first glance I thought it was a website for a department store. Mervyn’s or Linens-N-Things or some other recently defunct place.

  • Extemporanus

    [re=417250]SayItWithWookies[/re]: The Hamburglar is going to help her steal the election.

  • AbstinenceOnly Ed

    [re=417241]V572625694[/re]: Because Feinstein’s such a fox?

    Carlyfornia nightmare!!!!!!

  • Extemporanus

    Like Web 2.0, Gullyfonia is doubly blessed!

    Noted “female Republican” billionaire Internet maven Meg “Ebay” Whitman just launched her goobernatorial campaign with an event in Fullerton, home of eyepatch-panty-sniffing former state assemblyman Mike Duvall.

    So messy!

  • house of the blue lights

    So what does “carlyfornicate” MEAN exactly?

  • Baconbits

    [re=417268]Four Doors[/re]: Sooooo good!

    So is Boxer What’s Her Face? And would that make Gavin Cheerleader?

  • glamourdammerung

    [re=417264]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: I am sorry, but I think Gaddafi is actually somewhat reasonable. If someone bombed my house because they were trying to distract the public about the Iranians bombing a Marine base and killed off a good chunk of my family, I would want blood too.

  • ellie

    Disgraced, dingbat liar! hahahahahahaha

    I have nothing to add to that.

  • Neilist

    Much as I despise Senator Barbara “Fucking Your Way To The TOP! Boxer, this promises to be an Electoral Slaughter Of Epic Proportions.

    The Java Karly has a better chance of winning.

  • Manos: Hands of Fate

    That stupid slogan sounds more like a new show on ABC. And that flash atrocity looks like its inro credits.

  • Georgia Burning

    If Carly does to California what she did to HP, China will get that Oregon border they’ve always wanted.

  • durn

    Her buttons need nipples.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=417462]house of the blue lights[/re]: Translation: “Fuck Carly.” Except, ew.

  • Johnny Zhivago

    Actually, if you poke around, you’ll see that Carlyfornia *IS* some kind of goth clothing store.

    May the lawsuits begin.

    My bets are still on Karla: http://www.karlaforsenate.com

  • Georgia Burning

    [re=417922]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: Karla’s got my vote, for one she didn’t steal her website font from a Macy’s ad

  • Exterminatus

    [re=417295]teebob2000[/re]: I count three multi-nationals destroyed by Carly during her tenure: the last remnants of DEC/Digital, Compaq, and HP of course. I will also mention that she essentially eliminated the research department at HP, and managed to kill off two perfectly good processor architectures, Alpha and HP-RISC, for the horribly shitty ia64(Itanic) processor line from Intel. Managing to essentially kill two separate UNIX codebases was also not so impressive on her part. I’m having trouble thinking why even she would think that she would be even marginally competent as a janitor at this point.