RACE TO THE APOCALYPSE  11:10 am September 23, 2009

Carly Fiorina Comes Through With The Very Witty Senate Campaign Slogan!

by Jim Newell

Wealthy corporate human Carly Fiorina, the disgraced dingbat liar from John McCain’s 2008 presidential campaign, is planning a run against Barbara Boxer in next year’s California Senate race. Cute! And yesterday she launched a hilarious FLASH website that everybody has been making fun of because it is so cheesy. You should watch the opening FLASH segment! Carly Fiorina, you guys! [Carly for California]

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Hola wonkerados.

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queeraselvis v 2.0 September 23, 2009 at 11:13 am

Next up: Carlyfornication?

Vartan84 September 23, 2009 at 11:14 am

Carlyfornia Dreamin’, and this on the day the Los Angeles Times headlines read “MacKenzie Phillips had sex for years with her father, John Phillips”. (Not joking here either).

norbizness September 23, 2009 at 11:15 am

Where’s the “eat shit and die” button?

norbizness September 23, 2009 at 11:17 am

“Hewlett Packard?” “Packard? I hardly know herd!”

mephistopheles jefferson September 23, 2009 at 11:17 am

For some reason, it reminds me of a Midol ad.

chascates September 23, 2009 at 11:19 am

The Coming Soon? ending isn’t very reassuring. Is the site just asking people to beg her to run against Boxer? Or, if the momentum isn’t big, she could fall back on the dog vs. cat meme.

JMP September 23, 2009 at 11:19 am

Aggh, my eyes! Are you sure this isn’t for an America’s Next Top Idol or whatever contestant?

Also, are you sure this website is for Carly Fiorina, specifically? Because from what I can tell, it’s just “Carly”, no last name. Which also adds to the impression that it was created by a 17-year-old girl.

mookworthjwilson September 23, 2009 at 11:19 am

[re=417228]Vartan84[/re]: damn…you beat me to that…

V572625694 September 23, 2009 at 11:20 am

Jeez we already got a goobernor who says “Kali-fornja.”

By the way, Carly’s chances would improve if she were hotter-looking. Not fair, but that’s the way it is here.d

From the site:

Please keep me up to date on Carly’s activities:

 No thank you!
 Die with festering boils!
 I’d rather have a Barney-Frank colonoscopy!

The Church of Realism September 23, 2009 at 11:21 am

She’ll get my vote only if she can prove she slept with Mackenzie Phillips too.

Hart88 September 23, 2009 at 11:21 am

There’s a few thousand ex-HP employees in CA who would love nothing more than to watch her fail.

bureaucrap September 23, 2009 at 11:22 am

Suggestion to Carly: The “Contribute” button should have the subhead, “So I don’t have to spend any of my own d*&n money”.

earnestcivilservant September 23, 2009 at 11:23 am

Dogs vs cats, Carly vs Boxer…so is Carly saying she’s a dog? Or just a bitch?

Country Club Jihadi September 23, 2009 at 11:25 am

Got Estrogen?

GnarlyPornia is more like it.

SayItWithWookies September 23, 2009 at 11:25 am

Gah — nice colors. I wish her all the best in her bid to unseat the incumbent, Mayor McCheese.

4tehlulz September 23, 2009 at 11:25 am


shadowMark September 23, 2009 at 11:26 am

She’s young, hip, happening. Vote for Carly Fiorina: She’s a grrrl!

Buzz Feedback September 23, 2009 at 11:26 am

Jesus Christ. Give CA back to the fukking Mexicans.

mercure September 23, 2009 at 11:29 am

This would be an amusing flameout to observe, if I were an American. One more utterly mediocre business failure whose biggest claim to fame is a highly public firing at the company she headed and nearly drove into the ground, now going into politics.

Actually, that sounds she’ll be the next Republican president…

thefrontpage September 23, 2009 at 11:31 am

What would John, Mackenzie and Chyna Phillips have to say about this?

Or Mick Jagger, for that matter?

Bowdoin September 23, 2009 at 11:34 am

It has those hysterical little girl Palinesque multiple exclamation points!!!!!

But I really liked her Anticipation.

And tomorrow we might not be together
I’m no prophet, I don’t know natures way
So I’ll try to see into your eyes right now
And stay right here, ’cause these are the good old days.

Anticipation, Anticipation
Is making me late
Is keeping me waiting

Texan Bulldoggette September 23, 2009 at 11:35 am

OT but why aren’t you liveblogging Libya’s Khadafy (SP) speech at the UN? He’s a walking SNL skit; I can just hear his interpreter saying ‘oh shit…do I have to say this crap out loud?’

Gopherit September 23, 2009 at 11:36 am

[re=417227]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: You should squat on that domain name. That will be a lucrative porn site name some day.

Servo September 23, 2009 at 11:37 am

Don’t flatter yourself, Carly. Your legacy has touched more households than you’re willing to comprehend.

Four Doors September 23, 2009 at 11:40 am

TEEN GIRL SQUAD..! The ugly one!

ManchuCandidate September 23, 2009 at 11:40 am

That’s fiorinacated up website.

S.Luggo September 23, 2009 at 11:42 am

This is the first political website to show a suppository that asks for money.

Kingbee September 23, 2009 at 11:42 am

Those buttons look like Quaaludes, which, California, yeah.

magic titty September 23, 2009 at 11:43 am

[re=417240]mookworthjwilson[/re]: Is that what her husband said to her dad?

Too soon?

Crank Tango September 23, 2009 at 11:44 am

is this the place where I get to rant about my experiences with shitty HP computers? And how I traded one in for a vaio, and then after the next bad experience switched to mac?

the problem child September 23, 2009 at 11:45 am

Peering deep into the abyss, and seeing blonde on blonde action!

Jim89048 September 23, 2009 at 11:49 am

[re=417228]Vartan84[/re]: Today, we are all Mackenzie Phillips’ father.

DemmeFatale September 23, 2009 at 11:50 am

But will she ever be big enough for “Dancing With The Stars?”

Capricatony September 23, 2009 at 11:53 am

That is how Schwarzenegger pronounces it.

rev_matt_y September 23, 2009 at 11:53 am

[re=417227]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: That was my first thought as well. Either her campaign staff hates her and is actively trying to derail her or they are too stupid to be working on a campaign.

Monsieur Grumpe September 23, 2009 at 11:57 am

Rejected campaign slogan ideas:

This time for sure!

HP? What’s that?

I’m not Arnold!

I screwed up HP and I’m still rich! Think what I can do for California!

BigDupa September 23, 2009 at 11:57 am

Senator Boxer better guard her phone records.

queeraselvis v 2.0 September 23, 2009 at 11:59 am

[re=417282]rev_matt_y[/re]: Judging from her website, I’d say all of the above.

Uncertainty Vice-Principal September 23, 2009 at 11:59 am

[re=417274]Crank Tango[/re]:

is this the place where I get to rant about my experiences with shitty HP computers? And how I traded one in for a vaio, and then after the next bad experience switched to mac?

No that’s Jerry Springer for Nerds, but you get to throw chairs at the old computers.

imissopus September 23, 2009 at 12:02 pm

Looks like the website for an anti-depressant. Which it’s not at all. Not even close.

Perrys Mollycoddler September 23, 2009 at 12:04 pm

Wait…but her last name isn’t Fornia…it’s Fiorina…do we really need a dyslexic governor?!

teebob2000 September 23, 2009 at 12:05 pm

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. She single-handedly nearly destroyed a huge multinational corporation.

So again I say, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Downtheroadapiece September 23, 2009 at 12:05 pm


So it begins, the campaign for our next governor. Dear god. Anyone got a spare room to rent in say Colorado or Maine or any place not California for about a year or so? I don’t think I can handle another election cycle in this circus. I’m a great roomie. I won’t eat your food and my toddler is mostly housebroken. Mostly.

Perrys Mollycoddler September 23, 2009 at 12:08 pm

At least you don’t live in Texas where the governor here says things like, “I know the overwhelming evidence points to that man’s innocence, but clearly he’s guilty so let’s kill him.”

pika September 23, 2009 at 12:09 pm

I would like to write on a wall to support Carly–why is there no text-entry thingy where I can do this? We did so much for Glenn Beck.

BeWoot September 23, 2009 at 12:17 pm

Ich bin eine involved already.

JSDC007 September 23, 2009 at 12:19 pm

Gavin’s way prettier than Carly. Even in a dress.

But put Gavin in a speedo against a big banner that says “Carly Fiorina f**cked up HP” and its all over.

theo September 23, 2009 at 12:23 pm

Is a Carly a breed of cat? Because a Boxer is a breed of dog.

JMP September 23, 2009 at 12:27 pm

[re=417263]Bowdoin[/re]: (Obvious, but couldn’t resist)
Fiorina’s so vain,
She prob’ly thinks this post is about her

hiphophitler September 23, 2009 at 12:36 pm

Well, at least we know her stand on abortions; turn them all into websites.

Neoyorquino September 23, 2009 at 12:51 pm

“Stopped into a church I passed along the way. Well, I got down on my knees (Got down on my knees), and I pretend to pray . . .” Well, she’s got the Republican family values down pat.

BerkeleyFarm September 23, 2009 at 12:55 pm

OMG vanity campaign much?

If she wins the nomination (by some weird stretch), Boxer is going to eat her for lunch. (Boxer has been fortunate in her opponents.)

NixonNow September 23, 2009 at 1:01 pm

so we should contribute to elect a dog, which is good, which is day, which is carly, rather than a cat, which is bad, which is night, which is babs. i don’t think i get it. am i a dumb?

RoscoePColtraine September 23, 2009 at 1:06 pm

At first glance I thought it was a website for a department store. Mervyn’s or Linens-N-Things or some other recently defunct place.

Extemporanus September 23, 2009 at 1:12 pm

[re=417250]SayItWithWookies[/re]: The Hamburglar is going to help her steal the election.

AbstinenceOnly Ed September 23, 2009 at 1:16 pm

[re=417241]V572625694[/re]: Because Feinstein’s such a fox?

Carlyfornia nightmare!!!!!!

Extemporanus September 23, 2009 at 1:22 pm

Like Web 2.0, Gullyfonia is doubly blessed!

Noted “female Republican” billionaire Internet maven Meg “Ebay” Whitman just launched her goobernatorial campaign with an event in Fullerton, home of eyepatch-panty-sniffing former state assemblyman Mike Duvall.

So messy!

house of the blue lights September 23, 2009 at 1:23 pm

So what does “carlyfornicate” MEAN exactly?

Baconbits September 23, 2009 at 1:31 pm

[re=417268]Four Doors[/re]: Sooooo good!

So is Boxer What’s Her Face? And would that make Gavin Cheerleader?

glamourdammerung September 23, 2009 at 1:54 pm

[re=417264]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: I am sorry, but I think Gaddafi is actually somewhat reasonable. If someone bombed my house because they were trying to distract the public about the Iranians bombing a Marine base and killed off a good chunk of my family, I would want blood too.

ellie September 23, 2009 at 2:09 pm

Disgraced, dingbat liar! hahahahahahaha

I have nothing to add to that.

Neilist September 23, 2009 at 2:27 pm

Much as I despise Senator Barbara “Fucking Your Way To The TOP! Boxer, this promises to be an Electoral Slaughter Of Epic Proportions.

The Java Karly has a better chance of winning.

Manos: Hands of Fate September 23, 2009 at 2:49 pm

That stupid slogan sounds more like a new show on ABC. And that flash atrocity looks like its inro credits.

Georgia Burning September 23, 2009 at 3:06 pm

If Carly does to California what she did to HP, China will get that Oregon border they’ve always wanted.

durn September 23, 2009 at 4:24 pm

Her buttons need nipples.

queeraselvis v 2.0 September 23, 2009 at 4:37 pm

[re=417462]house of the blue lights[/re]: Translation: “Fuck Carly.” Except, ew.

Johnny Zhivago September 23, 2009 at 6:01 pm

Actually, if you poke around, you’ll see that Carlyfornia *IS* some kind of goth clothing store.

May the lawsuits begin.

My bets are still on Karla: http://www.karlaforsenate.com

Georgia Burning September 23, 2009 at 7:52 pm

[re=417922]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: Karla’s got my vote, for one she didn’t steal her website font from a Macy’s ad

Exterminatus September 25, 2009 at 12:48 am

[re=417295]teebob2000[/re]: I count three multi-nationals destroyed by Carly during her tenure: the last remnants of DEC/Digital, Compaq, and HP of course. I will also mention that she essentially eliminated the research department at HP, and managed to kill off two perfectly good processor architectures, Alpha and HP-RISC, for the horribly shitty ia64(Itanic) processor line from Intel. Managing to essentially kill two separate UNIX codebases was also not so impressive on her part. I’m having trouble thinking why even she would think that she would be even marginally competent as a janitor at this point.

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